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Messages By: trinket

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September 1, 2005, 9:18 am CDT

I laughed my butt off !

    

 In the early 1980's I was in a very abusive relationship just like this.  I had to laugh that the now prego mistress is reluctant to have her baby around this guy she created it with !   

    

 MISTRESS HUBBY--Darlin' take your kids and run !!!     

I have no idea why this guy's wife stays- I stayed because I felt I did not have any support, or anywhere else to go-including my own mother's home- and then it came down to my life, or my boyfriends and if that meant living on the streets, then so be it.  I left, and 20 + years in hindsight, it was the best choice I made.  His wife will see it in time. Her life or his. Her choice.   

 
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September 1, 2005, 9:27 am CDT

Agree and disagree

Quote From: jettav

marriages don't last because of lack of committment and communication as well as respect and honor. The desire to "work" at a marriage seems to be far from ones mind, it is just too easy to get a divorce which in my opinion is just a cop out for most. I think some people go into a marriage thinking it is gonna be one big honey moon but it just does not happen that way casue a honey moon we are away from everything, it is just the two happily married then all of a sudden we are in the real world...............Just not enough spunk in these people. Of course in the case represented here, this woman has every right to dump this guy and maybe she has by now. No one deserves to be treated as this woman has and I hope she has begun to stand up for herself and not let him use her any more. Maybe an update soon?

The desire to "work" at a marriage seems to be far from ones mind, it is just too easy to get a divorce which in my opinion is just a cop out for most.   

   

    I don't think that is true.   I don't see people getting a divorce because they are tried of working on the relationship.  Most divorces I see are because one spouse did something to cheat in the marriage-- such as another person, or use drugs-- whatever.  It's all about the self, and preferrence now, and not being a person of Principle. That is why marriages fail.   

 
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September 1, 2005, 10:13 am CDT

08/04 Torn Between Two Lovers, Part 2

Quote From: rbuggy

 Okay, I've seen this show a couple of times. I'm no different than the guy. Cheat on your wife once or twice and you might as well make it 100 or 200 times. I have! I don't know what drove me to it, except to say, and Freud will love me for it, I had a terrible relationship with my overbearing, controlling and manipulative Mother. I enjoyed having sex with women, lot's of women. I felt like I was important, controlled, controlling, loved, wanted, needed, fullfilled, scared, accepted - and I'm sure they did too! Is there an answer? A pill? Therapy? Absolutely, positively - not quite!? Paxel took away many of the anxiety's that I feel and helped control my sexual drive - but can I really understand why I am the way I am? No... By the way, my wife knows - we're still together - and it's one day at a time, for us.

By the way, my wife knows - we're still together - and it's one day at a time, for us.  

   

   

 And may God not help you, but her-- when she finally finds what she's looking for.  Women are territorial, and it's just a matter of time, before you get what's coming.  You'll see. She's going to be sweating it out with another man, and I hope you find them together too.  It's coming !  

   

Karma visits us all- Only blameless lives have nothing to fear ".   

 
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September 1, 2005, 10:15 am CDT

It's tracking you now..

Quote From: rbuggy

 Okay, I've seen this show a couple of times. I'm no different than the guy. Cheat on your wife once or twice and you might as well make it 100 or 200 times. I have! I don't know what drove me to it, except to say, and Freud will love me for it, I had a terrible relationship with my overbearing, controlling and manipulative Mother. I enjoyed having sex with women, lot's of women. I felt like I was important, controlled, controlling, loved, wanted, needed, fullfilled, scared, accepted - and I'm sure they did too! Is there an answer? A pill? Therapy? Absolutely, positively - not quite!? Paxel took away many of the anxiety's that I feel and helped control my sexual drive - but can I really understand why I am the way I am? No... By the way, my wife knows - we're still together - and it's one day at a time, for us.

  

  

 Karma Visits us all...Only Blameless lives have nothing to fear.  I hope you see it first hand too. 

Her sweating it out with a real MAN.  

