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Messages By: ezeltjie

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worried
September 13, 2005, 1:47 am CDT

Body Image after pregnancy

Well, first of all, I am not a very confident person, I never was, and I doubt if I ever will be.  I used to be alot thinner and was pretty ok to look at.  I fell pregnant last year, my little boy is now 3 months old.  The problem I have is that I find it very difficult to get over that fact that I had a baby and will probably never look the same as I did before. My body is a total mess, I have ugly scarring from the caesar, and it looks like I ran naked through a hail storm.  It really is difficult for me to accept all that has happened, and to make it worse, my boyfriend who is also the father of our child, loves & appreciates the female body.  He is forever looking at women on the net, naked (not porn though) or in provocative underwear.  This doesn't really help my self-esteem.  This makes me feel even worse, because I would give the world to look like that for him.  He always tells me that he loves me, and that he doesn't mind the way my body looks after the baby, because he loves me.  Is the problem with me?  Am I making unnecessary strife between us?  I cannot help the way I feel.  As if motherhood isn't tough enough, I have to walk around all day feeling like I'm ugly. Although I could never imagine my life without my little boy in it, and that everything else is worthwhile, I am really struggling to cope looking in the mirror everyday.  It is so bad, because me and my boyfriend used to have a very exciting sex life.  I mean I had a nice body & I'm a very sexual person in general.  But now, I don't like it when he sees me naked, I always cover myself if he walks into the room.  He isn't allowed to enter the bathroom while I'm bathing.  It has an effect on us, and our sex life.  He cannot buy sexy underwear for me anymore, because he says that he never sees me without clothes anyway or we always have sex with the lights off.  Is there something wrong with me?  Am I somehow missing the bigger picture here?
 

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