Messages By: sagepho

I went to Guadalajara in August 2004 for a chin reduction and nose reduction.  The purpose of the surgeries was to feminize my face because I am a transgender male to female in the early stages of transition.  I've been trying to transition since I was eighteen but it's been a slow process.  Many things got in the way.  Job, family, and even HIV.  I've been positive for fifteen years.   

My chin was screwed up by the surgeon.  I should have realized that he didn't take xrays and was going in blindly.  My chin was moved back and upward to reduce a witchy chin in height and protrusion.  That was successful.  However, were the chin and jaw mended together, the jaw sits lower than the chin.  This causes an indentation in the chin, but thanks to neck fat and what looks like jowling, it's sort of camouflaged.   

I went to Guadalajara because it only cost $3300 for everything, surgeries, hospital stay, anesthesia, etc.  In the US, it would cost $3500 plus for each surgery--not including hospital etc.  So now I'm looking at more surgery on top of my facial feminization surgeries.  I have long wanted a forehead recontouring, which only a few surgeons are willing to perform.  A San Francisco surgeon created a craniofacial surgery where the forehead bone is sectioned into four to six pieces and then set in place so that a more feminine browline is achieved.  He's awesome.   

I would love to see this surgeon receive some sort of recognition for his work with the transgender community.  He's well known in the transgender community, but it would be cool to see him on national television showing his stuff.  (I'll leave that one alone) 

I have watched so much of the Hurricane coverage hoping to see my friend.  He had called me a few weeks ago because he wanted to know when I was moving back to New Orleans.  I've been wanting to move back for years.  In September 2001, we spread my best friend's ashes through the French Quarter starting at Jackson Square, the heart of New Orleans, as the buggie-drivers call it.  When I heard that the Quarter could be flooded, I worried that my friend's ashes would be washed away.  Really, I worried that my memories could somehow be washed away by the city being destroyed.  I am HIV positive so I'm scared to go back to New Orleans right away.  I wanted to help since I'm on disability and have the time.  I have found two friends and they are safe.  One probably lost everything, but he's alive.  Another friend I haven't found yet.  He lives on St Roch and I wonder if he would be one to stay.  If I were there, I would have stayed too.  I'm just the kind of person who would try to ride it out.  That's just who I am.  So I understand the ones who stayed.  That city is part of my soul.  I new it the minute I first stepped foot on Bourbon Street.   

I'm watching today show and having emotional ups and downs.  I have been going through this since before the hurricane hit.  I thought it would miss New Orleans like so many times before.  My friend may have gone to Texas to be with his family.  I hope that's what happened.  He hasn't made contact with me by phone or Internet.  I've sent emails and even regular mail just in case he was smart enough to forward his mail.     

I found out that my best-friend passed in August of 2001 after she had already been creamated.  I attended her memorial in Jackson Square during Southern Decadence of 2001.  One of the drag queens who attended the event left the group and went back to the house where my girlfriend was staying to pack up everything while the owners of the home were away.  Before my friend passed, she had told me that she didn't trust this drag queen.  My friend's house was supposed to be sold and the proceeds used to buy another friend a car.  The house went into foreclosure I'm told.  I was kept away from everything.  I find it shocking that my friend didn't leave his pets to me even.  No one saw a will.  They said she didn't have one.  Maybe she didn't.  However, there are programs to help people living with HIV create wills for free through Legal Aid.   

The family wasn't notified of my friend's death and that's suspicious as well.  I didn't have any way to contact them.  I still wonder if they know.