 
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September 1, 2005, 10:20 am CDT

Well Said

Quote From: realgood2u

  

Thank you for saying what I think better than I ever could. 

  

Many people must take their vows thinking "Gee, if I am not happy in six months, we can divorce".  

I am here to tell you YOU WILL NOT ALWAYS BE HAPPY. 

  

And IF you have no intention of remaining faithful and committed, why marry at all?  I just don't get it.  AND if the relationship is failing at least dignify it's existance by giving your spouse a divorce and not humiliating them. 

  

I believe the "living together' phenomena does contribute to the divorce rate.  That little piece of paper DOES make a difference, legally and socially if nothing else.  I also KNOW that the expectations of a spouse are significantly different from those of a lover of either gender. 

I also KNOW that the expectations of a spouse are significantly different from those of a lover of either gender.  

  

  and they SHOULD BE.  

 
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September 1, 2005, 10:32 am CDT

GOOD FOR YOU !

Quote From: steverel

Hello All 

Is there anyone who can help me out. I'm 45yrs old and have been on Dr.Phil weight loss plan for 18 months, and have done good so far,And have lost 80lbs. I have not lost any weight in about 3 months. I go to the gym everyday,but Sunday. My workout are 1hr of hard cardio followed by 45 to 1hr of weight training. I have been real good about eat the right foods,no junk. I drink plenty of water and green tea plus vitiams.I can't seem to get off this platue. I really need some advice to help me lose the last 30lbs. 

  

Frustrate but won't give up 

SRR 

  

  

  Have you tried something called "Body Flex"?  It's a breating and Stretching exercises. It burns fat (by increasing 02 in the body's blood stream) and I don't feel like I'm beating myself against a wall  with constant running or weight lifting and no results. .  I do this when I hit a "Wall" and I can't get the weight off. 

  

  

 I also walk a 1/2 hour 3 days a week to break up the routine.  

  

  Another thing that helps me to keep me in check.. is I never wear elastic waist bands in my clothing. Always buttons and zippers. Then I know immediately if I over did it.  

  

  I lost 105lbs, in the year 2001  I have since had another baby, and I know what a struggle it is to keep the weight from coming back and how to manipulate my body into doing what I want inspite of it's stubborn streaks.  

  

 Also, once a week, I give myself a break and have 1 day when I can eat whatever I want.  I also use meal replacment bars, and high energy bars to fight those "Hungry but not for really anything" times.  

  

 Keep at it !  Success is the best revenge ! 

 
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September 1, 2005, 10:36 am CDT

When You defcide to change so Will everything else.

Quote From: cluekeeper

How do you exercise when everything hurts? Your knees, ankles, back, hips, arms, head and your soul.  Everything hurts. I don't have any real reason to try and lose weight. If I can't stand biking or walking because my knees hurt, how can I possibly climb stairs at work?  If I can't bear to look at myself in the mirror, how can I stand to take a picture of myself as fat as I am?  I am over 300 pounds. I lost 30 pounds last fall but put it back on. I can't afford to buy the "low fat" foods or pay the price the stores want for fish or chicken breast.  

  

I have a full-time job, my husband works two jobs and mac and cheese is 4 for $1.00 where chicken breast is over $2.00 a pound. Our paychecks go out the door almost as fast as they come in. I'm behind on my house payment, my car payment, my loan payments (both student loans and one private loan for replacing a stove and refrigerator that were dying). I have no credit cards (except old ones that I am paying off to get them off my credit report). I don't have that much debt but getting 20 cent per hour annual pay raises at my job hasn't helped and the better paying jobs just aren't out there. I want to try and get a better job but that means I need to go back to college. I can't even afford the $50 application fee to see if I could get accepted, let alone the tuition and book fees.  

  

SO, why try and lose weight if you can't afford to eat right? If the money isn't there to buy healthy food, what's the hope in losing weight? Why try and excercise if you still eat the same boring Hamburger Helper, pastas, etc? I can't afford the "good for you" stuff. My budget is tight enough.  I have just about giving up hope.  

