Messages By: nikann11

Todays topic about the swingers was very sad to me.  This is in no way to be justified with meeting the needs of a high sex drive.  That is something that is so precious and sacred to share with the man or woman you love.  You guys are giving yourselves away as if it means nothing, and by doing so - you have denied, belittled, betrayed and rejected one another.  When you marry you promise to love, honor and respect one another.  You take these vows before God.  To me, this is more than just a selfish act to meet a lusty need.  This is sin.     

OK,  so there are obviously some major situations when medication is required.  However, I challenge everyone on the message board to do your job as parents and research what you are giving your children.  Then make an educated decision.  The food and health industry is not on our side or even our friend.  They are making food and medication as cheap and fast as possible because it is a major source of money.   America is and always will be about "the dollar".  Most of these medications aren't even tested for long term use - or to use on children.  Yet, they are happy to give them to us, because they really don't give a damn what happens to us once we leave the office.  I think that it is a big mistake to not try the alteratives ( herbs, vitamins, minerals) before we make the decision of doing years of damage to our precious childrens bodies.    

  

Something is happening to our world.  It's very scary to me.  So much has changed from our parents generation to ours and now to our childrens.  This has not been a good change.  Autism, ADHT, learning disabilities - you name it.  It's all increased dramatically.  This is why it is very important to not trust the health industry.  We need to get back to good old home cooking - buying produce and not trusting the ingredients in anything.  There is MSG, Partially Hydroginated oils, High Fructose Corn Syrup, artificial sugar, colors and flavors.  You can't tell me that people can blindly go through life eating this crap and medicating their problems and their kids problems for years and not see bad results.  WAKE UP - enough is enough.   It's not going out on a limb to say that this is the stuff that is actually causing our chemical imbalances and depression and you name it.    That's all I have to say...  

I was at the park the other day and I literally had to take my kids home because of another set of parents who were talking so offensive that I was shocked.  They were using the F word in just about every sentence and you could tell that this was a normal thing for them.  Then a couple of days later, walking in the mall with my friend we saw several women who's boobs were almost hanging completely out.  If they had been any lower, the nipple would have been showing.  Back ends are hanging out on guys and girls.  Children as young as 11 are starting to wear g-sting underwear.  People can drink and smoke in public.  You have got to be kidding me that this is that offensive.  People can make out in public, where clothes that reveal just about everything and use what ever language they please and this is all acceptable.  However, an innocent hungry baby is not allowed to eat in public without grossing people out.  If I am out to eat with my husband enjoying my hot meal and conversation, the last thing I want to do is go sit in a bathroom stall for a half hour while my meal gets cold and my husband sits alone for the rest of his meal.  Even without a blanket you can't see anything.  Your shirt covers the boob and the baby's head covers the rest.  I should have a devine right as a mother responsible for the nurturing and care of my child to meet the needs of my baby where ever I am.  People should be supporting this.  This is such a loving and important detail of a baby's first year.  People need to change their idea of what is offensive.  This is not 

  I think that the mind set that we are seeing here from men is the last effects of the womens rights act.  I am 27 and I know that my husbands mother waited on her husbands and sons like a maid.  She only had 4 boys.  Even to this day when we go visit my husbands family, his mom makes all the meals, does all the cleaning and when everyone is done eating - they plop down in front of the TV while she does all the dishes and all with her make-up done and her high heels on.   The husbands wives however are all expected to help with the cleaning and the cooking.  I refuse to bend on this one, so I get all the dirty looks and whispering because I clean my own plate, then go plop down in front of the TV with the guys.  This generation of men are grown up and expecting the same things.  Hopefully, we can raise our children to all be on a level playing field and finally break free from the past.  I am willing to bet that any man that has these expectations had a mother like this one. 

