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Messages By: amw1217

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March 26, 2006, 2:51 pm CST

Getting ready to start a new job!?! please help!

My husband is losing his job on May 5th of this year. He has been our major bread winner for the past 5 yrs. I have the opportunity of a lifetime to start a job about the same time he loses his, starting wage @ $21.42/hr and after 5 yrs I'll be @ over $30/hr. GREAT right?! Except I had my first baby in December of 2003 and I'm scared something will happen to him while I'm at work. Yes, his dad is a very good dad (very clean, hard working, no drugs or alcohol). But it makes me nervous that he might not be as watchful as me. I keep having dreams about the baby falling on the driveway and his teeth going through his lip, or him hitting his head and getting hurt really bad, running out in front of a car, falling down the cement stairs on the front porch and breaking his nose.........the list is never-ending!!!! Can anyone give me any advice on how to cope with not being his watchful eye all day, and how I would never forgive myself if something happens while I'm gone??!! 
 
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March 26, 2006, 4:08 pm CST

Getting ready to start a new job!?! please help!

My husband is losing his job on May 5th of this year. He has been our major bread winner for the past 5 yrs. I have the opportunity of a lifetime to start a job about the same time he loses his, starting wage @ $21.42/hr and after 5 yrs I'll be @ over $30/hr. GREAT right?! Except I had my first baby in December of 2003 and I'm scared something will happen to him while I'm at work. Yes, his dad is a very good dad (very clean, hard working, no drugs or alcohol). But it makes me nervous that he might not be as watchful as me. I keep having dreams about the baby falling on the driveway and his teeth going through his lip, or him hitting his head and getting hurt really bad, running out in front of a car, falling down the cement stairs on the front porch and breaking his nose.........the list is never-ending!!!! Can anyone give me any advice on how to cope with not being his watchful eye all day? I would never forgive myself if something happens to him while I'm gone??!! 
 
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March 27, 2006, 5:45 pm CST

Getting ready to start a new job!?! please help!

My husband is losing his job on May 5th of this year. He has been our major bread winner for the past 5 yrs. I have the opportunity of a lifetime to start a job about the same time he loses his, starting wage @ $21.42/hr and after 5 yrs I'll be @ over $30/hr. GREAT right?! Except I had my first baby in December of 2003 and I'm scared something will happen to him while I'm at work. Yes, his dad is a very good dad (very clean, hard working, no drugs or alcohol). But it makes me nervous that he might not be as watchful as me. I keep having dreams about the baby falling on the driveway and his teeth going through his lip, or him hitting his head and getting hurt really bad, running out in front of a car, falling down the cement stairs on the front porch and breaking his nose.........the list is never-ending!!!! Can anyone give me any advice on how to cope with not being his watchful eye all day? I would never forgive myself if something happens to him while I'm gone??!! 
 
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March 27, 2006, 5:56 pm CST

Stay positive

Quote From: goodgirls

     Hello,  This is the first time for this so here goes.  I have a 17 year old, beautiful daughter that is in her Jr. year in high school.  She has always worked very hard, and independently for her grades.  She has a C average.  I am very proud of her, she usually makes pretty wise decisions.  However, this year she has had a hard time in school.  Chemistry is killing her, she doesn't understand it.  I feel that she just got to far behind and has given up.  Same with algebra she just simply sees no value in continuing in these classes.  I know that I have left a lot of information out (if you want more information just ask.)  My question is how do you encourage her to not give up?  I have been in daily contact with her teachers for about a month she resents this!  She is independent and I guess she feels that if I step in then she is not in control anymore.  Any suggestions will be appreciated.  Thanks

Your daughter is not alone. Chemistry was very hard for me in school. I had all A's and B's until my senior year when I took chemistry. It was the most confusing thing and it seemed to just get harder and harder as I got farther and farther behind. If you are in contact with the teachers and they know you would like to get her some extra help from them then that's pretty much all you can do. As far as algebra goes, does she have some friends that might be doing great in that class that might be able to give her an easier explanation than the teacher? Sometimes teachers have a tendency to explain it in a way that makes it harder than it needs to be. Hopefully she will come to realize you aren't trying to control her, you are only trying to search every avenue possible to get her the help she needs. Sounds like you're a great mom! Keep up the good work. 

