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Messages By: cheeker

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December 5, 2005, 5:07 pm CST

Whatever

Dating is a learning process just like everything else. You have to fall so you can learn to pick yourself up and not put yourself in the position to fall again. I can't believe this topic consumes so many women's lives and energy. It's not the end of the world if you don't have a boyfriend...unless you're in high school!
 
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December 15, 2005, 1:55 pm CST

Awful

Quote From: golden1

     Dating may be a learning process, but it doesn't mean that you have to learn the hard way. And please, define "fall." Does that mean tolerating one evening after another of being leered at, ignored via the cell phone, hearing derogatory remarks about anyone or anything, or watching your date drink himself/herself under the table? The whole point of dating is to find out what the other person is about, and if two people have enough in common to sustain a relationship. What's wrong with wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone special? If you've decided not to go that route, more power to you! On the other hand, don't be so quick to rap the rest of us if we choose to search for Mr. Right.
 If that's what you've experienced while dating, God help you. I definitely wasn't referring to any experience like that. Nothing is wrong with wanting to find someone but there is such thing as being happy and single.
 
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hopeful
December 23, 2005, 7:51 pm CST

Hey Beth

Hi Beth, 

  

I also had trouble with standing up for myself and people often criticize you unfairly without knowing the whole story. You proved this today. However, it is fortunate that you found your voice because you demonstrate what a human being can accomplish despite growing up in an unhealthy and unurturing environment. People sometimes need to be reminded that not everyone had a fair upbringing in which they were given the chance to grow and learn in ways that would benefit them. Thank God your father did not distinguish your beautiful soul. 

 
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December 27, 2005, 9:31 pm CST

Thank you!

Quote From: julie42

  

  

Extreme Parenting: 

My story is the one featured on the Oct 27 show, and my daughter and I are still living apart from my husband.   Doing the show was enlightening, and I have since read Dr. Phil's book Family First.   

I wished we could work it out, but the show did not cover all of the issues our family has faced, there just wasn't time.   

One point that did not come up is that my husband "talks" to me in the same way he was to my daughter, and he claims that I have an unbalanced "filter system" emotionally which makes me perceive his aggressive approach to dealing with every aspect of our lives in an exaggerated sense.  I just didn't really know, to be honest.  All I knew for sure is that I was constantly walking on eggshells, afraid to make him angry over anything, afraid I'd say something wrong unknowingly and make him angry.   

Oh, believe me, I don't think that everything wrong in our relationship is entirely his fault.  I also know how important discipline, and consistency are for a child.  I admit that I have been more passive in my approach to dealing with my daughter - perhaps, over-compensative for the stress of dealing with his anger.  And I know that it only creates more confusion in a child's mind.  I think Dr. Phil is right on, parents need to be a TEAM, and focus on the needs of a child together, believing in the approach to discipline in the same manner and backing each other up.   When a child knows what to expect then it seems much less likely to be a matter of contention, and, a child would be less likely to "play off" one parent on the other- which I am sure we all can relate to one way or another!!     

I was confused and uncertain about what was going on for so long.  When you live with someone who seems to be angry all the time, who tends to focus on all your negative points, constantly corrects you, constantly criticizes you and belittles you, then says it is all in humor and to get over being so sensitive...well, I had to wonder, IS it me?  AM I the problem here?   

I wonder if there is anyone else out there who struggles with this kind of situation.  All that matters to me is that my daughter has a happy stable home, and knows that she is loved, knows that she is safe and protected, and that she can depend on her parent(s)!  No one is perfect, for sure, and I don't ever want to be perceived as the "victim" in a perpetual way, we all have the capacity to manage our lives, basically.  Part of what motivated me is the realization that I have in many ways, lost my "Self"; and as Dr. Phil says, we must keep and protect this personal identity within.  We must do this in order to survive emotionally, and certainly we must take care of our selves so that we can take care of our children, and our relationships.   

So, I hope that perhaps my story can inspire someone who may be in doubt about what is right, as I have been.  I know that my husband cares about us both, in his way, and that he believes he is right.   I absolutely respect him as a veteran and for his service to this country in the military.  He often compares himself to the character in the movie "The Great Santini" about a marine corps sergeant...if any of you out there have watched that movie then you have a good notion of how my husband is.  I also admit it took a great deal of courage for him to do this show, so...we take it one day at a time, and I am devoted to rebuilding my life, and that of my daughter. 

Wish us luck.  My thanks to Dr. Phil and the producers of the show. 

Julie42 

Julie, 

  

Just wanted to send a quick note to say thank you for putting your daughter first and not your husband. So many women do the opposite with little regard for the impact it has on the children. 

  

  

 
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January 3, 2006, 9:43 am CST

The Problem is Not Jo-Anne

 Sure Jo-Anne has her issues but I really think the problem is that guys today just don't see any benefit to being in a serious, committed relationship with one woman. They think getting married is about torturing themselves and would rather use women for sexual gratification. Anything else is just "prudish" and "old-fashioned." Why is love old-fashioned?

Today's single women are too good for the single guys that are available!
 
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January 3, 2006, 11:53 am CST

Forget the Floozys

Quote From: mistyc

In my single days, it seemed that men avoided marriage like a proctology examine. I finally did marry in my 30's and even though my husband was fearful of marriage he knew it was important to me and he loved me enough to commit. 

If all single men want is a "roll in the hay" why not go to a bar and pick up a drunken floozy, and leave the nice marriage minded ladies alone. 

  

 Better yet, why not just sleep with prostitutes? I think the only reason they don't is that it costs money and is no longer socially acceptable.
 
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hopeful
January 4, 2006, 7:39 am CST

Dear Jennifer and Brian

Thanks for telling your story. Jennifer, you're a courageous and determined person. I know you can do this.

Brian, you're a wonderful husband, strong and steadfast.

I wish you both lots of luch and many happy future memories.
 
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worried
January 9, 2006, 8:14 pm CST

Closing in

 I'm very depressed today. I feel like nothing good will happen ever again. Let me explain why...

I just got my master's degree (bear with me, let me explain) and I have no job prospects, no boyfriend and nowhere to go except back home where my father treats me like a wife he doesn't sleep with. He doesn't want me to leave the house unless its with him, doesn't let me have a car, doesn't want me to eat certain foods and keep track of what I eat and how much I exercise. He treats my mom like this, and worse. I suppose I could try to find a waitress-type job to support myself somewhere else but even those jobs seem hard to come by in a college town where many more people have waitressing experience and I have none. Anyway...

thanks for listening:)

 
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January 11, 2006, 12:28 pm CST

My degree

Quote From: yesyoucan

Sounds rather abusive so attending a support group at a group from your City above might help. What is your Master's Degree in. Don't see yourself short as that is quite an accomplishment. :)
I just got a master's in journalism, Dec. 9

Now looking for a job has become a fulltime job.
 
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surprised
January 11, 2006, 2:33 pm CST

This was my aunt and I didn't know

I just realized why my aunt shook so much right before her children were taken away when her husband was caught drunk driving with their three-year old in the car.

Whenever I saw my aunt at family reunions her hands (holding a hard drink in one hand, a cigarette in the other) would shake and tremble. She would sweat a lot too. I was worried but I didn't realize it was from the alcohol.

Good luck to Lisa, may her will to help herself destroy her demons.
 

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