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Messages By: jellybelly

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upset
August 1, 2005, 8:04 pm CDT

adoption

i gave a child up fo adoption 26years ago.. this was the hardest thing i could ever do. the worst day of my life...... i gave her up so she could have a loving home. i was 16 when i found out i was expecting her i allready had one son that turned 1 the day i found out for sure i was pregant. i had trouble controling my anger. because i was so young .. this is something that i learned with age. so at this age i gave her up.... the people that raised her did a good job i guess.. she commented sucide at the age of 16... they did not let me know about it for 4 years.  then only gave me little info on her .  they did send me 1 picture and wrote me a letter telling me she wanted to find me and meet me when she turns 18. she did not make it  .  all the contacting was done thru the adoption agency. they sent me a paper that read like a funeral reading.  with a drawing of her on the back of the paper....  this was all they sent ...  they did not let me know where she was buried at .  i needed to go to her grave and talk to her .. i know that his isnt something that is easy for me to hear . so thru help of this computer i went to work.. i had to find her.  i had to tell her good buy and tell her i was so sorry.  if i had of not did what i did she might be here..  from what i was told she was helping a friend by talking him out of killing himself then went a did it herself .  the worst part he lived.... i did finialy find her . it was very emontally for me  the 2 nd... hardest thing i had to do .  it did take me years to do this but i did.  and i dont feel any better now that i did.. the only thing that keeps  me going is one day i will see her  .... i hope it is in heaven......  this is the only thing i can cling to to keep me sane......
 
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sad
August 2, 2005, 8:17 pm CDT

grief

Quote From: bukieboy

I understand your pain and guilt. My son died of sucide in 2000. I am the one who found him. I feel tremendous guilt and it seems no one understands. Even mental health doctors say "get over it" But how does a mother do that? In my mind I know it was not my fault but my heart just aches and tells me something different.

 

I just wanted to let you know that there is someone out here that understands how you are feeling. I get so tired of people lecturing me on what I NEED to do and what I NEED to feel. They have not been through this horrible madness and they do not know how I feel.

 

Somedays are better and somedays are worse.

 

Peace and Love to you.

i gave a daughter up for adoption 26 years ago .  she commited sucide in 1996. i just in the last 5 years found out . the parents did not want me to know.  then they wouldnt tell me the location of the cementry.  i know it wasnt my fault, but it was.. i feel that if i had of done things differently that she would still be here.  i strugle with this every day and night..  i hear a song that makes me think about her and here i go again. like  how do you get so lonley.   by blake larson.  it just tears me up.. like the song how could i not know... did i not tell her i loved her... know what i didnt. i couldnt even hold her because i knew if i did i would never let her go..  she did deserve better than what i could of ever give her.  i guess i should get over it and let it go but i cant .. i did not ever get to tell her why and that i did love her more than i could ever imangion.. this was the hardest thing i ever had to do was give her a chance. if i had known that my life would of turned out like it did i would never let her go. but i didnt ever see things going any where but where i was at . i was too young to realize that thing do change if you push and try and luck up. but i still blame myself. i will never know her and never see her that is my fault.. i can not get over it i cant talk to any one about this no one hardly knows that i could trust and would understand. it is just one of those things that i have to go alone like the day i signed papers.. the worst day in my life.. just one day at a time......
 
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quiet
September 27, 2005, 6:42 pm CDT

My Adoption Story

Quote From: lonalea200

 I am adopted and I would like to share with people some feelings.   when you adopt your children out, make sure you send pictures and a letter for them to read at their conveniance. When they're ready.  I was adaopted when I was a baby.  My biological grandfather on my mothers side commited suicide and my biological father commited suicide.   I have no pictures or anything to know them by. My life will never be complete because I can't even see what my father looked like.  The rest of my biological family can't help or won't.  So I am stuck not knowing. It is an empty void. More than you think. Please don't think that once you give us up that it is forever.  With nothing, you make it forever.  Please pass along pictures and stories whether they want to look at them or not. At least it would be there if they want to know. They can always throw  the info. away. But if it is not there in the first place.... 

EF 

i adopted out a baby girl . she left the hospital before i did. i never seen her i couldnt if i had of i would of kept her and she would of had nothing. i did write to her and was told that it would be put in a folder for her to read if and when she wanted to. i did make a request of pictures of her when they took her home. i got two of them.. that was the last i ever seen of her . she died when she was sixteen years old. she commited sucide. i think it is a good ideal for photos to be sent both ways. to an agency, to send to the birth parents...
 
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hopeful
September 27, 2005, 6:54 pm CDT

help maybe on the way

Quote From: munchin2

55 years ago, my mother gave away my son at birth.  I was only 15 and did not know I was pregnant until the nite my son was born.  I know that is hard to believe, but I promise on the bible this is the truth.  The only info I have is the date he was born, where he was born, and possibly the last name of the women who my mother gave my son too.  I was heavily sedated and do not know the name for sure.  If I have found him (which I am not sure) he lives in the same state.  Since this happened 55 years ago I have no idea how to find him.  I have found excuses all my life not to find him.  I need to find him before I die.   If any one knows how to find him, please let me know.
there is a web sight called search angels. you might have to do a little research there but these people will look and take all your info that you do have and can help for free. ther are some that charge but go to the free ones they are the ones that do it from their hearts.. give it a try it might just work. maybe .....
 

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