Messages By: cati2d

I know it is not right for a man to hit on a female.  I am engaged to a man that I have been with for many years.  Just in the last 2 years he has become a man that I don't always know anymore.  He does not beat on me, but sometimes he will smack me very hard and call me names.  I have told him those names hurt more than the hits do, because they really do.  He is currently in jail because I have put him there, even though we still talk, I know he can only be the person who can change himself.  I am getting counseling and I pray that GOD will help me make the right choices that I need to do.  But it is so hard to walk away because I love him so much and I know there is a good person inside there.  I am just always confused and I know I am not the only person out there that is going through this and I know there are people out there that know how I feel and have made their choices wether they be right or wrong.

May GOD grace pertect anyone and everyone at all times.

These men don't have to be on drugs or alcohol. I was married for 17 years to one who did not use drugs or drink, but he an anger issues that destroyed our relationship early on, but I hung in there hoping things would change. These men don't change. Anger is their emotion of choice. It's how they deal with life. There is no way  you can make them respect you or create boundaries because they do not understand boundaries. In order to survive with people like this, you have to give in and give in and give in. You walk on eggshells all the time. You never know what will set these time bombs off.  They can be fine one day; horrible the next. They're inconsistency and mood swings keep you off-balance all the time. You never know what to expect.

They only care about themselves. They are selfish, self-centered, emotionaly mal-adjusted people. If you are considering marrying someone like this, turn and run the other way. If you don't, your life will be a miserable existence, and if you stay with them long enough they will destroy your spirit and you'll find yourself nothing but a shell of who you once were.

I will not be watching this show due to the fact I've had to live it for about 14 years with my own child and I can only imagine some of what will be said.  Granted we're not to the level I see on the trailer here, but one could (and does) still lump us in this area.  I have had enough judgment in my lifetime on this subject. 

My husband and I were both "born on a diet."  For some reason when we combined our gene pools we gave birth to a child that has a far harder time than we have ever had.  Since our daughter was 2 this has been a struggle.  I know in my gut something is off with this child, tho medically they'll never figure it out.  My extended family says the same.  I'm guessing at this point that what Dr. Phil doesn't cover in this show will be the frustration out here in the real world with all sorts of contributing factors.  From doctors that leave little to be desired (I could write a book on this subject alone), school lunches that are awful, next door neighbors feeding your child fattening snacks after school after listening to you cry about your worry about your childs weight.  I have had this child in one thing after another and she has been far more active than I ever was as a child.  That whole theory of "get them moving?"  Has not worked in this house.  Contrary to what more naturally thin people think, we do not live on fast food, we hardly ever go out to eat and my daughter does not lie on a couch eating Twinkies.  Food rewards are not in our lives.  She was taught years ago to never drink calories.  We've done it all right for the most part.  I have felt for years that this had to come from her and I need to impress "moderation" to see her end up winning with it in adulthood.  All doctors have agreed with the way I have approached it.  I suppose I COULD try to limit her to celery sticks daily, but I somehow get that when she gets out on her own she'll perhaps swing too far the other way due to complete denial.  If we deny a child everything they will go overboard when we're not around to deny it?  It will make it even more desirable?  This is our tightrope we live on.

Most of all I would like to say this.  While the entire focus is now on how fat our kids are?  There are basically no doable programs out there to help us with it.  Nothing geared towards children.  Having a doctor discuss adult diet tips is worth squat in this situation.  They're kids.  Paying a nutritionist $60 an hour to have my kid color veggies was absurd.  My daughter is now 16 and I find it ridiculous that I could go out tomorrow and have her under go a life threatening operation for this, yet there isn't any other sort of help really.  I know other parents that feel the exact same way I do about this area.

Anyway - before all of you jump to judge please remember that not all of us fall under whatever ignorance you see on this show.  Some of us have fought this beast the best we can for years and it's not such a simple fight. If it were?  There would not be this epidemic.  One needs to remember that while you struggle with this with your child - there is a fine line on getting a handle on it and destroying all self-esteem in the process.  Mine is currently working with a personal trainer.  That seems to be having little affect as well.  What you will see on this show?  I'd guess they are a small percentage in the whole "childhood obesity epidemic."  Most parents I know with heavy children are not horrible parents and they do try to tune into it. Part of me would like to smack Dr. Phil for doing a show that appears like this one will, and one that will do nothing more but lend to the impression that all fat kids have bad parents. 

Anyway - this is to the next mom that looks my daughter up and down with contempt.  I can assure you I know what you are thinking.  You wanted me to know it is my guess.  I completely got it after you did the long look and then felt it appropriate to shift your glance to me with a face of disgust.  I find myself praying she doesn't notice you doing it, but she probably does.  Thanks for that.  You do not walk in my shoes.  You do not walk in hers.  You know nothing of what you judge.  Please remember to have a tad bit more compassion as these things are not near as simple as everybody thinks.  Not every child that is overweight is there because of neglect, or fat, out of control parents, either.  Not every child with this problem is a looser that does nothing but sit on their butts in life.

To anybody inclined to offer me advice due to this post?  Don't bother.  I can guarantee you I've either tried it, thought of it, considered it, etc.  I'll admit it.  I'm getting really touchy about the subject due to frustration.  I have spent years feeling bad enough over this issue and don't need more help.