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Messages By: freentex

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August 4, 2005, 6:20 am CDT

Been there, done that.

I have been in Michelle's shoes. My X beat me up as well.  It was hard for me to accept that my husband, who is a E.R. doctor, was causing me physical pain as well as emotional pain.  

It's a hard place to be.  The confusion she is feeling will take a long time to sort through.

I hope she knows that God does not want her to stay with this husband.  I didn't want to give up and believed God would get through to my X. 

Michelle, God cannot help those who don't believe in him and follow his design. 

It wasn't until I finally kicked him out that I realized this is what God wanted me to do. God didn't want me to hurt anymore.

Funny thing, when I dumped him, he dumped her when the divorce was final.  He had already found someone else.  She now knows what I know. She helps me now when she can and I have been able to forgive her. 

These Narcisistic men are very believable.  They are con men. 

Narcisistic Personality Disorder consists of many disorders.  These men who have it can only be helped if they come out of denile and know they have it.  They have no empathy. Everything they do and touch has to be about them.  They are completely unreasonable.  Their moods sway as though they are bipolar.  They keep their prey in a state of confusion. They turn people away from you and convince others you are crazy. 

Now I pity my X husband as I watch our daughters see him for who he is and turn away from him as well.

My life has gone on and I have met a wonderful man.  I had to give up on my past dreams and make new ones.  It was hard but now I am at peace and I know I'm not, nor was I crazy.

It seems so simple to those who have not been abused.  It's not so simple.  For those who don't understand, look up NPD on the internet.  The more people truly understand what Michelle is dealing with the better. 

 
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May 20, 2006, 8:19 pm CDT

When is enough, enough?

I divorced my X 3 years ago.  My X beat and cheated on me.  

 I have custody of my eldest child and joint of my youngest.  Their father has commited contempt repeatedly for the last 3 years.  

The true problem is, my children don't understand this.  They think they want to live with him. To them it's easier to live with dad and get spoiled than live with me and have rules and responsibilities.  

Typical teens.  

I am seeking counsel to deal with the contempt.  I feel I have no other choice to hold him accountable for his actions and I also feel my children need to understand  I will no longer be a door mat and be treated like "the bad guy."  

They know all too well what their father is like and why I divorced him.  Still, they blame me for their problems and their partents not being together anymore.    

My question is; should I fight for custody of them or should I let them take responsibility for their actions by chosing to live with their father?  Once I have made this choice, I cannot go back.  I fear for their safety from their father and his abusive selfcenteredness.  He has NPD. (Nars. Pers. Dis.) I know they don't understand what they are doing to themselves but they won't listen to me.  If I allow them to live with him, and sign over custody to him, the children's leverage will be gone and he will revert back into his old ways.  The ways they don't remember.  

  

 
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May 30, 2006, 5:40 am CDT

Thank you

Thanks so much for all your insite to my question.  I will keep you posted on my situation.  We should be going to court soon.  I hope I can fend off the nasty phone calls from my X and the children until then.  I will not abandon my children.    

 
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June 1, 2006, 6:36 am CDT

I think you already know.

Quote From: jax_alope

This may be a long story so get a cup of coffee if you need, but if you are willing to read this, I am willing to take any and all advice into concideration.    

When I first started dating my ex everything was great.  He was everything I wanted and did all of the right things.  He was a bit too pushy to date me at first but he grew on me.  He sent me flowers, he called just to say hi, he was loving, and I loved him.  I was a single mother when I met him and he had two children from a previous relationship that lived with their mother.  He was very involved in his childrens life which is one of the reasons I fell in love with him.  One night while we were out,  

another girl who he had once dated him came up to talk to me.  She told me "I know he is good in bed, but that is all he is good for, he is not a good boyfriend"  Not understanding I asked what she meant by that.  She said that he liked to sleep with his "babies' ma ma".  Of course, on the ride home I asked if this was true.  He told me he had been sleeping with his ex while he was dating this girl.  This girl was also married while they were dating so he said he didn't really respect her and that is why he did this.  Of course, being in love, I believed him.    

