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Messages By: megz39

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Touched

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ecstatic
July 24, 2005, 3:07 am CDT

SINGLE LIFE IS EMPOWERING

My life without my ex, who bothered & battered me for 16 years, is so wonderful I just can't think of ever having another relationship. I love living on my own. It's not easy with 2 older kids & a baby (violent one is not the father, but it's because of ex I didn't pursue relationship with baby's Dad, not that he thinks he actually is the father as he was told when he was young he couldn't have children), but I'm managing & it's easier than it was having the cling-on around with the older 2. He constantly told me I was the rejects' reject & that if he didn't want me no-one would. I finally managed to get him to move out in 1999, but he only moved 5 minutes walk away & was around constantly hassling me & looking in the windows, sitting in the garden all night & just walking into the house whenever he wanted. Then, when he found out I was seeing someone new he started ringing welfare about me, pretending he was different people & just lying about what I was up to. Then he met a woman on the internet & moved thousands of miles away. Just after that my house burnt down & a week later welfare came & took the children. Then I had a baby. 5 months later we finally found a house of our own & it looks as though the older kids are coming home. But, the ex is still hounding me - now he wants my insurance money, despite the fact I paid 100% for the house & his name wasn't on the insurance policy & I paid 100% for that too. He doesn't have a chance - just as long as he can hassle me he's happy. I would have thought with his ugly, fat interned girlfriend he would have forgotten about me, but he's obviously not as happy as he makes out. As for me, despite (or maybe to spite) him I'm so very, very happy. I've known too many people who live their lives around the opposite sex & drag themselves & their families through hell, jumping from one relationship to the next, never giving themselves time to heal. I've been on my own for 6 years & the wounds are only just beginning to heal. It always seems that as soon as I do start he opens the wound. But now NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will never allow him to hurt me again. I love my life the way it is. Of course, I would at some time in the distant future like to meet someone, but for now I am happy on my own & have found an inner strength I haven't known since before I met him.
 
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upset
July 24, 2005, 4:00 am CDT

WHERE DID YOU GET TAZ FROM?

Well, I guess as you all have found out, we are back and running but the site wouldn't let me register in as my old name....I never got the email so when I sent the notice for them to resend...they couldn't find my email address in their system....tried to re-register...couldn't do it...got the message that user name already used (surprise!!)....since they didn't seem to have my email, I decided to start over....using my regular email address and guess what???? The next message was "that email address has already been used!!!" So...I started from scratch, used a new email addy...put a 2 on my name to make it "different" and here I am!!

I couldn't believe that we were shut down for so long...I made a post, hit submit and when I went to return to the page, it was gone!!! Is it just me....or do you also agree that shutting down a board that supports sufferers of depression is a bad idea???

Anyway, since we seem to be getting re-acquainted, I am 47, married for 25 years to a Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist. I'm a stay at home mom and the mother of two boys, 20 and 17. Glad to be back and hope all is well with everyone!!

I live in Tasmania, Australia, the home of Taz Devil - he really doesn't eat his way through the fridge - actually eats dead things - fur, bones & all. But they're so cute (& smelly.) But now, back to me. In November last year whilst 7.5 months pregnant my home burnt down. A week later my 2 children were taken into foster care & 5 weeks later I had a baby & whilst still in hospital welfare put a care & protection order out on him. All there nonsense is based on what my ex has told them & not based in fact - except that my house was messy. I take anti-depressants every day, sometimes twice a day. I'm desperately trying to hold myself together for the babys' sake - he's now 7.5 months old & so cute & good. Some days all I want to do is stay warm in bed & sleep, but I have to get up & tend to him. My depression really started 12 years ago when my premature baby died in my arms when he was an hour & a half old. My ex refused to take me to councelling for my grief, but went himself (I couldn't drive & there was no public transport where we lived) Years later this monster snarls at me that Aarons life & death meant nothing to him. He didn't even come & sit with us when he was slowly dying. I was all alone. Even through our relationship I was on my own. When our house burnt down the first thing my 13yo son did after the fire was put out was go inside to see if his brothers ashes & photos had survived. they didn't. Now, he's lost a 2nd brother thanks to his father & welfare taking the kids away from us. & this is the first time I've cried for our loss. I haven;t let myself up until now. I get to the edge of tears & then deliberately think of something else. I feel my life would be so different if Aaron had lived. Losing my home of 9 years meant nothing to me, because we were all together & all safe - except for the memories of Aaron. My sister has a photo of him but that was taken after he died - the ones I had were taken while he was alive. I miss that little boy so much & I love all my children so dearly, but now 3 of them are missing. I still have 100% care of the baby & the other 2 from Thursday to Sunday, but I need them to be here & they need to be here too. How could welfare be so cruel & let them lose everything in the space of a week. How is that caring for or protecting them. The system isn't right. & now they send them for holidays to their father who's a paedophile. Since my daughter was 2 he's wondered how sexually attractive she'll be & although a whold range of people have made complaints to the police about him nothing's been done to stop him or bring him to justice. No wonder people don't make complaints. I'm so worried that I'll end up back in the hole I was in 5 years ago when I was sleeping 16 hours a day & just not wanting to face the world. Now, thanks to the wonderful baby Rob, I have to get up, greet the sun & smell the roses, ok, it's winter, so I'm smelling the daffodils. If it wasn't for Rob, I'd be curled up in a ball on my bed, crying my little heart out. Thankyou, Rob, for all that you are & for making my life & family complete

