Messages By: pinetree

I notice you are suffering from bipolar disorder.  I have been happily married for 48 years.  My wife has suffered from bipolar disorder for most of our married life, so I can relate to you.  If you to have some to e-mail for support she may be able to help.  She has been through it all. Our e-mail address is: rowdens@shaw.ca    Or if you wish you can meet her on the message board.    pinetree  

Hi, The reason you have not seen me on the board is because I just got access to the board less than a week ago. In my posting I did not mention that our son suffered from GAD for over 40 years.  It had totally devastated his life, but he has just recently overcome it. I will be sending you an e-mail regarding this sometime today.   This illness can be overcome with cognitive behavioral therapy.  My son was a real mess, and he overcome it so I am sure your daughter can too.  I am not familar with PTSD both I believe that CBT would also be very helpful for it too.  Sorry to hear that her x-step dad molested her.  pinetree  

                      That was then!  This is Now!  There is Hope!  

His name is Dave.  At age 40 he finally found out what he was suffering from.  It was generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) but had no idea how to get over it.  He told me that he had suffered from anxiety and fear for as long as he could remember.  It had totally devastated his life.  He said he worried bout everything since childhood and assumed that excessive worry was normal.  Negative thoughts constantly raced through his head.   

There were many days when he was too terrified to leave the safety of the house.  He said his anxiety made it impossible to concentrate, as a result he assumed that he was either mentally retarded or just plain stupid, as he could only get through school by memorizing or copying from his friends.  He also felt that university was out of the question because of his inability to concentrate, and he firmly believed that he was doomed to low paying jobs for the life.  He ruled out marriage because he had difficulty just supporting himself, and he was to terrified to ask a girl out on a date anyway. He finally hit rock bottom and moved home to live with us, as a last resort.  This further lowered his self-esteem, and he thought about suicide daily.  As I had a business making running board mats for antique vehicles I made him my quality control expert as he was able to see flaws that no one else saw.  He was also extremely good at fixing them as well. Because of his anxiety and fear I knew that there would be days when he could not work, so I allow him to work when he could.   Unfortunately, most jobs require an employee to be able to work a regular shift so realistically he was unemployable anywhere else, and he knew it. This just added to his depression.  I also noticed that he called himself stupid at least forty times a day, even though I knew he was extremely talented. When I told him so he discounted it because it was coming from his dad.  By this time he was totally convinced that he was very stupid.  Once he believed it, his mind reinforced this lie hundreds of times a day.   

By this time I was looking everywhere for answers.  I sent him to a psychiatrist who prescribed almost all of the SSRI's and several other drugs.  They did nothing, made him sick, or made him sleep all the time so he could not work, which further depressed him.  In desperation, I checked out the Internet for answers.  I found the www.anxietynetwork.com  website of Dr. Richards who claimed he was successful in treating people with anxiety disorders using cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).  He said he had suffered from social anxiety for over 20 years, and had no idea how to cure himself.  He said he had been to doctor after doctor and taken pill after pill with no success.   Once he found the key to overcoming his social anxiety he decided to develop a CBT audiotape series for people suffering from social anxiety (phobia) so they could treat themselves at home, as he had already discovered that there was almost no professionals who understood anxiety, or how to treat it.     

I purchased the tape series.  My son, working religiously with this 20 tape series, has literally turned his life around.  They have literally saved his life.  He is now working full time at a job that he loves.  The tape series taught him to reprogram his brain to remove the negative self-defeating garbage with rational true information.  He says he seldom worries and is now able to focus on the task at hand for the first time in his life.  He says positive thoughts flood his mind, not worry and he no longer allows people to use and abuse him, something he had always done in the past.  He has removed the stupid label from his vocabulary.  He now looks forward to the future, instead of dreading it.  He says if I can overcome this devastating illness, anyone can if they are willing to put in the effort the CBT requires.   

According to Dr. Richards the only way to remove negative untrue beliefs is to replace them with true rational beliefs, through constant repetition  and persistence. How did you learn to count?  Through repetition.  Will you ever forget how to count?  No. If you convinced yourself your "stupid" will you ever forget it?  No.  The purpose of CBT is to remove these negative untrue beliefs with the truth through repetition.  This in a nutshell is what CBT is all about.  Anti-depressant drugs may be needed as an aide to reduce the symptoms of the illness for some people, while they are reprogramming their brain, but they will NEVER change your negative irrational beliefs.    Dr. Richard says: if you simply want a band-aide solution use anti-depressant drugs, but if you want to permanently change your brain's chemistry so that you think more rationally, CBT is the solution".    