During this time, he would go out to see his kids who lived in another state with their mom.  I would get really nervous remembering what this girl had told me but I really didn't think he would do that to me.  Dumb I know.  Not too long after this I found out I was pregnant.  I was not ready for a baby but he assured me that we would be ok.  He was there for me.  In the months following we talked about what we were going to do, how we were going to tell our kids, and his ex.   When he started living with me his ex called.  She let him know that he was no longer going to see his kids as long as he continued to date me.  She told her kids that daddy couldn't stay with them anymore.  One night he recieved a call from his son saying that he wanted his dad to come and stay... and he knew that he couldn't do that anymore.  I was really taken aback by this woman's behavior.  But, it really wasn't my place.  She also like to break into his email and read them.  If I would send him something during the day while he was at work, she would read it.  She got so mad about them that she erased all her and her childrens contact information from his account. During our whole relationship he would tell me about their fights and how he would have to call the police because she was so violent towards him. He told me once that they had to buy a new phone every few months because she would break it so he couldn't call for help. He explained all of her affairs, and how she even went to prom with someone while she was in her 20's while he stayed home and watched the kids. I always asked why he would still go back to her in the past and sleep with her if she did all this to him.  He didn't know but he knew that he just wanted a normal life he said. However, he drank, alot. I knew very well that something was not right but since I couldn't put my finger on it and I was in love and having his baby I just stayed.   Finally, he decided to tell his mother that I was pregnant. (She didn't even know he was dating anyone)  When he did this not more than a minute passed and his cell phone rang.  He didn't answer it saying, it couldn't be my mom already.  But then, my home phone rang.  It was his ex.  She had intercepted the email to his mom.  She again was screaming and crying(I could hear her over the phone) She told him that he wasn't ever seeing his kids again.  He was very upset.  We were, at this time, looking to buy a house.  He wanted us to move to a nicer place.  I told him that he should just take the money for the house and get a lawyer.  He should go fight for visitation rights of his children, then she couldn't hold them over his head everytime he did anything she didn't like.  He started again talking about her beating him and that she was arrested for domestic abuse.  He just kept saying that he wouldn't have to do that.  I asked what he was going to do and he said.  I can figure it out some other way.  In the two weeks following, he drank, alot.  He would go in the bathroom and I would hear him crying, alot.  When he wasn't at work he liked to gamble alot.  One night we went out and he had spent $2000 of the down payment for the house.  I offered to help him pay for it since it was my house too.  He went to visit his children, and when he came back he was even more distraught than before.  I asked if I could go out and meet his children the next time he went.  This had never happened before because obviously their mother was not for it.  He said that would be good.  A few days later it was bedtime.  I asked him for sex.  I asked if he was every horny.  He just laughed and said yeah. But he still turned me down.  I told him soon I would be too big to want it and he rolled over and said ok.  I was really upset by this.  I kept trying to get him to talk to me and he wouldn't.  I asked him if he still wanted to be with me.  He said not if it was going to be this way.  I didn't even know what he meant by that.  I asked why he stayed then.  He said nothing absolutely nothing.  He just went to sleep.  The next day he got up and went to work like every other day.  When he got home that night, I asked if we could talk about what had happened the night before.  He said yes and asked if he could shower first. I agreed.  When he got out he sat down and said, "I'm leaving".  I just looked at him.  He was leaving for good.  I knew why, but he denied it of course.  Needless to say he moved his ex in with him into the house we picked out together and I helped pay for while I sat at home alone pregnant with our baby. I wanted my money back and had to fight all summer through lawyers to get it.  