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Messages By: alysha1221

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confused
July 25, 2005, 8:20 pm CDT

Nice guys?

Let's see, where do I start?  I was dating this guy we'll call "John".  And after a while we finally thought we'd take our relationship to the next level and he proposed.  Things were going GREAT, until he found out about something I had lied about in the past.  I explained why I had done so and apologized.  He was fine with that, but after a while things went bad.  We started arguing over stupid pety things.  Our engagment ended horribly after his mother died four months ago.  Her death was hard on both of us and when he blamed it on me, I couldn't even look at him.  He kept constantly calling me.  It got to the point when it was 13-18 times in a row before he would finally leave a message.  I had to change my phone number.  I am over him now.  And I thought I had finally found a nice guy for ONCE in my life, when he tells me that he is completely anti-girlfriend and completely against relationships.  My relationship with this man isn't anything more then a "friendship with benefits".  I go over to his apartment every once in a while and talk for about 20 minutes at the most with him and a few of his friends that are now friends of mine.  Then we go to his room and have sex.  Then I go home.  And for a while it wasn't much more than that until I finally had the nerve to ask him what I meant to him.  He went on to explain certain things about how he had been hurt too many times by women.  But he says, "I care about you more than the other girls."  Girls?  I finally realized that I wasn't the only one dating this guy.  But I know for sure I'm the only one he's sleeping with.  I just don't know what to do about this situation.  I'm not sure if I should stop seeing him or just keep doing what we're doing.
 
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surprised
July 25, 2005, 8:25 pm CDT

is love enough?

Quote From: alysha1221

Let's see, where do I start? I was dating this guy we'll call "John". And after a while we finally thought we'd take our relationship to the next level and he proposed. Things were going GREAT, until he found out about something I had lied about in the past. I explained why I had done so and apologized. He was fine with that, but after a while things went bad. We started arguing over stupid pety things. Our engagment ended horribly after his mother died four months ago. Her death was hard on both of us and when he blamed it on me, I couldn't even look at him. He kept constantly calling me. It got to the point when it was 13-18 times in a row before he would finally leave a message. I had to change my phone number. I am over him now. And I thought I had finally found a nice guy for ONCE in my life, when he tells me that he is completely anti-girlfriend and completely against relationships. My relationship with this man isn't anything more then a "friendship with benefits". I go over to his apartment every once in a while and talk for about 20 minutes at the most with him and a few of his friends that are now friends of mine. Then we go to his room and have sex. Then I go home. And for a while it wasn't much more than that until I finally had the nerve to ask him what I meant to him. He went on to explain certain things about how he had been hurt too many times by women. But he says, "I care about you more than the other girls." Girls? I finally realized that I wasn't the only one dating this guy. But I know for sure I'm the only one he's sleeping with. I just don't know what to do about this situation. I'm not sure if I should stop seeing him or just keep doing what we're doing.

Things were like that with my ex fiance.  I'm surprised I've incountered someone with the same question I had almost 6 months ago...

We loved each other so much, but yet, certain things would push us away from one another.  I myself would say, that love isn't enough.  We are now seperated because despite the fact that we still love each other, we just couldn't get past certain problems.  I hope everything works out well for you two. 

 
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blank
July 26, 2005, 11:57 am CDT

The problems were...

Well, there wasn't just ONE problem.  I think the first problem was when women would call him on our house phone and leave messages that said, "Hey I got your message and it would be easy to hang out cause I got my own apartment and it could just be me and you."  You know, things like that.  I'm obviously going to be a little upset.  I'm not a jealous person but what does her apartment have to do with anything?  He would just lie about certain things and I would find out either because his friends opened their big mouths or he got drunk and would babble on and on about the subject.  I'm the type of person that always finds things out.  I don't try to, it just happens.  I suppose the only reason I didn't try harder to work things out was because he wasn't trying.  And I didn't want to be the only one working hard at something that wouldn't be achieved.
 
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upset
July 26, 2005, 12:02 pm CDT

RE: Are you kidding?

No, he dosen't consider me as a friend with benifits.  I meant that that is how I felt.  But I talked to him about the subject and I guess he's just afraid of being hurt again.  But that still dosen't explain why I'm being treated like I am.  I'm already emotionaly attached, and I think thats why it would be so hard for me to just up and leave and stop seeing him.  You know?  I know his friends because they are also my friends and they have no comment on the situation.  The only person that said anything was our friend "Chris".  He said to just stick around and things would get better.  But I'm not sure if I want to do that or not. 
 
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chillin'
August 2, 2005, 1:21 pm CDT

I'm over it

Well, I'm over Brandon.  This is how it went.  I recieved a call from him and he asked me to come over...  But he fell asleep while I was there leaving his friend Nick to entertain me until he woke up.  Nick and I went to the skate park and talked for a while and he interupts me in midsentence and says, "Brandon dosen't deserve a girl like you."  I was caught off guard and I didn't know what to say, so I just said, "Thank you".  I learned a lot from Nick.  And, later that night when we both went home, he came back over to my apartment and brought me my stuff that I had left over at their house.  He called me later that evening and asked me if I wanted to  hang out some more, so I said yes.  We sat in the bed of my truck until 5am just talking and at that time i finally realized that I had to work in four hours so I was walking inside when he says, "Honestly, you deserve someone so much better than Brandon.  You're so much cooler then the other girls he brings around.  You're smart and funny and you don't act stupid in front of men.  Just think about that."  So Nick helped me rethink a lot of things.  I mean, that's his best friend telling me that he wasn't good enough for me.  Anyways, nick and I have been hanging out a lot and I finally got to meet that other girl Brandon had been seeing.  Surprisingly, I wasn't jealous at all.  She's pretty and funny and I like her.  I hope Brandon is happy with her. 
 
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worried
August 3, 2005, 6:36 pm CDT

You don't need him

Quote From: ltl_snbl

I read most of the stories on here and felt like talking about mine. I was in a relationship for about a year and a half. I know that isn't long for most people, but for me it was since I had been in a bad marriage a few years ago. I felt this guy was the most wonderful man in the world. Him and I had been talking about marriage. I knew in my heart that we would be together and nothing could come between us. We lived in the same town but because of his job we could go days without seeing each other. For the last 6 months of our relationship he was in another town for a school, the day before I was suppose to fly down for his graduation he broke up with me. The man did it over the internet, no phone call or anything like that. His excuse was that the distance was getting to him and he felt like he was rebounding. My friends and those around me tell me in need to move on and that I need to realize that it wasn't meant to be. In the 2 months since he broke up with me I have lost close to 15 pounds, which I didn't need to lose, one of my friends the other day told me I am starting to look anorexic. Some days I feel like I need to move on and should be looking for someone else, but there are many days when all I want to do is cry. Everyone who sees me, sees me smiling and pretending everything is fine but I know that part of me still wants to see him and have him in my life. To make matters harder I have 2 kids from my marriage, not with him, that thought he was the greatest and I feel like they think it is my fault that the relationship ended. I am at a point where I don't even know what to do. Sorry for rambling on like this, I am hoping this will help me work through my feelings.
If he didn't even have the nerve to AT LEAST call you, then he's just a loser.  You sound like such a sweet person, and I'm sorry that you got hurt.  But I'm positve that you can find someone so much better.  You deserve someone better.
 

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