  

I twisted my knee this weekend and my doctor, today, tells me that "It is either a strained ligament or torn miniscus. Let it heal for two weeks and if it still hurts, then we'll get an x-ray and see about doing something. But, you should lose weight. Do you excercise?" "No," I say. "I can't bear to do anything." I might as well die fat and ugly than have to hear some skinny, slim female doctor tell me to do something about my weight but not offer me any hope. I can't walk, ride a bike, or climb stairs. My knees kill me on a bicycle and stairs. Maybe it is my mood, as she suggested, but do you think she offered to help me with that either? Nope. I cried in their bathroom for 5 minutes before I left to go to work. Now, I'm all depressed and sitting here typing on a message board for Dr. Phil. What do you do when your life stinks and your mood smells even worse? 

  

  

  

  We all say the same thing.  YOU have to do this for yourself.  Prioritize When you decide to cut up the credit cards, and start eating more veggies and less meat-  You can sit and be fit.. watch exercise programs on TV. Get up earlier- You just have to decide to DO IT.  Rotting is no fun.  

 
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September 1, 2005, 3:35 pm CDT

BRAVO ! BRAVO ! BRAVO !

Quote From: blgspc

I’m sure that I’m going to get some real negative responses for this posting.(I got the slogan for the heading to this message from the Department of Mental Health!!!)    

    

So many times I see people ‘excuse’ and/or accept completely UNACCEPTABLE behavior just because an individual has a diagnosis straight out of the good ole DSMIV. I don’t think people REALLY understand that a diagnosis of Mental Illness CAN NOT be used as an EXCUSE for inappropriately disrupting the lives of the entire family. Often, people have an image of some ‘sad’, despondent and/or confused person who SHOULD NOT be held accountable for any kind of harmful, hurtful or HATEFUL behavior, EVER!!! ALL because they have a history of Mental Illness! Even when they are relatively stable and NOT struggling with any acute symptoms!    

There are also those out there-especially in the Bible Belt-who feel that people should remain in a marriage long after the LOVE is gone because of one of the individuals being Mentally Ill! The truth is, there ARE times when it is in the best interest of not only the couple but for their children for them to be divorced!!! It takes ENORMOUS courage to know when to leave a relationship! Including when it involves someone who is Mentally Ill! I would personally like to commend you on YOUR choice to leave a TOXIC relationship. I know that people tend to vilify those who leave someone who is Mentally Ill, however, the Mentally Ill, when stable, have the same capacity to be vicious and mean as ANYONE else!   

I am glad that you listened to and responded to that ‘inner voice’ that lead you to leave!   

YOU ARE SPECIAL AND DESERVING OF LOVE AND HAPPINESS!!!!   

 Brenda   

   

   

 Your so right !   You said: however, the Mentally Ill, when stable, have the same capacity to be vicious and mean as ANYONE else!     

   

   We, left my husband's sister behind, we REFUSE to tolerate her bullying under this idea that because she's Bi-polar, she can do anything she wants without repercussion!   Her Mother, much to her suprise, has not been able to manipulate our family as she has her other grown adult offspring, and the anger aimed at us as "Evil" has been suprising, but not as much as their continued attempts to drag us back into their drama-land.  No Joke, we have tolerated their phone harrassment of hang up calls, and using our oldest son to spy on our family for over a year now.  They only torment themselves, and He's 23, it's his choice to know them.  Medicated only means a more managed form of abuse by her, and as time passes, she's only going to get better at it.    

   

 Brenda, you wrote: "It takes ENORMOUS courage to know when to leave a relationship! Including when it involves someone who is Mentally Ill!  and that includes whacked out family members who are your sibling and aunt to your kids.  My children lost alot, and have gained in the fact they don't have to tolerate her mood swings and potential for harm with her suicide threats and selective memory games.   

   

Bravo.. Well Said !  

   

Annie   

 
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September 1, 2005, 3:54 pm CDT

Toxic Family Relationships

    

    

 My mother --we don't get along.  Because my mother chose to tell another family member that she "Preferred" my sister over me, we don't speak, nor have we spoken in more than a year.  Our relationship has always been strained.  A week ago, my ex husband came to me and told me that through my sister, he had been asked to bring our 6 year old so to my mother's home during his visitation weekends. Behind my back of course.   