But I didn't want anymore contact with this man. I feel like everything he has ever told me was a lie or else why would he want to go back to a cheating beating life? When he would see me drive by while I was pregnant he would turn his head and act as if he didn't even know me.  As hurt and angry as I was all summer long, I finally contacted him when it got closer to our baby being due.  I wanted to where his head was at and if he was going to have contact with his son.  He agreed to meet with me and a councelor.  During this time we disscused the fact that I was very afraid of his girlfriend being around our child.  He understood.  He also voiced that she did not want him to be in my house.  Even for the councelling, but he still came.  We made many agreements during this time.  One being that he would come here to see his child because I didn't want her to do something to him around my child.  Our child arrived.  A great little boy.  For the first month his father would come to my house to see him everyday.  He would just come over whenever he wanted.  That was my fault because I didn't say it bothered me.  When I did tell him it did he was not happy but he did his best to set up a time.  He would call 5 mins from my house and say he was comming over. During his visits neither of us said anything to the other.  He would be sitting here in my house for hours and not say even a word.  Nothing.  The tension was rediculous.  I couldn't take it anymore.  I didn't want him to be here.  I didn't want his girlfriend around my kid.  I was confused and angry and I didn't know what I should do.  Mind you during all this time, he has not paid any child support.  I decided to just not be here when he came to visit.  I ditched him and then emailed him to tell him how I felt. Bad idea on my part but I wasn't able to do the right thing at the time.  I told him that I didn't want him around anymore and I never really did.  He was not the person I thought he was, he was a liar, and a cheat, and he totally screwed me and my daughter over.  I just didn't think that was a good person to be a father.  I was very adament that I did not want his woman around my child and why.  He emailed back and let me know that he was going to go after custody of our son.  I let him know that I thought that was a good idea. I wasn't scared.  I had done a background check on his ex and him and it wasn't clean.  I was.  He made me feel guilty.  He told me it was my fault that I spent nights alone with ours son, waking at 3 and that it was my fault that I had to shower with my son in a chair next to the tub, because I should have just let him take him home in the first place.  He asked if we could talk, when he got here to talk the first thing he said was... are you gonna let me take him or do we need to go to court.  I told him to do what he wanted because I didn't trust either of them with my child.  He said that I had no reason not to.  I said that I didn't just trust the guy across the street with my child either.  I didn't know this woman except for what he told me, and seeing the stalking while we were dating, and I didn't really know him like I thought I did either.  In the middle of our converstation he just got up and walked out.  I was frantic and  a bit stupid I guess.  I called his house to talk to his girlfriend.  When she didn't answer I told him that if he would just let me meet her and see where my son would be I would let him take his son for the weekend.  In talking to this woman I realized that she is very good at manipulation.  In our 20 talk she admitted to doing all of what he had told me... but then blame shifted it all back on him.  She also let me know how he was going out to see her and begging her to move in with him while we were buying our house.  I don't know but by the time I left I forgot to find out about her because I just felt hurt all over again.  Since this time they have gotten married. He has increasingly wanted to take my son more and more.  I find myself not wanting this to happen at all but I want my son to have a father so I just say nothing.  I don't know anyone in his family.  They don't know me.  He took my son to meet them but they have no clue who the mother of their grandchild even is or what I even look like.  My daughter has really wanted to meet his children and his now wife said that it could only happen if I let her go over there with my ex  alone... that makes no sense to me. My daughter was told " he look I bought you a house" and now they want her to go over there with a man who isn't her dad and doesn't want to be by herself.  There is just something so fishy about all this.  I am still afraid.  I don't know what I should do now and how to stand up and say it.  Please someone advice please.     There are some things I left out but obviously this is long enough. 

