Messages By: kander

kander

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September 15, 2005, 3:47 pm PDT

could 'nt agree more

Quote From: misfitgirl

good greif i knew if i said that i would be chewed out.

I am so sick of people telling me to believe whatever fantasy i want to believe. Cuz he is looking and all this crap. See we can not just generalize all people. My boyfreind hates it that he is genrealized cuz i told him before that all men look and he said yeah right. he actually gets pissed when people say that just cuz someone is man they should do this or that. Thtas wrong. I still think that just cuz your guy does it, YOU feel its okay. Well sorry but all people think differntly and not every man on this earth is looking at every pretty girl who walks by. I am not saying that my boyfeind has never noticed a good looking women. I know he does but he does not gawk at women. I have no control over what he does when he is not with me at all so if he wants to stare at all these girls well then what can i do.?Maybe i should just belive that my boyfreind is just lying to me all the time right? I dont tell myself these things to make myself feel better at all. I have been with my boyfriend for over three years i can tell when he is looking at some girl and i am telling you he does not do it much.

Its like now days people tell you that are just fooling yourself if you think your man does not oogle other girls and watch porn. Thats a bunch of bull. Gooid grief some men are happy with what tehy ahve and no they dont look and some men dont even like porn. For years i belived taht all men wre pigs cuz i was told they all do this or that but guess what not all of them do what other men do. I ma glad i figured that out.

I am so sick of people telling me to believe whatever fantasy i want to believe. Cuz he is looking and all this crap. See we can not just generalize all people

i have been happily married for over 13 yrs and couldn't agree more. i think everyone male and femle notice beauty, but staring going beyond that is disrespectful w/or without your partner around.

i know my husband is not blind or inhuman so he of course can "see" beauty, but i can honestly say i know he is not flirting or being disrespectful in his noticing. i can know that he would look at the person the same way with or without me and not w/ any ill intentions in his mind or most importantly heart.

we do not want to send our guys or girls out there w/blinders on. for godsake beauty is not perverted.

you stand your ground blisgirl. sorry if i messed the name up. i can not see it from this posting.

yes, you can trust your man. i think it;s a character flaw to oggle or flirt. not everyone does it. it's in them or not. others who have the misfortune to be in a relationship w/one of these other type of guys would never believe it because they do not know of any other type.

believe me my first husband was like that. "loved" the pretty women. my husband of the last 13 yrs also appreciates and notices beauty but is not at all disrespectful, flirting or in any way inappropriate

hang in there

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kander

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September 17, 2005, 4:04 pm PDT

hormones

Quote From: laluna

My husband and I met each other in highschool and we were very hot and heavy. I couldn't get enough of him. A few months before we got married I became an egg donar and had to go on the pill for two weeks. Ever since than my sex drive has gone way way down. Most of our fights are because I don't want to have sex and when we do I can't wait to get it over with. I don't know what happened????? I remember reading once about certain pills containing a drug that creates a low sex drive. But I only took it for 2 weeks and that was alomost over 2 years ago. Sometimes I think other things add to it. My husband has gained a lot of weight over the past 2 years and it has become hard for him to get or keep an errection. He also accuses me of not being attracted to him anymore...and he's right. I just don't know what to do. Has anyone ever been or is in the same situation?

laluna, how old are you and do you have any children?

i have been married to my husband for almost 13 yrs now. we had mad passionate sex prior to marriage that continued on until early to mid 30's. then a huge decline in my sex drive happened. i had no idea why. the only thing i could think of was post traumatic stress syndrome. i had been attacked in a department store bathroom. thank god i was unharmed but still have lasting fears of public restrooms. (a whole different story and msg board). haha

any way my drive went down hill fast. i tried everything including toys, testosterone cream, movies. self talk and seeing a counselor. i did make myself say "yes" to sex even when i was not feeling like it and enjoyed it once it started. kind of like exercising... hard to get started but always feel better once finished... any way. over time and a very considerate, loving , non-judgemental husband we have returned to "our normal" which we are both very fullfilled by.

long story short.. (sorry) just wanted to get to now that i look back on it and talk to younger ( i am now 41) female friends in their 30's seems to me that i could be hormone related. i was not on birth control pills. tubal ligation mid 80's.

hang in there and my advice say yes even when you don't feel like it. it's not selling out. you have to (like dr. phil says) behave your way to success...

good luck hope to hear from you soon

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