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Messages By: joymomma

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July 27, 2005, 5:58 am CDT

I'm Pregnant!

Quote From: tandric

I am 42 and am 20 weeks pregnant with my 3rd baby. My first is already 19 years old!!! and my 2nd has just turned one. It's been a long time between drinks for me. My partner and I planned these babies, but unfortunately the stress got too much for him and we have separated. We have recently discovered that he may have Aspergers Syndrome, and stress is his weakness. When he gets stressed in any way, how whole personality changes and he gets nasty. So here I am at 42 with almost 2 little ones to bring up alone! Not quite the way I had planned, but I still consider myself very blessed in other ways.

Cheers

I bet most people think I'm crazy but I'm 43 and I have a daughter,20,w/baby, 10mos, a son,18, a daughter,15, and 3 yrold twin girls. With just the last three home and the twins heading for preschool this year(they'll be 4 in the fall) I already feel like an empty nest and I want another baby! Am I totally crazy or what? My first three were born before I was married to my husband and we had the twins together. He wants a boy now and I just plain love babies and being pregnant. Am I being unfair to the ones we have now to spread myself so thin? I just wondered what you might think as an older mom. I think I'm a way better mom now than when I had my first three.
 
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July 27, 2005, 7:47 pm CDT

Pregnancy Loss

Quote From: alone86

hey, i didn't see you on the old board either. i was only on for the last little while. i lost my baby on may 16 of this year. it wasn't a planned pregnancy, and it wasn't even my choice to have sex in the first place. i was raped and ended up pregnant. i was 14 weeks into the pregnancy and had a miscarriage. i am really struggling with losing my baby. i have always wanted kids, but i was planning on waiting til i was married. at the present i don't even have a boyfriend, and i am going to college. having a baby would have really made things difficult, but i had accepted the fact that it was going to happen. then i had a miscarriage. you would think i would be happy cuz i didn't want a baby, but it hurts more than anything. i have struggled with depression for the past five years of my life, and this has really made it hard to want to even fight anymore. i am really just not sure what to do about this. oh, just so you know, i'm not sure what sex the baby was, but i gave the name Lael to my baby. it means belonging to God so i thought it fitting. anyway, thanks for letting me know that someone else is here. hope to hear from you again. jenna
Hi jenna I'm new to this board but I can relate to you. I lost mine a year ago july 16th. It's kind of different for me because number one I do already have kids, and number two, mine were embryos that were for invitro. I already have twin girls that are three years old from our first invitro and I never expected to lose these because the first one resulted in twins. I had three embryos but none of them made it. I also have dealt with depression, too. Its harder for people to understand when you already have kids. Also my family isnt supportive of me having kids anyway and they are like well its for the best, you are always depressed, yada, yada, yada. I feel like nobody understands. I named mine, too, I just had a few names I liked. One was named after my cousin Logan who died of a drug overdose a few months ago, middle name Phoenix-rising up from the ashes. The other two I wanted to name Jasmine Hope and Savannah Faith. I just couldnt beleive that I lost all three. I was on the way to the doctors about an hour away and they called on my cell phone to tell me dont bother coming in they didnt make it. I didnt even know what to do. I ended up stopping and getting a bit drunk by the side of the road and a couple of hours later going home. Its been so hard ever since. Those were my last chance and now we dont have money to do it again so no more babies.
 
