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Messages By: kd7mug1

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September 21, 2005, 7:17 am CDT

Its more serious than many think it is

Quote From: mila49

I grew up with a mum who was somewhat like that although she didn't yell at me like that everyday when she got mad at you you had to watch out otherwise she'd get mad and throw things, threaten to hit you, call you names and a couple of times kicked the dog instead of hitting us (which made me wish she had hit me instead because our dog was a little dog) and basically scare the living crap out of you.  Although she didn't say things like she wished I had never been born she did once tell me that it was my fault for my genetic chronic lung condition when I was seventeen.  I was forced to tell my dad what was going on after that happened because the counsellor I was seeing for self esteem issues told me if I didn't tell him that she would contact Child Services to deal with it.   Like the oldest little girl I used to go to my room when she was in one of those moods and hide and pray she wouldn't come and burst down the door so I wouldn't have to be trapped in a corner or against the wall as she yelled at me for something I had done.  My younger brother was a victim too and like the baby of the family he fought back.  When we were little I used to comfort him when he cried after one of these rages.  When we were older he even held her back when she tried to go after me.  When my brother got older and got to be bigger than the two of us he was the one who fought back harder and took her on.   When I read Amanda C84 posting I thought I was reading something I had written myself.  Like Amanda it takes awhile before I can look some one in the eye, especially in the presence of some one who is intimidating to me.  I have a lot of trouble standing up for myself and all through high school hated being touched or hugged...by anyone.  Thankfully when I told my dad about it he finally realized that this wasn't just going to go away and insisted she do something about it.  She did and was diagnosed with severe depression.  I've forgiven her for what she's done because I still live with her (my disease had advanced to a pretty critical stage right after highschool and I couldn't go to college righ away) and the past is past.  But I know there is some damage both my brother and I still carry.  My brother is 21 and still doesn't have a girlfriend because he went through the same things I did.  I have a hard time trusting people on an intimate level and have decided it's best to just skip it and be happy that I have enough self esteem to see that if I ever got into a relationship it would have to be to someone who had the patience of a saint.   

But to comment more on the show.  I really do hope Dr.Phil did more than just get this woman help.  I hope he some how got her out of the house for some sort of inpatient program because to have the kid cowering in the closet, hyperventilating and then throwing up is not "just beening a drama queen".  I hope he sent the her husband and the children to a safe house or something because the husband was being abused too.  It's hard to protect your children when you can't even protect yourself from your wife's rages.  I grew up in a house like that.  Dad is just a susceptable to the abuse as the kids are and if he's been around it long enough it just gets to the point where all you hope is that she won't get mad.   

I know children can carry out drama HOWEVER there is NEVER an excuse for a parents behavior to go as far as it had on the show I dont think of this as an illness and if it is then it needs to be dealt with and monitored if that dont work then the children need to be removed from the home I have 2 children ages 19 and 20 they had their drama days and I didnt EVER treat them as this parent on the show treated her children there is NO excuse for this kind of behavior  If your not ready to be a good parent then its not a good time to be having children with children you have stress and that means thing can look ugly if your not willing to deal with it in a manner thats reasonable then walk away until you can
 
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September 29, 2005, 6:00 am CDT

spanking or not

I think it depends on each individule person we all have our ways of disapline I dont hardly think a good swat on the butt as a last resort will kill your child or hurt them so badly they come out to be abusive adults.  its one thing to swat them on the butt a good one and another to beat on them No you shouldnt have to use a spanking BUT then there are times when you have gone as far as you can ,you have taken your time out to cool off you have taken privilages away ,grounded them or whatever and it still dont work  "trust me my kids are now 19 and 20" They are not abusive and think what I did was right . and as long as the spankings dont get out of hand and go into beatings then you and your child will be just fine , however whoever you are YOUR the only one that can decide what YOU think is right for your child   I took parenting classes "NO it dont mean I know any more or less than you" But I learned alot and would do it again in a heart beat if needed I refer other parents to go to them weather they do I have no clue but we all have different parenting styles and no one should be put down for the way they parent their child  "unless its abuse"  besides MY children were NOT born with instructions were yours ? well dont mean to make others mad but had to add my opinion  have a great day and enjoy your kids while they are young let them be kids and have fun like kids are suppose to take care Lori 

 
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September 29, 2005, 6:07 am CDT

Kissing a girl

Quote From: aghadrian

I am 14 years old, and I was wondering if its okay that I still don't feel really comfortable kissing girls on the lips. My girlfriend keeps telling me to start kissing her on the lips, but I feel more comfortable if I just kiss her on the cheek. I don't know why, but I get kinda nervous when it comes to kissing her and other girls on the cheek. Should I just kiss her on the lips, and forget about being nervous or shy or what? Thanks.