  

thanks-  Jax_alope 

Hmmm.  Well,  I do think you already know what you need to do.    

What would I do if I was you?    

I would either hire a lawyer to set up child support, get back child support, and set up visitation for the father's of your children, both of them, if that's possible.  

You need to set boundries for yourself and your children and stick to them.  Stop letting other people tell you what to do.  Stop overextending yourself to him or anyone else who just takes advantage of you! 

This man has obviously used you.  He wasn't counting on you becoming pregnant.  All the signs were there but like you said, you were in love and didn't want to see it.  Hence the phrase, "love is blind."  

Legal aid is avalible most everywhere, even on the internet.  Think and write down a list of what you want and what you would be willing to live with.  Get legal help and go from there. Set your past feelings aside and treat this situation as a unemotional decission.  

The rejection can be hard to deal with but if you remember it's really just rejection you are feeling, you can rationalize it in your mind a lot better.  He rejected you and SO WHAT!  Yuck!  You didn't want trash like him anyway!  You were in love with the idea of who he faked being.  You are sad at the lose of your idea of what you two would have and become. You do want someone who will respect you and see all the wonderful gifts you have to offer.  He doesn't love you. He's a jerk and you deserve much better.  

This is coming from a woman who is standing on the other side of her own life explosion and even though I did get some burns, I am doing much better now than I was when I was with my X.   

I am with someone now who returns love to me and I can't believe how my own denile stole years of my life and happiness.   

  

Good luck!   

 
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June 6, 2006, 6:05 am CDT

I understand

Quote From: jax_alope

I thank you for taking the time to read my story and I totally agree with you.  I already know that I was taken advantage of and that I was used.  However, my question is what do I do now.  I have to trust these people to take my son.  I don't want him back no way no how... he is her problem now.  I just don't feel comfortable sending my son over to their house knowing that there is abuse in the home.  I have spoken to counclors and lawyers.  The advice I get is that I have to let him go over there anyways until something happens to him.  I really think this is unfair to my son.  As for the court stuff.... we got a childsupport order and the next day he quit his job so there really isn't anything that can be done right now except wait.... the lawyer also told me that I can't fight for a court order tor visitation.  It has to be done by him.  I can't force him to take action.  I could just tell him he can't see him but I don't think that is right either.  I would like him to take me to court... but he doesn't because he knows that his ex's domestic charges with be brought up... So now I am left feeling like I am letting my son see his father who is a complete con man and they go home to a woman who abuses his father..... its all just too weird.

I understand.  I go through the same thing.    

He can't not work forever. He will have to get another job at some point.   

Send your son on his visitation with nothing.  Just the clean clothes on his back. Take his picture and make sure you date it. If he comes back dirty, and in the same clothes take another picture and date it.  No toys, nothing.  Weigh him when he goes and when he comes home.  Journal everything!  When he starts paying you child support pack only a small bag with a single change of clothes.  This will teach your X to provide for his son. Your X's vanity will do all the work for you.   

Check over your son with a fine tooth comb when he comes home to you.  If they are abusing him, you will know.  If you see anything, take him to the ER and have them check him out. Take pictures of any scratches or brusing. Date them. Watch for behavioral changes in him. Read up on the signs of abuse.  Journal everything! Get him into some kind of counseling as soon as he is able, so you are not the only one who sees these changes.  Show the counselor all the pictures. The pictures will provide the court with proof that he is not fit to have visitation with his son.   

 It's a waiting game. If a counselor knows abuse is going on, it's their job to report it to the athorities.  It is law.  

Your X may surprise you.  She may be abusive to him, but if she starts in on his child, he just may let her have it.   

What you are learning now is what I have learned.  Patience.   

It's a sad thing, in our court system, that abuse can happen and people are still given rights.  It's sad that we have to wait for bad things to happen to have proof that the possibility is there.  It really makes me sick.  It makes us feel like we are sending our children to the wolves.  

One more thing.  Tell your X you are watching him. Let him know very calmly and in a very direct mannor.  Look him straight in the eye and don't flinch.  Tell him if you see as much as a scratch on your boy, he will learn what it is like to deal with a mother bear.  Tell him to tell his wife too.  He may balk but don't engage in a fight.  Don't explain why you are telling him this.  Tell him you mean what you say and there are no excuses.  Stay calm and cold about it.  Do it when you are handing him over and then just walk away.    

