Messages By: gak815

When I purchased my home back in 1997, I picked up a brochure at the bank on ESCROW.  The AHA moment came when I realized that I could do the same for myself.  So I went home and made a list of what my yearly bills were going to be:

1. Car Insurance, House Insurance, Life Insurance, Dental Insurance
2. Water & Sewer
3. Vacation
4. Home Repairs
5. Car Repairs
6. House payment
7. Property Taxes

I then totaled up the amounts and divided it by 26 (the # of paychecks I get in 1 year).  Then I went to the bank and opened up a savings account.  Had the bank transfer the AMOUNT into the ESCROW account every pay period.

It took a while to build up the ESCROW; however, it was wonderful when at 6 months, I was paying my car insurance at one time.

The house payment was easier too!  Instead of 1 large payment, I had it split up.  All I had to do was transfer the monies back into my savings and write a check.

NOTE: there are 52 weeks in a month, and I got paid every other week which meant I had 26 paydays in a year.  2 of those checks helped me to build up my ESCROW account and I had the extra monies to help me pay for emergencies or a vacation or a new TV at the end of the year.

I have lost 120 lbs., so I know how you are feeling. I really don't have too much excessive skin but enough that I could have a few things done. I completely lost my chest and now I look like a man. I have some saggy parts and I would love to have a tummy tuck and lipo. It is like having a new life. People treat you differently when you are thin and that makes you wonder.... "I've been the same person this whole time and now you want to be nice to me". Good job on your success.

The husband clearly got a bad rap on the show and he did a poor job of defending himself, although, I can't really blame him considering he was getting attacked so much. It amazes me the way everything he said was dismissed. He obviously works very hard full time to support the wife and kids. Her full time job is to take care of the kids, the house, etc.  

What if... 

- After months and months and months, the ONLY meals she makes for him are Ramen, frozen pizza and Mac and cheese?  

- She is a total slob, putting in a half effort around the house. Like they said in the show, leaving wet clothes in the washing machine for 3 days? What the HELL is up with that? 

- What if she NEVER dresses sexy. Ever. What if she insisted that she wants to wear sweat pants all week long and when they go out, she's going to dress like her mother (as she said on the show).  

Then what? Let's bash the husband some more? What if his complaints are 100% valid?  

What if a husband said he's only looking for her to do sexy stuff a few times a month, he even buys her lingerie and sexy outfits and she refuses to wear them?. Or, after all this timem she is unwilling to make a nice dinner even after you offer to buy her cookbooks, have her take cooking classes, buy everything you need in the kitchen, etc?  

Everyone keeps saying, "it's a two way street".... well, it sounds to me like the wife isn't meeting her end of the deal. I know, I know, I'm clueless, of course, women are always right and men are always wrong.  

Laughing out loud as I assume 'johnsmith' is a man, no doubt.  

The husband didn't get a 'bad rap'; the husband was a moron! 

Johnsmith: What if...  

- After months and months and months, the ONLY meals she makes for him are Ramen, frozen pizza and Mac and cheese?   

   okay, what if? Maybe he should cook a meal, take her and kids out to dinner or perhaps eat 

ramen, frozen pizza and mac and cheese and be dang glad she made that!  

She is a total slob, putting in a half effort around the house. Like they said in the show, leaving wet clothes in the washing machine for 3 days? What the HELL is up with that?  

   She sure didn't appear to be a 'slob', but rather a worn-out mom/wife that could use someone to come in and clean FOR her once a week. And, okay, here's what's up with the wet clothes,  mr. ding-dong john, maybe she's EXHAUSTED---I raised 4 kids all 19-20 months apart and loved every minute of it, was a stay at home wife and there were a few times I didn't care if the clothes in the washer ROTTED, as I was so exhausted! I can remember having to even throw a few things away due to mold---so what?!?! There are times, Einstein, when a mom just can't go another single step and sometimes when that happens there may be some clothes that sit in the washer; okay, so GET OVER IT or put the blankety -blank things in the dryer yourself! That's what's up with that! 

What if she NEVER dresses sexy. Ever. What if she insisted that she wants to wear sweat pants all week long and when they go out, she's going to dress like her mother (as she said on the show).  Okay, what if???? Did you forget the vows??? (For better or worse, sexy or not??) 

You can bet if this man wasn't such a demeaning moron, she'd WANT to dress up for him!!! You guys do NOT understand women!  

Then what? Let's bash the husband some more? What if his complaints are 100% valid?  You are really dumb. A married man has NO valid complaints! Not if he likes a relationship, friendship and sex................ 

What if a husband said he's only looking for her to do sexy stuff a few times a month, he even buys her lingerie and sexy outfits and she refuses to wear them?. Or, after all this timem she is unwilling to make a nice dinner even after you offer to buy her cookbooks, have her take cooking classes, buy everything you need in the kitchen, etc?   

