Messages By: jennylee

Grant, I was married to a man like you, now I'm divorced. I tried so hard to live up to his expectations, but no matter what I did it was never good enough. Can Kelly every live up to your expectations? Can anyone? Should they? You know the sad thing, I thought I hated my husband when I left, sad truth was I still love him, I just can't live with him. I can't wake up every morning knowing I won't be good enough for him again today. I got so tired. I was married for 11 years. My ex-husband also showed me how to vacuum, and everything else in a perfect manner. Grant do you come from an alcoholic home? Or an abusive home that you need to feel in control of your life so much? Grant I hope you figure things out, for your own peace and for Kelly' s and your children's. My daughter has to now put up with her father's expectations. She feels she will never be good enough for him. I have been divorced for 11 years, I date a gentleman, but I don't know if I can ever marry again. Because of my ex-husband's ridicule I still don't want to be in the kitchen, I use to cook, but when I couldn't do anything good enough, I finally quit trying. When you love someone so much, and you try to please them so hard, and you've spent most of your day trying to have things perfect, and you are filled with pride because you know you did good and they are going to be so proud of you. When they walk in and they notice one single thing you didn't do, and that is what they focus on, your shoulders drop, you feel worthless, you feel like you will never be enough. But it isn't you, Kelly, you try and Grant should be happy and proud of you for all of your accomplishments. The man I date now, I do know I'm enough. I may not clean things perfect, but he loves me for me, not for how clean the house is. It feels like a weight is lifted off of me. Grant, don't become a weight, dragging your beautiful wife down. Accept her and let her know she is enough, just because she is Kelly. Let her know how much you appreciate all of the things she does for you and you kids! And, Kelly, don't beat yourself up so hard. Before my husband and I decided to get a divorce we went to counselling. On our first visit she wanted to work with us individually also. Just as your husband came on the show to "fix" you; my then husband told the counsellor, he didn't need counselling, I was the on with the problem not him. She needed to fix me. After a year of therapy my husband asked her if she thought we should stay together or get divorced. She said divorce. I couldn't believe it, later on as I continued therapy I asked her, how did you know. Her statement has stayed with me always. She said, I knew because he saw the problem was only with you. It takes two to make a relationship work and he felt he didn't need to improve, that it was all you. As long as he continued feeling that way a sucessful marriage would never happen. He assumed no responsibility, it was all of my fault. I will say a little prayer for you, and I hope things will work out for you, and Grant I hope the light bulb comes on so you understand better.

Are you married? If so for how long? Do you have children? Does your husband criticize the things you do? Sorry, but in about 15 years you will look back at this and laugh about how stupid you behaved, I hope.

Jason, I used to be married to a man like you, I've been divorced for over 10 years. He also called me a fat, a**, lazy, B, when I was pregnant with his child, that he really wanted, and I was on medication for seizure disorder. Back then, they put me on Phenobarbital which made me very sleepy plus I was pregnant. Dr. Phil is right about women's memories. I never forgot that moment, never. A part of my respect for him died that day. And Terry I think you are right, no matter what you do, it isn't going to be good enough or the right thing. I think Jason must be a brother to my ex. Everytime I had my hair cut or styled different he would look at me and snicker like, that looks pretty stupid. And weight, yep, that too. I weighed about 115 when we got married. That wasn't good enough. 109 wasn't good enough. Finally, I realized I would never please him no matter how much I tried, and I left. It was hard, and I think we both still love each other, but we moved on. He is re-married with another child. And I'm still single but a lot stronger. And what I thought was hate for my ex, was really a lot of built up resentment. Jason, what you are doing isn't helping, is it??????????? Admire your wife, love her, appreciate the little things she does, look for those things. Terrie I also had a good job where people trusted me. But when I came in that door at night, I was treated as if I couldn't do a damn thing right, and for a long, long, time I believed it. I finally got tired of not being enough. Jason and Terrie I hope you take the help Dr. Phil has to offer. But, take it seriously. We had a very good counsellor, but after a year she said, it won't work. Because my husband only wanted to look at me, and not himself. I was the one with the "problems" not him. Why did he need help. What my counsellor said later when he remarried was, you just stay by yourself and get your self right, by the time you find the right, respectful, loving man to settle down with again, your ex will be going through his second divorce. God bless you both, I know where you are right now, I know where you can go, but I hope and pray you work it out and stick together!