 
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March 27, 2006, 8:49 pm CST

Big dinosaur Statue!!!

Quote From: heather175

I can't remember the name of the park. It's been so long ago. I know where Techumseh is. We did used to play football against them. I remember once going to a game in Techumseh that my brother was in ( he played football in H.S.) and my step-dad being a little freaked out because he had just seen children of the corn and there were so many corn fields there. 

That's funny.... I may be going there in October myself for a wedding. A really good friend of mine is getting married in October. I think it's the 1st week in October. I hope I can make it. I haven't been there in so long.  

I've been in FL since Sept. 01'. It's soooo busy here. I moved to the "country" here and now it's being built up like crazy. I', not paticularly fond of FL but I really don't want to deal with snow. So I suppose I will have to deal with one or the other or move. LOL ! 

Nice talking to you. 

Heather 

Yes, yes, yes It's at prehistoric forest!!! Stagecoach stop and Mystery Hill are right down the road. Hey there!! I live in Tecumseh. I graduated from Clinton in 1990. My husband works in Ann Arbor. I remember running cross country against Whitmore Lake. Stagecoach Stop is still open but prehistoric forest has been shut down. Rumor has it that a Great Wolf Lodge is coming into Dundee sometime this year.  Great to see someone local on the chat boards. Nice talking to you. 

                                                                                                              Dustin's Mom 

 
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March 29, 2006, 11:15 am CST

Surprise, no time for transition!

Quote From: judyblue22

You have some time to transition, so use it.  Let your husband do all the parenting on the weekends and support him by helping out with housework and cooking.  Talk over his choices every evening and try and share your parenting strategies with him. Then let go-it is hard but he will be a better father for having this experience.  Girls gain something different from their fathers that is important. 

  

I'll tell you about my first baby.  I was a middle child in a big family. My youngest brother was born when I was in my teens so I knew all I needed about baby care. My husband was the youngest in his family and had never even changed a diaper before.  When we had our daughter, I was nursing her and I was the bossy "expert" parent.  My husband and I both took time off for her but I didn't let him do much. 

  

Then I got really sick and I was in the hospital for almost three months. He was alone with a new born.  When I finally got home, they were this tight little team. I didn't even know how to feed her.  I had to elbow my way back in from the outside.  My husband has been a better, more confident father ever since and I have learned to include him more graciously :) 

I got a phone call this morning. I start my new job on Monday April 3rd!! My husband currently works afternoons. Thanks for the advice. I will definately encourage his fatherly duties on the weekends. I didn't mention it before but we have had custody of my husband's first son since he was 2. He is now 11. So my husband knows what to expect. I guess with me starting on Monday I'll have less time to worry about the what if's. Thanks again, I'll keep you up to date.
 
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March 29, 2006, 11:04 pm CST

This might help

Quote From: austin7

I have a 9 year old that isn't able to always write down his homework or forgets a book or worksheet. I'm running out of ideas to try and help him remember his homework. Last year it was so bad that I would go to school before he was let out and made sure he had all of his homework written down and all the material he needed. I've tried the follow: 

Notepads in his folder 

3x5 card on his backpack 

Taken video game time away 

Not allowed him to go to his karate classes 

Grounded from playing outside 

  

We have spoken to him about the importance of taking responsibility for his homework. We've explained to him that remembering his homework is part of him learning to become a responsible adult and this is a life skill he needs to improve on.  

  

We've ran out of ideas and any help it greatly appreciated. 

  

  

Thanks 

We had the same problem with our 11 yr. old. I was so aggrivated. It seemed like everything we threatened he didn't even care. So our most recent attempt we reversed the tables. We told him that HE was in control of his playstation time.......If he was responsible enough to bring home his planner completely filled out and bring home every assignment that was in the planner so we could go over it together then he would be allowed to play his playstation for one hour each night. If he forgot even one thing, he would lose his playstation time. Amazingly enough because we worded it that he was "in control" he has not missed one night of assignments or playstation. We all win!! He even got an A on his science test this week. Please try our approach and see if it works...........what do you have to lose?!? 
 