  

Ya, a stay at home wife has responsiblities to raise her kids in a clean house.  I don't mean immaculate for the husband - I mean clean of bacteria, any choking hazard, mold and so on.  A CLEAN HOUSE.  However, a wife should not ever have to run her house according to her husbands expectations.  My husband had to really let go of the roles he learning growing up.  He now realizes that his way isn't always the only way, and to fight with me and put me down over my hair not being done and the sink not shining is knit picking and hurtful to me.   

    Everyone is different and every marriage is different.  The same things don't work for everyone.  I think that so long as you are both loving each other and are able to be yourself with each other, then the rest is just small details.  It's hard enough to just find someone that you connect with in this life.  Let's not sweat the small stuff and just enjoy and appreciate each other.   Our kids are only young once and we are only young once - we can't ever go back and do it again.  I think that we all need to chill out and just enjoy life.  We need to find out own happiness and not wait for our husbands or wives to make us happy.  If we can do that, then we will be ok. 

Quote From: chadswick

Looks like you have some issues within inside your self,   

   

Do you go to your husbands work and help him during the day? I think not. If it wasn't for your husband you would be taking care of your kids and working because I'm sure your the type of woman that would keep your kids from you husband for the sole purpose of receiving child support. So maybe you should get off your butt and stop watching TV and surfing the NET all day.   

   

If you are such a caring and loving person you would be able to look past all of this and accept your position in life. Remember your the Mommy, NOT the Daddy. So put on a nice dress and cook some muffins for your kids and you husband, and have them ready for him the next time he walks in the door.  

   

Bill Jinkens  

  

  

  

BILL,  

     MY RESPONSE TO THIS IS -  IF I WERE YOUR WIFE YOU  WOULD BE WORKING A WHOLE LOT HARDER TO AFFORD ALL THOSE CHILD SUPPORT CHECKS, THEN WE WOULD TALK OUR JOBS.  WOMEN DON'T STAY HOME BECAUSE IT'S THEIR JOB - THEY DO IT BECAUSE IT'S BETTER THAN PAYING SOMEONE ELSE TO RAISE YOUR CHILDREN.  YOU SHOULD BE SO DAMN GREATFUL TO YOUR WIFE THAT YOU KISS HER FEET EVERY NIGHT WHILE YOU THANK HER.  SHE IS RAISING YOUR CHILDREN.  SHE COULD GO OUT AND GET A JOB AND LET SOME TOTAL STRANGER AT A DAYCARE RAISE THEM.  AND BELIEVE ME, IT WOULD BE EASIER TO GO TO WORK EVERYDAY THEN DO WHAT SHE IS DOING.  SHE WILL EVENTUALLY BURN OUT AND GROW TO HATE YOU OVER THE YEARS OF BEING BELITTLED AND HELD DOWN.  THEN YOU WILL EAT ALL YOUR GENDER ROLE CRAP WHEN SHE IS LIVING LARGE ON YOUR PAYCHECKS.  SHE IS DOING YOU A SERVICE - YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE IN HER LIFE THAT CAN MEET HER NEEDS.  HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT - OR ARE YOU TO BUSY GETTING YOUR NEEDS MET?     

        I am a stay at home mother and I totally agree with you on giving each other freedom to remain themselves and keep their passions.  My husbands passion is golf and my passion is softball.  I played softball in college and have played my whole life and it's a big part of me.  He watches all of our children 2 and sometimes 3 nights a week so that I can play with my teams.  I support him as well.  I am my own free person and I never have to report to him why the dishes aren't done or report to him for anything.   

  

 I would like to say that I am so grateful to my husband.  He was laid off a few years ago and we spent a year looking for another job.  We had to move in with in-laws and literally went through hell.  He then applied with a police department out of state.  He had to go through a police academy that was just like basic trainging in the army.  What makes this so special is that he was born with club feet and they were totally turned around backwards.  He had to have several surgerys to turn them around.  The doctors he talked to told him that he would fly before he ran.  He ran 5 miles for us before it was over and he went through so much pain doing it.  We now have a beautiful home and everything because of his determination.      

