Messages By: lyanna96

Don't feel bad!  A new baby is incredibly hard work whether it's your first or your fifth.  You forget what sleep used to feel like, you have no time to be with friends or family (or spouse!), and even if you found some, all you would want is SLEEP! 

You find that you are crying (or yelling) almost as much as the baby does, and you feel worse for doing it.  It feels like life will never go back to the way it was, and sometimes you feel like it is all the fault of the baby for making your life this way, or your spouse for not helping enough. 

And if that weren't enough, you have your mothers (yours and your spouse's- and probably everyone else's as well) telling you that everything you are doing is wrong and that they NEVER had that problem with their babies!  Most likely, they just don't remember it. 

But don't worry!  Everyone feels that way! 

I got through it by doing few things: 

1. telling myself again and again "It gets better... it gets better... it gets better..." 

2. talking to- my doctor and other parents with children the same age. 

3. not being too shy to ask for them to do the dishes or laundry or to watch the baby while you do it when they say "Can I help you with anything?" 

My younger is 4 months old now (and finally sleeping through the night... sometimes) and my older is 2 years old.   

It gets better... it gets better...  *smile* 

My friend (and mother of three) gave me some solid practical sense when I went to her with the same questions.  She said that: 

1. they won't let themselves starve 

2. watch them.. they'll eat healthy over the course of a few days (provided different food groups are offered) 

3. if you're still worried, a daily vitamin (children's chewables or liquid drops) won't hurt them.  My 2 year old loves her elephant-, lion-, or monkey- bite just before breakfast. 

ALSO, she told me how she fooled all three of her children with vitamin packed smoothies!  I don't know exacty what she put into them, but finding recipes for smoothies isn't hard.  All you really need is a blender.  She had her kids eating vegetables and wheat germ in strawberry or chocolate smoothie disguise.    

Also, there is a children's flavored vitamin drink "pedia-sure" that (i think) comes in vanilla and chocolate flavors.  Just add cushed ice and voila!  Instant health-full smoothie. 

Hope this helps.  If not, well at least I tried.  Ha ha! 

-Lee Ann 

2 girls, 2 yrs and 4 mos old 

Hello everyone.  I would like to quickly point something out. 

1. save all of these emails, document every instance of abuse (with names of people who were nearby witnessing as well)  

2. take it to the police. 

As adults, if someone were to hit or abuse me via phone, email, or face to face, it would be called harrassment or assault. 

In this case, the laws don't change just because "kids will be kids."   

I know this doesn't solve everything, but I know it will help some.   

I have to agree with flthomcat with a slightly different view.  

Simply stated, the son has a problem with his mother dressing and acting like an easy woman.  (Which, sadly, she just about came out and admitted.)  

Being with guys his age doesn't seem to be the issue as much as the fact that he grew more mature when he had children, but his mother regressed.  He became the adult of the family trying to reign in a dangerous act or attitude.  

Ah well.  I hope that the mother has enough skills of observation to realize that the "Britney Spears" approach doesn't empower her (or any woman of any age!), it takes all respect that others might have for her away.  If she continues, no one will want to be with her because they will think that she is cheap.  She is obviously not, but she looks like she is trying to be.  

I've never felt more embarrassed for someone else than I did for the husband in the swinger marriage.      

This woman walks up to him and says "I think you're boring, but as long as I can sleep with other guys then you can hang out with me."      !??!!    

Does anyone else want to slap this woman?  That's a nice little piece of emotional abuse.  By saying this to him (or to a few million television viewers), isn't she basically telling him that he's "not good enough" for her?  Doesn't that basically emasculate the poor guy?  And every time she convinces him to stand by and let some other guy have sex with her, she's saying it again.  

I couldn't be with anyone who thought I wasn't good enough.  It would rip me up inside.     

I hope they get some really good counselling because I agree with Dr. Phil that this is one relationship that won't last the way it is.   

Hi.    

Our 2 year old (girl) fought like cats and dogs about the potty.  For her it was a total control issue.  We stopped trying to convince her and just rewarded or punished her for going or not going.  

Now before you jump all over me about the word "punished", we are talking cold (very) wet wipes, here.  No beatings, yelling or anything.  We just made going in her diaper a very disagreeable experience.    

When she did go on the potty, we raised our arms up in the air and cheered like it was the tie breaker touchdown at the Superbowl.  The rewards were a choice of stickers or hershey kisses.  (She got 1 for peeing in the potty, and 2 for pooping in the potty- that took longer like the other kids on this board..)    

Now, our little girl is 100% potty trained... only for as long as she is 100% naked from the waist down.  

As soon as we put a pair of panties or anything on her behind, she thinks it is a diaper and ok to pee/poop in.  

Well....  we're working on it.  It's hard because we put her in a pull-up to go shopping or for naps, and it's confusing for her when we put panties on.  So she's picked out her own "pretty panties" that she doesn't want to get wet.  

That's as far as we are now.  A work in progress.  