NOTE:  Anyone interested in forming an on-line support group for anxiety disorders please e-mail me at:  rowdens@shaw.ca  

  I agree with you for someone to quote scripture is  terrible.  My son suffered from generalized anxiety for over 20 years, but he has now overcome it using CBT. I would suggest that you go to this website: www.anxietynetwork.com . This is one of the websites of Dr. Richards, a psychologist that specializes in anxiety disorders.  He suffered for over 20 years before he was able to overcome social anxiety (phobia) .  He has since developed a 20 tape series for people suffering for anxiety. I purchased it for my son and it literally saved his life, because up until then his greatest wish was to go to sleep and never wake up. He now looks forward to the future.  

 Hi, Tammy.   

I know exactly what you are talking about with your daughter not believing she can get better.  My wife has suffered from bipolar disorder all her life, as well and she does not believe she can get better. When I suggest that she work with me on the CBT she gets angry and is convinced that I am just playing doctor even though she has seen the dramatic change in our son. Because she suffers from bipolar disorder her psychiatrist has convinced her that she will just get worse as she gets older.  So much for psychiatrists.  By the way on our last visit to him he became Angry and frustrated and told her to go back to her family doctor.  Anyway all I can suggest is that hopefully some day your daughter will believe she can get better and do the work.  I would also suggest that you go to Dr. Richards website: www.anxietynetwork.com for more info. on his CBT tape series. There is also a lot of other info. on anxiety disorders as well.    

                      Pat  

Hi Tammy,   

Here are a few condensed hand outs that go along with the CBT tape series.  I would suggest that your daughter read them over once a day, when she is feeling relatively calm and relaxed if possible.  In the beginning she may not believe what she is reading is true, but eventually her mind will accept the information.   The mind will accept anything, whether true or not if it hears it often enough.  She has been reinforcing negative false beliefs, she must replace these false beliefs with rational true statements.   Pat  

                               " I Can't Do It " Thinking

Regardless of how I feel, I don't ever want to use the " I can't do this" explanation.

Remember that my brain hears and responds to every word that I feed it.

Therefore, if you say,  " I can't " my brain believes this statement even if it is FALSE.

My brain picks these statements up, and sure enough, I CAN'T do these things   

because I've programmed it into my mind over and over again.

In reality, I have lost NONE of my former abilities, what I could do in the past, I can   

also do now. 

                                                 POWER STATEMENTS  

                          (Rational Questions to Ask Myself Each Day)  

   WHY SHOULD OTHER PEOPLE'S APPROVAL MATTER TO ME?

  WHY SHOULD I BE DEPENDENT ON OTHER PEOPLE'S VIEWS OF ME?

          WHY DO OTHER PEOPLE HAVE ANY POWER OVER ME?

               WHY SHOULD MY OWN THOUGHTS HURT ME?

            ANXIETY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ARE ANTs

                     They can NEVER tell me the truth

                  So, ask myself these questions every day.

     WHY DO I ALLOW OTHER PEOPLE'S OPINIONS TO SWAY ME?

Why SHOULD other people's approval be so important to me?  Why should I stew,   

sweat, and drive myself crazy over what other people think and say?

I need to rationally ask myself these questions each and every day, so that these   

questions will bounce into my mind when my thoughts start to go negative on me.

I want those "WHY" questions to pop into my mind automatically, so that I can catch   

and crunch those old automatic negative feelings and thoughts.

The more I question my irrational thoughts, the more they will have to go away.

                         EXPECTATIONS ARE KILLERS:

                                      I must stay away at all costs

I do not want to "set myself up" ahead of time for feelings of failure and defeat.

                                             Worry

                          Worry is never positive.  It never does any good.

                                      Worry always exaggerates.

               It always blows things out of proportion and consumes my life.

                      It leaves a trail of anxiety and depression behind it.

                                 Worrying only leads to more worry.

                      Worrying never solves a thing.  There is no solution in worry.

       I must catch myself when I start to worry and throw off  these thoughts because  

                                                      they are poison.

         Say to myself: " Worry never does me any good.  It is only going to hurt me."

                              Then, go and do something to distract myself.

                                     Automatic Negative Thoughts  (ANTs)

          The ANTs thoughts are always wrong.  They can never tell the truth.

       They are the voice of negativism and defeat.  They will pull me down in the mud.

       If I don't accept and believe those old fears, they have no choice but to go away.

       If I believe all these old lies, I'll be stuck in my anxiety and depression.  I'll never get better.  And all because I  believed false, inaccurate, irrational, lies of the past.

      Don't argue or fight against the ANTs thoughts.  (Notice that "arguing" is coming from the negative emotions.)

  Instead, ignore them.  If  I don't  pay attention to them, they will Shrink and shrink.