What if he just laid off the pressure to PERFORM and accept her as he did the day he said, "I do?" Gee, now that would be a simple way to get things moving HIS way. A man, (if he's smart), takes the wife AS SHE IS and he doesn't drag out the cookbooks to 'help' her if she hasn't ASKED for help..............and the last thing most women with small kids want is more lingerie!!! 

Get your butt in the kitchen and clean, then bathe the kids, etc. and give her the money you would've spent on lingerie and allow her to go to a movie with a GIRLfriend so she can discuss what a total idiot you are and have time to gather her wits to deal with your ignorant blankety blank again the next day.............. 

Everyone keeps saying, "it's a two way street".... well, it sounds to me like the wife isn't meeting her end of the deal. I know, I know, I'm clueless, of course, women are always right and men are always wrong.  Hooray! You finally get it!!! Congratulations, you passed at the very end!!! 

    On some level I can see where the woman who never wanted to get married is coming from. I am 22 year old single woman, and I am happy. It is not that I don't want to get married, but when I do I only want to do it  once. I am in alot of ways afraid that I will get "STUCK" with someone like Grant. I believe that, granted when you are married there is alot of give and take. But I don't want to end up like friends of mine that she is not even "aloud" to be in  another room when her husband is home. She has to all but beg just to take a shower, because heaven forbid her husband would have to spend 2 mins. alone with the children. And he says things like "no, you have no right" or "do even be that way" when sheis simply voicing her opinions.       THAT IS NOT HOW I WANT MY LIFE TO BE!!!!!!  I want to be happy, and right now I am happy....alone. I don't want to run any chances of ending up with someone like Grant. 

If anyone out there has any good stories about the benfits of marriage, Please post them. I want to hear that there are good men out there and that it is not hopeless prison that I have seen so many times first hand. 

I agree with you totally and I wish I could have said it half as well.  I also think this topic has consumed too much of my time and energy.  Diane's slams against choosing to have a career and parent would have provoked most working mothers. And watching Kelly's broken spirtit and dead eyed look broke my heart for her. 

But no one will convince Diane that women who work outside their homes aren't raising the next crop of jailbirds.  No one is going to convince Grant to change how he treats his wife.  We know we can do what we do and that has to be enough. 

Wow!  It's so crazy to see someone you actually know on Dr. Phil.  Makes you realize all of his guests are "real" people, you know?  I just want to send my heart out to you, Kelly, if you're reading this!  I don't want to say my real name on this forum, but Kelly, remember how you "blessed" me that I'd have kids 14 months apart too, and then I did?  That's right, it's me!  I ended up having a third child 18 months later (3 kids in 2 yrs and 9 mos!!!) and most days I feel like pulling my hair out!  Just as the previous person put, with each child comes more mess and less independent time.  I get stressed out a lot, but at least my husband isn't critical as Grant seems to be.  I always thought Grant was a bit unhelpful, but I just thought you had a higher level of tolerance than me!  Of course, that was back when you only had one child, now with three I'm sure it is hard to put up with.  I had a long talk with a sister from church and she told me I needed to let go of beating myself up for not having a perfectly clean house nor perfectly behaved children because I have enough to do with just basic maintenance--like feeding the kids, changing diapers, etc.  That's hopefully what Grant learned from the show, that instead of beating you down, he needs to support you!  I hope you two are pulling through and that Grant has learned to help more.  I wish you the best and will think of you often!  If you still have my email, please email me.  I'd love to talk!  Bye for now! 

P.S.  If Grant doesn't like how you cook, make him cook!  :) 

Robin's  comments  were priceless.  They hit the spot for me and I would appreciate if someone could look up what she said and send them to me.  I can use them.  Thanks so much.  K 

I was thinking about something this morning that I wanted to share with you.  When we didn't have kids yet, our best friends had three youngsters about the age your are.  They had no close family so they never had a break, so my husband and I gave them a long weekend off together at our cottage and we stepped in as parents. 

This was a long time ago and I can still remember the exhaustion.  We had to hit the deck as soon as the youngest started cooing or she would smear poop all over herself and the oldest didn't motor down til 9. In between, I just remember a relentless rotation of cleaning up after them and feeding them. I had my husband with me, sharing the load the whole time and we still both had tears in our eyes when our friends came home 4 hour early. 

I am really organized and energetic and I can't imagine being able to do anything like organizing while running on that treadmill.  I am sure that you are doing the best you can do. 

Robin's  comments  were priceless.  They hit the spot for me and I would appreciate if someone could look up what she said and send them to me.  I can use them.  Thanks so much.  K