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Messages By: genny2

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June 3, 2006, 12:43 am CDT

boys will be boys

   I HAVE A SITUATION LIKE THE SISTERS.  EXCEPT MY BOYS ARE MY HUBBY AND HIS SPAWN (MY STEPSON).  9 MTHS OUT OF THE YEAR I MAKE THE RULES I ATTEMPT TO ENFORCE THE RULES WITH ABSOLUTELY NO SUPPORT FROM ANYONE.  I TRY TO MAKE MY HUSBAND AWARE OF THE IMPENDING FREIGHT TRAIN THATS COMING  DUE TO HIS LACK OF INVOLVEMENT WITH HIS SON , AND HE ACTS LIKE I'M NUTS OR SOMETHING.  E.G. I SENT SPAWN TO CAMP WITH HIS COUNSELING GROUP AND WHAT  DOES THE LITTLE FART DO BUT  DOESN'T WEAR THE SHORTS THAT FIT TO GO SWIMMING IN HE WEARS THE ONES THAT ARE GOING TO FALL OFF THE MOMENT HE GETS INTO THE POOL, IN IT'S SELF THAT'S  NOT TOO BAD BUT THERE WERE A LOT OF SEVERELY HADICAPPED KIDS THERE ALSO AND I'M TIRED OF THIS KID USING BOYS WILL BE BOYS TO EXCUSE BAD AND DISRESPECTFULL BEHAVIOR.HE GOT KICKED OUT OF PRIVATE SCHOOL BECAUSE HE  WAS READING INSTEAD OF LISTENING AND TAKING NOTES IN CLASS AND THEN WHEN HE WAS FAILING THREE CLASSES EXPECTED ALL OF HIS TEACHERS TO GIVE HIM EXTRA WORK  SO HE COULD PASS. IT DRIVES ME INSANE . SANDIE 

 
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June 3, 2006, 12:58 am CDT

STEPSON PROBLEMS

Quote From: luvtoread2

 One of my 19 year old sons is constantly farting and making "farting" noises all the time.  It is very embarrassing. He is quite rude most of the time.  He certainly wasn't raised to act like he does.  HELP!!!
     AT LEAST YOUR SON DOESN'T TALK ABOUT HIS  AND/OR SOMEONE ELSES TOILET HABITS ( WHICH ARE DEPLORABLE I'D SLAP HIS MOM IF SHE WERE LIVING)  WHILE WE'RE ATTEMPTING TO EAT DINNER!!!!!!!  YUCK!!!!!!!!   SANDIE
 
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June 22, 2006, 11:09 pm CDT

last good nerve

Quote From: charlette4

I cannot tell you how much I have been pushed as a step mom. My husband also has blinders on where his daughter is concerned. Now she is 17,  I met her when she was nine. She has a mom who wants to be her friend. She is now a drug addict and trys all kinds of emotional stunts. She totally disrupts the rest of our family, 4 kids and me and my husband when she visits. She also plays us against each other all the way around. This is a direct result of her mothers style of parenting and being "her friend" and not stepping up to the parent plate and making her accountable for actions. IF she graduates high school next year it will be my miracle from above.  

  

I understand as the step mother, I have acted immature and lost control of adult behavior. However, I do empatize with the other stepmom because no one can know how much these bratty kids can push you until you have been there. We are only human and sometimes it just feels good to drop a level and let it all out. We are the ones who try to make these step kids accountable and fight the ugly uphill battle against the bratty kid and guilt blinded father!  

  

Hang in there and try to find time outs as a step mom during those visitation times. Another thing that I have taken from the show is to remember that I have control on how I feel and I refuse to let my bratty step daughter ruin anymore time with me and the family. IF she chooses to act out that is her issue now, I can remain composed and have a good time around her crisis. I am not giving her control of my feelings anymore!  

  

Step Mom's, please message back! I feel we can all be stonger if we don't feel alone, and this is one role I really feel alone in. I think it is much lonlier than my single mom days.  