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September 8, 2007, 9:19 pm CDT

How do I get him to trust me again?

5 years ago on my 30th birthday my husband thought he had caught me messing around with another guy.  Such was not the case.  He let his imagination get the best of him.  He escalated a situation that was very simple into something way crazy.  He packed my things for me and kicked me out for a day.  Then called me begging me back. So I took him back because I loved him then as I do now.  We now have a beautiful 3 yr. old son together and we have been married for 8 and a half yrs.  To this day he still insists that I had an affair(which I did not).  I am not allowed to go out with friends,  I have to call home on all my breaks and lunches,  he doesn't want me sitting with any of my co-workers at lunch or break.  In the last year he has cut me off from my girlfriend across the street. I can in no way contact her or he threatenes divorce.  I absolutely love my job and I never miss a day.  My job is the only outside communication I have with the world. Recently he started working where I do, but on different shifts. So now he sees all the people that I have informed him of.  I have kept him informed of everything that goes on at work so he will never think I am hiding anything. What a good wife...right? or not? Today one of my co-workers was leaving to take a job somewhere else.  All of us on my crew were to go to the bar for a quick drink to say goodbye and keep in touch , yadda yadda yadda, to show our appreciation for having met and worked with this guy.  He has been an inspiration to us all with his weight loss in the last year( he lost 134 lbs since last November...wow!) we are all so proud of him. He is very married and speaks of his lovely wife often. ............long story short, I really wanted to go and had made arrangements and everything and my husband FORBID me to go and said if I did i would be signing my divorce papers by the end of the month.  What do I do to get him to get over the alleged affair he 'thinks' I had? He is making my life absolutely miserable. He has shown me no affection ( hugs and kisses just because) in almost 5 years.  I need this kind of love not just sex.  What can I do to fix this??? 
 
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September 14, 2007, 4:30 am CDT

Thanks!

Quote From: jaimie1974

Oh my goodness, how can you live like this everyday? Do you feel isolated and cut off from the world? I was in a marriage where my husband kept me isolated and cut off from the world, it happened so gradual that I didnt even really notice at the time. He also drove off any friendships that I had; calling the girlfriends that I hung out with whores and other terrible names, inferring that if I was to hang out with them, that I was a whore, too. He convinced me that my family was terrible and that they were trying to set me up for failure; he totally convinced me that false was true and true was false! It was crazy; he was so paranoid and scared that I would leave him; he actually made his own worst fear come true. Like you, I thought that as long as I was faithful and proved myself to him, he would come around, and he would eventually have trust and faith in me. It never happened; instead, what happened was his paranoia got worse. He would threaten to divorce me so much that I actually began to wish he really would! Long story short, our marriage ended. We tried counseling, but after the session, he was convinced that the therapist was out to get him. (she gave no indication that she didnt like him!) I think that there are many men like this out there in the world, they are very insecure; your husband doesnt believe that he is enough for you, and there is nothing you can ever do that will prove otherwise to him. Are you willing to tolerate this for the rest of your life? A healthy relationship/marriage is a balance of everything that fulfills you both; that means you both should have outside activities/hobbies/friends that bring you happiness or a sense of accomplishment. Your marriage cant be everything. You ask what can you do to fix this; perhaps professional counseling would be a good place to start. If your husband wont go, I urge you to go by yourself, for yourself. You have to start looking out for YOU, because you are important and your happiness matters! I wish you the best.
Thank you God! There really are people who respond to these boards!! Thanks so much for your response!! Are you sure we weren't married to the same guy? I have suggested counseling many times, he just says divorce would be easier. Seems like he's afraid to get told he might be wrong by the counselor. Was considering counseling for myself. He's says I'm a fruitcake. He says if I would get medicated his life would be easier. Yes it has worked to keep me numb to all his comments but it doesn't stop them from coming out of his mouth. The biggest problem I have with all of this isn't even my pain. What it this doing to my son? I try to hold back the tears in front of him. Sometimes he catches me crying or just with watery eyes. He knows somethings wrong and always asks "what  you cryin for mommy?" and says "U need stop dat." We have no right to put him thru this and it kills me as I sit here even now. My son is way more attached to me because of what he sees and what he feels is the mood of the house. When I am home he doesn't even want my husband to get him in or out of the carseat. He is everywhere I am. If I'm washing dishes... so is he, if I'm vaccuuming.....he wants to help me, If I go down to put a load of laundry in.......he goes down and helps, If I'm picking tomatoes......so is he, If i have to go to the bathroom.......so does he. If i leave to go to the store without him, he cries because he has to stay with my husband. If my son is all of these things with me.......that tells me he is also hurting too, right? We have done ok with not starting arguements right in front of him, but the voices get heightened and he always comes to my rescue if he can find us and tells his daddy " You go somewhere else!!" so we immediately drop it til later. But now it could be a good conversation just having fun and our voices get loud and he does the same thing because he thinks we're fighting because we're loud. He comes in and says "Stop your yellin" " go somewhere else."  My husband says that Dustin has ruined our marriage. i say i spend more time with Dustin because he loves me unconditionally. Dustin always wants to pretend to buy me stuff when he thinks I'm sad or after a fight with his dad. He says "how bout me buy you new corvette?" "What you fink bout dat?" And i always tell him no thankyou and that I think hugs and kisses are all i want. I always tell him hugs ad kisses make mommy feel the best of all. I'm trying to hold my marriage together for his sake, and keep fom destroying his little future at the same time  ..............................have to go ..................sobbing!
 
