Messages By: imadrphilphan

I asked questions, lot's of questions. Most of his answers were lies. Asking questions isn't enough these days. When you first start dating, go on the internet and get all the information you can. Make him give you the name of his employer and make an excuse to call him at work to verify that he really does work there. Take him to lunch and meet his co-workers. Within in a few weeks you should be meeting his friends. Talk to them, everyone loves telling the new kid funny stories. Get them started with stories about him. Talking to people that he knows will paint a much better picture of his personality. This works even with an honest guy, who might not be able to describe himself well. If he doesn't want you to contact him at work and/or refuses to introduce you to his friends; he throwing up a big red flag.

I have an aquaintance at work who is part of my little group friends. She protrays herself like she is layed-back and friendly. But I have known her for almost 4 years and I have wittnessed her behaving like a spoiled, selfish child whom can be really toxic to people who make her angry. She has already caused 2 people to move accross the room from my group. I try to interact with her as little as possible. Here is the deal, another woman at work has started having home parties to make some extra money, she sells intimate toys and clothing, oils etc. you get the idea. When she told me she was doing this and asked if I was interested in looking at one of her books. I got a little embarrassed and told her "No thanks." Well, word must have gotten around that I was not interested. Several women at work have had her do a home party for them and the most recent person was my aquaintance. I assume she already knew that I was not interested in this sort of party because I was not invited. She invited all of my friends, even the 2 she had chased away. I heard nothing about this party until the day before. This woman does home interior, tupperware, candle parties etc, and when she is planning the party all she does is talk, talk, talk about it. Since everyone kept it really quiet I assume she told all of them that I was not invited. Even now 2 weeks later, they are still hush, hush. I am very hurt that I was not invited, I know she probably thought she was keeping me from being embarrassed. But, I think that to go or not to go should have been my decision. So, am I correct in feeling hurt and left out?

My ex-husband was a convict in the federal prison system. He was in prison when we became penpals, after 2 years of corresponding I moved 2000 miles to be near him. After a year of visiting him at the prison, he was released on parole and we were married that day. Every TV special and talk show I have watched on this subject concentrate on the relationship and what it did to the woman. Ladies I would like to enlighten you on the inmates side of the story.

 

On Dr. Phil today they brought up the fact that Willy is religious and that was important to her. The religion thing comes off great for the inmates because to the outsider it makes him look like he has a soul and may be repentent for what he did and is willing to change. This also makes him look good to the parole board. For the inmate who do not get visitors, his belief in religion gives him the chance to sign up for visits from prison ministries volunteers. Also when you are put in prison you have to find a "group" to belong to, for protection. Groups like Native Americans, Hispanics, African-Americans, Skin-heads, Bible thumpers and so on.

 

The inmates in the visiting room are well behaved because they are being watched very carefully by the guards and they know it. One wrong move or raised voice and they lose their visiting room previledges or worse. Put the same inmate out on the street and he is a completely different person.

 

The thing that impressed me about my ex was his intelligence, and he seemed to be so well read on a variety of topics. I discovered that he seemed well read because even the most illerate inmate will get book after book out of the prison library just break up the boredom of their lives. If they want to impress a penpal, just find out her interests and go bone up on the subject. Suddenly you are birds of a feather.

 

These men have hours upon hours to learn how to be a better criminals, and to con the well meaning women who write to them.

 

If you really want to know what the inmate is like, meet his family, meet his friends who are still on the outside. Watch and learn. If I had met my ex's family before I married him, I would went running for the hills.