  I CAN RELATE TO  EVERY STEPMOM OF A DEMON SPAWN OUT THERE.   MY HUBBY WAS'NT ALLOWED TO BE A PART OF HIS SON'S LIFE FOR THE FIRST 7-8 YEARS OF HIS LIFE AND THEN HIS MOM GET'S CANCER AND TRIES TO CONTROL THE SITUATION FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE BY BASICALLY LEAVING HIM TO HIS AUNT AND GRANDMA .to make a long story short  HE'S BEEN MAKING OUR LIFE HECK FOR ABOUT 5 YEARS AND HIS DAD REFUSES TO SEE THAT THIS CHILD HAS AN EXTREMELY DESTRUCTIVE STREAK AND TEARS UP EVERYTHING HE TOUCHES JUST BECAUSE WE REFUSE TO CATER TO HIS EVERY WHIM AND WE DO THE UNFORGIVABLE SIN OF PUTTING LIMITS ON ELECTRONIC TIME (TV, VID GAMES , COMPUTER) HE DOES'NT HAVE ADD BUT HE LIKES TO PRETEND THAT HE DOES  AND IF ANYONE KNOWS HOW TO STOP THE LYING POINT BLANK PLEASE PLEASE LET ME KNOW HE LIES ABOUT  EVERYTHING.   ESPECIALLY WHEN HE'S TALKING TO HIS DAD AND DAD IS SO RACKED WITH GUILT THAT HE DOES'NT CHECK HIS SONS WORK  ON ANY LEVEL. THAT IRRITATES THE HECK OUT OF ME.  I JUST WISH HE WOULD WAKE UP ONE MORNING AND BE ABLE TO SEE WHAT A LITTLE SNOT HE'S NOT RAISING!!!!!!!!      TIRED AND FRUSTERATED, SANDIE, ORLANDO FLORIDA 
 
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January 2, 2007, 11:32 pm CST

what i want this year

 what i want this year is help!!! i want my stepson to face the fact that his mom is dead, and that he could not have done anything to change that. i want for him to stop using her death as an excuse to act very badly  and to realize that he still needs to do homework ,schoolwork and chores  and that life does go on. people are born they live and they die every day.  we mourn for a short time but then you have to live your life. the greatest  way to honor someone who has passed is to live your life to the fullest every day and don't waste a minute of time because that would not only be disrespectful to the dead but to your self as well it would "cheapen" yourself .  I have tried  to explain this to him and he just appears to go backwards  and is endangering his IB placement  because he has decided he does not wish to live with his dad and myself. he wants to live with his aunt. i have been through this situation before with my own niece and it ends extraordinarily bad!!! and i can't get that through her head either she thinks that we should just turn him over to her and everything would be just dandy. except that  she's on the road for months on end. like I said what I really want this year is help and I really need a lot of support that I'm not getting from anywhere!!!!!!  DR. PHIL PLEASE HELP!!!!
 
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January 2, 2007, 11:58 pm CST

WHAT I WANT THIS YEAR ,PERSONAL

    What I want this year for myself is to be able to lose the " baby" weight from my 3 c-sections.  when I started having kids I weighed 165 lbs. now I weigh 267 and am quite down alot of the time. I just sent my oldest daughter back to the conservation corps in kentucky she's 20 and just got engaged to a 17 year old.  they are mentally about the same age and  they are in no hurry which I'm very hopeful about. my middle daughter  only lasted 17 days. so she's in the graveyard,  and I vist her about 2-3 times a year. and my youngest is 3 she is my hope. she's the light of my life. she is also the reason that I want to lose at least 100 lbs. and Quit smoking my problem is both of those things take a very good if not great support system and since I buried my mom and cremated my sister the year my third daughter was born, and my husband is a truck driver that's only home 2-3 days a week I literally have no one to count on. I can't even count on my stepson to watch his little sister while i go to the store. I need EXTREME HELP, PRAYER AND A BABYSITTER THAT WON'T HURT MY KIDS!!!!!!
 
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January 4, 2007, 1:51 am CST

