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Messages By: serene

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upset
September 26, 2005, 12:13 pm CDT

Emotionally lost

  

   I am 24 years old, and I don't know what is wrong with me. I have seen therapists, psychologists, psychiatrist, and medical doctors. I have been diagnosed with BiPolar, Manic depression, and depression. My husband seems to think that I am OCD. I am not real sure. I don't have a problem with touching things, but I am weird about cleaning. I also take things to extreme. Like If I like something I do it to the extreme. I have done this with Alcohol, cleaning, knitting, reading, you name I take it too far. Is this a sign of OCD? I don't know, but I know that on the inside I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster. Does anyone have anything they can share. Thanks 

 
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upset
September 26, 2005, 12:36 pm CDT

emotionally lost

  

    Hello, please someone give me some advice. I am not doing real well. My head won't stop and I need a drink. I am a mess. My husband is at work and I need to know something 

 
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upset
September 26, 2005, 12:43 pm CDT

Emotionally lost

  

   I am 24 years old and I need help. I don't know what is wrong with me. I drink a lot. I don't do drugs. But I like pain meds. I have been to see doctors, psychiatrists and psychologists. I have been diagnosed with bipolar, manic depression and depression. My husband seems to think I am OCD. I just know that on the inside I am really lonely. I am a stay at home mom, with 2 daughters. I have been in and out of 12 steps programs. I just can't seem to make it. Any advice would help. I have had thoughts of suicide, self mutilation, and now I am at my end. I am emotionally lost. 

 
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blank
September 26, 2005, 1:01 pm CDT

Congrats on y

Quote From: pattyk2

thx for feedback...i have been sober for almost a year and do not attend meetings regularly though i have a strong support network via the phone (sober women from past meeing attendance).  i live in a fairly rural area and do not drive; i have lost my license due to three dui arrests.  i am at home to provide elder care for my husband's mother who lives with us. 

  

i find comfort and spiritual direction with the readings that i do and my journaling...your response reminds me of the meetings that i did  enjoy; the opportunity to listen and share is priceless. 

  

fyi...i have read your responses to others and though they may be long/rambling, each seems sincere and based on your experiences with the reality of recovery.  better days, patty 

  

    Congrats onn your almost one year, i had almost 9 months once. 

 
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upset
September 27, 2005, 7:29 pm CDT

Emotionally lost

Quote From: the_indian

I'm not a physician but....can I ask what drugs you take on a daily basis and how much?\ 

  

This would include those prescribed and those not prescribed :) 

  

And it would also include alcohol. 

  

I'm just wondering if you're not overdiagnosed and overmedicated.  Many drugs, especially when combined with alcohol, can have significant affects on your mental and physical heath.   

  

   I have been on different medications. I have taken zoloft, xanex,lithium,trazadone. I also drink. I usually take vicadin, or percocet also. But lately I haven't been on anything and it's driving me nuts. I don't think I am going through withdrawls because I have done that before, it's just my emotional status isn't so good.  

 
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upset
September 27, 2005, 7:40 pm CDT

Emotionally lost

Quote From: pattyk2

serene....i am afraid to count "my time" because each day is what i ahve to focus on....i've had "more slips than jc penney's" which is an expression i've heard more than once....so, really, i only have today.  i have an AA 24 hour coin and a serenity prayer coin from a christain book store...i carry both with me even around the house to remind me about TODAY...and to keep me in today.  i am anxious about tomorrow but only have to be here now...and tomorrow will be there tomorrow.... 

  

i really identify with your "almost"...but you can do it again and have just each day to live clean and sober ...there are days for me when just the minute or hour of sobriety is IT...and then the day is finished and i am still sober, sane and still recovering... 

  

be safe and well...patty 

  

   Thanks for the reply. I think I know that I am an alcoholic I am just not ready to deal with it yet. I have been in and out of the program for 2 years now. I guess part of my pride won't let me admit that they were right and I was wrong. I know the book inside and out and the only thing that proves to me is that "self knowledge avails us nothing".  

  

Thanks  

 
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upset
September 28, 2005, 7:26 am CDT

Emotionally Losyt

Quote From: mischif12

Well to make a long story short - our DSL went down on Friday and I didn't have any internet until today. Talk about withdrawal symptoms! I was about to look for a rehab for internet addicts but then I discovered that my insurance doesn’t cover it. Thank my higher power that the dang thing started working again!

  

 

 

  

 

Anyway for those of you who don't know me I am and alcoholic and an addict. Along with alcohol my drugs of choice were Benzo's (klonopin. ativan, valium) Opiates (all kinds) Funny I never smoked Marijuana. But I got the drugs into my system just about ant way I could, swallowed them, injected them, suppositories you name it. I continued this madness for 30 years. Lest you think I was a gutter level addict I should explain that I was a fairly high functioning medical professional. I thought I had it all together. When it all came undone I didn't just hit bottom I crashed right through it! After a suicide attempt and losing my career I found myself sweating out detox and then into an out patient rehab program. To day by the grace of my higher power and the very best friends I've ever had in AA/NA I am 364 days sober. I have never felt better in my whole life. Just like the Big Book said I grabbed onto recovery like a drowning man to a life preserver. I just never let go. I took the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth and just listened.