Dont feel bad about not being ready to kiss a girl  when your ready it will happen  you need to both feel comfortable about it , time will tell you when your both ready besides your 14 no big hurry is there ? have fun and enjoy life  take care Lori  

 
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September 29, 2005, 6:18 am CDT

your spitfire daughter

Quote From: mollea

I really need some advice on this, so I hope someone out there is listening!  My daughter is 10 years old.  She is really a great kid - smart, sweet, considerate, etc. - except when she isn't!  I mean, she has had a few incidents of (gross!) spitting.  I don't know why she does it, and she only does it when I'm not around.  The first time she tried it was at playschool, where she didn't actually spit, she just tried, I guess you could say.  The teacher said nothing actually came out, she just made the sounds.  Apparently, she didn't quite have it mastered at that point!  The next incident of spitting came many years later, when she did it at the playground.  This time, it landed on another girl who was there.  And I know she wouldn't do that on purpose.  I really believe it was an accident.  Naive?  I don't know.  The most recent occurrence was at school.  She just started middle school (grade 6) and she was "told on" by some boys who apparently saw her do it.  She denied it at first, but then finally confessed that it was true.  Now, to some, this may seem like a pretty minor problem, compared to others', however, it just doesn't fit her personality, and I want to know what's driving her to do this disgusting behavior.  There have been other "personality glitches" with her too, that just don't seem to fit, so I'm wondering what is behind them.  I hope that all made sense, and I also hope someone out there can help me.  I love my daughter dearly and I know that she's a good kid, making bad choices.  I want to get to the bottom of it before it lands on me with all it's might!
I only have boys  mine are out on their own My boys used to spit because they saw thier uncles spitting I explained I dont want them to do it because its NOT healthy and germs spread easy  and if I continued to see it happen I would Take away  Items they LOVED more than anything the thing is MOST parents are NOT consistant with their  kids when You say Im going to take your stero away if you do it again and they do , do it again YOU NEED to stick with what you said you was going to do in the first place no matter how big of fit they throw or how many promises they make to NOT do it again  so its basically up to you  I have issues myself with germs being spread and I didnt allow my BOYS to do it when they were yound and it looks even worse comming form a girl  she sounds very intelligent and knows what shes doing so all you can do is explain  how discusting it is and ask her to not do it anymore because its germs being spread to others and ask her how she would feel if she was to get other peoples germs from their spit and it made her sick "sorry for babbling" take care Lori
 
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September 29, 2005, 6:25 am CDT

schooling

Quote From: problemo

I am a 14 year old Freshman in high school and my mom is very controlling towards my whole family, everyone is sick of her. we usually just put up with it and roll our eyes. but , recently things have gotten out of hand. You see, I want to attend this college prep course called AVID. my dad thinks its wonderful, but, my mother doesn't think its necessary to recieve an education when I could just stay home and clean all day. All my teachers and councelers are being really flexible in helping me fit AVID into my schedule. any ideas to help convince my mother to let me stay in AVID?
I think your on the right track if you want to go to college then thats great most parents would be thrilled for you im sorry to hear your moms not happy about your decission but I think your doing what YOU want to and your making a WISE decission  its GREAT keep up the good work and I wish you well in the near future take care Lori
 
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September 29, 2005, 6:37 am CDT

wow

Quote From: jettav

if it weere me, I would definetly talk to my daughter and tell her that since her and her friends could not respect the home then she is not to have any friends over and she would not be able to go to her friends for a time period to spend the night. personally, I would not hesitate to talk to the parents about it, at least mention it to them and tell them that you just wanted them to know what had happened, I am sure that if they were in your shoes, they wouldn't be happy about the incident and I know I would like to know about things like that if my child was involved, I would not accept it all and my child would not get away with it.

