Messages By: thejewelfmga

In 1972, when I was 14, a carload of friends picked me up at my new home.  As I was the poorest of "poor white trash,"  I made the comment that I didn't know why my Mom chose to move into that N---shack.  As one of my black friends was sitting in the back seat, I was immediately mortified.  As I turned and apologized to him, the look of hurt on his face was branded into my heart forever.  I had terribly hurt a friend over a lousy word.  I never used it again.  As a teacher, I did not allow it in my classroom regardless of race.  As it invariably came out during each school year, I told my story hoping to share the pain and shame that word carries.

As for the "getting over it" comment that upset your guest so badly, I DO agree.  The division in our country is economical not racial.  Shoot, most blacks looked down on ME because I was white and so what was my problem that we were so poor. Also, I once shared my shame with a black female friend of mine about being fearful of telling 2 black, male teenagers to knock it off as they bounced a basketball in the road at 9:00pm.  She reassured me she TOO would have been more hesitant approaching blacks as oppossed to white, male teenagers.  Consequently, it is my absolute belief that the issue is economics and the behaviors that usually (though not always) follow with this socio-economic status that causes division in America.  Of course, some of the negative, defensive, blaming attitudes demonstrated on your show adds to this chasm.  I too get upset when I am blamed for what others did.  My ancestors were in the sharecropping fields alongside blacks, mexicans, whatever.  America, let us move forward and heal.

You have my complete, hearfelt sympathy.  My 21yo daughter had 2 surgeries within a couple weeks of each othr. She had complained of headache and nausea since the first.  I got her out of the hospital on Thursday, and she went into seizures on my LR floor Monday.  The ambulance got lost.  Every time I would touch her, she would go into another seizure.  By the time the ambulance arrived, her lips were purple from lack of O2.  In all, it took almost 30 min. to get her to the hospital.  They unplugged her 2 days later, although I begged for more time.  She had 2 children (10mos and 22mos) who had lived with me since birth.  My 2 other daughters blamed me for her death because I did not perform CPR.  I ended up loosing one daughter to death, two daughters to grief (we are estranged), both grandbabies, and my home, car, breeding dogs, etc. do to lawyer fees and no medication coverage. Everything was lost.  My health is too poor for me to develop new friends or support system.  My prognosis is 3-5 yrs.  Therefore, I sit daily and weep for ALL that was lost ---alone---waiting to die.  I do not know how to move forward even if my life expectancy was longer.  I agree with your sentiments.  A blogger above claimes she had nothing to do, but see her grandbabies.  I consider her blessed.  I would cut off my legs just to SEE my babies.  I WILL pray for you, but have no words to offer---just my empathy.  I have never believed in the adage, "Misery loves company."  Knowing someone else hurts does not make me feel better at all.  It just makes life seem more filled with pain and loss.  People encourage you to be positive.  How can you do this when ALL, ALL, ALL you had was lost and you do not have the health to be master of your own fate, or just someone to watch a TV show with even.  I don't know.  I admire your ability to deal with her illness for so many years.  Take care and God bless.