Messages By: normalita

I don't know if this is the right place for this post, no catagory really fit.  I came in hear because I am disappointed and a little depressed about everyting. 

Over the past year and a half, my husband and i have gone through some life changing moments.  I wish I could say that it was the loss of a loved one or something like that, but what we went through went much deeper.  We belonged to a small community fire department.  We were very involved.  We were both officers and we held other jobs around the fire house as well.  There was a man that was a member of this department, who thought that he needed to start stirring the pot, so to speak.  He would put ideas in peoples heads, only to stand back and say, I never told them to do that.  We had cadets (14 yo) on the department and he would tell them not to listen to anyone else except him.  He would come to board meetings and disrupt the meetings, making them drag on and on and on, sometime until midnigt and after.  Training was a joke, because unless we did something he was interested in, he would have a fit right in the middle of everything and bring it to a hault. At one point we had another member that was one of his followers.  Only this boy took everything a step further.  We as officers tried to get rid of him, or get him some help, so that he would be a descent human being.  This one night we were to have a officers meeting to discuss our options.  The officers had written letters to the chief with our complaints and suggestions on possible outcome.  When we got to the meeting, this awful man had half the town there in support of his follower, he had the media there and he took over the meeting and before it was over all the top officers walked out of the meeting.  The department was left with out any leadership.  They lost the chief, Asst. chief, Ems Leiut., Fire preventin Leiut., Butilding and mantenance  Captain, 5 EMT's and over 100 years of experience.  None of us went back.  For me, it has left a hole as big as it comes in  my soal.  I fel t like my heart was ripped out and smashed on the ground.  Even tho' i think I am over it, I am not.  I still can't talk about it with out feeling very hurt.  then...........My husband was sharing a shop facility with his brother.  They are both welders.  It was my husbands thoughts to join forces and build a business that everyone would want to use.  the brother is married to a severe alchoholic woman.  She took it upon herself to take over his business and run us out of business in the process and the brother just sat by and watched her do it.  So about a year ago we moved out of this situation and rented a shop on our own.  Business is better than it has ever been.  Better than we ever dreamed it would be.  But again, This abusive relationship, hurt us in all ways imaginable.  We don't even speak to them anymore. 

These are just 2 instances that really make me wonder, what is happening in the world?  It is so disappointing to know that these psycho people can wonder around in our society like normal people and just cause all the hate and discontent they want.  People like my husband and I try to be honest, do a good job, be fair and give 110 percent all the time.  But as it turns out, that is not good enough.  We are the weak stupid ones.  This has affected us so much, my husband and I both have high blood pressure now.  When all the stuff with the fire department  was going on my husband's blood pressure was so high, he had me take him to the emergency room and he was very near to having a stroke, and we are not at an age to be having strokes.  So I am very disappointed in the way society is today.  It depresses me to think that standing up straight, doing the right things and being nice to your neighbor, is the wrong thing to do.  People lke he and I should be put away some where.  We are so very wrong in our thinking.  And,.... We have no right to belong to any organization, because we are stupid and no one wants us around. (this is the attitude we are getting)  Every day is a fight for us.  I even encounter awful people around town.  We have a super walmart in our town.   when I go there, No one makes eye contact.  I have had people tail gating, if you will, with thier carts and if I stop to look at something or pick something off the shelf, I have them run right up my back.  These same people crash into my cart, because getting to that next item is way more important than saying excuse me.  If you say HI to someone they act like you have just pissed them off.  what is all this about?  Are people so nasty that they can't even stand themselves or anyone else?  I could really use some insight.  I feel like people can see "stupid" written on my forehead and I desearve what ever it is they want to dish out.  Just doing my everyday chores like, driving to work, grocery shopping, going to the post office is getting harder and harder.  I get so stressed out I get back to my car and I am out of breath.  I want to just run away. 

HELP! 