  

 

 

  

 

Today I am working again with restrictions on my practice ( as it should be) and I get to be the kind of wife and mother I always wanted to be. Living life on life's terms is no walk in the park but as I have said before my worst day sober is 100% better than my best day drunk or high or stoned.

  

 

 

  

 

I have come to believe that my life today is a gift from God. If I believe that then it follows that everything that happens in that life - Good or bad - is also a gift from God. Everything that occurs has a message and a gift in it. I survived because God wasn't through with me yet.

  

 

 

  

 

 Here are some tips for working this atrocious board. Or we could just complain en mass and see what happens. I choose to take the stand that this is one of those things I can't change and just accept it for now.

  

 

 

  

 

When writing a long message make sure you hit preview before posting. Otherwise your message may be sucked into the stratosphere never to be seen again.

  

 

 

  

 

If you want to post without quoting just start a new post addressed to the person in question.

  

 

 

  

 

If you are trying to follow responses to your own posts open your profile - near the bottom you will find links to your last 3 messages. Click on one then when it opens click on reply's to this question.

  

 

 

  

 

Indian I don't know why you can't change your e-mote I'm working on that problem though!

  

 

 

  

 

Anyway give me a day or so to get up to speed on the newbie’s and I will be sharing more of my story. I am always willing to help anyone in recovery as well as those trying to get there.

  

 

 

  

 

God Bless you all

  

 

Remember it's never too late to live happily ever after.

  

 

 

  

 

 Mischif 

 

  

   Mischif- I understand how you were beofre you got into recovery. Me, I just couldn't grasp it. I have been in and out of the program for 2 years now. One thing I could never understand is why people said "Life on life's terms". What is that? What are life's terms? Obviously I don't know because I can't seem to stay clean and sober. But anyway, congrats, I am glad you are doing well. 

 
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upset
September 28, 2005, 7:33 am CDT

Emotionally lost

  

    Hello, is anyone on here now. I always thought these things would be like chatting, but I guess I was wrong. Well, if there is anyone on here now, please talk to me. 

 
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upset
September 28, 2005, 8:29 am CDT

Emotionally Lost

  

  I agree with a lot of what has been said, but I am 24 years old and I believe that there are over medicating of people in America. I have seen psychologists, psychiatrists, medical doctors, Therapists. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar, manic depression, despression, and OCD. I have taken xanex, lithium, zoloft, celexia, and valium. I am still not the best today, and am very confused. Sometime I think it depends on the doctor you see. 

 
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upset
September 30, 2005, 7:57 am CDT

Emotionally lost

Quote From: the_indian

Sorry about the typo in the title - I can't correct it.  If this board doesn't drive me back to drinking, nothing will! 

  

The problem I'm having is that it's hard to provide answers when you aren't asking any questions.   And the answers you're providing are too vague to be useful.  I don't mean to sound witchy -- it's just that I still have no idea if you might not be going through withdrawal.  When you say you haven't taken anything "lately"...what specifically does that mean?  Four days?  A week?  Six months?   And then how much are you drinking each day? 

  

The reason I'm fixating on this is that I don't agree it couldn't be withdrawal (unless it's literally been months since you took anything besides alcohol).  Withdrawal is both short term and long term and can last up to a year.  The problem becomes more complicated with multiple drugs, and then even more when you include alcohol, espccially with the xanax. 

  

The other thing -- it really sounds to me like you need to be seen pretty quickly by a physician or mental health professional  (but not the one you've been seeing).   It sounds like you're battling too many things right now all by yourself...is there anyone you could talk to?   If money is an issue, does your community have free clinics?   Is there anyone in your "real life" who knows your whole story who could step in and help?  I know when I was going through some of this, before I went to rehab and treatment, I just dumped it all in my best friend's lap.  It was amazing how much that helped...in fact, she played a big role in finding my rehab and getting me there. 

  

There's always hope and there's always an answer, and it starts with unburdening yourself somehow.   

  

   I mean that I haven't been on any pills lately. My doctor gave me trazadone to help me sleep, but I have to take 3 or 4 for them to work. The last time I took those were 3 days ago. I drink about everyday, I guess it varies. I think the only reason I am not taking mor medication is because I don't have it. I don't really have any friends, all my friends were in the program and now that I am drinking I don't talk to them. I agree that I need to be seen but I don't have insurance and I don't think there are any free clinics where I live, but I could be wrong, not real sure how to find out. Thanks. 

 

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