Messages By: lauriej

I while ago I was on this board and someone suggested that i read a couple of dr phils books but i don't know which one to start with.I have been diagnosed with depression, I have been going to counselling, exercising and acupuncture. It all seems to be working but my bf and I are still having problems right now the biggest problem for me is his sex drive seems to be nonexistant where I would like the closeness all the time, he says that when things are going good that i always start a fight and he may be right, at least if we are fighting i know that it's because we are fighting and not that he doesn't want sex with me. I'm so frustrated right now, i know some of it is the depression but i feel so much better when i feel close to him but he seems very comfortable in the relationship (feels like we've been married for ever) i don't want a relationship where we are always doing seperate things, never spending time together, we may be in the same house or even the same room but there is no physicla contact and I'm tired of being the one that has to do all the touching. His brother and sister inlaw moved to town recently and I see their relationship, from what I see they spend very little time together. And I'm only 40 I'm too young not to have a sexlife.  Well there is my venting for now. 

I think I have all of Dr.Phil's books, I have been taking the Life Stragies with me where ever I go in case I have a few minutes to read but it hasn't happened yet. We have been together for 5 years, living together for 3, he would really like to get married but I am holding out, I was married for 14 years always thought it was forever, so the next time it will be forever. I want to stay in the relationship when things are good they are very very good and I'm on top of the world but most of the time we seem to have lost that new relationship feeling, which I know won't carry on forever but I don't see why everything has to die as time goes on it should only get better but in a different way. At this point most of the time I just feel like a maid or just something that will always be there like a piece of furniture. I try to keep things going but I'm tired of being the only one that goes to him for a hug or a kiss or to sit by him, even send him text messages to give a strong hint what I want but he didn't even reply. I have changed so much and for the better, it used to be that the biggest problem with our relationship was that I didn't communicate, (a little different usually the man that doesn't communicate) so now I am doing more of that, expecially with the depression it helps when I am worrying over silly things that I know are only because I am overthinking things. He does stand by me and is there if I ever need anything, he encourages me with most things. he does seem to have a problem with my depression, he thinks that if I stopped reading "those books" and stopped going to councelling I would be fine actually I have a friend that said the same thing but I think he is scared that I may not want to be with him or our relationship will change if I am feeling better and they same with my friend too. 

Anyways, we live in alberta. Where are you from? 

They don't have an "Tired" as an emotion, because thats how I feel today, between the time change and stayed up a little later reading Life Stragies, got to chapter 4 and wide awake at 5:30am But now I have no excuse not to go on the treadmill. The book is good but now I'm going to be spending alot of time analyzing people, spouse included. He slept on the couch again. It hurts me when he does that but my hurt comes out in anger I want to take my ring off, throw his clothes in the spare bedroom, now I want to analyze why I want to do this, think its because I want him to hurt too and my payback may be some attetention but I know him he would do the opposite. 

I have my work cut out for me I didn't do the assignments but I will go back and do them, felt guilty when Dr Phil said not to skip the assignment saying you would go back  and do it later. 

But thank you this book is working wonders already, I will try to read some more tonight reading, I will probably be handing out candy, don't feel like it this year but usually I love halloween, the little kids look so cute all dressed up. 

I will try to stay in touch, most of the time I feel like i'm intruding on a conversation, I don't know everyone and their stories and I don't feel comfortable barging in when I don't know people but I'm going to try to post more, everyone seems to have fun and get the support that they need when needed. 

I am at work so I will make this short, after I get some work done I will reward my self with the internet. 

I love sweets so thats probably why I look forward to today but my girls are getting to old to go out so guess I miss out, probably best anyways. 

Did 30 min on the treadmill and feeling pretty good today hoping that I can get some work done, it has been neglected for awhile, one of those choices but the payoff is not good. 

His feeling are probably hurt, alot of the time I forget because I never know what he is feeling, I can try to read his mind but it would be nice if he would tell me sometimes. He has to understand I was married for a long time but then I realized that I could do it on my own which was a good thing but have a hard time letting go of that and somedays just seems easier to walk away than try to work it out, I have been working on it though and I am alot better than even 6 months ago. 

Never mind retraining them have to retrain ourselves too, try not to do the same thing all of the time and expect different results. Just like kids, somethings work with one kid but not the next. There is a light bulb moment have to try a different approach, maybe hitting him in the head with a brick, he is so thick skulled. 

Thanks for making me feel welcome but back to work for me, talk later. 

L 

so 5 years is nothing then, I can hold out for another 5. 

I can hardly wait to get home and start reading again, i've been thinking about my actions and his and trying to figure out what the payoff is, I want to get home and have some me time so I can write  out what we do and right down a few reasons what possible payoffs there are.  

I know that tonight if I went on like nothing was wrong, he would probably fall right into it and that would be his payoff because then everything is back to normal for him but I am still left frustrated and nothing gets resolved. I will probably have to do that eventually but I should probably think about it first and then pay attention to the payoff. I guess my payoff is that at least then I can talk to him and kiss him, if I'm lucky he might come to me and give me a kiss. What a Jerk. Somedays I just want to shake him. It's so hard not to send him an email just to get his attention, mind you I did that yesterday and I didn't get a reaction out of him. Have to hit my head against a wall now, sending emails or getting mad doesn't usually get a reaction out of him. Maybe will try just being happy with myself and life in general tonight , that will confuse him but maybe it will get him thinking. 

Well back to work 

L 

I'm new to the board and have never had to deal with such a problem. How old is the boy will he say anything about what happened. I don't know if that is the right approach but I know I would want to get to the bottom of it. If something happened it needs to be reported, with the guy having access to the child it could happen again and if he has done it once, I would think he would do it again. Again I don't know much about the subject. But I will try to stay on the computer tonight, if you want to talk more. I would be very tempted to call the police even if it is a mistake better safe than sorry. It is such a touchy subject but what if he did do something. 

sorry I couldn't be more help  

L 

Hi labelfree, 

Angry at spouse or kids, not sure if you have kids. Breath count to ten, i don't know why people say that I would rather just throw something, does me more good. My aunt always says that she thinks everyone should have old dishes that they can break when the get mad. 

I have 2 girls oldest is 17 she is grounded because of her school marks and breaking her curfew, after we had an arguement today because of her grounding I came home (after she had a day off of school) to dishes, food and empty milk carton around the house, couldn't even give her trouble because she was already gone to work. I now what my mother went through now with 3 girls and 1 boy. 

Dr Phil has an article in novembers issue of Good Housekeeping it is a good one, some advice in there that I will be taking.  

Found out why I'm not getting attention, quote "if the girls would go to their dads when they were supposed to we would have US time" I'm stronger already, nobody is going to put a condition on when they will give me attention. 

Well if you want to talk I'm here, would be glad to give you the help and support that you have given me, even if you just want to vent, that much I know helps. 

I will have to guard the computer, otherwise I will loose my turn tonight, he has a new computer game, so it could get interesting. 

L 

I hope it isn't what it looks like that is so unfair, a child that can't even tell you what happened. 

Just hang in there, I don't know much about cutting, although one time recently I bite myself I was hurting so much was just trying to take away the pain. Is that why you cut? 

And no he shouldn't have done it, he is the adult against a defenseless child. 

L 

It's good to buy candy, just turn out the lights and you can have it for yourself. By the looks of things I will have lots left over, thats if I hide it from my girls. 

L