Messages By: crycrystal

Uuummm, I Think Dr.Phil, needs to leave the first wives club, to his wife. I reckon it's a good way to give her friends, luxury prizes, make-overs, paid for vacations and education, and finances taken care of. I sure hope now, they can all go back and sit around their table and drink their coffee and be peachy , now. I just wonder,,, Could they had possibly gotten , any more ? WOW ! 

I Sure Wish I could be Ever so Lucky ! But, as for myself... I have Plenty of Anger, Depression, Abuse, Divorce, Alcoholism, Drugism and Resentment Towards life, That Anyone could possibly ever muster up, In a life time ! 

  I have had , "One of them lives", too. The drinking, drugs, abuse, rape, depression,  

suicidal tendencies and just a resentment towards life itself. 

Found it interesting ,to hear that some people don't wake up hating the world.  

But, at times, I Reckon I have had, such as an illusive moment. 

 It really bothers me, that I didn't become something, in life.  

 I went up to my last year of high school , just to drop out. 

 I had 2 boys, but didn't end up a mother.  Married twice, but didn't end up a wife.  

 I had dreams, but just couldn't seem to wake up. 

 If anything, I ended up being a Rag Doll. 

 Anyways, I just always sigh, ever sooo deeply....Is that Normal ? 

I Know I've Needed Help, for 20 yrs, now.  

I have, ALWAYS, felt naked and out-of-place, in this Crappy World. and That I Carry a Cancer Cell, within me, Filled with Despair and Un-Happiness. 

 I just have, Always, Seen it sinceless, to run to the local health dept. For, I Believe , I Need More than they can ever Give or Do , for me. (Ya can only expect , so much, when it's free ! ) 

 I Don't Think, Throwing Me on an anti-depressant, (till the right one is found), Would be a very Advisable Thing to do, Anyway. 

So, I will continue to sit in the corner, twiddle my toes and sing everyone else, a happy lil note. 

and to one day, understand the theory, as to why some people just aren't ment to be. 

                                                                                                            Deeply Sighing, 

                                                                                                                    Cry 

I am, actually, at a good place , in life. For 6 yrs., now. I'm sober & drug free, and found a man that doesn't use me, as a punching bag. But, the un-happiness within me, continues to lingure. And, I have a fear, that, if I Don't find a way , to get somewhat happy,,, He's going to throw me away, again. 

Depression Runs , DEEPLY , in my family.  

As for my ICON picture I have,,,, I drew it and got a tattoo of her.        She will,  Always,  be with me.  

BTW,,, I ordered 3 of Dr. Phil's books , off ebay and they will be here,,,, soon.  :-)    

Depression runs thickly, in my family. Along with alcohol and drugs. 

Now that i'm clean and sober, for 8 yrs now. I don't quite know what to do with myself  

or how to go at life straight. I do pretty much know, that if I don't figure out , "how to get it" 

or "find my authentic self" , I will die young, feeling very old. 

  Lacking Motivation, Causing Indignation, 

  Needing Obliviation, From the Allienation, 

  Feeling Starvation, From No Conversation, 

  No Justification, Fot the Irritaion. 

                                               Cry Cry Cry 

I don't have a doctor, let alone a therapist. I don't believe running to my local mental health, 

to let them put me on antidepressants, till the right one is found. I once tried prozac and it  

took the suicidal feeling away, but made me just wanna kill other people , then. lol 

I am quite concerned with myself , also.  The world needs more Dr. Phil's. There's just not enough of him to go around. I just wish to win the lottery & then I can pay him to talk to me......... Cry 

I'm just waiting , for 2 months, 2 weeks , 1 day , 12 hours & 45 minutes, to finally get here.  

So, my 18 yr old step son, can go on to college. I Personally think it should be illegal,  

for them to live at home,,,, after age 18. 

I Hate Life , anyway,,, so wishing more time away, isn't anything new , for me. 

I'm seeing 4 yrs max, left for me , in this cruddy world. 

I have never fit in, anywhere , in this world, for 20 yrs, so 4 more, won't matter,  too much. 

I look forward to checking out. Till then, I will sit in a corner , twiddle my toes & sing a happy lil note  

and act like life is just peachy, while my stomach turns at the mere thought , of continuing on.