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July 29, 2005, 5:00 am CDT

Pregnancy Loss

Quote From: alone86

hey, i like the names you chose. thank you for replying. i thought i was the only one in here. i guess the other person isn't going to come back. anyway, it is different circumstances, but grief is grief. and my situation is a lot different cuz i didn't want a baby. well, when i found out about it i didn't. when i lost her, i had come to terms with the fact i was going to be a mom. so, i was kinda looking forward to meeting the little baby inside of me. i hadn't heard the heartbeat yet cuz i hadn't gone to the doctor. actually the first time i went was the day i found out i had lost the baby. that was the weirdest mix of emotions. excitement to finally have this baby made real, and apprehension cuz in the back of my mind i was still hoping it wasn't real. then when i found out i was pregnant for sure but i had lost it. that really screwed me up. at first it was like "whew" relief cuz i didn't have to completely stop my life to raise this baby. then came the "mom" emotions. i was devestated. i had a life growing inside of me and it had died. i hadn't been able to do my job as a mom and protect the life i had created. it was horrible to feel relief and utter horror at the same time. it doesn't even make sense. anyway, i will stop now. thank you again for responding and understanding as much as you know how. i will pray that you get another chance and another baby. you deserve it. jenna
hi! I wondered if you'd see that I replied to you. It must've been sad for you to find out its real but it didnt make it. I so wonder why would a higher power start a life just to end it so soon? I felt so guilty about mine, too, because I can relate to how you felt like you didnt really want the baby. I felt that way too, since I had the twins, and I felt later like my not really wanting another baby at first was what made the other ones not make it, like because I had bad vibes or something. Cause after I was getting more into it I wanted another one, and then I lost my chance and I blamed myself. I was assuming you're pretty young, so maybe you can have one later on. At least you're not jumping in and trying to get pregnant again to make up for the lost one. I hope you do realize that its better to have a stable situation when you have kids. The hardest thing for me is its the only time I have really been happy, being in the whole anticipation of baby mode. Then when you have a new baby, well, I havent had a super good life, and I guess it was the only time I felt special, when I was pregnant and when I had a new baby. Strangers hold the door for you when you're pregnant, and strangers ogle the new baby too. I just wanted to be special somehow. I get the feeling I need therapy!
 
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July 29, 2005, 5:30 am CDT

General Advice

Quote From: mrsmootz

Thanks for your reply... the only thing is, your sister had friends that were different people than herself.

 

Valerie has cast off her own identity and is pretending to be another person. That's what's freaking me out. I mean, it's to the point where she's never "herself". If you call her Valerie, she gets angry and yells "NO I'M TIMMY".  Last night, she was crying at the restaurant because she said "Valerie" was left in the car. I mean, she had a 15 minute hissy fit. 

 

Maybe having regular playdates can help with this, and also getting her into preschool. Thanks. I'm hoping it's just a phase.

 

 

Hi! I read what you said about your daughter not being herself, and I would be worried, too. Does she think Valerie is a bad thing to be? Does she do naughty things and blame it on her not being herself because she is someone else? Sometimes my daughters, 3yr old twins Allyssa and Brianna say that they are a horsie and when they physically hurt each other, it was the horsie not them. Brianna tends to bite, but she says horsies bite, which she knows is true because Allyssa got bit by a horse. I think she liked Allyssa getting bit and she sometimes wants to recreate it! I have a real conundrum with them because Allyssa likes 'princess' things, and Brianna really doesnt have a preference much, but when I see a cute shirt that says princess on it, I want to get it for Allyssa, but I dont want to not get anything for Brianna and make her feel like I'm making Allyssa the favorite. The problem is that Brianna probably wouldnt want a princess shirt, so I dont really want to get her something that her sister would want but she wouldnt. She says she is a superhero and only wants superhero clothes. The problem with that is that superhero stuff is usually boys stuff. I dont want to dress her like a boy! I think she just wants to be different from her sister and not be a twin. They dont look alike at all. Brianna is dark with brown hair and brown eyes, and Allyssa is super white with blonde hair and blue eyes. I wonder if Brianna feels bad because Allyssa and I both have blue eyes and she doesnt. I dont want to label them the good twin or bad twin or whatever twin. I'm not sure what to do. I know they're individuals, but I tend to be lazy and group them together. When I get them clothes, I have just gotten two of everything. I figured then one wouldnt feel left out if they always just both got the same thing. I also keep their clothes in the same dresser and they interchange all their clothes. Should I get each their own dresser and start getting them their own clothes? They'll be 4 this fall, and hopefully starting preschool. Where we live, we are very isolated and they rarely see other kids. Any ideas?
 
