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Messages By: newzealand

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hopeful
July 25, 2005, 6:49 pm CDT

Worried too

 

Well I am new here,  though I would reply to something I have had and something I don't wish to return.....  I had the usually growing pains associated with getting married plus the inability to get pregnant after four years of trying and the stress got to me in a way that can only be described as crying at work.....  crying at home....  and more crying at other times...  I tried Prozac with therapy...  ST JOhns Wart..  and a few other natural remedy's...  Prozac was excellent but so too were all the other...  I can only say that one day I was having a cry about not being able to fall pregnant, and I was in trouble which prompted a stranger to say how can you expect to LOVE someone else when you really don't love yourself......  (as OPRAH WOULD SAY "Light bulb moment)...  we I looked deep with in and as they say found myself...got to know myself...  and started to really like myself.... 

 

I had a baby this year......I have to admit the I am terrified of being depressed again,  especially now that I have a nother little person to teach and LOVE and teach how to love....  But so far I can only describe the way I feel is Mauve/Pink not Blue yet.

 
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ecstatic
July 25, 2005, 8:14 pm CDT

Feel Beautiful

This is my second attempt at a message board

 

I just wanted to say I've struggled with my weight since celebrating my first wedding anniversary. I have found that the real culprit for not gaining it but keeping it on is boredom..  I eat when I am bored.....  so I have had to concentrate on feeling excited about my life... 

 
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surprised
July 26, 2005, 2:34 pm CDT

Feel Beautiful, and Healthy

Quote From: marcia52

Well, I know what my payoff is! And I learned it quite by accident.

BACKGROUND: Mysister was having the last of her reconstructive breast surgery on Friday and I was out shopping with my mom on Wednesday.

THE AHA MOMENT: I'm driving down the road heading to a store, my arm is feeling really hot because the weather is in the 90's. I make statement: I forgot to put my sunscreen on.

MOM: You are the most unhealthiest person I know.

I couldn't believe her words! It's not like I hadn't heard them before, cause she's been telling me this for years and years! It was a tape that she popped up with!

The thing is, other than my menopause &hyperthyroidism (which I blame on menopause) and being overweight, I don't have any other physical problems!

Later that day, I sat down and journaled the conversation and allowed myself to FEEL the emotions I was experiencing.

I felt SHAMED & EMBARRASSED that at 52 years old, I was the healthiest of 6 kids (and I'm the oldest). I couldn't believe that I kept myself FAT so that I could eventually get diabetes (like 2 sisters), or breathing problems (like my brother, mom, & dad), or have my gall bladder taken out or high pressure .. or any numerous illnesses thatfamily members currently have.

My payoff was: I couldn't fit the tape my mother & I lived with for so long. If was healthy and at my ideal weight, then I would be shameful!

I'm still dealing with that day. Funny thing is, that Friday when I took my sister & mom to get her prescriptions, my mom said it again! YOU ARE THE MOST UNHEALTHIEST PERSON I KNOW. My sister jumped laughing and told my mom what was she thinking! That I was the healthiest member of the family!

It's a really old script and yet, that little script/role that I have been playing for so very long as finally bought closure to my payoff!

There's no more excuses any more. My goal now is to lose 10 lbs by my birthday (10/29). I don't hear any more static - I gave myself 2 weeks to hear it and tackle it -- but nothing seems to be popping up other than -- well, I need to add a vigorous activity to my exercising and I need to work on adding veggies to my diet!

My payoff is the same,  and I can learn from ladies like you,  (I have not long turned 30).

 

It rather strange who so many mothers can say such easy/quick words that are so hurtful,  my mother was alway they "It's a shame you've put on so much weight, you used to be so beautiful..."

 

Well I have my own daughter to protect and love now..  so I have to start learning how to look after myself...  so that she can learn by example...  After a few years of coping with depression and the weight being a factor,  I now finally feel beautiful and am getting healthy.

 
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giddy
July 26, 2005, 2:46 pm CDT

THANKS

 

 

Thanks for the welcome........   I must say I am feeling good.....

 
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embarrassed
July 26, 2005, 2:50 pm CDT

Sorry

 

I am in the wrong area,  I need to be in the used to be depressed area,  scared to be again!

 
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hopeful
July 26, 2005, 3:17 pm CDT

Thanks.......

