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September 9, 2005, 12:47 am CDT

Being a Good Friend

Quote From: germankim

Hi everyone..I need help!!! Ok here goes...I have a friend, a REALLY good close friend. We are like sisters. While I was living back in the States, we lived together. Her and her husband, me and my fiancee and child. Before I left and moved to Germany with my fiancee and child, we were going through some old boxes and some letters fell out. I picked them up and asked her why they were addressed to me and 3 years earlier??!!    

She explained that when she lived in San Diego, of course she missed me and she wrote me letters but could never send them off. I asked if I could read them and she got very nervous and ran out of the garage. Well, I found one and read it. In the letter  she explained how much she missed me and loved me. But in a way more than just friends!! I was sooooo happy to hear that, because I felt the same for her for years!! I told her everything was ok and we kept being friends.   

Well, after I moved here to Germany, she got a divorce from her husband, her mother died, and I wasn't there for her, physically. The guilt that I felt. She keeps asking me when am I leaving my fiancee and moving back!!! I feel sooo crappy because I love her but I dont want to hurt my fiancee. I love him too but ever since I found out how she fells about me, I dont feel the same about him! I cant stop thinking about her and I am REALLY in love with her...but what do I say to my man. I love him too.  

Only her dad knows about our love for one another. I cant tell my family that Im gay or even bisexual! Im stuck between a rock and a hard place, what do I do??!! Pls help.    

Dear Germankim  

   

I've been out for some years now and the biggest thing I've learnt is go with your heart on this one.  Love is love and if you both feel it then you should explore it.  Being with someone you love but are not in love with is unfair to both you and him.  Compassion and empathy for him is required as he will be devestated and won't understand...it's your call if you tell him the truth...be gentle on yourself and him.  I don't know his nature so I can't say if you should have escape plan on hand. Some guys get offended, some think it's kinky...sorry that's human nature...you know him better than anyone...use your intuition on this one...I say go for it Girl...When it comes to families...well my parents have known since I was 21 and it's taken me 14 years to finally get the message into their heads...they still don't get it...and never will...I'm not bothered by that anymore...it hurt for a long time then just recently I wrote them a very long letter, and in it referenced my love for people of the same sex...(I've been out with both) it was the way I was born...and after years of beating myself up about it...I finally accepted it...this is your life...being happy is very important and being with someone who loves and accepts you is extremely important...you know what too do...don't let FEAR get in the way of happiness.  I think it's cool she kept the letters...what a babe...I hope you both find your way...  

   

Sugajazz  

 
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September 9, 2005, 2:07 am CDT

Toxic Family Relationships

Quote From: tomcsik51

I do not know what else to odo, I am so sick of lies and false promises. I do not even know where to begin...I guess first of all, I am a 13 year old only child with both of my parents still together, they can barely stand eachotehr, I do not know why they bother. My dad has an anger problem, and my mom has an alcohol problem. My parents never really taught me HOW to clean, (that sounds like a lame excuse, but I don't know where anything goes in our house) My Parents constantly complain about me not doing work around here, Dad is never home, he works alot, and mom is just lazy and hippocritical. They yell for me to keep my room clean, but if a cat throws up in her room, she waits for "someone else" to clean it, and out of pride from dad, and my squimishness, it stays there for 2 weeks sometimes. They are always fighting about money, "mom spends money on beer, Dad spends money on unnecessary items" etc... I have ask mother numerous times to get us a counselor, get me appointments with doctors such as a dermatologist, dentist, orthodontist, etc... She was also supposed to sign me up for 3 sports, which I am too late for, and I've even asked to go back to church, and we will, she promises. Well, it is about 12:30 and mom came home, we got in a fight, and she told me "you both can go to hell" i confronted her and shes like "I never said that" but I heard her, and I wouldn't put it past her. I have ran away a few times, I have cut, I throw up, and after all that, I still manage to be one of the most recognized students by the faculty at my middle school. I do not know where else to turn, these are only a few of my problems. But for now- I will stick with this, and to leave you all one more note to comment on about how screwed up I am, and what a drain on society my family is, I, THE KID think my parents do not set enough boundarys, are not strict/tough enough on me, and I hate how I have lost all respect, I curse in front of my parents half the time, do not get yelled at. They don't try to teach me it is wrong. They figure just bcuz I am student council, High Honors, and National Junior Honor Society, I won't get into any trouble, but I have been cutting for a year, and throwing up for 6 months, no one has even gotten wind. I do not even remember the last time either of them sat down to talk about my life, and actually tried to get me to talk about it. I have never had the drug talk, never had the alcohol chat, and never had the sex lecture. Never--- But for some reason- after all the award winning parenting I get, mommy dearrest still has to say how terrible my friends are.  Please remember before you call social services, I am an angry teen, you are getting one side of the story, and I am not in any immediate danger. Please, help me, somebody, anybody... Thank you for listening...  