thanks so much for you post.  Alot of times just hearing it back, makes it all come together.  My husband and I have talked many times about how we have been in termoil for so long and that it is just possible that we are just now feeling the feelings from it.  That we are just now dealing with the pain it caused us.  Because up until now, we have been too busy trying to "fix" our situation and not really paying any attention to what it did to us personally.  We are working on trying to enjoy what we do have, to realize the blessings we do have, not the ones we don't.  You were right in the fact that a negative created a possitive, where our shop is concerned.  I know you can't control other people and that there are nasty ones every where you go.  It is very hard to keep in mind, that "I" am a nice person.  But this last week has a turning point.  We were approved at the bank for a loan, so we can buy some more equipment and make our business move another step forward.  I had a bad doctor visit recently, where the doctor took an attitude with me because I had gained weight, I had forgotten about a Cholesteral test I was supposed to come in for. ( they did not remind me either)  and a few other minor things.  it really upset me at first, to think that i was just her 9:00.  Not a person who needed some compassion and understanding.  So, I have decided to take some time off.  I am going to take some time for myself.  I am determined to loose weight and get my blood pressure down to none existant.  I am going to get involved in a group, like you mentioned.  I am going to get rid of all the negatives like this and make myself happy.  I started by buying a new pair of shoes today!  I believe that if you have cute shoes, everything is much better.  So I am on my way.  thanks again so much for responding to my post.  I was really down and i needed to hear something possitive. 

Hi, 

I am here today to get some support for myself.  Seems like I am always the one handing it out, then there is none left for me.  I am going through some changes that I really don't understand.  One of the first things that needs to be addressed is:  about a year and ahalf ago I (and 5 others) was run out of a job by a person who had no other motive than jelousy, selfishness and a very skewed way of thinking.  Upper managment did not have the back bone to get rid of this awful person long ago and this person was allowed to do all sorts of evil things to the others with out consequences.  In this job I had a lot of responsibilities, I got alot of kudo's for the work I did.  My name came up in conversations  ALOT.  so I was a target.  In the end it came down to either looking the other way and allow this person to make me look bad, or make others believe I was bad, or just leave and save my pride.  Which is what I did.  I am sure I did the right thing, because looking back and looking at my situation now, I am much better off.  I am doing the same job, with a group of way nicer people and I am rewarded with out retaliation for my efforts.  But, I am still very hurt by this.  When I left the first job, I felt like my heart had been ripped out and thrown on the ground to be walked on.  I still have a very big hole.  I see old friends, or an old picture or something from the past and it makes me so very sad.  I can't seem to shake the hurt I feel.  It's time to move on, but I just don't know how to.  As mentioned I do ok, day to day, but along witll come some reminder and it bothers me.  Can anyone help? 

I definately know what you are talking about.  I am on a journey right now to change things if it is at all possible.  I take it from your post your are over 50.  Me too.  Like you I have spent a good share of my life being supportive of others and thier problems.  I am the friend people can call when they are having a bad day.  I am the one that people turn to when they need a great idea for something.  But, now that I feel like I need a shoulder to cry on, guess what.  There is no one around.  What I have started doing is saying no and meaning it.  I have a son, who calls everyday with some crisis.  I think I would faint if he ever called and told me, Hey mom, guess what I did to day.........I have started telling him I am in the middle of something or I can't talk now and I hang up.  Mostly because I can't solve his problems anymore, He is 23 years old , Its about time he did it himself.  My parents are getting older as well.  They both will be 76 this year.  My mother sits and quilts all day.  She has shut herself off from everything.  When she calls me she is just....Dumb!  It's like she has forgotten all her social skills.  When she calls she is looking for answers on how to do the simplest thnigs that I know she knows how to do.  Like yesterday she called and it was sunny outside, so she calls and tells me, It's a nice day, I had hoped you had taken the day off.......what?  My husband and I own and run a construction company, there is no time off.  This really irreitates me.  So all things considered, I don't feel I can call my mommy when I have a bad day.  I can't lean on my kids for any reason.  My husband is pretty supportive, when he has time.  He is wound up in his business most of the time.  Another thing I have noticed and I don't know why is:  that I offend everyone.  Even people I don't know.  If I walk into a room, I instantly encounter a fight.  Not a physical one either.  People just don't want to help me.  I can stand and wait for help until I rot.  No one will ask if I need help.  I can ask for help and they roll their eyes and walk away or if I call on the phone they put me on hold for ever, if, that's if they come back, they take a message and I never get a call back.  I try to be as pleasant as possible, I don't raise my voice, I dress nice, I try very hard, but it just doesn't matter.  I wouldn't think so much of it, if it were only once, but everytime I got out in public this happens to me.  Someone on these very boards told me once that it is because I am so stressed out, that people can see it and take offence.  I don't believe that at all.  Because like I said, I do everything in my power to be pleasant, so know one knows about my stress.  Also like you I have a plan to go to a big city where I can get lost in the system.  I plan to find me a job at walmart or someplace like that and have my little apartment and just live by myself.  I already know that no one will try to find me, No one will miss me, they will be glad I am gone. So, it's all good.  So I do know what you mean and you are not alone. 