On the plus side, she now changes her own diaper when wet or poopy (Heaven help us..!)  *laughs*  

-Lyanna96   

The first thing you need to do is to figure out why she's not going (as stated above.. ours was a "who's in charge here" issue.).  It could be any number of reasons. 

1. Attention 

2. Control- this is usually a big one just because small kids aren't really in charge of anything. 

3. Outside issues (abuse, divorce, etc.) 

4. Fear 

5. Etc. (meaning "I know there are more, but I can't think of any")  *smile* 

Then (as Dr. Phil says..) you need to find the child's "currency".  What do they like/not like? 

After that, introduce consistency.  Don't start to go without diapers for the day and then turn around and re-introduce them the next day.  It's very hard.  Some days you just don't feel like dealing with cleaning all of the wet/poopy spots around the house, but be tough.  Remember that you can get a steam cleaner for the carpets, the couch cusions are, in fact, washable... etc. 

Finally, patience.  Don't yell, or belittle the kid (it kind of bothered me a little that you told her that only babies use diapers..? But everyone has low points.  Try not to do that anymore.) 

And try, try try!  It might take a week, it might take six months, you may have to keep her home out of daycare for a week or two until she has it. 

Good luck! (and don't take anything I say as absolute gospel- just ideas.  I am not a doctor, psychologist, or a professional in any way!) 

Dr Phil!  What were you thinking?  Perhaps you were thinking about the next interview instead of this one?  Tell me that you had more to say off the air to this family!      

All you said was that the boys are going to get bigger and scarier and maybe her mother is right about her not playing...?  When you said that, I heard "Go play with dolls and bake me a pie, little girl."    

I am a female in a highly male dominated sport.  (I fight in the Society for Creative Anachronism).  To give you an idea, we re-create the middle ages much as a renaissance festival does.  We have a few armor regulations (head, neck, elbows, knees...) but we fight with heavy rattan swords (think baseball bats) and hit as hard as we can.   When I started I heard the same exact things you told this girl and I went for it anyway. I endured insults, slurs, even was refused acknowledgement that I was present.   I've had no more or less injuries than ANY OTHER fighter!   (As a matter of fact, I met my husband in a tournament where he accidentally broke my hand.)   

Now, there are more of us and we are seen, not as women, but as fighters.    

I say that if football is her passion (just as heavy list tournaments are mine), the encourage it!  If the mother is worried about her getting injured, then pad her better.    Otherwise, she will find a way to play without consent.  

I don't normally talk about my hobby (because it is so irregular and people make assumptions about me or my friends and family), but in this case, I had to speak.  

You passion is whatever it is that makes you wake up in the morning year after year and leap out of bed with excitement for the coming day.  I've found mine.  Let her have hers.  

After one of the commercial breaks when Dr Phil asked EJ "Since you're not in the hotseat..."  EJ's eyes kept sliding sideways to look directly at the camera.  

She was very much in the hotseat in her mind.  

The problem here is that there is NO right person.   

1. EJ came on the show to try to prove she wasn't (and still isn't) a bully.  

2. She was deeply concerned about how the audience saw her (I think I would be too, to tell you the truth)  

3. I think she really felt bad that Susan was still so raw about the incident.  

4. AND I believe she was lying about remembering her.  (After all, I still remember the two who became pregnant at my high school...)  

1. Susan came on the show to air her dirty laundry and get applauded for being a "survivor". (Anyone who goes on national television to talk about their problems...?)  

2. She's still very raw about the harrassment from high school.  (understandably.. I sure wouldn't mind running into a few people from high school I used to know...)   

3. She expects someone else to fix all her problems (she thought that confronting someone who knew her 30 years ago to fall on her face, scream "I did it!" and humiliate themselves in front of millions to make her feel better?  Even if EJ did abase herself for Susan's satisfaction, Susan wouldn't get anything out of it.  

4. AND if it was truly so unbearable, why didn't she try to get some kind of couselling 10, 15 or 20 years ago...?  

I'm not insensitive to either of these women.  The first went through a horrible experience that I wouldn't wish on any mother of any age.  The other was brought on national television to be accused and condemned by millions (talk about rejection!).  

Both of these women have my sympathy, but both of these women are also wrong.  There's no black and white in the real world.  Some of us identify with one or the other of these women, but put yourself into both of their shoes.  Neither is a happy picture.  

Hi Brandy.  I've read all of your messages in this topic so far...  

It seems like mariage counselling is a great idea.  You and your husbad can't seem to agree on where the lines are and who is responsible for what, and your daughter is seeing how the two of you are arguing.    

Is she copying what she sees with you and your husband (you mentioned that she is rough with her baby sibling)  Also, how much structure is there with your daughter?  Does she know that A, B, and C will happen at certain points of the day?  Does she know that if she does something wrong then she will have to sit in time out for a certain amount of time or whatever?  

How much is your marriage issue infringing on your parenting with your daughter?  

These are just some of the things you need to think/ask about.  

I hope that things work out for you and your family.