-me  

(ps. it really sux, ive been throwing up for 6 month, and Im still at least 10 pounds overweight)  

Dear donner63   

    

As an adult who has survived an alcoholic mother who laid into me with physical, mental and emotional abuse, I would advise very quickly to go and talk this out with someone.  You are not betraying them by doing this, you are caring for yourself and stopping the pattern.    

    

Hurting yourself is not the way, it's self abuse and it doesn't solve anything, it makes it worse.  Please trust me on this one.  Your anger needs to be released and not in a destructive way.  I have found writing and music to be a great release.  Writing letters of anger and saddness then deleting them is great, it gets it out and no one else gets too read them...which is generally what people fear...It is a councelling term called Write It, Rip It, Bin It...Again, please trust me, it works...I even do it when people in my every day life have pissed me off, it saves me getting angry at them...and I'm at a point where I usually have a laugh afterwards... 

    

Learning to love yourself is very important and you are at a great age to start this process.  Holding onto anger is very unhealthy.  Underneath all anger is saddness, crying helps and it's very natural and very healthy. Being with good people who love you is very important.  Learning to TRUST yourself is important especially when TRUST has been broken by parents.  They do love you, some people just don't grow emotionally and it's widespread throughout the world...Your parents have their own issues and it is very sad and unfortunate that you are wearing the brunt of this...don't take it personally, it's not your fault. (I know that is easier said than done...) Your self esteem has been bruised not broken, you have the strength to make it through this.  Reading and researching about human behaviour is also a good way to understand them a lot more.  Learning to forgive them is also very important and in time you will reach this point...it's very healthy to have this as a goal...  

    

Confronting an alcoholic is not easy, generally they don't believe they have a problem.  I know it doesn't seem right but educating yourself on the do's and don't's in life is a wise decision, you appear to have the right intellect too do this.  Be very proud of yourself for doing so well at school with all of this going on...I really admire your courage and strength.   

    

As for the cleaning...well I run my own cleaning business ...most 13 year olds don't have a clue...so don't beat yourself up over this one you're a kid and evey kid I know hasn't a clue...besides your mum really should be doing it herself or hiring someone too assist her...it would do her the world of good...good on you though for pitching in...you are a brave little soul...  

   

I do deeply empathise with you and I would love to give you a big hug...and make you smile...reading your letter is like reading a mirror of my life and all I can say is ... talk this out...read, research and release...  

   

Your doing well mate...I live in Australia and I've met a lot of kids in your position, they are doing really well now and have made it through...be kind to yourself and very gentle, even amongst all the chaos and hurt...it's very important to love yourself...  

   

Keep your chin up...  

   

Love  

   

Sugajazz  

    

 
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September 9, 2005, 2:15 am CDT

