Quote From: panic911I have suffered from this since I was very small. I cannot remember not being afraid of vomiting or others around me doing the same. I don't go on trips cause I get motion sickness, don't go out to eat cause someone around me might choke and vomit, have kicked out a husband for going out drinking and vomiting on the bathroom floor which changed the way I saw him from that point on everytime he even looked at me it disgusted me. He still disgusts me. I just see that one instance and am disgusted. Never wanted kids cause of morning sickness and vomiting during labor. At 34 got pregnant had no morning sickness but worried myself into preterm delivery because of the fear of vomiting during delivery. At 36 got pregnant with my second child and literally took so much pepcid to keep from vomiting, I feared I would damage my child. She ended up fine, but was breech and I had to have a c-section which was a relief because I didn't want to vomit during labor. The pain of the c-section was like fire and I wouldn't take the pain meds cause I was told they might make me sick to my stomach but "fire pain" was better than vomiting.
I used to get out to eat and the emetophobia would overcome me in my 20's and I would lose my breath, sweat, hyperventilate, shake, and have to leave the restaurant because the waiter wouldn't bring the check fast enough. I would run outside literally. My husband at that time thought I was silly. Now I work at home, dont go out but to the grocery store, am medicated which has helped tremendously. I would not have had my kids had I had not been medicated. I would have had serious breakdowns with the thought of being hospitalized. I insisted on a private room when both my kids were born cause I didnt want to hear or see anyone throw up.
Recently my daughter had a stomach flu that made her vomit. She is 3 and it was her first one. I had to call my father to take care of her because after 4 hours of her vomiting every 30 minutes, I was on the verge of a breakdown. And then the guilt! I couldnt take care of my child! I physically could not move anymore, I had a migraine so bad I feared just stroking out. Between the emetophobia and the guilt because my children are my whole world, I have been near the edge, even with medication. I am ok with baby spit up but vomiting (the sound, smell, and sight) literally kills me. I have gotten to where I can watch tv ok but if I get the inkling someone on screen will puke I change the channel and get sweaty palms and racing heartbeat.
I am glad I am not the only one. I know that vomiting is not as bad as I make it out to be, realistically, but I cant get my brain to tell my body that and stop the fears and panic attacks associated with it. No one knows my specific phobia, they just think it is fear of crowds or stress, I never tell the truth. It seems like they will say "well, no one likes to throw up" and discount it as trivial, but it definitely is not. I would rather bleed to death and have almost, cause I dont want to look at the wound and get nauseated. I just wrapped it up and called my dad to look at it and take me to the doctor and hour later.
I could have written your story myself. I just sit here and read with my eyes bugged out in surprise. Please share with me how you're getting help or what you are doing to get better. I don't have to explain any details of my story because you wrote it yourself. Thanks for sharing.