After reading your post I think I would say no more stay overs here at MY house anymore because neither YOU or YOUR FRIENDS can or will respect my home and how its cared for then  and make her pay to get it patched up  and remind her if it happens again YOU will take away somethng so very precious to her until she can respect you and your home and if it happens again then take her MOST FAVORITE  thing away from her for a  week or until she can show you respect "but remember you have to DO exacly what you said you was going to do" if not then they decide yeah I have heard that before and she never takes anything away so big deal  

good luck on dealing with this issue take care Lori 

 
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September 29, 2005, 6:24 pm CDT

Heather

Quote From: heather_79

I am not patronizing my child, I am getting my household back, my children need to know who is in charge, that is what is wrong with children today, they have no boundaries, and no authority. You have to set those boundaries for them as a parent. My six year old and I have a great relationship, but instead of treating her like my best friend, I treat her as a child who needs to be molded into an adult, being an adult comes with time and learning. It's not just something they get off the bat. The counting method is working and it has made my home more peaceful, and we all get along alot better. Not everyone will agree, but again what works for one person, may not work for another. This let's a child know that they have boundaries, and that they can't get there way all the time. I believe if you read over the program and understood it a little better, you would understand, but I live in a Christian home, and I truly believe that my children need authority, they will learn to appreciate it when they get older!!!
I beleive your doing just fine with what your doing if it works then keep up the great work these are young children we are talking about you dont just go and treat a 6 year old like an adult they have to have years of learning to become an adult and everyone has their own ways of parenting this is a good way to teach your children whos the boss and whos in control as they get older we get more strict with our children   and when they finally become adults they then know more how to handle their children and what may or may not work.  now if your children we`re  born with instructions please let me know how you got them  mine didnt come with instructions and I had to try different ways until I found the way my children learned  everyone has different parenting styles  that may or may not work for thier children you just continue looking until you find something that works Heather is doing GREAT take care and keep up the good work heather Lori
 
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October 1, 2005, 12:37 am CDT

Our commitments

I think ALL of us have a commitment to help each other the best way we can weather we send cash, food, bedding or  whatever  we can afford some of us dont have life easy and dont make alot of money and our tax dollars go out to help these people in distress however we also make donations out of our pockets as well and for the state and or government to NOT inform these people of their options of housing and other innuities is not right I feel they owe many of us people money back due to their UNANNOUNCED help they were giving to ONLY those that knew about it  however I know we wont see anything back because this country DONT PLAY FAIR  I feel  for the victims and hope the state and government will get their act together like they should have from the beginning and help these people out I can say  WE CANT DEPEND on help when we are in the need because of the outlook of this situation it makes people look down on them that are responsible for helpping us  with that said I will add one more comment If I was in your shoes I wouldnt move back there , it happens EVERY year mabie not as bad but it does happen every year and you will NEVER get away from it by staying there good luck to you all I hope your all getting the housing and food you all so much deserve take care Lori in Oregon
 
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October 1, 2005, 12:47 am CDT

Disapline

there is a BIG difference between spanking as a last resort or BEATING or hurting a child in other ways I spanked my children as a last resort and they turned out just fine and they are NOT abusive they are GREAT kids out on their own and living a happy life I think I did pretty good I was spanked as a child and Im NOT abusive  I DONT beleive in BEATING or HURTING in ANY other ways  thats going way to far and that  needs to be turned in right away  good luck and take care Lori
 
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October 1, 2005, 1:19 am CDT

the true meaning of friendship

For me the true meaning of friendship is being there for one another in thick and thin in happy and sad being there ALL the time when they need you or want you there for them someone who listens and gives positave feed back someone who when you dont agree on something can argue constructivly without harsh words until you both agree on something in the middle someone that you can rely on and they can rely on you someone thats NOT judgemental and cares and when they upset you they still tell you they love you and their door is always open for you someone that will share everything "not men" throughout life without a blink of an eye someone you can go to and cry on their shoulders even if you dont know why your crying and it dont matter to them someone you call and talk to every day if you wish someone that you see often  "the reason I know this is because I HAVE one of those kinds of friends we have been friends like this for MANY years" and many more to come  take care Lori  

 

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