Quote From: lidica

Do we ever get that buzzard depression finished off and behind us. I just call them breaks and wait on that rascal to lurk when he gets a chance. Depression is tricky especially when you think you got it beat and get off your meds that's when a lot of times it rears it's ugly head back. Try charting your moods. Write when you are depressed in a journal and what was going on how long it lasts and when it ended what you did or id not do. It may help you figure out how often you get depressed. I've figured mine got out of control when going through menopause an my hormones got whacked out. This can happen through 40's and I know first stages was in my 30's tired all the time 40's worse having hard time staying awake just thought tired. 50's worse thinking family issues by 55 I was suicidal. Now I can tell when my hormones are whacked out hot flashes and night sweats the buzzard is back! I don't know your age but check into your physical health too to make sure nothing to be concerned aout there. Hugs and prayers!

 

I have just turned 30.....  I found the worst seemed to be my whole 20s....  real downer for my lovely understanding husband....and sometimes not so understanding.....   I have decided that my 30s are going to rock....  New baby New house etc (stressful time I know but hey)..  and yep journal ling is great...  "We have to celebrate our life...  because no one else is"...  so may like to thing they do but it is our responsibility.

 
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hopeful
July 27, 2005, 3:24 pm CDT

Big Children

 

you are so right.....  I am making my way thru self matters...  I started before I got pregnant and was still working...  Have just picked it up again to finish.... 

 

Self discovery is an amazing thing.

 
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hopeful
March 25, 2008, 5:57 pm CDT

I've quit too!!!!

Quote From: sully5

I hope you two read this and I hope it helps any others struggling..... 

  

I was an alcoholic for over eight years. I only stopped drinking when pregnant, then would slip right back into it. I saw the promo for this show and had to post this...... 

  

First let me say that I haven't had a drink since March 10th of this year, and my husband quit with me. IT CAN BE DONE!!!!!!! I finally stopped because I was so tired of the guilt and so tired of feeling like crap both physically and emotionally. The worst was feeling like a bad mother, knowing I was setting terrible examples for my children. I was the "functioning" alcoholic, never been in trouble with the law, never drove around drunk. I chose to "responsibly" (ha ha) get drunk in the privacy of my home. I was an everyday drinker, cracking open the bud light while cooking dinner, then continuing to drink for the rest of the evening. Then wake up in the morning with a fabulous hangover, feeling my heart racing, feeling guilty, standing in the shower telling God "I know I need to stop this". Then go right back to it. 

  

My main reason at first to quit was my health. I would have episodes with my heart where it would beat like crazy and scare the mess out of me. I have since found out after going to a cardiologist and doing research that alcohol is an absolute poison to the heart. Even though it was scary at the time, I feel that the Lord gives you things to make you change. Call it incentive. I tried to quit last year, but made the mistake of trying to cut down, not totally quit. I was successful this time because I got honest and realized I was an alcoholic and had no control over it, therefore I could never drink again. The first week was hard, thank God I wasn't feeling any physical withdrawl except a headache now and then, but stopping the habit was difficult at first. You have to find things to replace the habit. Sounds crazy, I know, but doing word searches helped me, and I drank lots of fruit juices and green teas. Things I felt were good for me. 

  

After that, all I felt was better. I did it on my own with the help of prayer and basic willpower. I can't honestly say that I have no desire to drink anymore, I would be a liar if I said the thought doesn't cross my mind, but never wanting to be that person again keeps me straight. I really feel lucky to be rid of all the crap in my life that alcohol created, and I never see myself drinking again. I believe everyone will agree with me when I say  "alcohol is not your friend". My main strength comes from the Lord. If you go to Him, I promise He will answer you. It is so awesome to go before Him in prayer now and not feel like a fraud. Waking up in the morning guilt and hangover-free is also wonderful, I feel so clear-headed. My life is so much better now, and it's like I feel my body saying "thank you". And we are saving so much money! Until you stop buying it, you don't realize how much you spend on it.  

  

I just wanted to share with you and anyone else out there that it can be done. For me, it's now a matter of self love and integrity. The way I did it may not work for some, but I feel blessed that it worked for me. I hope maybe my story will help someone out there, you can quit while your ahead and not have to hit rock bottom to change.  

  

-Peace- 

  

  

 

I had my last drink about a year ago  ( March 20th 2007)  then found out I was pregnant (march 27th 2007)  I already have a little girl and while I was pregnant with her found it really really easy not to drink..  about six weeks after she was born I had my first glass of wine,  which turned into a good 18months of drinking everyday..........  well  I am an Alcoholic..mys husband doesn't really drink but has chosen not to drink anymore at all...  I have so far been sober for a year I just don't know weather I can count the nine months of my pregnancy.( A Had a lovely Boy)...Also has anybody found that telling people about it is empowering....I am at the stage where I can honestly say that I don't miss it but still think about it sometimes...  And have a fear of that first drink because I know that would be the start of something...  I feel disappointed...

 

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