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Messages By: softball

User Mood
Nervous

Message Emote
quiet
July 25, 2005, 11:46 pm CDT

Just wondering....

 Hello....I am nervous to write this, because once it is out, its out, no turing back. Well, I was just wondering if there was anyone out there that I could relate with, and well, as I have read, there is. You see, my situation is I have nobody to talk to, so I am turing to this, hoping there is somebody who knows what I am going through. Without sounding like I am feeling sorry for myself, I do not know what to do...I am 29 years old, and have been married about 10 years now. When I was about 9 my brother raped me, I cannot believe I am writing this down; and from when I can remember my dad was physically and mentally abusive to me, while my mom did nothing. First off, nobody knows about my situation with my brother to this day, I am too afraid to say anything. My dad and I are good since I am married, the last time he put his hands on me was right before I got married at age 19. I have never gotten help with my abuse, except one time, and the Dr. told me in not so many words it was my fault....and have not searched for help since. My question is.....my husband has a lot of traits that my father and brother have, like their anger and controll issue, but do not get me wrong I love my husband he saved my life. My issue is everytime I see a situation get ugly I become the victim all over again, and I take it out on my husband and it is ruining my marriage. Not only did my abuse ruin my childhood, it is now ruining my adulthood. My husband was also abused, and has issues of his own. We fight because we do not want to get hurt. How do we get over this? Please, if anyone is, or has gone through this, can you help me? Thank you so much.

 

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