Messages By: cvelvet

  If Stacy's daughter was being abused, sexually or
physically, her demeanor and self-esteem would not have exuberated
such confidence and prompt responses.

Not true. I know I carried myself very well when I was in the midst of my abuse as a child. Everyone has their own way of coping & it is absolutely not unheard of for an abused individual to carry themselves well & very convincingly... even in the eye of "experts". Children will lie for the attackers especially if they're their parents.

 Christy feared for the well-being of children and pregnant mothers,
but turned her in for fraud?

Al Capone was imprisoned for tax fraud. Sometimes you have to go where you can to bring about a change.

WRT the computer, it happens. Investigators & even DAs are not perfect. It absolutely irks me when they are seen as doing no wrong on this show. It is not unheard of or even rare that people are wrongly found guilty or even innocent. Social Services, police & attorneys do make mistakes & get things wrong.

My ex had multiple affairs online and IRL.  He got into porn, forced me to watch the human-animal sex video he loved, and left it out for our small boys to find.  That was the last straw.  I left him and moved in with a woman.  He threatened to take the kids, and I produced hard copies of his online sex sessions, among other things, and he backed off.  I knew more about computers than he did, and I made sure I used that knowledge to ensure that my kids were kept OUT of it.  I refused to allow a custody battle to start.  After he found out what I had on him, he agreed to keep the kids out of it and things went much more smoothly.  I got a lawyer to work things out so that my ex was pretty much forced to see the kids at least every other weekend.  (I grew up without my father in my life, and I'd be damned if I was going to allow my ex to be the kind of weasle my father was.)  Had I not forced him to see his kids, he would have found excuses to spend all his time with his stripper girlfriend (a drug addict/alcoholic) and none with his children.  I did make it clear that he wasn't to allow porn anywhere near my kids, because if I found out he did, he'd regret it.  I wasn't angry or cruel, just firm in holding to my decisions (for a change).  He finally agreed that the kids had to be kept as secure and settled as possible.

Our divorce was final on October 22, 2000.  He died in a car accident on December 7, 2000.  There were no skid marks.  One of his friends insists it was suicide.

My youngest son once said that if I hadn't left his daddy he'd still be alive.  I was a wreck for weeks after that.  He was right.

So, did I do the right thing?  My kids were in danger of being exposed to porn and an abusive father (he hit our youngest on the side of the head and controlled me tightly, in addition to repeatedly accusing me of cheating on him  - which I never did - and physically restraining me for his own purposes).  What might have happened if I'd stayed with him?  Would he have carried through on the threats he made to me?  Would I have been dead instead of him?  Was my leaving him a selfish act on my part?

I don't know the answers to any of those questions.  The fifth anniversary of his death was last December, and I began a long downward emotional spiral that ultimately led to my quitting my job and walking out in tears (with incredibly painful stomach cramps).  I still have no job and my kids are back on Medicaid.  Taking handouts is painful for me, but I don't know what else to do.  So much is going on inside that I can't even begin to get a handle on any of it. 

My fear is that I killed him, but what else was I to do to protect my kids??  I had to get them away from him on a day-to-day basis and try to make sure that his weekend time with them was porn-free.  I had to protect my kids.  I always fall back on that line.  Is it an excuse for selfishness?  Was I stupid to try to make sure he stayed in their lives on a limited basis? 

I don't know.  I started this post to just sort of put in my two cents' worth and it's ended up being a source of frustration and depression and guilt.  Methinks it's time to go.

I feel for all those who've been cheated on....

Valoren

I'm surprised that you feel the need to attack someone whose opinion is just different from your own. 

No one is perfect and even the most qualified person can get something wrong. Perhaps you need to show more respect for those who disagree with you and with Dr. Phil. We all have the right to our opinion and you sound very bullying just because someone disagreed with Dr. Phil.

I felt that Dr. Phil's show made an unwarranted attack upon a DIL who had been trying to set reasonable boundaries with a MIL who was hysterical, demanding, and accusing. Is there not something about throwing stones that we all need to remember here? Its not easy to sit calmly while someone like Dr. Phil calls you a bully and the audience claps and all you did was try to set reasonable boundaries up... Dr. Phil showed no evidence whatsoever of the DIL doing anything other than be reasonable and then, escaping an intolerable situation.

Maybe the person you attacked so meanly is wrong and maybe I am wrong too, but we are fully entitled to express our different opinion. Based upon what I saw in the show, the DIL was the real victim and Dr. Phil missed the call. :)  

Do women have to get hysterical and emotional to get sympathy or to be heard on national television?

Like many of you, I have my share of MIL problems and have been blamed from time to time for destroying our family. 

In this case, however, I sympathise with the MIL.  The reason is that I could see how the daughter-in-law was enjoying her pain.  To me, Deanna's reactions didn't seem to come from a place of anger for being mistreated, but out of calculated coldness, and sadistic enjoyment.  Also, didn't anyone notice that the MIL was willing to do what she could to repair the relationship but the DIL refused and set unrealistic expectations for the MIL?  In my case, I would be more than willing to sit down with a mediator, my husband and my MIL to resolve any issues so we could go on as a family.  I'm not saying that I haven't been hurt/angered by my MIL (she excommunicated us from the family when my first child, my son was born and hasn't even seen him, yet blames me for this - also she lies and slanders me to others in the community), but to think of an opportunity to get real with her and resolve the tension, this would be a great opportunity.  Deanna, however, was not willing to work on anything or admit to anything she had done (including physically attacking the MIL).  She would not offer an opportunity for her MIL to be involved at all with her children and so she is obviously the saboteur.  Yes, the MIL was a reactionary, emotional type person, but that doesn't necessarily mean she was using this to cover her calculating, manipulative side.  When someone is hurt, it doesn't necessarily mean they are "playing the victim", they may well be being victimised, right?  I think there is something very unsettling about this woman Deanna, and would like to see a follow-up of this show, if at all possible.

My guess is that Deanna enjoys rivalry with other females.  It was mentioned that she laughed when her mother died.  Perhaps her mother was a very cold woman as well.  When she talked about maintaining a close relationship with her son's father with such moral superiority, I was guessing that there is likely another woman involved on that side (a step mother) who Deanna likely enjoys bullying as well, given her 'power' as the biological mother.  Maintaining close ties with her son's father would make sense in this case, while excommunicating her husband's mother would as well.  This is just a stab in the dark as I am not psychic but tend to be relatively good at profiling.  At any rate, Deanna seemed to enjoy her husband's mother's pain as if it was for sport.

I would love to talk with you.  I am a mother that sounds like I'm in the same position as your father.  And I just want to tell you that you have every right to contact and talk to your father!  Do not feel guilty!!  Love and be loved!  It is not your problem that your mother can not handle the relationship between you and your father, but it's not hers, it's YOURS. YOU choose what to do with it!! 

A LOVING ALIENATED MOM