Messages By: jennylee

Dr. Phil you asked for people to voice their opinions on this so...... As for as the young girl that took her life. I'm from Missouri and first of all I want to say to the family, I'm so sorry for this tremendous loss. You have my deepest sympathy. I have a daughter also she is now eighteen. She was also made fun of at school for her weight. I found a poem that she wrote about being lonely and about people making fun of her. She got involved with sports with a tiny bit of encouragement from me in fifth grade, that helped with her confidence a little, and later when we had problems with her I took her to counseling to help her to deal with people that didn't make her feel good about her self which included her own father who is a bully, and I went to her therapist to find out what I needed to do to be a better parent for her in her situation. What I needed to be doing and stop doing. I'm not saying this for the family that has lost their daughter, so much as for the families that have problems with their children now. My daughter suffered from depression, but now is much better and not on any medication. She has learned the proper techniques how to handle her father and others like him and that makes a HUGE difference.

Perhaps there should be a class taught at schools, "Only You Allow Yourself To Take Crap From a Bully" .

My eighteen year old doesn't see how the woman that put the sight together and pretended to be someone else can be held responsible. Then she wanted to know what I thought.

I think anytime an adult impersonates someone else in order to manipulate, control, investigate (for no legitimate reason), mentally abuse and verbally abuse a child under the age of 18, that so called adult should be prosecuted.

On the other hand, I believe this girl was in a very bad place in her life. She needed help badly. Did this event push her over the edge. Yes, of course it did. But I'm sorry, I'm wondering if something later on would of triggered this. Bullys are going to exist, they don't go away. I just had to work with a new one last week. They just keep showing up. Somehow we need to learn to deal with them.

The guy that plays games on the computer that has his family threatened. Sorry for me that was a no brainer. Maybe I'm a wimp, or maybe my daughter means a hell of a lot more to me then some stupid game on a computer. If I went into anyplace on the computer where I felt uncomfortable, it is real simple, I DON'T GO BACK!

One more thing for the woman that found it necessary to set up a web site, set up a fictitious profile, and chat to find out what a teen is saying about your daughter. Sad, just plain sad. She never grew up. What she thought she was doing by helping, was just plain nuts, I would say she needs major help with issues. I'm sorry for her kid or kids. I'm sure they are suffering too.

Lisa I'm sorry you are going through all you are going through, but a saying someone sent to me comes to mind. If you argue with an idiot be careful, they might not know who the idiot is. I think you have valid reasons for being upset and I think your mom has problems. Your are so upset you are letting her control you even more and you are not listening and yelling back which is making you like her. Your poor son. You can only control yourself, you somehow have to learn to not let her get to you for you and your son's sake. Try reading, "Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome, Breaking the Ties that Bind", I may be wrong, but I think you might find some of your mother's behavior in this book. And guess what it is considered a Mental illness. Surprised?

My daughter 19 and myself sat down to watch the show together, which we seldom get to do and what we got to see was my ex-husband and her father. Dr. Phil is so right about him, its not about the wife, he is looking for anyone to control. He can blame it on being a city boy, ha. My husband was a country boy and every bit as bad as him. It kept getting worse, I left after 11 years of marriage. Now he is doing exactly what he did to me to our daughter. Just a month ago he told her over the phone he always knew her mother was a f** b** but he didn't know she was. My daughter has been through too much because of his issues. I am so sorry that I picked the wrong man to have a child with and to be a father to her.
This man needs major help. But I think he will be an abuser for life. When I told my ex- after 12 years of being divorced he couldn't talk to our daughter that way he told me, it was his daughter he could talk to her anyway he wanted. Needless to say, right now my daughter is having trouble wanting to see him or speak to him. There relationship is failing. And he calls me and ask me to have her call him.

And me I needed a great therapist to help me see how far down he put me. I had no where to go but to come up swinging. I had my fill, I couldn't fight everyday about nothing anymore. I didn't even want to be with a man who called me a 130 fat ass lazy b. I couldn't give myself to him anymore. I also would hide food just so I wouldn't get the rolling eyes. This was years before Dr. Phil, or I probably would have left sooner. Because at the time when I left I didn't even know I was really being abused. He said it was all me, he told the counselor I needed to fix me so our marriage could stay together. Sound like the guy yesterday. Yep, rewind my life and you have the couple from yesterday.

To the wife you are in control of how someone treats you, that is hard to believe and even harder to put into practice. Especially when you aren't use to living that way. Depends on how you were brought up how your parents treated you, how well you respect yourself. Get a great therapist and keep going, it is going to take awhile to get your self esteem back. You can do it!!!! And most importantly you deserve it!!!!!! And more importantly your children need to move out of that environment and at least have you as a positive role model!!!!!
As Dr. Phil said your husband will break your children's spirit. I've seen my ex- break my daughters. No one has the right to do that especially a parent! May God be with both of you and with your children!

Parental Alienation Breaking The Ties That Bind is a good book written by Amy Baker to help understand some of these issues. It looks at the actual lives of children, now adults that were alienated by one parent. How the child, now adult handles the pas, the children's view point.

If the one family makes it so tough you will give up I've had someone close to me give up because he couldn't handle it emotionally. So please hang in there, for your grandchildren! I would never expect for the parent making these rules to understand what they are doing, especially after I read the book I mentioned above. Its a sickness. As I'm sure sometimes you've said, this is crazy, they are only hurting the children! It seems like they only care about themselves. Please read this book, if I still had it, I'd send it to you. It helps to understand what you are dealing with and what your grandchildren will face as time goes on. To stay in their lives as much as possible is important and you seem like you are caring. As much as you abide by "the rules" they will be ever changing so that you can't. Never give up on those kids, even when it seems they don't want contact with you, I believe deep down they always do. God bless you I hope things will improve for you with more and more exposure on this subject. Thank God Dr. Phil is airing this issue! Thanks Dr. Phil!

Just wondering if Ben has ever gone back to the fair in Indianapolis or that area to see if it triggers any memories?