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Messages By: lyanna96

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November 11, 2005, 9:42 am PST

Not so trapped

Quote From: rosieann69

  

  

Our 32 year old son has returned to live with us 3 times now. This time he has been here for 4 years and will not leave. When we try to confront him he blames us for not sending him to College for an education (We did send him to a computer school , at his request , when he graduated from H.S.) 

  

Four years ago he was burned out on his job , from working up to 90 hours a week. He said he just wanted to crash at home for a few weeks before he went to College for a degree and earn some decent money. He had been making $20-$30  an hour , and briliant at what he did, GPS surveying ,in the field and on the computer. 

  

He must have accumulated a bit of savings ,b/c he has been living on that money , alone.He has never told us his finances but we get the impression he is just now running out of money. He feels he is not mooching off us. He freely eats our food , uses our electricity and uses anything else we have available. 

  

He has told family and friends that we OWE him big time, and that he will leave soon and go to College when he is ready. And if we try to push him out  before he's ready, he will make our life miserable. He has been saying he is going to college for 4 years now and has not put any wheels in motion. 

  

Presently, he sleeps during the day and stays up all night ,sometimes keeping me and my husband awake at all hours. When he's up during the day , he hogs the internet and the phone line. He's causing alot of friction between my husband and myself.  

  

He can be helpful on occassion but for the most part does not lift a finger to help with anyting. He can be very disrespectful and nasty to talk to . He refuses to pay anything towards electricity or any household expense. We cannot confront him about moving on with his life b/c he blows up and threatens us with influencing his brother to never allow us to see our only grandson again. 

  

We feel like our hands our tied. We'd love to send him to school but my husband is about to retire, and neither one of us is in good health. We just don't have the money , to do it.  

  

What should we do ? 

  

Feeling trapped 

You are obviously some of the sweetest parents! 

  

But it looks like your son has taken advantage of it.  At $20 to $30 an hour (That's about $40k to $65K annually) He can darn well afford to not live with you. 

  

Unfortunately, you're going to have to take some serious action.  If you can't talk to him (and I would be afraid, too) then talk to a lawyer and have him formally evicted.  Change the locks, change your phone number. 

  

OR  

  

Move all of his things out when he is out for the day.   Put it into storage and pay the first month.  Then change the locks and change your phone number. 

  

If you are truly afraid he will do something truly scary, call the police and ask them for help.  They can even come over and supervise things when you finally get him out.  (The eviction notice is a big help here...) 

  

There is no reason why you should have to be afraid in your own home. 

 
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November 20, 2005, 4:56 am PST

I'd hire her...

Quote From: sbell574

Becky is looking for a job.   I think that if you hired her, it would be money well spent. 

As a trucker or janitor, but all of the truckers and janitors I've ever known have more class. 

  

There's nothing wrong with Becky as long as she hangs out with like minded people.  (And I know a few who she'd love to be with.)  Obviously her family is NOT like minded (and neither am I).  She comes off as trashy, selfish, trashy, rude, and trashy.  I think I mentioned trashy?   

  

I thought that her "I got the promotion" thing was funny, but she said that she does it at EVERY birthday party.  Ok, once is hilarious, twice still funny, but when you can time it down to the second?  Start the eyes rolling. 

  

There's a limit.  She knows what it is but chooses to go beyond it.  

  

She says she doesn't care what people think, but from having been there myself, I know that she cares a lot.  If she honestly didn't care about what people think she wouldn't continue to try to get their attention (with frosting for example).  She would just go her own way. 

  

The people who says she's a breath of fresh air wouldn't find her so fresh when they have to deal with her day after day.   She's a lively diversion from reality for her 15 minutes of fame, but after  they're done laughing at her, people continue on their way with friends who love them and respect them, not ones who treat them like garbage and think it's funny. (Cue the husbands...) 

  

I feel so bad that she's going through this now instead of her teens or twenties when people just expect it of a person and are more lenient about these things. 

  

I hope that she can work things out without losing her family. 

  

  

 

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