Jason, I used to be married to a man like you, I've been divorced for over 10 years. He also called me a fat, a**, lazy, B, when I was pregnant with his child, that he really wanted, and I was on medication for seizure disorder. Back then, they put me on Phenobarbital which made me very sleepy plus I was pregnant. Dr. Phil is right about women's memories. I never forgot that moment, never. A part of my respect for him died that day. And Terry I think you are right, no matter what you do, it isn't going to be good enough or the right thing. I think Jason must be a brother to my ex. Everytime I had my hair cut or styled different he would look at me and snicker like, that looks pretty stupid. And weight, yep, that too. I weighed about 115 when we got married. That wasn't good enough. 109 wasn't good enough. Finally, I realized I would never please him no matter how much I tried, and I left. It was hard, and I think we both still love each other, but we moved on. He is re-married with another child. And I'm still single but a lot stronger. And what I thought was hate for my ex, was really a lot of built up resentment. Jason, what you are doing isn't helping, is it??????????? Admire your wife, love her, appreciate the little things she does, look for those things. Terrie I also had a good job where people trusted me. But when I came in that door at night, I was treated as if I couldn't do a damn thing right, and for a long, long, time I believed it. I finally got tired of not being enough. Jason and Terrie I hope you take the help Dr. Phil has to offer. But, take it seriously. We had a very good counsellor, but after a year she said, it won't work. Because my husband only wanted to look at me, and not himself. I was the one with the "problems" not him. Why did he need help. What my counsellor said later when he remarried was, you just stay by yourself and get your self right, by the time you find the right, respectful, loving man to settle down with again, your ex will be going through his second divorce. God bless you both, I know where you are right now, I know where you can go, but I hope and pray you work it out and stick together!

I use to be the same way. When I was married there were several burgleries in are area, and I was so terrified, I would get up in the middle of the night and just stand in the hall, listening. When my husband went away on a business trip, I went and stayed with my parents. But, a few years later when I left my husband and moved out on my own, I felt safe, it was weird. A large storm came through town, I heard something hit the side of the house, heard it and went back to sleep, I didn't even get out of bed. I still dream about trying the doors not locking, but I'm usually worried about my mom. I hope you can overcome it as easily as I did. I don't even know how I did it. It was weird. I hope and pray you'll resolve this so that you live your live and sleep with less fear and more fun!!!

I understand, that people may need a place to vent and to talk with other women, but I don't believe the other person's real name should be used. There are always two sides to a story, I don't care who you are, Tasha you would work well for one of those rag, magazines that makes things up as they go along. You seem like a very attractive woman, but you don't know how to listen, you cut off everyone that said anything to you. When you are talking you are not listening. Yes, the gentleman did it also, but not nearly as much as you. Tasha you could do so much better with your life and energy. Still help people, without hurting the other people. Revenge just is not healthy! Writing and talking is good to do about hurt feelings, but it isn't necessary to put that person's name all over the place and destroy their life. Tasha, you better hope you don't have no skeletons in the closet. Maybe one of your old boyfriends will see you on the show today, and key into your website how awful you were in bed or some disgusting thing about some very private thing about you. And that may be just his opinion. Oh, never mind, you could edit that out if it was about you. Everyone else must tolerate your cold, uncaring, unhealthy, crap. Personally, I've done some things I'm not proud of, long before there was ever a web site. We usually all make mistakes, I guess except maybe you. Awh, it must be nice to be so perfect. Yes, I'm being sarcastic. I hope you lose your court case, later Miss Perfect!

Yes, Maria made a mistake, I can imagine there was a time where she wasn't sure whose child she was going to have.

Then there was the father (not bio) who did chose the wrong way of handling telling this information to Selina in such a manner, and then leaving her behind. He had no emotions when he did this to her. She was just thrown to the curb, how terrible.

What I noticed in the show was Maria knowing she had done wrong, but what can you do about the past now? The not bio dad Enricke. He says he realizes he made a mistake how he handled, he can't change what he did in the past.

Then there is Mia his new wife. She is still mad, and doesn't have any sad feelings for what Selina has gone through (I don't think). She doesn't seem to get it. I think she got her husband all wound up, and with her backing & support this is how he handled the situation. She doesn't seem very compasionate about a child's feelings whatsoever. Her feelings are now. They are today. And I think they will continue in the future. She is a thorn in the future of her husband. This woman likes trouble, drama and turmoil. Just my opinion.

Oh, and Salina (not sure how to spell) beautiful, adorable, how he could pull away from her, makes me wonder if the man has a heart?

Kevin your anger may seem that it is brought on by your wife, but if the traffic makes you drive crazier, guess what that isn't her fault. I think your anger doesn't have anything to do with her. She might bring it to the surface faster, like a driver that makes you mad quickly, but you need major help with anger issues.

Heather, you almost seemed like you enjoyed naming off the list of things he has done to you. He has done this, and this and this. Do you want us to feel sorry for you, do you want us to say wow what a woman you are that you are still there. You enjoy the attention you get from people listening to your horror stories.

Heather and Kevin, I have been your daughter. I grew up in a household very much like yours. And I can remember my parents bumping into my crib arguing. Please get help for your daughters sake. Both of you! Because BOTH of you NEED HELP. Do it for your daughter. Her future, her self esteem, her health depends on it. Trust me. Been there. Good luck.