Message Boards

Messages By: sarahjs26

User Mood
Mellow

Message Emote
blank
September 20, 2005, 8:53 am CDT

best advice

Quote From: rjbuckeye

Dr. Phil has done several shows now with out of control kids and kids that throw tantrums, and he has given pretty much the same advice to all of the parents. I was wondering if there are any posters out there that have tried his suggestions on their own kids. Has anyone stripped their kids rooms and had success/failure? I know for a lot of parents it is hard to break the habit of yelling. It is hard to stay calm with a tantrum is going on. Anyone have a success story to share, on how Dr. Phil helped them change their parenting style? 

  


Rachel 

dr. phil always says it takes 1000 thata girl to take away 1 bad comment.  I think, i know cause it has worked on my youngest son, he was a temper tantrum taker, big time, along with all that involves.  don't forget, one on one, draw picture sing songs play video games(non violent). do what ever gives you that good loving quality time with your child as much as possibe, and your child will learn to be just as kind to the other people in his\her life, because you showed them how.
 
User Mood
Mellow

Message Emote
worried
September 28, 2005, 5:46 am CDT

what an I supposed to do?

I am 26 year old step mom of a normally sweet 11 year old girl.  I have been co-raising her since she was 4 years old, so it's not like I'm new to this.  but our custody arrangment basics are she stays with us for the school year, and spends more quality time with her mom during the summer months.  well every year she starts back to school with a bit of confusion, unfortunitlyher mom does not set any boundries, so when she comes home to our much more structured home, she fights us every step of the way.  refuses to wear her glasses, breaking school dress code, sneaking makeup (rule: off limits until she is 13), then lying about having brought the makeup here.and just basically her attitude has been mean and nasty to everyone in our home including her 5 and 3 year old brothers who adore her.  now I know these issues are more normal than extreme.  and I have talked to her mom about this stuff, I have been telling her for years she can't just let mandy run wild, so to speak, but it won't sink in.and in our home, I have taken unfavorable clothes (mostly skimpy shirts) and burned them, I have hidden the smuggled makeup. but that bad attitude just won't quit, my opinion, she waiting for me to cave in, let her do her thing cause it works on her mom.  but I am not giving in, but neither is she, so we butt heads every single day, how do I get some peace and happiness back into my home?
 
User Mood
Mellow

Message Emote
worried
October 5, 2005, 7:24 am CDT

The grass isn't always greener

I am a part time all alone mom, now that my youngest son is 3, he now goes to preschool, half a day 2 days a week.  now instead of stressing about all the mess, never having a moment to my self, now I have two afternoons to my self.  the only hitch, I looked so forward to having this time, now I am sitting here worring about my boys. are they having fun, are they being good.  So my best advice to those stressed moms, take a deep breath and be glad you know your little ones are safe and happy dumping their toy boxes and apple sauce all over the floor, because its only a matter of timeuntil you have to turn over your kids to the education system, and beleive me, that is a whole new set of worries.
 
User Mood
Mellow

Message Emote
blank
October 7, 2005, 6:59 am CDT

not to jump on the band wagon but...

I feel that breat feeding is natural and normal.  now if I am in a fancy place, that has a room with a comfy couch and comfortable type setting for b-feeding mom, take advantage of it.  but if not feed your baby, however when ever. if people don't like it then they don't need to look. and those people in my opinion are a bunch of prudes.
 
User Mood
Mellow

Message Emote
confused
October 13, 2005, 5:40 am CDT

I am just not sure if I am turning into one of those controling moms

OK, heres the deal.  I have an 11 year old step daughter, whom I have been raising since she was 4.  with some  help from my husband, and little help from her mom.  her mom lets her run wild, in fear of kiddo stomping her feet, and being mad at her. well this puts me in the position of always being the enforcer, no make-up until 13, no belly shirts until further notice, wear your glasses, do your chores or no allowance, do your homework, keep your room clean, be nice to your brothers, and honest to pete, she just fights me about everthing, and I am turning into the biggest nag.  But no one else will do it.  Just as soon as she gets to her moms for the weekend visit, she plasters on the make-up, puts on the sexy little shirts, and struts her thing down to the local park or library without adult supervision, I know times and fasions have changed. So long story short, should I lax a bit with her, or stick to my guns, and come off as the controlling wicked step mom?  I NEED AN OPINION ON THIS
 
User Mood
Mellow

Message Emote
frustrated
October 17, 2005, 5:48 am CDT

I am not sure what to think

Quote From: nalysse

All I can tell you is that it is difficult to know what a teen needs. All they want to do is find their place in the world. Your stepchild is way too young to be asking for skimpy clothes and make-up. Your guidance is important when it comes to this issue. If mom isn't doing it, it is good that your stepchild has you as a role model. I don't know anything about her real mom. All I know is that bio moms love their children with an innate sense of love.   Are their bio moms sometimes misguided? Yes. Do they have all the answers? No. Please do not consider yourself the expert when it comes to this child. You did not give birth to her. Like it or not, this is a bond that deserves the highest respect (unless there is major physical and mental abuse on the part of the bio mom)  Give your love to this child, but do not overstep your boundaries. 

  

You are not scoring any points by burning your stepchild's clothes. You are not scoring any points by putting your stepdaughter's mom down. Your stepdaughter will rebel if you continue to bash her mom. Basically, it only gets more difficult -- especially when you are in a divorce situation.  

  

My advice:  respect your daughter's mom, and understand the difficulty that your stepchild faces as she tries to deal with two moms.  

  

My prayers are with you and your stepchild.  

All I know is I have to clear up a few things, about some of your comments, I never bash the Bio mom, in fact I am her biggest advocate, defending her and her actions every time you turn around.  The clothes burning, there was never a teary goodbye, in fact kiddo just thinks she lost those pesky little shirts, and there is no divorce situation, my husband and I have been married for almost 7 years, and she has no memory of her bio- parents being together as a family, and I have been my step daughter primary care giver since she was 4 years old, and prior to that the bio-mom, more or less gave her to the neighbors. so no I am not overstepping any boundries, by loving that child as my own.
 
User Mood
Mellow

Message Emote
upset
May 3, 2006, 11:12 am CDT

my son kindergarden teacher just called, again

well, my son just turned 6 last month, and let me start by saying He has always been a good baby, a nice boy, very smart, but he over the last 6 months, he is always getting in trouble.  not listening to the teacher, not staying in his seat on the bus, and now today, I get a phone call that he will not keep his hands to himself, and worse yet he is being grabby to some of the kids private places.  GASP!!  that sorta thing is such a no no.  he isn't realizing that doing this is making his teacher freak out.  and his teacher dosen't realize that just because we as adults understand why thats a no no. dosent mean he understands. he knows nothing of sex, he's only 6. and he might not of purposly aimed for these no no spots, he does not tend to not pay attention to anything, and doesn't think before he acts, I mean really aren't 6 year olds suppose little genious's who never make a mistake.   she seriously told me in one 10 min. phone conversation, about 3-4 time how inappropriate this behavior is, and I am thinking to my self, look I got it the first time.  quit making my 6 yearold sound like some sick o.  I don't approve of his behavior, I intend on putting a stop to it.  but dam, I just feel so alone.  like the teacher and bus driver hate him.  and I just want to scream, he never acted like this, he never started being "bad" until he started public school.  then I start hearing him say these nasty names to his siblings,  and putting kids in a headlock.  its craziness.  and uncharted territory, and I guess I am a bit lost.
 

First Page | Previous Page | 1 | Next Page | Last Page
Return to Message Board