Messages By: heyrose

Quote From: jettav

I have been in a similar situation to a certain point, my husband never has tried to control me but getting him to go do things has been a problem and that is hard to deal with, I agree with Dr. Phil that we teach people how to treat us and as long as you allow your husbnad this hold on you, he will continue to do this, I think you just need to step out and do something, take your son and go. if you want to go to church, then find a church that you are interested in, get up on Sunday morning, get your son and yourself ready and go. Get to know people and don't wait on him to give you permission. You can't change him but you can change your self. When you get to know some one and you want to invite some one over then do it, get the evening ready and tell your husband that company is coming over and go with it. If he wants to cop up an attitude then that is his problem, not yours, it may be a little embarrassing or upsetting but you need to stick up for your self. get your self to the local "Y" or even the library and take your son to story time and all, Never too early to introduce your children to the library, Go to the park and enjoy a day out with your son and go to the play ground with him, there may also be a MOM'S group around some where, where you can go and meet other moms, Check out the MOPS (mothers of preschoolers)program. www.mops.com, it is a christian based group that usually meets in churches once or twice a month, there is a slight fee but is usually free the first couple visists or so so you can get a feel for the program. kids have a teacher who play and work on a basic curriculum with them. These are a few ways that you can get out and start meeting people and get to know them, Make sure you do take time with your husband, make sure you have nights with him and doing what he wants and all, include him as much as possible and if he rejects your offers then don't worry about him, some times it is hard for people to get out there and meet others and you may be the one to have to get the ball rolling here.

Quote From: kcmiller

I watched the videos of the interactions of this boy and his family and I don't get it.   As a registered nurse, a former special ed teacher (jr. high age ADD kids), and a mother of 2 grown children, I don't see anything terribly unusual in this boy's behavior.  In every interaction, his parents were angry, blaming, and unsupportive.   The boy was acting out what appeared like normal frustrations at being treated that way and feeling so rejected by his parents.  Most teenagers would yell, swear, kick stuff and slam doors when they are treated that way. There was not one scene showing ANY understanding, kindness, or honest support that all children and teen-agers need so desperately.  And this teen-ager was obviously trying to understand, asking for help and support, reaching out, trying to look at his parent's side of it, and they just rebuffed him and were hostile towards him at every turn. I can imagine the hell they put that child thru when he was a normal hyperactive, "out-of-control" four or five-year-old boy, which is just a description of a normal 5-year old boy.  (I have had several pediatricians tell me that most parents bring in their 5-year-old boys at some point to find out if they are hyperactive, or somehow lacking self-control.  They just need to be reassured that this is actually normal behavior are this age.)  Everything presented on the show portrayed these parents as being particularly out of touch with how to deal with anyone's behavior; their own, each other's, and certainly their child's. I was dissappointed, Dr. Phil, that you didn't give them the wake up call they really, really needed.  Or was there more to the story than came across in the show?

Quote From: waterbabrn

I am also a registered nurse and a mother of a 10 year old son with aspergers. Our family life is very difficult. We do not go one single day without my son getting pissed off at just about everything. Everytime we have a family outing, he ruins it by getting so upset that he upsets all of us. I find it difficult not to yell at him for it because it is constant. At work I am very patient and understanding with illness on many levels. With my other children, I am the same... After years of literally trying everything I possibly can in the most loveing way possible, I believe it is not possible to make my son happy. He is happy on his own terms, rarely on ours. I becomes frustrating on a level difficult to explain and yes, I too find myself yelling at him to try and make him realize what he is doing to himself as well as our family...I do not know about new treatments for this and am curious to find out if something can help us. My husband (a physician)left us a few years ago unable to deal with it anymore and even expressed guilt for the resentment he felt inside towards our son,  is in denial about getting help for my son... aspergers makes even loving people respond with distress at times.

Quote From: karen_kiki

I know many people must wonder what terrible parents we are.  Yes I suspected this even before going on the show.  What you saw was the extremes and if you think we do not try to understand and help Alex you are WRONG.  But as I said to Dr. Phil we are at the end of our rope, at least I am.  Yes we yell and cry and jump down his throat, but did you see the whole scene?  Do you know what started the meltdown?  Dr. Phil can only show so much and what they chose to show the viewers were the extremes.  Alex is a wonderful kind hearted young man however when the switch flips it is like a horror film in our home or wherever it takes place.  On some occasions he actually flips the switch for attention and he has admitted that, so when is he flipping the switch and when is it his neurological disorder. 

  

We aired our dirty laundry to get help.  Comments like yours will help us as we are reaching out for answers for counseling and medication if and where needed.  We are two working parent family and due to financial struggles in our community we are both working multiple jobs, none of which are full time and we have no benefits.  We are doing all we can to make life the best for him and as I said, losing ourselves in the midst of it all. 

  

I have gone into counseling and I am sure that Alex, Richard and I are on the road to recovery.  We will be in recovery for the rest of our lives. 

  

K