Toxic Family Relationships

Quote From: tomcsik51

I do not know what else to odo, I am so sick of lies and false promises. I do not even know where to begin...I guess first of all, I am a 13 year old only child with both of my parents still together, they can barely stand eachotehr, I do not know why they bother. My dad has an anger problem, and my mom has an alcohol problem. My parents never really taught me HOW to clean, (that sounds like a lame excuse, but I don't know where anything goes in our house) My Parents constantly complain about me not doing work around here, Dad is never home, he works alot, and mom is just lazy and hippocritical. They yell for me to keep my room clean, but if a cat throws up in her room, she waits for "someone else" to clean it, and out of pride from dad, and my squimishness, it stays there for 2 weeks sometimes. They are always fighting about money, "mom spends money on beer, Dad spends money on unnecessary items" etc... I have ask mother numerous times to get us a counselor, get me appointments with doctors such as a dermatologist, dentist, orthodontist, etc... She was also supposed to sign me up for 3 sports, which I am too late for, and I've even asked to go back to church, and we will, she promises. Well, it is about 12:30 and mom came home, we got in a fight, and she told me "you both can go to hell" i confronted her and shes like "I never said that" but I heard her, and I wouldn't put it past her. I have ran away a few times, I have cut, I throw up, and after all that, I still manage to be one of the most recognized students by the faculty at my middle school. I do not know where else to turn, these are only a few of my problems. But for now- I will stick with this, and to leave you all one more note to comment on about how screwed up I am, and what a drain on society my family is, I, THE KID think my parents do not set enough boundarys, are not strict/tough enough on me, and I hate how I have lost all respect, I curse in front of my parents half the time, do not get yelled at. They don't try to teach me it is wrong. They figure just bcuz I am student council, High Honors, and National Junior Honor Society, I won't get into any trouble, but I have been cutting for a year, and throwing up for 6 months, no one has even gotten wind. I do not even remember the last time either of them sat down to talk about my life, and actually tried to get me to talk about it. I have never had the drug talk, never had the alcohol chat, and never had the sex lecture. Never--- But for some reason- after all the award winning parenting I get, mommy dearrest still has to say how terrible my friends are.  Please remember before you call social services, I am an angry teen, you are getting one side of the story, and I am not in any immediate danger. Please, help me, somebody, anybody... Thank you for listening...  

-me  

(ps. it really sux, ive been throwing up for 6 month, and Im still at least 10 pounds overweight)  

hi I wrote the wrong username at the top...i addressed it too donner63 not your message name...my apologies... 

  

PS>>> I read your reply to donner63... 

  

Don't deny yourself the right to go and talk with someone...material items are good and fun and it's good they are buying you these... 

  

Sorting the emotional problems out is very important...masking them with material items only works for awhile...trust me... 

 
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September 9, 2005, 6:57 am CDT

A Point of View

To anyone who reads this I wish to convey my point of view with the intent of not offending anyone... 

  

 

  

  

 

It is not the words 'spanking or Abuse' that is the issue here... 

  

 

  

  

 

It is the ACTION and AFFECT of a raising hand that is the issue... 

  

 

  

  

 

As adults we underestimate the learning ability of a child and the sub conscious minds ability of recall... 

  

 

  

  

 

The sub conscious mind is a very powerful part of our minds and as we develop into adults it is what we are primarily lead by...it's likened to the CPU in our computers...there are many research papers and web sites on this subject. 

  

 

  

  

 

If we can teach children to feed themselves, dress themselves, and perform all the functions of human behaviour then it can be said we can teach them to raise their hands when they are frustrated, angry or otherwise.  Children and adults have the ability to recall as it termed in psyche terms...Learned Behaviour...

  

 

  

  

 

Children of today are very intelligent and teaching them Positive Behaviour as opposed to Non Positive Behaviour is a Challenge and like all jobs, parenting requires research, reading and trial and error. 

  

 

  

  

 

I don't personally agree with 'Raising a Hand' at a Child or at an Adult...only in self defense...hence the reason I study with respect Martial Arts...for the purpose of Self Defense...and the techniques used are blocking not striking.  

  

 

  

  

 

I don't condemn anyone who spanks their child I see it as learned behaviour and as a form of communication that can be unlearned or adjusted at the persons discretion...free will and choice.   

  

 

  

  

 

I see it like this Hands are for Holding, Helping and Healing...we can put any label on it...to me touching another person to adjust a behaviour feels wrong...and at 35 I have learned to communicate verbally and I even know when to walk away and compose myself...I taught myself self control and have researched and still do human behaviour and the complexities of them…ie…learning styles, communication, special needs..etc etc having come from a background where I discipline was not gentle and education and understanding of our differences was very much the opposite... 

  

 

  

  

 

Yes I was spanked, then slapped and it got worse then it was my emotions and my mind...unfortunately some parents don't know when to stop, it also confused the words...'I love you' and lead me into many relationship with 'abusive' partners until I sought counseling and healing and broke the pattern.  Through my journey I have learnt forgiveness, understanding and acceptance that what happened to me was through learned behaviour and others’ individual issues that had not been dealt with.  What saddened me the most was the loss of TRUST... 