  

  

     I agree that not everyone is made to be a stay at home mother.  I grew up with a working mother and father and I didn't see the effects of it.  I never had a babysitter - they just worked different shifts.  I know that some women aren't as maternal as others and some just might do more damage staying home then they would good.  They are not all patient and they don't all find it as rewarding.   

HI, 

  

    I noticed that in the background of your wedding picture on the show was a temple.  I am going to assume that you are an LDS couple - along with both holding out until marrage.  As a fellow member, I know the rules attatched to this subject, and I know that a lot of what you were told on the show is not really acceptable.   

     I want you to know that when you two are alone in a bedroom - there are no rules.  My only sex advice would be this - I would say that he can't even begin the sex part until he has mastered you first.  The actual sex does nothing.  It has to come in different ways.  Don't lie about the way anything feels and RELAX.  Try to start the evening with candle light - a shower - a message - sexy music, and then don't be afraid to get a little outside of the box.   

      I believe that we are told to stay away from a lot of things because it's danerous to addiction, but in your case I do believe it is nessesary for you to find it for yourself - with the knowledge & OK of your husband and not in secret behind his back, I really don't think that you are doing anything wrong by discovering this.  Sometimes, in this life, we have to get a little outside of the book.  A life time without knowing is a lot worse and it's not fair at all to expect you to just live with it...  As long as it's just a discovery and then that's it, I wouldn't feel guilty or ashamed at all. 

  

Good Luck   

A married man doesn't just go out and suddenly find himself in an affair.  I hate it when they say that they didn't know how it happened.  Every single thing we do starts first as a thought.  Your husband was having affairs in his heart and mind long before it happened.  I am soooo sick of men thinking that they deserve and have the right to act like A**HOLES just because they are a man and it's in their nature - "boys will be boys."  That is such a crock of SH*T.  Who ever said that boys should have special standards and special needs met just because they are men.  For some reason women are weak enough to justify to themselves that their husbands have "special needs" and because he is a man - he is above me and I have to be submissive and let it happen - because GOD forbid he ever leave me.  What would I be without him.   A LOT BETTER OFF- that's what I say.  If you walk around acting like a whipped dog, then you are going to be treated like one. 

  

If my husband even whispered a word about another woman - or exporing his "special needs", he would be exporing his options in a small apartment and I would be getting my nice child support check in the mail every month.  I am a stay at home mother of 3 children under the age of 6 and I would rather live on the street in a cardboard box then let my children watch their mother be weak.  Your husbands teach your daughters how to be treated by a man and they also teach your boys how to treat a woman.  You are doing sooo much damage to them by being submissive and allowing yourself to be walked on.  Dr. phil is right.  You teach men how to treat you.  Wake up women - you hold all the power.     

A married man doesn't just go out and suddenly find himself in an affair.  I hate it when they say that they didn't know how it happened.  Every single thing we do starts first as a thought.  Your husband was having affairs in his heart and mind long before it happened.  I am soooo sick of men thinking that they deserve and have the right to act like A**HOLES just because they are a man and it's in their nature - "boys will be boys."  That is such a crock of SH*T.  Who ever said that boys should have special standards and special needs met just because they are men.  For some reason women are weak enough to justify to themselves that their husbands have "special needs" and because he is a man - he is above me and I have to be submissive and let it happen - because GOD forbid he ever leave me.  What would I be without him.   A LOT BETTER OFF- that's what I say.  If you walk around acting like a whipped dog, then you are going to be treated like one. 

  

If my husband even whispered a word about another woman - or exporing his "special needs", he would be exporing his options in a small apartment and I would be getting my nice child support check in the mail every month.  I am a stay at home mother of 3 children under the age of 6 and I would rather live on the street in a cardboard box then let my children watch their mother be weak.  Your husbands teach your daughters how to be treated by a man and they also teach your boys how to treat a woman.  You are doing sooo much damage to them by being submissive and allowing yourself to be walked on.  Dr. phil is right.  You teach men how to treat you.  Wake up women - you hold all the power.