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Messages By: suzbuc

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August 5, 2005, 5:43 pm CDT

Don't Know Where to Begin

Gee ... really don't know if this should be in sex or depression because it is both.  I lived with a man for 4 years and thought he was my soulmate.  While fixing his computer for him, I inadvertently discovered some suspect online activities.  I knew he liked to look at porn but this was different.  I am a computer expert and investigated and discovered that he had personal ads at a bunch of "alternative" sites for bisexual encounters, encounters with couples ... well just about any encounter you could imagine.  We are both self-employed and worked from the residence, yet I didn't have a clue.  He would meet men in the afternoon and be gone just a short while.  He had a couple of nights out so I guess they weren't spent at the local pool hall as he had said.  I confronted him and he tried lying.  The evidence I had was concrete and when confronted with it, he finally admitted it, but was furious for what he considered an invasion of his privacy.  For about 3 months after that, he lied more and said he quit all that and we worked on the relationship.  I didn't trust him though and investigated again and found that he had never skipped a beat.  I left.  The biggest problem I guess is me.  I can't get over this.  My life is so different now.  I don't see people.  I hide away in my house.  My work has been affected terribly.  Some days I don't get out of bed.  I feel like any possibility of a romantic life is over.  I don't trust people anymore.  If someone that I thought I knew as well as I thought I knew him could fool me, anyone can.  I really hate my life now; everything about it.  It's like I have just given up on life.  I still see my adult children, but that's it and I put on a happy face for them, but it is a facade.  I have nightmares about it all and a day doesn't go by that I don't think about it.  It's been a year and a half and my life is just going to hell in a handbasket.  I am 55 and the rest of my life without romance ... spending here alone just seems very long, but the thought of another relationship literally makes me sick to my stomach.  I had to read alot of nasty stuff on his computer to find the truth and the thought of what he could have exposed me to ... all of that ... just makes me sick.      suzbuc
 
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August 5, 2005, 6:17 pm CDT

Another Bad Story

Quote From: freebird

I was one of the unfortunate many who met a man online & was too hasty to rush into a relationship with him. It ended in horror. After many months of horrendous abuse, torture and degradation, I left him. He tracked me down, kidnapped & tried to kill me. He has now since been sent to prison, but my life will never be the same. For all those innocent people following their hearts online, please err on the side of caution. It is so easy to be fooled. I know what you're thinking - that was one person, not everyone is like that. But is it really worth the risk?? Do your research. Have this person checked out first. Don't go in blind like I did.

 

For the fortunate ones, may you have a life of happiness. Everyone deserves just that.

I had a bad experience too ... one that probably is "a defining moment in my life".  I had met quite a few men at dating sites and dated and had a pretty good time after a divorce.  Actually, I had never dated so much in my entire life.  It was fun.  Then a man emailed me and he was different.  We talked on the phone and met.  We hit it off immediately.  I fell for him ... big time.  Moved in with him and lived with him for 4 years.  Thought he was the love of my life ... until I discovered that he had personal ads all over the Internet at alternative sites (sites for bisexuals, couples, etc.).  I found that he was hooking up with men, women and couples for casual quickie encounters whenever and wherever he could.  He had many of them, including a married transvestite.  I was pretty shocked to find that he seemed to have a preference for men.  I left after confronting him.  My life has not been the same since.  Can't get over the depression and isolation that I feel.  I don't trust anyone anymore and don't go out except to see my children.  I should be able to let this go and move on, but I haven't been able to.  It's pretty hard to believe that I could live with someone for 4 years and not have a clue that this kind of thing was going on, but it's true.  His meetings were quickies and he treated me well and we went out together every week and were intimate.  I just didn't have any signs that anything was going on.  I only found out because I am a computer expert and he asked me to fix his computer.  So, I hate to say don't do it or be a spoiled sport, but I really had a blast dating men that I met online until this happened.   Suzbuc
 

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