    

  When my son was born, he was in the NICU for a week and MY Mother never came to see him, or me. My mother in law came everyday to give her newborn grandson his lunch She's very much a part of his life, and unlike my mother.. our son knows her.   Naturally he's my son, so why should MY mother be bothered,?  When my mother called me to say she was a couple of blocks from our house- the week before, but never called or stopped by, or let us know she was going to be in the area-- well, I just chalked it up to her less than stellar "grandmothering" and let it alone. She had a busy life being my sisters full time caregiver to my sisters kids.  Naturally she's too busy to be bothered with my kids.   

    

  So, I am posting this in hopes of getting a few Ideas on what to do about this, if anything.  Once I took the ex down memory lane and how involved my mother has been in our son's life-for the last 6+ years... He agreed that she's up to something hokey, and we are pretty certain it's because my sister has no use for her since her kids are elderly teens now-- that my mother wants to use our son to entertain herself-- until the olderst grand from my sister starts having a family of her own.  Then we can console our devastated son because "Grandma" no longer knows he's alive-- again. Our son has extended family in his father's side.    

    

  I dont know if I should tell other family members about this-such as my mother's sisters and such,  but it would certainly explain my hostility toward her.  I could keep quiet-- since they already know of our rift from her last alienation tactics and why we are no longer speaking.  Our son is protected..  No, my mother is not diagnosed or on any medications for mental illness- though I have my suspicions.   She's been calling me and being silent on the phone, since I called her and told her I knew, and a few "Adjectives" about her to describe how I felt about her and going behind my back.  

Thanks !  

   

Annie  

 
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September 1, 2005, 4:07 pm CDT

Toxic Family Relationships

Quote From: tresanbob

I really need some help with this:  I am remarried.  I have two children from a previous marriage (they are 13-boy and 8-girl).  I have one child with current marriage.  My son, 13, and my husband go head to head all of the time.  My son has been through a lot.  His dad used to whip him with a belt, his step mother locked him in their basement and wouldn't feed him for hours, etc et.  I have soul custody now.  BUT my husband and my son can't seem to get along.  Husband will yell and yell.  I know my son needs discipline but is it my husband's job to do it?  I know we have to work together as a team but he does it all.  He will yell over what I am saying to my son.  I am sooooo confused.  I don't know if they will ever have a good relationship. My son needs a father but not somebody who holds him back from excelling. 

  

  

 Oh am I in your boat... I have a son from a previous marriage. Same problem, my boy was WILD.. my ex husband was a very "Disinterested" parent.  so my son would tell my new husband he hated him.. did not have to listen to him.  So.. maybe what we did will work for you.  My husband and I provide my son a United Front.  This takes time, and it does work,and it takes DAILY work also.  

  

     You and your husband are a team.  Basic rules apply, (an example: no desert before dinner, that sort of thing.  Start at the basics.  Yelling has to stop.  If my son goes to my husband and he says "I want icecream now" and my husband says no, It's lunchtime" and then my son comes to me-- I say no also.  Even if I think it's okay for my son to have the icrecream... Always a UNITED FRONT. 

if I disagree with my husband on his verdict, we go into our room.. lock the door .. and discuss it.  Quietly.. and I will ask-- "what is the reason you say no?  It seems okay to me .." and we Come to an agreement,  and if any changes are to be made, we let "OUR" son know.  Now "my son" is OUR son.  We are a family, and my husband is respected by my son and he even calls him Dad. Now my son won't go to sleep unless he knows my husband is safe and at home. Sometimes.  Our kids need love, but support comes in many forms, and your husband needs to feel his opinion is supported and he has a role as the father of these kids.  he needs to feel respected (it's why he yells to be heard) also.  You BOTH have the last words, your a united front, and best friends.  Then the kids get everything they need in a loving enviroment. Not a war zone.  

 

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