  

 

  

  

 

We are all different in many ways; some are more sensitive than others and you NEVER know the sensitivity level that lies below the surface of anyone you meet or bring into this world.  Out of respect children generally don't say much or talk back, sometimes  also it's in fear of being struck again...Some children will block out hurt feelings associated with physical discipline and this can and generally will surface at some stage later in their adult life…and that can come in many forms…

  

 

  

 

One person may give a quick pop on the backside and the person who received the pop…may pop a little harder at the next and so on and so on…too think we know children and how they will act as adults or what their definition of a hard or soft spanking is saying they are ‘us’(the adult raising them)…when in true fact…they are their own person…you are as much of a stranger to them as they are too you…(I wouldn’t like a complete stranger to touch me because they were having difficulty communicating with me…it’s not something I would appreciate)  regardless of how well you teach a person…each human has free will and choice and once we all know we have that anything can happen…I am in mind set of teaching a child to know themselves, not be a clone of who I am simply because they can’t be…it did take two too make them…a child who knows themselves has personal power…and learning respect for others and their differences is very important and goes a long way in building relations and TRUST with others…

  

 

  

 

I will leave it here and wish you all well with your parenting…Children are wonderful, they have so much to teach us…as it is said…we are all teaches and we are all students…age doesn’t enter in the equation of human growth and learning…we all have something to offer…being conscious and aware can be very rewarding and also very confronting…all mis-takes are forgivable…we are all human and all doing the best we can…

  

 

  

 

With Kind Regards and Peace

  

 

  

 

Sugajazz 

  

 

 
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September 9, 2005, 3:17 pm CDT

Ease Up

Quote From: trinket

   

   

   

 Your probably going to report me for this, but so be it.. it must be said.   In one sentence you summed up the whole mess.   

   

 You start with "children locking parents out of the grand-children’s’ lives"   

  

but then you BLAME GAME your divorce. Call your husband a rapist. nice.  

   

   You prattle on about all these medical issues-- (Focus on the self, not the problem with why your not an active grandmother)  then you complain about your daughter adding---  

   

 She has a Cinema degree now and is in Law school… but she won’t talk to me blaming me for things I cannot acknowledge.   

   

  What does Dr Phil always say on his show ?  "You cannot fix what you don't acknowledge".  Then you add in..  

   

"and a child on a grammna lap listening to a story and looking at his father and what he did as a kid turning the pages on the photo album!   

   

   So you don't see your son's kids either?  

   

   

       My mom-- when I try to talk to her about some of the things she did to me as a kid- The beatings, the neglect, the favortism between my sister and I, the destruction, her games-  My mother will laugh self conciously and will say "Where did you get that ? What an imagination"...   

   

and she does not see my children either.  She's so desperate, she tried to go behind my back and use my child's father to bring him to her during his visitations.  I called her a LOW RENT C**T for that one.  She's very "Jerry Springer"...  

   

She's running scared, and so long as she does not acknowledge what she did to me-- and what you did to your daughter--then your relationships will float along as they are, and that is YOUR Choice.  

   

   

   So long as you do not take SELF RESPONSIBILITY and Accountability for your actions- your choices, then we who were children when you had all the power-- take that power away from you by refusing to talk to you and allow you to harm our children by allowing you to see them.  Your head games don't stop with us, and we know that.   

   

 There is a reason you don't see your grandchildren, and until you face up to what YOU did- without the blaming of your husband, using your medical issues, medications, whatever you want to blame-  

   

  Until you take accountability and acknowledge your bad choices, you leave us-- your kids no choice. We cannot allow you to harm our children as you harmed us, so we cannot let you see our kids, and You never will.   I don't know who will be choosing your nursing home, but woe unto you, and my own mother as well.   

  

  

She may not report your letter...but I will add this  

   

Don't take out on this lady...what obviously belongs to YOUR MOTHER...  

   

Like your mother she did the best she could...she didn't abort her children...she chose to carry them and raise them...for that alone she deserves credit...  

   

Yes RAPE in MARRIAGE does happen and it's WRONG...I don't agree with calling them rapists, however that is my own personal view...I would call them control freaks who lack any form of respect for their partner... 

   

Health problems cause depression and then loaded with trauma can nearly drive people insane...  

You may be saying how would I know...I was an abused child three out of the four forms...the sexual abuse came from others and I hated and detested my mother, until one day I woke up and said to myself...she still has control of me and my life...best I find my own personal power and take control of MYSELF...not her.  I sought councelling and healing and it's taken me five years to forgive her and many others, however it's done.  It was a choice and has brought me peace.  