Norma 

Hi there, 

I don't have quit the same situation you do.  But I do have one very similar.  I only have 2 children the oldest is 27 and Married.   She lives in another state, and does pretty well for herself most of the time.  but then my youngest is 23.  He is the biggest drain on my day. He doesn't live at home any more, but he refuses to grow up and get on with his life.   It's not that I don't want to talk to my kids, but he calls every single day.  when he has a day off he calls at least 4 times, sometimes even more during the day.  He can not make a decision on his own to save his life.  He is engaged and everyday he has had a fight with his fiance.  He calls everyday because someone at work made him mad.  He calls because his truck won't run right.....Just any little thing the make that contact.  Never mind, that my husband and I own and run by ourselves a construction company.  My husband runs the shop, keeps our employees moving, bids on jobs, orders materials and this is on a slow day.  I run the office, I do all the payroll, I file, I go get the mail, I run erronds, I make the phone calls my husband doesn't get to, I do some of the purchasing, the advertising, this is my day.  Then I have to deal with the kid.  Iwant to scream by the 3 - 4th phone call.  My husband and I don't really fight over him, but it is a sourse of irritation.  Like you, I want to help my children if I can, but it comes to a point where they are old enough to do it on thier own and if they don't know how, then it;s time they learned.  My solution to this whole thing is tough love.  Tell your kids the bank is closed.  Make them get a job if they don't already have one.  Make them move out of your house if they are old enough to.  (You said you had a 19 yo that was pg.  That's a different situation.)  If the others can not live with in thier means, I guess they go with out.  my son is the first one to tell everyone, I am 23 years old and I can take care of my self.  So that is what I go on.  When he calls with some minor problem, I tell him I am sorry, but Ihave to go now.  I have him on a special ring on my cell phone, if I don't have time to listen to his whining, I shut off the ringer and he can leave me a message, which he usually doesn't, because he doesn't want anything important.  I am trying to cut him off slowly with out him really realising what I am doing.  The last time he called and was saying he wanted me to come and help him move out, that he was leaving his fiance, I told him I was busy and  couldn't come (which wasn't too far from the trueth at the time)  So he went to a friends house and by the end of the day he went back to her, which I knew he would.  So that way I didn't waist my day chasing my tail over nothing.  Your kids just need to know that you are done jumping everytime they have a problem.  They say if you don't help them no one will.  What about helping themselves?  If it is life and death, then ok, help.  But up until that time, the store is closed!  I have been married to my husband for 30 years.  Kids or no kids, I will not ruin my relation ship with him.  Now that they are adults and gone from the house,  we have a chance to do some of the things that we left behind because we had kids.  I would say it's time to "clean house" if you know what I mean.  It's for thier own good. 

Hi, 

I don't mean to sound harsh, but it sounds like you are very young.  From the sound of your post, this whole situation could have been avoided.  If something bad happened in your past, it should stay there.  If you really like this guy, then deal with him in the present.  If he makes you happy, then just enjoy that.  Unless this guy is very stubborn, I would call him, or the next time you run in to him at a friends house, you need to take him somewhere private and tell him the whole story and that you are not mad at him and apologize.  Ask him if you can start over.....If that is not good enough then he is not the one for you anyway.  There are lots of other fish out there.  You say you have Bipolar problems, get some help, so that it is not a problem anymore.  Don't expect others to understand you.  Because they won't.  In my opinion suiside is not an option, you are hear on earth.....don't you want to stick around and see how your life turns out?  Hearbreak is a fact of life.  If your heart is not broken over love, it will be broken  over something else.  I want to get to be 90 years old and look back and say, WOW..... what a ride.  It builds character!!!!! 

Hi all  

I have a situation and I am being forced to make decisions I don't want to make.  My son is engaged to a girl that he plans to marry on June 24th.  My husband and I have a tough situation with my husbands mother.  It is one where, we don't speak to her.  She is an alcoholic, has been for many many years.  She has either done or not done things to our family and we just can't have anything to do with her.  My son on the other hand, thinks my husbands mother is wonderful, because she has sent him money and lots of it, when ever our son gets in trouble.  She also sends the  money because she knows we don't like it.  So, now that the wedding is getting closer, my son is insisting on having "grandma" there.  He knows how we feel about her and we have said that if she comes, we will not be attending his wedding.  He doesn't care how we feel, he is just going full steam ahead.  He told us if we make the choice not to come, that it is our decision.  He won't talk to us about it.  He won't listen to the reasons why we can't have anything to do with "grandma"  He just shuts all of it off.  There is no way to work this out, he won't talk about it and weather we have hurt feelings over it or not, just doesn't matter to him.  Keep in mind too, that this "grandma" has never been a factor in our son's life until just recently.  All the while, the kids were little she wanted nothing to do with them.  But, as soon as it looked like she could make a statement with her money, and they were over 21,she came running with her big fat check book wide open.  She is only buying his affection.  But our son can't see it.  He thinks she genuinely cares.  My husband and I are just heart sick over this whole thing.  Iknow what ever decision we make it will be the wrong one and it will effect our relationship with our son the rest of our lives.  Our daughter on the other hand, had the same situation, but she returned "grandma's" big check and told her if she couldn't just be "grandma" then no thanks.  "grandma" has not contacted her since.  It's all about the money     HELP!  