 
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worried
July 24, 2005, 5:02 am CDT

General Advice

my 13 yr old is the oldest of 5. 4 boys 1 girl. any advice on how to handle up coming puberty?? or anything on helping him to become responsible. He shows very little responsibility of anything.
My 13yo son & 10yo daughter were taken into foster care last November after our home burnt down. Now, I have the added pressure of their anger, frustration, stress (he's getting migraines, she's got excema) & derpression. I've been sent to do a parenting course which says you have to talk to your children & express your love daily. Up until recently I only saw them 11 hours a week & with a baby to look after I wasn't able to do that & their foster parents certainly don't - in 8 months they've been in 7 foster homes. I'm lost as to what to do, but I'll check in with bits of info as I get them. Until them show affection, even if it's just a wink, so they think that you care, ask them specific things about their day & try to keep in touch with what they're going through. I've always been really close to my kids & despite their fathers attempts to seperate us we have remained so. However, they're going to do what they want to do whether you approve or not, so my son gets up to things I don't like, but at least I know where he is & who he's with. Luckily he's not getting into trouble or doing anything illegal & the best way to show responsibility is by example & I'm afraid in my current state of mind I'm not setting the best ones. My best advice is to go through Dr Phils advice & read the pHenomenal family book. Goodluck to us all. This is the scariest thing I've ever had to do & this involves other peoples lives.
 
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ecstatic
July 26, 2005, 3:10 am CDT

what I've decided

I'm no longer going to listen to the broken record in my head that the ex left running which tells me that I've never had an original thought & I've enrolled in a writing course & I'm going to start my journalism course again. I hadn't been doing it because I couldn't afford the fees, but I entered into an agreement with them today, so that is how I will now be spending me time. I realized, listening to Dr Phils show yesterday that the broken record is him taking my power away & I will allow it no more. His jibes & put-downs will no longer affect the way I feel about myself. Even if it's just to spite him I will find my authentic self & I will be happy (& maybe even successful). MEg
 
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quiet
July 26, 2005, 6:47 pm CDT

thankx for the advice

Quote From: dobbawabba

Hi everyone- This is my first time here, and am looking forward to some good conversations. I chose dobbawabba as my user name because a boy in 3rd grade (almost 40 yrs. ago) used to tease me by calling me that name, and, well,I secretly liked it!! The authentic me is learning to speak up even when it really scares me, or if it might cause some type controversy. I do this kindly, and find that my resentment level has diminished greatly, and my happiness has risen proportionately. Anyhow, I've got to go to work now, would love some responses!! Your friend-dobbawabba.
Now, there's some advice I could really use - I only have one friend who I need to voice my opinion with, but as I'm 13 years younger than her, she yells over the top of me or shouts at me "Listen to me.......". & goes on to tell me that I should get involved in everybody elses problems. I stick to myself for much of the time & have enough problems of my own without anybody elses'. This friend really needs to quit obsessing about the sexual abuse her children have suffered at the hands of her last 2 husbands & let them get on with their lives. Every day she reminds the kids of what happened to them & they aren't allowed to heal. & it's been this way for 5 YEARS!!! I don't want it to seem like I"m abandoning this friend, but I feel as though I just can't help her & she's really dragging me down & then I get affected by the situation. But for me, I really think I'm going to have to disentangle from the situation & get on with my own life, but feel I'm being horribly selfish as she doesn't have many friends. But, the situation is kind of of her own making, afterall, she did invite these questionable characters into her home. After I had children & my ex left I was so wary of men, & have only had one 'boyfriend' in 7 years (we split up after I got pregnant as he was told he couldn't have children & he doesn't believe the beautiful little baby is his). Oh well, it's allowed me to find out just how strong I really am & I'm determined to get along with my life without the ball & chain of the older kids dad. I'm going to do a writing course which is probably more productive than sitting on the internet all day & half the night, although this is good 'therapy'. Hope all goes well for you. Meg
 
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frustrated
July 26, 2005, 6:55 pm CDT

BITTER AND TWISTED.

Well, you're right about me being bitter. I will never regain the youth he took from me or all those years he took to wear me down to a place where I couldn't even look in a mirror or go out the door to face the world. 7 years later it's still hard for me to leave the house, but I know I'll move on as I have already moved forward so very, very much. I just don't recognize the person I've become at his hand. & as for finding the right guy - I have a very pretty daughter who just turned 10 & after the experience a friend has had with her last 2 husbands sexually abusing both her boys & girls I'm really wary of letting any man in to our lives. I let one man in which is how I happened to have a baby, but he doesn't think the baby's his, & I've now moved hours away & he's found someone more his age (14 year age difference - he's younger than me) so, obviously I haven't excluded men from my life entirely. Still hoping that one who got away in my youth will come flying in on his white horse & release me from my torment - gotta hold onto something, even if it is far-fetched. One thing that did survive my house fire was his photo so, maybe there's an omen in that.
 

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