I confronted her, wrote too her and threw hissy fits over her choices and actions sought an apology and she didn't budge, so I did...I fixed myself...because I was the Problem...I allowed what she did to affect all areas of my life...she still denies it and throws in the odd comment...I have learnt to ignore it...some people never change and that is their CHOICE...I chose to CHANGE me and educate myself on human behaviour and how I could stop the pattern of ABUSE...for the sake of my children...All I had too do was acknowledge it for myself and get over my denial and start crying and healing...it was hard work and nearly sent me around the bend...but I'd do it again if I had too. 

I was the one who wore the brunt of mothers anger on all levels, my sister ran away and now has four children and she still allows my mother to CONTROL her and get under her skin...she even gone as far as threatening an anti violence order...and wanted me to be a part of the mudslinging...No thanks...I've healed my demons and found SELF CONTROL and ways too handle the situation with maturity and understanding.  

Have a go at me if you want...you need to talk with someone who can guide you on letting go of your anger and finding peace and you can report me for that...I think the majority would agree me...don't beat up on people because you have your own issues and don't know a way out...Calling someone a LOW RENT C...is really immature...I'd suggest before you consider this something to be proud of that you fast forward you life and hear your own children calling you that...you may say oh it won't bother me...it will and you will see what you've created through your own anger...  

Get off her back and go and sort out your own issues  

 
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September 9, 2005, 3:30 pm CDT

With Compassion

Quote From: elisza

July 25, 2005, 8:34 am PDT why can't i meet my real gamma?

Dear Dr. Phil,

 

 

 

 

You promised not to leave a stone unturned but I have yet to see a show on this particular theme: children locking parents out of the grand-children’s’ lives as a result of a messy, violent divorce/separation of their parents.

 

 

 

 

I did not want to marry my husband because I found him very selfish. But after he raped me I decided to, to ‘save my honour’. (1968)

 

 

 

 

Bad move, yet I would do it again because despite the events in our marriage, three children were born. He wanted me to abort the first child because I was in Teachers College at the time. (1971) I found out and they put pressure on me to pull out. I refused and had my child and wrote my last exam within 24 hours. It was not easy because I have a neurological disorder called Charcot Marie Tooth Syndrome. I can live with that but the idea that a man can think abortion is an option haunts me!

Secondly, in my 9th month, he insisted I cook him boiled potatoes…. It was so hot out, I

had spent the day in school, ninth month into pregnancy was HEAVY soo tired, etc. etc…. well, I gave in and a pot of boiling water spilled on my huge belly gluing my polyester gown to my flesh: I suffered severe burns and to this day I shiver when I think he blamed me for being clumsy and did not come to the doctor with me: I tell you this as an example for having said he was selfish.

 

 

 

 

Life went on. He raped me for my third child. (remember rape was legal at that time in Canada the police tell me 1976). I was not ready for this one as I had just given birth to my second (1975) and had started a good paying job as a special ed. teacher

 

 

 

 

I gave birth to my sole daughter in 1977 and she inherited my syndrome: needless to say I went full steam ahead to try to avert surgery for a severe scoliosis in 1983. By 1986, the world famous back surgeon said I had performed a medical miracle: I had sought out the help of Dr Jeno Tyjani, Alex Bowman’s swimming coach for help! Remember Alex Bowman won the world swimming  -gold in LA. Dr. Phil? Why did my husband refuse to share the work involved in her therapy? Why did he poison my girl’s mind saying I was trying to make a handicap out of her? Why was he making her deny her disability as though it would disappear?

 

 

 

 

I guess that’s another issue!

 

 

 

 

Seems that is water under the bridge for me now…. She has a Cinema degree now and is in Law school… but she won’t talk to me blaming me for things I cannot acknowledge.

 

 

 

 

My issue is this! When my husband left, he vowed he would have me on the streets homeless! This happened! And I was recuperating from severe kidney problems undergoing surgeries for years and recuperating in Women’s Shelters. Not fun! I was made to look like the loser who could not get a life!

 

 

 

 

My husband waged a vicious war! Bt what hurts the most is the fact that t was not easy for me in many ways! But, I would do it over again to se them have a life!

