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Messages By: chervil

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September 5, 2005, 4:45 am CDT

Spirited Kids

I have a spirited three year old daughter, she is on the go from morning to night. Spirited and adventurous a potentially dangerous combination. I survive by planning the days in flexible way. I have a selection of activities we can do that take about twenty minutes so that she doesn't lose interest or focus, reading, baking, crafts, painting and gardening. I find if I can give her energy some direction she is less of a handful and less likely to find trouble. I try to play to her strengths and we go swimming, friends houses, the park, woodland walks, and community events. This gives her the chance to bounce round and make friends and me the chance to swap tired looks with other parents and even conversation if we can both muster the energy! I have clear boundaries relating to manners, behaviour and daily routines. A key thing to get in place is a bedtime routine, that allows some personal time to recharge. Most of all I accept that life has changed now I have a child and things may get done slower or at different times then they did before kayleigh exploded into our lives. If its a beautiful day outside forget the housework and play with your children, the dusting will still be there when its raining. xxx
 
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September 8, 2005, 1:59 am CDT

you have hope!

Quote From: snglma2

Hi there. My name is Carrie. I have a 4 year old song who just started Pre-school today( 2nd yr pre-school starts at age 3 here)  

  

My problem is he is uncontrollable at home, his father and I am divorced and he has no discipline there.  

I try to discipline him here and he throws the worst temper tantrums I have ever seen in my life. He also swears and I'm to the point by the end of the afternoon I am in tears and just waiting for him to go to sleep so I can get a break. 

  

He is NOT like this at school, and he wasn't last year either. 

  

Does anyone have a suggestion or any idea as to what I can do with him.  

  

I feel like a horrible parent and I am to the point that I am in tears every day and I can't figure out what to do with him. 

  

  

  

The fact that he is good at pre-school is a good indication that there is nothing medically responsible for his behaviour. Maybe he is angry or upset about the divorce, if he lacks the langauge to express his distress he will find other ways. Could you sit in with him for a couple of pre-school sessions and interact with him on his own turf so to speak. Take a back seat and observe the enviroment at pre- school what ideas can you copy and use at home. 

Nobody likes the prison guard, try not to overuse the wagging parental finger or raise your voice, kids learn very fast to tune it out. Instead of your will against his you need to make it a team game, its you and him against the world. Praise, no matter how small the contribution or effort made by him then gradually increase the level of effort needed to get the praise. Don't expect overnight success. You need to change what you do rather than try and change him, when you change your interaction he will still use the tools he has eg the tantrums be the imovable object tell him what the appropriate response is and only react and respond to that response.  Do not underestimate his intelligence. The tantrums work, they get your attention and when your worn out  and vunerable they get results. Get yourself some help, some good friends or family to help carry the load. check your own health, are you depressed or suffering from any type of emotional or stress disorder as a result of the divorce or lifes wear and tear. You need to take care of yourself if your going to be able to help your son. 

You have to do the hard work now, a tantrum at three is bad enough, but if he's still using anger to get what he wants into his teens your really going to be in trouble.  

You can do this his behaviour is a temporary hiccup that you can steer back on course and enjoy your son. Despite everything he loves you and he needs your help. good luck. xx 

 

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