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September 14, 2007, 4:52 am CDT

Stay close to your oldest!!!

Quote From: stormchickie

There's some people you just can't resolve things with.My mother has controlled me all of my life until 12

years ago when I met my husband.I made bad decisions as a teen due to her drinking and physical abuse,and ended up with 3 kids by the age of 21.Because of situations that my mother created,I ended up having a nervous breakdown and she ended up with custody of my kids.

In the last 12 years,she has done anything and everything you can think of to destroy my relationship with my husband and kids.She has kept the kids from seeing me for months at a time,while telling them I just dont want to see them.She tells all of them their lucky to live with her because I am a drug addicted whore.FYI the only drugs I take are to deal with the stress she has created in my life,and they are all prescribed.She has called childrens aid on me several times over the years,alledging that myself and my husband were beating them,starving them,locking them in their room for hours(their bedroom door hasnt got a lock on it,never has),and everytime childrens aid has been to my house they found the allegations untrue,and most recently she managed to get my husband charged with abuse against the children.Now if someone out here can tell me even ONE good reason to even speak to her again I'd luv to hear it.I now cant see my kids at all,except my oldest,who is old enough by law to do what she wants.My position now is that my mother doesnt exist.I dont associate with anyone that even knows her.And guess what??My life? One helluva lot better since i dont have to deal with her toxicity on a daily basis.The bottom line is this...Dr. Phil is right,some people are just too toxic to have in your life,you dont always have to repair a relationship.

Sometimes children are the best influence on other children. Do not bad mouth your mom in front of your oldest allthough I know you've probably got days worth to let go of. Do not even waste your energy. Focus on the oldest because she will be your connection to the others. She will be the one to convince the other two when they get old enough, how you really felt about wanting and loving all of them.  Your mother i think had her feelings hurt when you were big enough to move out on your own. Did she work when you were little or was her only job tending to the family? Perhaps she went just a smidge overboard on wanting to feel she had a purpose in life after you were gone. So she decided she would just take over your family because her little ones were gone? and maybe she would have a second chance at being a good mom!  Seems like with all the crap she has started with the courts, someone would investigate her? Your oldest will be the best perscription the doctor ever ordered for you! Love her, absorb every moment you can with her, and word will get around at how awesome you are doing. Soon the other two will want to be back home as well. Keep your chin up and keep us informed!
 

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