Messages By: tracee

Where do I start? Right now my life is pretty messed up right now. I am 7 months pregnant and my boyfriend of 2 years has ran off to Virginia. I already have a one year old son with him and things weren't great but they weren't the worst. About 2 weeks ago he was helping his god parents move to Virginia, then on my son's first birthday (july 09) he calls me and says he wasn't going to make it to the party. Hehad the nerve enough to tellme that he could've gotten a bus ticket home but he needed time to himself he was too stressed out. Boy was I hurt to the bone. I figured it's your sons 1st birthday and your being so selfish by saying that you needed to get away. At a time like this? His reply was "me missing his first birthday is between me and him and I don't have to answer to anyone but him." Well that may be true to a certain extent but come on it's your sons first birthday why would you want to miss out on that? I was furious. I told him not to bother me for awhile. He calls the party to speak with his brother and tells him he on his way to VirginiaBeach. Does anyone else see something wrong with that. he tells him also that he would be back later on that week.After that I didnt hear from him until the followingSaturday and he calls me and tells me that hemight bestaying down there for awhile and that he's going to the shipyard to find work every morning. I was so hurt. I was crying hysterically I mean I loved this boy. I would do anything for him. I mean it just happened so fast. The day before he left we were doing fine we watched a movie after I got off work then he took me home we did our I love yous and kisses. He says he understands why I am so hurt but I dont see how you could do somebody like this if you love them. His main rebuttals are "I need time to myself to get my head on straight. you dont know what is going oon in someones head or what people are thinking, I am too stressed out. Sometimes you have think about yourself no matter who it hurts or you'll never be happy."

I know it's not all about me but I am crushed I need my boyfriend right now to get through this pregnancy to hug me kiss me talk to me but he says he to stressed out and he needs to get his life togather and start thinking more about himself. I feel like I am worthless. I cry every night . I cant believe he just left me like he did. He was my first for everything. This was even a big blow to his family. If you knew Justin you thought he would always be there for his kids if not his girlfriend. I feel embarassed when someone asks me how we're doing or where he's at.

He called me yesterday to ask about our son the convo was dry and forced. he began telling how he found a job and that he even started going to church. It looks liketo me he's not coming back and that hurts more than anything. when he talks i can truly hear happiness in his voice. I want to be happy for him but I am not happy with how he left me. I feel burdened and stressed. I am begining to blame him for my anger, sadness, and depression. i feel like his happiness costed me what little happiness i had. at times I hate his guts at other times i miss him and I still love him. I cry all the time I need help. does anyone have any advice.

thanks

Teena marie

Columbus Ohio

 It sounds like youre off to a pretty good start.As a former preschool teacher & now a mother myself, understanding your feelings( they are normal!) I have a few suggestions that may help.   

Visiting the school before he starts once or a couple of times with your child can be a big help.  that way he has already met his teacher and some of the other kids as well as have a look around. Doing this also allows you to observe the routine and allows for questions you may have. 

When your drop off your son always remember to "say goodbye" and that you will return (after lunch, after nap etc.) Sneeking out does not help children feel secure 

Remember it's always ok to call and ask how the day is going.  We usually called new parents during nap to let them know about the day so far.  Most teachers have notices "what we did today" or personal notes about each child's day & activities. 

Be involved!  Most classrooms welcome parent participation.  I was always glad when parents expressed interest in or became involved in our activities. 

If there's any way I can help please let me know