Messages By: drphil2005

you wrote almost exactly how i feel.

i have been married for 5 years and have been verbally, emotionally,
physically abused. i lost myself a long time ago because of my H.

we went to counselling last year after he was arrested cuz of physical
abuse.

he got defensive so i didnt want to go anymore. it worked some.
the physical stopped. i think he got scared after he was arrested,
plus everyone knew what he had done.

then he started to gamble. and lie to me. he lost $14000 of our
money. he promised to stop. then i just found out a month and
a half ago he was doing it behind my back again. when i confronted
him, he denied it and lied to me a bunch of times until i told him
the evidence i had.

he wanted to make me out to be the liar.

he has been insecure, jealous, controlling, immature, whiney,
etc.

i am not happy and have not been.

after i found out he gambled again a month and a half ago,
and he lied to me again, i told him i didnt love him and havent
for all these years. i have just been existing and he destroyed
who i am.

i am not happy now even though he wants me forever.

i hardly have feelings for him. i really dont want to be here.
i rather be with my kids alone.

so i know how you feel.

my husband was in denial for year til recently, because i
was about to leave. but it is like.....too little too late for
me emotionally.

i just have to have the guts to finally go. i am so
miserable i can hardly stand it. i am only in my 30's
and dont want to live unhappy forever.

love isnt abuse, lying, gambling and making your
spouse feeling like they are pure trash.