I have a similar situation with my son.  He lives in a world that I don't understand and he tries very hard to suck me and my husband into it and when we stand up and say no, then he turns everything around, we are the bad people and he is constantly picking a fight, just to get a reaction out of us.  Like Summer, my son is always angry at something or someone.  Anything that happens to him is someone elses fault.  He always plays the victum card.  Nothing in his life goes according to plan, in his opinion.  Now as far as I know, he is not into drug or alcohol.  He drinks with his buddies on the weekends from time to time, but that's it.  It has been noted that he may have ADHD.  When he was younger we took him to doctors and such, but nothing really helped him.  He was always the same no matter what we did for him.  But, he learned to run a scam before he learned his ABC's.  

The most recent crisis is his wedding.  We have a situation with my husbands side of the family.  They are ALL alcohlics.  We have no contact with them.  We can't have them in our lives.  We have spent too much time "putting up" with them and we have found that if we stay away, things are better.  Well, "grandma" has a big fat check book and buys my son's affections.  My son thinks his "grandma" really cares.  So with his wedding only 6 weeks away he is insisting she be at the wedding.  My husband and I have told him, if she is there, we can not be.  Our son is not giving my husband and I any consideration in the matter.  As long as "grandma" is there, that is all that is important to him.  My husband and I are feeling like we are being put in a situation that no good willcome out of.  If we don't attend his wedding, we will regret it forever.  If we go, the rotten side of the family will pick a fight, so where does this leave us?  The wedding in the first place is not one where everything will be lace and puffy stuff and lots of people wishing them well.  My son and his girl friend fight constantly.  My son has tried to leave her dozens of times already.  But all the girl friend has to do is cry big aligator tears and he goes back.  I don't know what to do or how to feel about this situation.  My husband and I have an opinion that no one wants to hear, because it is not what they want to here.  W eare not being given the oportunity to talk it out, so that everyone can be happy.  We are just being dismissed by our son.  So we stand by our decision? or do we " put up with the other side of the family, one more time?  

Hi,

I am writing today to find out if any one has gone off thier blood pressure meds and started using natrual remedies?

I have been on Bp meds for about a year and a half.  Even with meds my bp is still high. or what the dr consider high. I have a host of other problems that I am working on.  Such as:  Hormone problems, which have brought on, weight problems, cholesteral problems.  I have found out through doing a ton of research that my hormone imbalance has basically caused all of this.  I went to a doctor that deals in hormone problems to get some help.  The last time I had a regular doctor visit.  My docotr was so intent on having me get a colonoscopy ( over 50) that she missed everyone of my other symptoms and would not discuss my hormone problems, because her focus was the colon thing.  Not long after that I needed to get my medical reports for some health insurance I was signing up for and the report was just horrible.  In short what it said, was that I am Fat, lazy and stupid and don't do anything to take care of myself.   Now, I went to the pharmacy the other day to refill my meds and I was told that they had expired.  I was supposed to have meds for a year and it has only been 6 months.  I am so upset with my regular doctor that I can't bring myself to go back and let her have another shot at telling me I am fat, lazy and stupid.  In my research I have found several things I can do to lower my bp naturally.  I have been working on my weight very dilagently, changed my diet ( I have given up....pop, coffee, potatoes, bread etc.)I am handling my stress better and I want to get my bp and cholesteral down and not be on meds any more.  I am so tired of feelling like a failure, because everytime I go to a doctor, there is a million things wrong.  It has been a very long time, since I walked out of a doctors office with a clean bill of health.  I just hate all of this.  I feel it's time to take care of me, to do the things I feel are right.  If any one has tried something like this or has taken a more natural approach, I would love to hear your stories.  Any advice would be appreciated.  If anyone is inclined to be judgemental, please just pass this one by.

NORMA