more info

Quote From: heren44

 I AM REPLYING TO THE LETTER FROM GENNY2.  YOU WANT YOUR STEPSON TO FACE THE FACT HIS MOM IS DEAD-THAT HE CAN'T CHANGE THAT?  YOU WANT HIM TO STOP USING HER DEATH AS AN EXCUSE TO ACT BADLY; "PEOPLE ARE BORN, THEY LIVE AND THEY DIE EVERY DAY. WE MOURN FOR A SHORT TIME BUT THEN HAVE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE."  YOU FAILED TO SAY HOW OLD YOUR STEPSON WAS......WAS HIS AGE LEFT OUT OF THIS CONVERSATION INTENTIONALLY?
PERHAPS; HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT HE DOES NOT WANT TO LIVE WITH HIS FATHER AND YOU BECAUSE YOU WILL NOT LET HIM GRIEVE IN THE WAY HE HAS TO FOR HIS MOTHER?????  YOU ALSO NEVER MENTIONED; IS THIS AUNT HE WANTS TO LIVE WITH HIS MOTHERS SISTER?  IF SO, THAT WOULD MAKE ALOT OF SENSE ALSO-THAT WOULD MAKE HIM FEEL CLOSER TO HIS MOTHER!
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, I WAS 13 WHEN MY MOTHER DIED.  I WAS IN THE 9TH GRADE; SHE PASSED IN FEBRARY AND I DID NOT ATTEND SCHOOL EXCEPT FOR MAYBE A MONTH AFTER THAT FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR!  CONSEQUENTLY, I FAILED THAT YEAR OF COURSE-BUT BY 10TH GRADE; THEY ALLOWED ME TO DOUBLE UP ON THE 2 COURSES THAT I FAILED, AND WAS BACK UP IN THE CLASS I BELONGED IN.  BOTTOM LINE IS, I CARRIED MY MOTHERS DEATH AROUND WITH ME UNTIL 2000; UNTIL I FINALLY GOT COUNSELING FOR IT!!!  MY MOTHER DIED IN 1970-I CARRIED THAT FOR 30 YEARS!  BECAUSE NOBODY BOTHERED TO GET ANY HELP FOR ME; NOBODY THOUGHT ENOUGH OF WHAT I MAY BE GOING THRU!!!
I JUST THINK YOU ARE SO WRONG IN WHAT YOU ARE DOING, AND HOW YOU ARE HANDLING THIS POOR KID-GROW UP; AND THINK OF HIM FOR A CHANGE-INSTEAD OF HOW YOU CAN CHANGE HIM!!!     INSTEAD; HELP HIM!
   MY STEPSON IS 13 NOW , HE LOST HIS MOM 5 YEARS AGO. HIS GRANDMA IMMEDIATELY TRIED PUTTING HIM ON PROZAC WITH OUT HIS DADS PERMISSION,  WHICH MADE HIM HYPER AND WHEN YOU DON'T ALLOW A KID TO GO OUTSIDE HYPER IS A BAD THING!!!! AND HIS MOM WOULD NOT ALLOW HIS DAD ACCESS TO HIS SON FOR 7 YEARS AND THEN  WHEN SHE DISCOVERS THAT SHE HAS STAGE 3 OVARIAN CANCER SHE DECIDES TO ALLOW HIM TO COME DOWN FOR A WEEK  WHILE SHE WENT IN FOR A BIOPSY. THE WHOLE TIME NOT TELLING HIM WHAT WAS GOING ON.  AS FOR LIVING WITH HIS AUNT SHE ENCOURAGES LYING ,REFUSES TO HOLD HIM ACCOUTABLE FOR HIS ACTIONS AND HAS ALLOWED HIM TO DRIVE A WEDGE BETWEEN HER & HER HUSBAND.AND YES THE AUNT IS HIS MOMS SISTER. AS FOR COUNSELING WE HAVE GONE THROUGH 7 COUNSELORS WE DON'T HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE SO WE HAVE TO RELY ON THE FREE COUNSELING CLINIC AT THE UNIVERSITY (UCF) THIS KID TAKES EVERY HEALING TOOL THAT HE IS GIVEN AND USES IT AS A WEAPON USUALLY AGAINST ME, HIS TEACHERS, OR HIS 3 YEAR OLD SISTER, AND SOMETIMES THE DOG. YOU CAN'T FORCE THERAPY, BUT YOU CAN'T PARENT WITH GUILT EITHER!!!!
 
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January 4, 2007, 1:56 am CST

I CAN RELATE

Quote From: gwarrior6

For ppl to stop psychoanylyzing me on the Dr. Phil board!  HA!

      ME TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
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January 5, 2007, 11:44 pm CST

thank you!

Quote From: malinois

    Hi Jenny2,

 

          I came across an excellent web site www.grief.net and they give you several excellent tips on how to grieve and how children should grieve. We well intentioned people tend to say the wrong things that enable a person to work through the grieving process. It sounds like thos boy is stuck. 

 

           I loved the 6 myths they talk about that hinder us from resolving our grieving and even relationship issues. It is a great web site and their book had really really helped me.

   thank you very much, and he is stuck so much so that even when we show him proof through his report cards etc. he still refuses to even acknowledge that he keeps doing the same things at the same time of year over and over the only bit of hope we have is we found a greiving kids center. new hope for kids is WONDERFUL!!!   I love the days when we get to go there unfortunatly  they shut down during the month of december thats why it's been such a bad month. when we go there no matter how bad the day everyone comes out of there more human than they went in  it's great!!!! anyhow  I just wanted to say thanks!!!!!
 
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January 6, 2007, 12:34 am CST

he's stuck

Quote From: mustbecrazy

I can't believe that you would be so heartless with this boy.  It takes years to regain a normal life after the death of a parent...life will never be the same again for him.