I'll not give in to the lying ANTs thinking anymore. 

But remember: Since they are liars, they enjoy making me miserable, they don't

like to give up easily.

Instead, I'll say to those thoughts:  "Oh, it's you again. You can't fool me anymore. I   

know this is just another one of your tricks to try and increase my anxiety.  I don't   

care.  "I'M NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO THESE LYING ANTS THOUGHTS   

AGAIN!"

And then, I'll move on to my strategies and distractions like singing, humming or   

exercise, etc., read over this handout, and I won't let them upset me anymore.

The ANTs voice cannot tell the truth.  The ANTs voice exaggerates ever thing that is   

negative.  It lies to me. My ANTs voice hates it when I ignore it and say, "SO   

WHAT?"  "WHO CARES?" 

WHEN I AM DEPRESSED MY FEELINGS LIE TO ME

This is one of the most difficult concepts to master, but all it really takes is getting started.

Once I get started, once I've made that first step, everything becomes easier and  my  

 positive emotions and positive feelings will always follow afterwords.  I  will be able to   

notice and feel  the difference.

I tend to forget that my feelings do not tell us the truth.

Stated a different way:  my  feelings are sometimes irrational, just like my thoughts.

I tend to realize that my thoughts can many times be irrational.  Well, my FEELINGS can be irrational, too.

A good example of acting against my negative feelings is cognitive therapy for   

depression.  When people are clinically depressed, the HARDEST THING for them to   

do is to get up, get active, exercise, and move around.

Yet we all know the solution to depression. Get up, do something active, exercise and   

move around.

The solution to depression ... is NOT to stay in bed and dwell on those old negative ANTs thoughts.

The solution to depression is to act against my negative, lying feelings.

If I ACT AGAINST these feelings of depression by getting up and doing something, I   

will feel better as the minutes go by.

Activity is the antidote to depression; but when I am depressed I don't want to be   

active.

This makes it a paradox.

I must do something I don't FEEL like doing at the time, because I know if  I do it, I   

 will feel better.

Again, this is a real paradox and explains why both anxiety and depression are so   

difficult to overcome.

The solution is to do the thing I FEEL THE LEAST LIKE DOING.

Anyone who is depressed does not feel like getting up and becoming more active. 

I know it works because overcoming anxiety and depression are both paradoxes.  If  I   

am nervous and scared, the hardest thing to do is to get out there, go to work, be active,  

 and keep up my responsibilities, but I must if I wish to get better.   

My wife and daughter both suffer from bipolar disorder and  my son generalized anxiety disorder.   

My son has just recently over his GAD, but my wife and daughter have a long way to go.  I have studied these illnesses extensively over the past five years attempting to sort out fact from fiction.   

I believe I have been relatively successful, but could use some help evaluating what I have found.   

As as result I would like to set up an on-line support group for anxiety disorders and mental illness.  

My son and wife and I have attended a local support group for anxiety disorders and bipolar disorder and found them very helpful.    

If you are interested would you please e-mail me at : rowdens@shaw.ca  

Hi Tammy,   

I see by your last post that yesterday was not a good day for you.  Hopefully today will be better.   

Since I last contacted you I have decided to set up an on-line support group for people suffering from anxiety disorders and mental illness. As I mention I have spent the last five years researching these topics trying to sort out fact from fiction. I think I have been relatively successful, but I would like some feedback on what I have found, particularly with bipolar disorder.  If you are interested send me an e-mail at: rowdens@shaw.ca    Pat  

Hi,   

I am relatively new to the message boards.  I have not been on this board before.  My wife and daughter both suffered from manic depression (Bipolar Disorder)  and my son has just recovered from generalized anxiety disorder after suffering for over 40 years.  I have studied both mental illness and anxiety treatments for over 5 years attempting to weed out fact from fiction with regard to treatment options.  I believe I have solved the anxiety mystery, but have a lot of questions about bipolar disorder treatment.   I would like to set up an on-line support group for people suffering from anxiety disorders and mental illness.  I have attended local support groups for both bipolar disorder and anxiety disorders and have found them very helpful.  If interested e-mail me at: rowdens@shaw.ca     Pat (User name pinetree)  

Hi Ted,   

There is a several reasons why I think an on-line support group could be different.   As I am a one finger typist I type very slow.  If I am to long in sending a message the program cuts me off and the message never goes through. I sent you a message just last night and this happened.  By e-mail I can take as long as I need.  I have a lot of info. saved on my computer and I can cut and paste this by e-mail. This does not work very well on this program.  There is private info. that people would not want to share on a public board.  I could go on but I expect this message is almost too long and won't go through if I take much longer.   

Pat