Keep your daughter away from the both of them.  They do not have legal right to her and you do not give in to this by any means.  When your son is gone make the time you have with her alone your time to do girl things together.  Paint toes, do hair, go to the park, bake cookies and watch her favorite movie, whatever.  Make her realize this time with your son away is her time for you alone.  She will lose interest in going.    

The next thing is the hardest and why we are put into these places in our lives.  Give God a chance to protect your son.  Let go of control and give it over to Him.  You will be surprized at what He will do. :)  Your son is a child of God first.  If you pray for God to protect him while he is with his father, He will protect him.    

You need to learn to use the system against him.  Do only what you are ordered by the court to do and nothing more.  Do not give in to any outside requests. Do not enable or feel pity for your X.  He made his bed.    

He will call you names, and be rude.  Ignore it.  Write it down.  JOURNAL EVERYTHING!    

Good luck to you.  I will pray for you to be strong.    

Keep me posted.  

   

   

 
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June 9, 2006, 6:17 am CDT

Stay on track

Quote From: aroura

On Mothers day weekend, my ex-husband came up to me and asked me if the girls could live with him.  Why? I asked.  He said that he is missing out with the girls and wants to spend the time with them.  He said that he was moving next year and wanted to spend time with him.  My answer to him was NO.  I have been able since our divorce, maintane a stable enviorment, work full time, have adequent child care after school, be home everynight for dinner, help with homework and bedtimes.  I am there for all the tears and laughter.  I am there when my oldest has to go to Shriners hospital for her apointments.  He has always been in formed of everyting that goes on in the girls lives.  Yes, he lives in the same area.  He has had all the oportunity to go with our daughter to her apointments.  My girls are doing great in school. My oldest has a 3.o average.  My youngest made 100% on all of her state required testest.  Now, there father has never been home, even when we were married. Has never been involved with the girls in school, after school, homework. Has never come to see the girls on his one night aweek visit.  Is barely home when the girls go over for his weekend.  His wife sees the girls more than he does.  (Her and I do not get along either)  Last year, I got remarried to a wonderful guy who is more involved with the girls.  The girls love their father.  But, they don't want to live with him either.  When their step mom gets mad, everyone suffers and they do not like it.  So, let me ask, what kind of mom would I be if I let my girls move in with him? He lives in a different school zone.  I told him NO.  The odds of him taking the girls with him are that much greater. I was not born yesturday.  I am a good mom. Ladies, if your ex is trying to bully you, stick to your guns if you have primary custoldial residentacy, no one can take that away from you.  What my ex is doing is wrong, he can not see that right now.  This battle is not over for me, I am sticking to my guns and contuning to give my girls love and support.  

Just because he wants something doesn't mean it's for the right reasons.  You are right in thinking and saying he has the opportunity to be more involved now.  

It sounds like a ploy to me.  He probably thinks if he has them for a year, when he moves, they will want to go with him.    

He also probably thinks if you sign them over to him this will show your children you really don't want them.    

Stick to it.    

Talk to the girls and tell them their father wants to be more active in their lives but they will still live with you.    

Be careful.  He may start with the bribes.  This is what my X has done.  Trips, clothes, perfume, etc.  

They may be too young to respond to it now, but the teenage years are coming and that is when they get selfish.    

I'm glad to hear he's moving away.  I wish my X would.  lol 

Keep the girls grades up as well as their attendence at school.  If he has them during school, make sure you keep track if the girls are late getting to school or missing school on his time.  Also pay attention to homework.  Watch and see if he does his job as a parent  and journal all of it.  This way, if he does try and take them, you will have proof of your skills to his.   

It sounds like you are already good at keeping track of most of it.  Journal all of it so you can show proof if you need it.   

All in all, I say you are right on.  Stand your ground.    

  

  

 
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June 13, 2006, 6:48 am CDT

This issue sounds strange.

Quote From: trinket

   

 A.  Never bring a child into their parents difficulty's.   Tell you ex to stop-- and if he doesn't., get your ducks in a row (Job, money, housing) and bail on him.  Give yourself a time line.  You husband does not understand the damage he's doing, or cares that he is.   