 

The boy needs a stable environment and to know that he is loved.  Keep going to the counselor...counseling is NOT an INSTANT cure...it takes years to learn to cope...this boy needs you NOW...you are now the only mom he has, and you need to step up to the role.  You need to start showing this boy that you love him...you do, don't you??  The counselor cannot simply "fix" him...the whole family needs to be fixed with him...heal together.

 

Try getting involved in the youth program at your church...or 4H, or Scouts...something where he has a chance to be with other kids his age...a time to be away from the turmoil in your home.

 

You need to get over the fact that the mom died and left you holding the kid...13 is a difficult age as it is...so many changes with the body and mind...this boy has enough on his plate already.  Get over the resentment, and start being this boy's mom!!

 

You need to be involved in every aspect of this boy's life...keep up on whether he is on time with his homework...whether he is able to concentrate in school...whether he is getting along with his peers...what he is doing after school and in the evenings.  If he is acting out, then he is having feelings that he just doesn't know what to do with.  It is your job to help him through these difficult years and grow up to be a man. 

   we've tried getting him involved in sports, karate, boy scouts,  he refused to actively participate in any of the activities especially the team sports!! boy scouts we were asked not to return he was a bully. also he was in public school when he first got here in third grade and he was so hyperintelligent and arogant that he got himself kicked out of public school because he was so bored that when he got done with his work he would be very disruptive in class. then we looked at private schools it was a sacrifice but $10,000 ,seven trips to the principals office,and two years later he gets ejected from catholic school. now he's on academic probation in the International Baccalaureate programme because he can't see the relation that math and science have on each other or why he has to take a foreign language.  I'll be glad when we move to new york  so that we can get him into a program that fits and get him out of florida the third lowest when it comes to schools.We told his aunt and grandma when he first got down here that since my hubby and his son had spent very limited time together as a family what was in his best interest was to spend the entire year with us every weekend and holiday so that we could develop a rythym and flow in our house  and everybody started pitching a fit so my hubby caved and well here we are. and the moving to new york thing aside from the getting rid of 60-70% of my allergies and asthma triggers it will reduce the number of parents who believe they have a say in our house to just two.  and chris will finally have a chance to grieve his mom.
 
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January 6, 2007, 12:35 am CST

he's stuck

Quote From: mustbecrazy

I can't believe that you would be so heartless with this boy.  It takes years to regain a normal life after the death of a parent...life will never be the same again for him.

 

The boy needs a stable environment and to know that he is loved.  Keep going to the counselor...counseling is NOT an INSTANT cure...it takes years to learn to cope...this boy needs you NOW...you are now the only mom he has, and you need to step up to the role.  You need to start showing this boy that you love him...you do, don't you??  The counselor cannot simply "fix" him...the whole family needs to be fixed with him...heal together.

 

Try getting involved in the youth program at your church...or 4H, or Scouts...something where he has a chance to be with other kids his age...a time to be away from the turmoil in your home.

 

You need to get over the fact that the mom died and left you holding the kid...13 is a difficult age as it is...so many changes with the body and mind...this boy has enough on his plate already.  Get over the resentment, and start being this boy's mom!!

 

You need to be involved in every aspect of this boy's life...keep up on whether he is on time with his homework...whether he is able to concentrate in school...whether he is getting along with his peers...what he is doing after school and in the evenings.  If he is acting out, then he is having feelings that he just doesn't know what to do with.  It is your job to help him through these difficult years and grow up to be a man. 

   we've tried getting him involved in sports, karate, boy scouts,  he refused to actively participate in any of the activities especially the team sports!! boy scouts we were asked not to return he was a bully. also he was in public school when he first got here in third grade and he was so hyperintelligent and arogant that he got himself kicked out of public school because he was so bored that when he got done with his work he would be very disruptive in class. then we looked at private schools it was a sacrifice but $10,000 ,seven trips to the principals office,and two years later he gets ejected from catholic school. now he's on academic probation in the International Baccalaureate programme because he can't see the relation that math and science have on each other or why he has to take a foreign language.  I'll be glad when we move to new york  so that we can get him into a program that fits and get him out of florida the third lowest when it comes to schools.We told his aunt and grandma when he first got down here that since my hubby and his son had spent very limited time together as a family what was in his best interest was to spend the entire year with us every weekend and holiday so that we could develop a rythym and flow in our house  and everybody started pitching a fit so my hubby caved and well here we are. and the moving to new york thing aside from the getting rid of 60-70% of my allergies and asthma triggers it will reduce the number of parents who believe they have a say in our house to just two.  and chris will finally have a chance to grieve his mom.
 

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