Messages By: joline

I have done all I can do from my side. explained how it makes me feel, 

begged him , pleaded, threatened to kill myself or walk away you name it I tried it . 

he started @ age 18 we met about 9 years later and he then hid it from me . his good at hiding things from me and it hurts so bad . 

 I can't have any more kids. I only have 2 with him . the eldest is from a previously relationship. 

Sorry if I sound judgmental. I'm not . I'm just really hurting. 

so , seams like you don't want to talk to me any more well, OK. 

I gotta go any way. but before I do . Thank you for listening to me and for the advice. 

I hope I get the pleasure again soon. it felt good to have an ear for a change. 

have a good weekend. 

 in the lovely , sunny RSA. 

Thanks for the offer . It gets realy lonely here. all his friends  

say your not a man if you don't watch porn or let your wife tell you what to do. 

thats the wonderful way of the Boer. 

the wives place is to shut up , obey and jump at any command that he gives. 

you dare not speak your mind or your a disgrace to your hubby. 

they don't care if his one to you or not. 

my hubby is 100% Boer and me , well I'm 50 % that and 50 % English. 

and that doesn't make a good pare . 

I really do love him but the trust is gone and as you say . I do hate him at the same time.. 

I have learned the hard way that its possible to love & hate 1 person at the same time 

thats all its about for you men its not ? 

you'd rather rip your partners heart out tear it apart and destroy her whole  

being then just buy a punching bag and get rid of stress that way , hey ? 

typical!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

any way it ain't about stress at all , you all just can't admit that you have an addiction . 

you say we want you to be a rock . well, thats not what  we want ,thats what you want.!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

all of you are so scared that your dear old ego should ever be damaged that you never  

stop to think about the damage you do to the one person you supposedly love with your life. 

 so then you tell me ; if you love your partners so much , how come you men just can't wait to break them down and destroy them ??????????? 

ALL MEN ARE THE SAME !!!!!!!!!!!! 

YES THATS SA! we have a voice but our men seam to try teir best to suppress it ! 

not a lot of fun hey ? 

any way better go will chat again on monday or so. 

THANX !!! 

I get what you are saying but at least 3 of my close friends are going through the same and all of the men give the same old argument. if he can shed light then fine I'll be all too happy to finally understand ! they say we are the more complex of the sexes but they totally understate them selves. 

all I ever wanted is some one to love me as is and to be trust worthy and faithful. and I got the opposite. 

I didn't mean ti offend any one just trying to get to the real reason men can live without their wives but not without porn. 

so to whom ever took offense of what I said earlier on , I am truly sorry. 

about the things I said to you !Its not your fault that people  here are close minded ! 

they say there's peace in my country and all are so pleased about us being accepted in the rest of the world. I have never been a racist . in fact I'm very sad  as my best friend for the last 8 years , the only one I could trust and talk to , was black . and now she's gone . she died last Sunday by me and I discovered her body so I'm not a happy chappy right now. My hubby's addiction is just that a attitude that needs adjustment. His male friends think your not a man if you don't do it. 

they don't care if they hurt their wives or not ! mine wasn't like that until they got hold of him ! 

they believe how can some thing you can't touch affect you marriage? 

well, it does !!! his friends aren't shy of their problem. but when they brag you can see the hurt in their wives faces. they just don't care !!!and they brag about their fantasies that they force their wives into actualizing. luckily mine hasn't gone that far yet ! 

once again sorry for attacking you and please if you have any advice please feel free to give it. 

I'm desperate to save whats left of my marriage. 

woman have equal rights here and can do every thing men do. but its peoples mind frames that put the limit here. the Afrikaners are raised that the men are the boss and the woman must obey no matter what . even if he is unreasonable. my mom taught me to never let a man sit on my head and to be my own person .to stand up for what I know is right and believe me I do no matter what it costs. 

but his friends put me down and can't accept me for who I am. and only now is he starting to support me on that one usually they would degrade me 'cause of that and he'd leave them to it but now he is starting to stand up for me and by me. 

but the Afrikaners believes are still very strong . 

she was visiting me . and I discovered her in the one bedroom ! 

she had cancer. no one knew how far the cancer was as she didn't have a medical aid and in this country if you don't have that your as good as dead ! the government hospitals don't care about the patients  and they are in a terrible state. 

the private hospitals if you don't have a medical aid you must pay upfront . and that can cost any thing from R1500,00 per day witch roughly works out  9750 US dollars per day ! and thats at a cheaper hospital then most.  

the last few days (since Friday ) have been so interesting to me. 

I never knew that the problems I'm having are just as concerning every where els ! 

what is the whole idea any way ; how come we always have to be better then others ? 

every time I see family its the same thing over and over again. always having to prove  

your self to every one . I mean what for ? they're no better then the rest of us any way ? they might seem to be but at the end of the day they all have problems . they all have flaws - they just seem to cover them up better. the only person that really matters is your self . you are working hard at what you have and trying to make a difference in life and all of you are . I have gotten some very good advice from you all. and I don't feel so alone any more. and its all 'cause of you.  

thanks a lot !!!