   

At your son's age... they wont like being moved away from their dad... but they will appreciate the PEACE that comes from being away.   

   

 B.  DO NOT TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT What your husband is doing... that's just more of the same... and they will feel put in the middle.   

   

C.  You did not explain what your husband was talking to your son about.... was your behavior bad ? Are you the one who needs apologize first ?  (Yeah it's possible women make mistakes)  No, I dont  know what you mean.  I dont understand the part about your son "straining" .  I've never seen that from being angry.   

   

D.  if you know you have "Issues harboring anger and not being very forgiving"   Then I suggest you take steps to STOP that behavior your husband is talking to your son's about.  You can't control what he does, but you can control yourself.  Be angry, but vent in other ways that do not affect your family.... Personally, I journal-- and I pity the fool who ever reads those books I write in.   

   

I suggest 2 books.   One is called Light his fire" by Ellen Kriedman-- not to light your husband's fire, but to learn "Creative manipulation"  Like instead of fighting, just do what you plan to do... and dont expect an apology-- they obvioulsy dont think they owe you one.  Sounds like alot of keeping score to me.   

   

The second book is  by Laura Schlesinger... "The care and feeding of husbands" .  Im not saying he's right, Im saying there is help available to you-- for you-- and these books will help you to understand how your husband thinks-- as a male of the species-- and how to Counter act what he's doing to your son's.  The key to victory is not getting an ulcer, but rather let your husband see how educated mother bears can become.  We are exquisitly dangerous then...  

   

   

I tend to want to agree with you about her problems but something isn't sitting right with me. 

It's too obvious. 

It sounds like this family needs counseling.  There are issues here that are not being delt with and when they are, it's not the right forum. 

The woman who wrote  this post sounds like she has issues she is not dealing with.  She's pushed them down inside and she is in denile they are there.  These problems seep out and her children are seeing them.   

I'm not saying the husband didn't cause some or all of the problems. Whatever did needs to be delt with. She needs to get help and stop the denile.   

I also feel the perinoid behavior.  She's afraid.  She can't even tell us what's really going on because she doesn't want her husband to see what she's written.  She's afraid he will and then use it against her with her children.  She's holding on so tightly because she's afraid her life will fall apart.   

It won't.  It will fall into place. 

    

  

 
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February 13, 2007, 3:20 am CST

It's time to move on.

I wrote here quite a while back.  A young women replied to me and I don't remember her name.

She told me not to give up on my children.

Well...if you had been through what I've been through over the last year you would understand now why I have given up.

 

I have tried and tried.  I've done all the right things and all the court has asked of me but to no avail.

The court system in Bexar County Texas is crooked as the day is long. 

I can't get a judge to make a ruling to save my soul.

The X narcissist wins again and isn't held responsible.

Children are allowed to parent themselves down here and NO ONE CARES!

 

I wish there was someone who would listen to my story and expose the courts down here but no one will hear me. My attorney doesn't understand either and he is well respected in the legal community in San Antonio. 

 

My children have been so brain washed against me it's redicules.  As they sit and tell me I'm crazy, the counselor tells them there's nothing wrong with me.

 

Who here knows how to expose this and help me?

 

Free

 

 
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February 18, 2007, 4:48 am CST

Thought about that

Quote From: bactphd95

Free, I read over your posts, and the last word was that your X narcissist was "trying to get you" to sign over full custody to him. From your posts, it looks as though the X has half of S.A. (including the children and the judges) believing that you belong in the psychiatric ward.

Obviously much has transpired since May, stuff that even your well-respected attorney is at a loss to explain. I assume that in the interim, all this went clear through the court system, you utterly lost, and he now has full custody? If so, I comprehend why your attorney doesn't understand.

 

You say you've "done all the right things and all the court has asked..." but cannot get a ruling in your favor. Sad but true, it's difficult to impossible to fight the perception of "crazy" once it's been put out there. What sort of appeals process, if any, exists?