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July 30, 2005, 6:13 am CDT

General Advice

Quote From: jettav

I would definetly treat them as individuals and even dress them differently. I would give them seperate drawls as well, they need to be aloud to be their own person anddo their own thing. It is ok to dress them alike on accasions and all but really, it shouldn't be an every day thing. I have two girls, they are not twins but they are now sharing a bed room, I am doing half the room in Dora and the other half in Sesame street with some veggie tales along with the theme to please each of the girls, gonna put, so maybe you can do this as well for your girls, and do one side in princess and the other in super heros, so what if it is usuallya boy theme, she likes it, I am not too fa,ilair witht he super heros but are there any girl figures in these shows. whatever the case, they definetly need to be treared as individuals and not considered "the twins". I think once you start treeating them like this and all, they will eventually enjoy having the similarities that they have and will want to dress alike on accasions. They need to know how much they are loved and appreciated for who they are and that it is ok to be who they are. Maybe since the one likes horses so much, maybe you can start the "little pony" collection for her and play with her with them, help her to develop her imagination and encourage her to play and interact with her sister and to be happy with herself and do the same with your other little one.
hey, thanks, I think you have some good ideas! My stepsons little girl is a bit older, but she likes 'kim possible' who I think is some kind of superhero. I do also find some of the 'my little pony' stuff too. One thing I feel bad about is that I noticed that she kind of acts like Allyssa is a princess, but shes not, like shes not pretty. She does stress more athletic boy-type things. For a long time she said she was a boy, until I finally explained to her how boys are physically different, ie, genitalia, due to a statue we saw that very vividly showed a naked little boy. Now she understands that she isnt a boy, that it isnt just a state of mind! of course, that brings up homosexuality questions, for me especially, because my sister is a lesbian, so we've had experience with that. I have seen her try on Allyssa's princess nightgown and strut around like a pretty princess, and I think she wants to look pretty too. Maybe she just wants to look pretty some of the time, but she said when shes a super hero she cant wear a dress because when she flies, people will look under her dress and see her underwear! All of this is maybe worrying me more than it needs to. Maybe they're just trying to find themselves and it'll all work out in the end. I have three older kids, and now that I'm an older mom, I'm much more paranoid! I so want to do things better than I did with the first three. I does get difficult when Allyssa wants to wear very super fancy dresses all the time. For one thing, its hard to ride a bike in them, and I dont want all her nice dresses to get ruined either. She only wants to wear the super fancy expensive ones!
 
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July 30, 2005, 6:23 am CDT

General Advice

Quote From: jessdomino

My 3 year old daughter "rubs" herself on things (arms of chairs, rocking horse, etc.).  I believe she is doing this for pleasure.  Is this normal?  How do I stop her from doing it?
its funny that I would see something about this topic, because I was just discussing this with our peds doctor yesterday, and she said that this is completely normal. They have just found something that feels nice, and they like how it feels when they rub it. I have tried to discreetly keep my girls from doing that type of thing where other people will see it without having them think that their bodies are 'dirty' or in some way shameful.
 
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August 9, 2005, 7:38 am CDT

Should We Get Pregnant?

Should I get pregnant? That is a good question. I had three kids before my present marriage, my husband had two, so we have five kids from previous marriages. We had invitro four years ago and that resulted in twin girls. So, we have seven kids, although only the last three are home. Seven kids sounds like a lot, I know, and we do have the twins together, but... my husband so wants to try for a boy. Are we crazy? I'm pretty sure most people would think so! I just so love a new baby, and being pregnant I feel so special. I dont want to think I'll never do it again. We already have six grandkids! Also I'm 43 now and my husband is 51. OK, just posting this and actually typing this out, I can see we must be crazy! I lost my cousin a few months ago to a drug overdose and his name was Logan, which was going to be our sons name if we ever had one. His death felt like our never-to-be born sons death. It is so hard to say we will never even try for a son, we will just never have any more. When my daughter got pregnant at 18 and had her baby, I held my first grandchild in my arms, and although I adore her, she is not mine. Do I have something wrong with me? Our older kids are 31, 29, 20,18, and 15.  Our grandkids are 9,8,7,4, 3, and 10months. I love all the chaos and craziness and business of a big family. Maybe I need to find fulfillment elsewhere?
 

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