Messages By: dollysmom

I am somewhat offended by what Dr. Phil said on the show yesterday. I don't think it's just Americans that should be offended by how this case has been investigated. I think it should be the world. I am not an American citizen and I am outraged that the Arubian government seems to be allowing a government coverup  for a judge's son. How truly sad that this troubled young man and his accomplices will likely never be held accountable. The Holloway family has every right to know what happened to Natalie. This is truly a tragic, tragic story. 

  

I think that while the couple's reaction to what the MIL said was extreme, I believe that the mother said it. Further, I think she did it based solely on the decision that her son invited his father and new wife to the wedding. Regardless, the MIL was wrong to gossip with someone she hardly knew. Whether the content of what she said was true or not it still was not an appropriate time or place. 

  

I think there is more to this story. I think there is significant history with this mother that demonstrates toxic behavior. The brother, while he did back his mother's story also said he wouldn't advertise to his mother if he invited his father and new wife over either. That speaks volumes. It lends some credibility to what the couple was saying about the mother's reactions/behavior to certain events. 

  

Dr Phil was right in his advice to allow this to pass unless they have more issues to address. I have a terrible MIL BUT I would never prevent her from having a relationship with her son or her Grandchildren. As an adult I can choose not to have a relationship with her and I do limit my contact with her but I would never put my husband in the position where he was forced to make a choice. 

I am the mother of a child with special needs. When my son, who is now 10 was diagnosed when he was three with autism, I thought my world was going to fall in. It didn't. With some help, 7 yr's later, he is a smart, funny, strong loving child. He may not ever be independent but he will have every available opportunity to hopefully be. This mother can justify her behavior any way she sees fit but the bottom line is that I wouldn't treat any child the way she was treating her child. Her daughter is not capable of understanding what is happening to her. She will never be able to rationalize her behavior because in addition to being six yrs old she has a cognitive impairment that doesn't allow her to appropriately process information and she has a speech delay so she cannot express it even if she could!!  I would like to share a poem that was given to me many years ago and I hope she sees this and reads it and get's the help she needs to give her daughter what she deserves. 

 

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by
Emily Perl Kingsley 

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...... 

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting. 

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland." 

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." 

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. 

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place. 

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. 

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts. 

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."  

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. 

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland. 

  

>>If she were attacking another adult they would be arrested and taken to jail for assault and battery<< 

 

Absolutely!! We can only hope that someone from her community recognizes the family and does the right thing by making a call. 

What I haven't seen discussed from a medical perspective is how a child that age can end up with a torn labia? I can tell you that I had the very same injury. It happened as a result of delivering my second child. It certainly isn't "normal horseplay" as this father would have you believe. I think he is being deceptive. I also think he is guilty. When Dr Phil was speaking to him and asked him some very direct questions he was repetitive and at times evasive.

 

Mom needs to refuse visitation until an investigation can be done. She needs to contact her local police dept as well as CPS and in addition a family court judge that can issue a no contact order until this can be sorted out.

 

My thoughts are with this poor little girl. She did tell and she told again, and the only message she received was that she was made to go back.

 

I hope she gets the help she needs.

Very well put. Often a judge isn't aware of or hasn't been apart of the family dynamic that has brought the family to such odds to begin with. My MIL and I often do not see eye to eye but I know she loves my children and she is a great grandmother. I would never withhold someone that loves my child from them. The more people who love them in this life the better. I am adult enough to understand that as long as my children are safe physically and emotionally I don't necessarily have to love the same people they do. My family was quite dysfuntional growing up and I don't have a relationship with my sister as a result. My older son emails her and so far their relationship has been appropriate. I have no issues as long as it continues to be. I agree with you that hopefully this situation will work out.