Messages By: ulrika

Ok, now it is my turn to talk. 

I am very much opposed to spanking, I believe it only teaches children to use violence, and if their friends for example don't do what they tell them to do it is ok to hit. I have a hard time believing that a child can differenciate between discipline and being hit. To them I believe it is the same thing.  

Why in the world can't our children have the same rights as us adults??   Why can't we protect our children for physical harm when we are protected by law???  Why is it ok to degrade children and then call it discipline?? Why can't the US take after Sweden to illegalise spanking??   

Me and my husband don't spank our 2 year old, we will never do it but we have a friend that is doing that to his child, and the fear that child has in his eyes if he thinks that he is gonna be spanked is heartbreaking to see.  Does anyone by chance have any suggestions on what to do with that situation??  I don't want my son to see that his friend is being spanked/hit.  I am trying to teach my son that it is never ok to hit other people but this situation showes him that appearently it is ok to hit.   Am I the only one in this situation??   I do need some advice.  When we had them over for dinner one night and I believe they stayed for maybe about 3-4 hours, this poor child got spanked probably half a dozen times.  Every time I wanted to yell out and protect that child.  

I didnt implie that I don't know the line between spanking and abuse. I don't spank at all because I think it causes more damage then good.   

They spank this little boy in my opinion for no reason at all, he pushed my son a little, my son did not fall did not get hurt and this boy got a smack for it, in my opinion it is to much. He closed the door pretty hard, he is 3 years old he doesnt know how hard he is closing the door, it scared my son a little bit and he got smacked for that. They dont give him any warnings or even talk to him about what he is doing, they just smack him.  

I know child abuse is against the law but in my and a lot of other peoples opinion it is child abuse. I think every child should have the right to grow up in an environment that is safe from smacks, spankings, abuse and violent. We adults have that right, why not our children?? 

oohhh this is a sticky subject. 

This is what I am talking about, one family say it is discipline, the other one says it is abuse. The line is different from person to person.   

I think too that communication is the key when it comes to discipline, and I dont what the government to tell me how to raise my children but I do want the government to protect our children. That is two different things. My question was that still no one have answered is why doesn't our children have the same right as we adults do??   Why do we have the right not be spanked/hit in our home, work environment but our children does not have that right??  It seems to me that we are treating people very differently when it comes to a simple human right issue because that is what it is to me. If your husband/boyfriend/manager would spank you in a disciplinary way of course you would robably sue or leave beacuase he is being abusive, why doesnt that apply to our children as well?? 

Even though you and me think very opposite in this issue I find it very interesting to discuss the issue with you.    

It is a very sticky issue and I feel very passionate about this.  I am not used to see parents spank/hit their children and then call it discipline. But I am also not from this country and where I am from it is illegal. This is the hardest thing to get used to I must say.    You and me can not agree on this issue so lets agree to disagree.  I have enjoyed talking to you about it though. 

Take care 

Hello, 

My advice would be not to push him to go to the potty. This is where he have the power. Maybe he is not ready yet completely. Let him wear underwear and not trainingpants, he needs to feel when he is wet. 

Good Luck 

I agree with you. Spanking is never justified, I do hope it will be illegal in this country. But it seems to me that people here are more concerned about the parental right to spank then to protect our children from harm. There is other ways to discipline the children. 7 other countries in the world are doing just fine without the spankings. 

I  have to say what I think about this.  

What is the big deal about breastfeeding in public???  If you are hungry you are going to eat, if the baby is hungry, the baby is going to eat. I don/t see how breastfeeding can be offensive to anyone 

Condoms in school, I am all for it. But you have to have education about sex as well. I think that is a great way to get teen pregnancies under control for example. I read somewhere that US have the highest amount of teen pregnancies and Holland have the lowest. Holland do have good sex education in school, I don't know if the hand out condoms though but my shool did when I was in high school. It worked wonders. 

Someone else disciplining your child. It all depends on the situation. If I am on a plany with my 2 year old and he is kicking on the seat in front of him and I have told him a gazillion times to stop. I wouldnt mind having the person he is kicking telling my child to stop.  

These are my thoughts on it. 

I am so tired of non understanding husbands, my own included. He is a wonderful man but he do not get how much work it is for a SAHM. I am basically on call 12-13 hours a day. 7 days a week 365 days a year. If god forbid I am sick I have to get over it and still do everything that has to be done. Taking care of our child, cleaning the house, make sure the laundry is done. It is a ongoing job and you never get done. My husbands favorite line  to me when I tell him  that it is too much sometimes is "Ohh just sit down and relax for a while" All you SAHM knows how impossible that is with a 2 year old running all over the place.  I have tried to tell him what it's like but he don't have a clue.   The thing that pissing me off is that he does not see what needs to be done.  Sometimes I feel like a maid instead of a wife. If I am doing everything alone now why not be alone. this is just frustrating to me that I have to nag him to do things. 

Arggggggggghhhh 

Very few women, or men for that matter, today stand by the ways of gender roles.  Men and women are equals in most households. We share child rearing and we share the work load.  You need to come off the mindset that a woman's place is at home, barefoot and pregnant, happily awaiting her husband with a fresh tin of muffins.  

I don't think we are as equal as we think we are. As long as woman are making abour 70 cent to a dollar compare to men we are not going to be equal. As long as the sociaty basically forces woman to stay at home (me included) because child care is so expensive we can not be equals. When men can and will take out paternity leave and stay at home so they know what it is all about we can get closer to being equal.  The majority of households in the US the woman are doing the housework chores.  As long as we are doing that we will not be equal.  When I was working I still did the majoriy of the household chores. As long as moms (me included) raises our sons that they don't have to learn any household chores we will not be equal. I think my generation is changing a lot of this old gender roles ( I am 32)  but we have a long long way to go.