In 2002, my brother was killed as he stood inside a pub (there for a "19th" birthday party), by a bullet that came through the door from outside. The innocent victim of a random act of violence. It was horrific. Court was very traumatic as they were all gangsters who came out in huge numbers to intimidate the 60 eye witnesses. A week before the 2nd degree murder trial was to start, our family was just sick with anxiety. Since my brother's death we had all grown incredibly close. As the oldest, I handled the relentless media attention. I arranged my brother's funeral. I was told the graphic details and then had to tell my family. I lost my job because I was told to choose between my job or my "family responsibilities". Of course I chose my family. But its against the law to even force that on an employee. Victims of Crime Act. A jealous psycho woman in the neighborhood decided this was a good time to spread some really disgusting lies about what I had apparently said about other people. The unfortunate thing was her mother was like my best friend and like my Mom (I live 5 hours away from my family) so the relationship was instantly over yet they lived across the street. My home, became my prison of hell. If I went outside all the chatty neighbors just loved to stand there and talk about me. Pointing and all. Anyways a week before the trial, I was a nervous wreck. Everytime we were in court, we escorted by armed sheriffs back to our car. It was scary. So one week before the trial on the Sunday night, I am tucking my 12 yr old daughter in bed and she asks me what does sexually molested mean. I was shocked but maintained my composure and said it was touching inapprporiately and things like that. She then told me that she had been talking to her friend Cali and Cali had told her that Cali's grandpa had molested her mother. I know the family so I instantly figured out who was the abuser and made a mental note. I said oh my goodness that's terrible .... feeling so sorry for Cali's mom. And then my daughter says does that mean kissing too? And I said yes definitely. And to my horror, she bursts out crying and says MOMMY its happening to me!!!!! My heart literally felt like it stopped and I immediately burst out crying and hug her and says oh honey no, I"m so sorry and then I said in a quiet voice - who? And forever etched in my memory, she says "Opa" - my father. I was holding her and bawling and I said when? And she says everytime we go down for court. And I said how long, honey, do you remember when he started. And she says after Uncle was murdered. The shock and betrayel I felt still haunts me today. I was helping my parents with the tragic loss of their son and my father is sticking his disgusting tongue into my precious 11 yr's mouth as she is trying to also deal with the shock of losing her really cool, famous uncle. Thanks alot Dad he filthy f***. I drove the next morning all 6 hours to tell my mother. When I showed up she was shocked and said - oh sweetheart your eyes, what's WRONG!!! I have never seen your eyes so sad, not even with <your brother>. I said that's because my heart is completely broken Mom. ANd then I told her. She freaked and when he got home the hell began. For 6 hours I heard the most horrible things. I had the phone in my hand to call the cops and I still regret not calling. He totally admitted and his defence? My 11 sweet innocent child - seduced him a 63 yr old (pedophile apparently). I have tried to move on the words I heard that night still haunt me. So the murder trial started the next Monday and in the meantime I stopped in a the police station after dropping the kids off at school. I wanted to look into what kind of help to get my daughter. So a nice kind cop asks me how he can help and I didn't know how to answer so I told him and the next thing I know I have to bring my daughter down to the station for a statement. So after school I talk to my girl and she agrees to give a statement. We went down and I heard her tell the horror of it. It was taped and then the cop tells me that there is definitely grounds for several charges and he will be forwarding the file to <town> because that's where it happened (6 hours away). So now I have my father about to be arrested for abusing my daughter while a murder trial is starting because this is not a nightmare but yes somebody actually did shoot your brother in the head and this is not Law & Order but your life right now. And then one day turns into another and nobody from my family called. It has now turned into "sweep it under the carpet as usual scenario" and yes people that's the last time I saw or talked to my family. I got cut out of the family and that was over two years ago. But the most beautiful thing is that we didn't lose a family. We had an evil cancer in the family that should have been cut out. My parents should have divorced 20 years ago and if my mother ever needed a good reason to kick him to the curb, this was it. And she chose to stay. And chose him over me, my husband, and her only two grandkids. I will never understand. We however, moved on and our kids are doing wonderfully. We talked openly about things I mean its horrible, we have absolutely no family other than the four of us. But we adopted my best friend's family and they are Nanny and Poppa to my kids, and they have two aunts and uncles and four cousins. And they are more family than my real family ever was. So it is possible to move on. I just wish I could erase the memories because they do just get in my head and the horrible nightmares I sometimes have sicken me. But I won't give anyone the power to ruin my life, my marriage or my kids' lives. And the cool thing is that throughout this our kids know that we are there for them and always will be.