 

 

 

 

Here is the show I would want to see Dr. Phil:

 

 

 

 

1-      show how a parent should never be victim of a war game In marriage

 

 

2-      show that it is an act of inhumanity and cruelty to continue this war and stop a loving gramma from seeing her grand-children

 

 

3-   explain the dynamics of anger, and confusion and the long term repercussions for grand-children robbed of a gramma like me!

 

 

 

 

With Family First etc. I feel I have found an ambassador for my values. I feel the pain of millions of gammas caught in this web of baseless hatred! Please count our tears and change them to laughter and a child on a grammna lap listening to a story and looking at his father and what he did as a kid turning the pages on the photo album!

 

I really hope you all find a way to forgive each other...even you forgiving your husband... 

  

The way he treated you was wrong...calling him a rapist is not healthy for your children...it doesn't make them feel loved or conceived out of love...words can be more damaging than the action alone... 

  

You obviously have the net at home...there are many web sites on forgiveness, abuse, how to handle resolution and how to find peace...and a great is the Drama Triangle...interesting reading... 

  

I wish you well...everyone has to heal their own pain and it's all about choice...Staying in Victim mode is very damaging...try writing a letter from the heart...I don't believe in BAD choices I believe in lessons and this world is only now starting to open up and talk about more effective ways of relating to each other...and the use of english language to describe things that happened too us... 

  

I hope your children see that they are not perfect...but then anger can blind us all... 

 
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September 9, 2005, 10:50 pm CDT

Respect Your Daughters Wishes

Quote From: buckeyegal

What to do with photos of prior relationship

My daughter was married at 22 and had a baby.  The wedding party included many of her younger and distant cousins who loved being in the wedding and getting dressed up in their cute little dresses.  Within a couple years, she had an affair with a man who was also married.  They both split from their spouses and began cohabitating, and produced a child as well.  She is now divorced, but he is not.

 

We have a family website on a commercial server  that is private.  All the members of the website are just those on our (and her) side of the family.  We use it's message board, upload photos, recipes, etc.  It's a great place for the grandparents, too, to keep in touch with all of their children and grandchildren.

 

When she was first married, I uploaded photos of the wedding to the website, especially since every single person on the website was at the wedding, and someone from each of the families was actually IN the wedding.  There's one or two photos of her ex-husband and her with their child.

 

With her new relationship, we have also uploaded 'family' photos of her with her new boyfriend and their baby.

 

My problem is, she doesn't want her current boyfriend to see the wedding photos or any picture on the site that includes her ex-husband.  She asked me to delete them all.  I mulled it over for quite awhile, and had she had no children by her husband, I probably would've obliged.  However, her ex-husband is always going to be a part of her life, and ours, because they have a child together.  I don't think it's fair to their child -- our grandchild -- to delete or remove any photo just because her ex-husband is in it.  I told her I would never display photos of her ex-husband on our walls (and I certainly wouldn't expect her to!), or carry them in our wallets, but to delete them out of our online website (and they are 'buried' way down because there's been 100 or so posted since then)  or remove them from our personal photo albums at home seems wrong.  Their relationship... from when they met, then married, then her affair... lasted about 4 years.

 

I explained to her that unless we married our childhood sweetheart, whatever further romantic relationship we have is always going to come with a bit of our past relationships, and sometimes a bit of baggage as well.  "It was a part of your life.  You loved him at one time and have a beautiful child together".  She openly admits she's a very jealous individual, and says she hates seeing photos of her boyfriends wife, and says her boyfriend (in his mid-30s) would feel jealous, too, if he saw that we kept those photos on our family website, and that he would think we don't want him as part of the family.  (I disagree ... in fact, he even gets along with her ex-husband and sees him frequently when they switch custody of her child)  I also explained to her that I had several boyfriends before I met and married her dad, and they're still in my old photo albums.  My husband's seen them many times and sees nothing wrong with it. 

 

What does anyone out there think?

Hi Read Your Email 

  

I would try to find a healthy compromise to the situation....She may need sometime to move on from her mis-take...maybe when she feels ready you can put them back on the website... 

  

I'd say this is more about her than her boyfriend...perhaps feelings of guilt are the main reason... 

  

I'm a person who doesn't keep any photo's of ex's...that's a personal choice...mainly because when it's over it's over... 

  

She's let you know how she feels, perhaps going with her for now will allow her to move on...and in time she may reconsider...If it was me I'd respect my daughters wishes...it was her relationship...and her being happy and her feelings considered is the most important thing  

 

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