 

 Are all the judges golfing buddies with your X, or what? I could conceive of such a thing occurring in some Podunk hamlet, but not a metro area the size of S.A.'s. Would a local paper/TV station be interested in going after crooked judges (if your atty is OK with that kind of exposure of your story)?

There was no ruling.  The judge shut down the court reporter and rambled on and walked out of the court room.   He made no ruling. The N never received custody.  It's like nothing happened.

We went to court 3 times and the judge kept putting us off.  The first time he threatened jail to us if we didn't behave. No problem for me.

The second time he only spoke to attny's in chambers and pulled in the counselor who said the girls should live with me. 

The third time we presented a lot of evidence showing what a bad parent he is and this is when all the judge could say was that he couldn't do anything. 

I have run out of money and am tired of trying to make this right.  The children are so poisoned against me and have been lied to so much that they don't even know what's really going on.

So, it's not about getting a ruling in my favor.  I've had rulings in my favor.  I received full custody of my older daughter when she wanted to come and live with me and I already had 50/50 of younger daughter. 

I've had judges rule for our family to go to counseling and the N has ignored them.

The problem is this judge had the chance to set things right and didn't.  He kept asking at the end if there was a Motion for Enforcement.  Well, there was originally but that was not why we were there.  We were there following up on the last time we were there. He told us to come back in 30 days on what was brought before him at that time.

It's all so confusing and hard for me to explain it all here.  The truth is; the judge didn't need paperwork to do his job.  He could have let us finish presenting our case and then ruled.  He was more concerned about it being Friday afternoon and his birthday cake in the back room.

I promised myself this would be the end, one way or another. 

I would have thought the judge was on the take but the N was way too nervous.  Unless his attny bought off the judge.

I've thought of contacting the media.  There are a few reporters that may want this story and want to investigate it. 

The other thing I have is to wait and see what the N does.  If his attny tries to file papers or force me to do anything, then we will have our chance to bring it to light in front of another judge. Maybe even the attny General. 

It all just seems so pointless.  I guess I have to wait until the N beats one of my children like he did to me before the courts down here will listen.  Until this happens or something worse, I am moving on.

 

 

 
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February 18, 2007, 5:02 am CST

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Quote From: mbranch

Please fight for custody if you truly believe they do not belong there.  I am proof that it will be a bad thing if you let them go.  My mother "let" us go to our father's when we were 10 and 12 and it was the worst decision ever.   My father had taken her to court several times for custody and she won each time but she sat us down and said, "Just because I win in court, I still have to pay my lawyer and I just cannot afford it anymore.  I am sick of seeing you unhappy (our father had brainwashed us into thinking it would be better with him - he was the fun one my mom was the disciplinarian) so I will sign over the papers.  Once you go, you will not come back."  She stuck to it too.  I was miserable as I am a girl and have an older brother.  I lost my childhood.  I was a "mother" and "wife" to both of them and basically did not have a fun childhood as I was too busy taking care of them - cooking, cleaning, etc.  Any way, I am now 39 years old and could not imagine ever letting my 12 year old son go to live with his loser father - no matter what the cost.  My mother on the other hand is wrought with guilt over her decision.  She now feels she should have never let us go.  But hindsight is 20/20.   She will die never getting over this decision.. she has told me as much.  I try and reassure he she was just doing what "she had to do" but she will always feel guilty.  So, please please fight.  My father was not the horrible man your ex seems to be.  He was not an abuser physically or really mentally.... for that matter.... so If it was a bad decision with a somewhat "normal" dad then can't you just imagine what your kids will go through with the man you are describing here on this board?

Well, it's been close to a year since you wrote to me.  I see now why your mother did what she did.  I am doing the same.  I fought this battle to no avail for close to the last year now. 

The girls are worse and are convinced I'm crazy. 

The court system down here is a mess and I've run out of money.  It's like dealing with the UN.

Now I sit and wait for a terrorist to distroy my children. 

Please pray for them. 

 

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