Messages By: Pleasance

Hey young lady.........great information that you posted. 

Nice to see you here. 

Thanks for filling us in on dear usknoxx........gee whiz......she is missed. 

When I stopped posting......she was in her first flat away from husband......yet doubting her choice.....he was trying to con her into his arms yet once again. 

I am so deeply sorry that her son has suffered greatly......so appreciative that he is getting proper counsel and care. 

Wish I could wrap my arms around usknoxx and make things all better.   She always left an impact on our hearts,  didn't she? 

I used to post to her alot.....especially in the evenings here.......as she would be just getting to work and log on.........we had many a chat.    Time differences and all......it was a lovely kinship. 

I'm happy to connect with you. 

And I will say it again. 

Congratulations dear Ls..........congratulations! 

By the way..........how about trimming my hair.......now that the humidity has dropped.......I have no curl or body left at all.      Need a great cut........a  new hairdo!!! 

You can get him out of the house. 

You can call the police when he slaps you, kicks you, hits you with doors....throws things and  breaks things. 

At least one half of all assets, house, stocks, bonds.....401K and other $$$$$ is legally yours. 

You can get child support also. 

You can go back to work.......or start work. 

You could go to college.      He can pay for that , too. 

Many assets and belongings are legally yours. 

I don't  like the way that he threatened your life with the fear of fire.    He is threatening to kill you. 

And what about the kids...does he threaten to take them?     

Please make use of all the necessary legal, and safety resources that are available to you. 

Please call a local hot-line to talk.....vent and seek resources in your area......they can help talk you thru this .......they can offer support close by.  

Please be sure to cover your tracks on the computer and the phone. 

We are here for support. 

Take care.  

Go to yahoo.com........in the search window.......type in .......power and control wheel.   Find a good site to read about power and control. 

Then in the search window.......type in ........equality wheel.    Read how is should be in your relationship.   Come back here and let us know what you think about the information. 

Thank you.   

Hello Stephanie, 

First of all...... Congratulations on all the difficult work that you have accomplished.  Continue on ........attend those meetings as part of your mandatory ,on going treatment....as Dr. Phil suggested. 

I wish  you continued success. 

I just wanted to drop a note to you........on todays show .......I thought I recognized some statements and things regarding your husband's abuse of you......that rang familiar.   Information that I thought was shared a long time ago......on one of the boards here. 

I'm not sure that you are the same person that I am thinking of......and I will not mention the name that the messages were posted under, however.........so much was so familiar...........it just set off my memories of many postings and much conversation with  (who I think was) you regarding abuse. 

I'm  not using the same posting name now as then so if it is you, you will not recognize my name.....but  anyway........some of the strings of conversations were long.    Many at that time posted........... and  tried to offer help and resources. 

Lots of concern took place.  

Just wondered. 

Take good care of yourself.........you look great by the way. 

I don't know if guests on the show are allowed to post to the boards soon after the show  they appear on.........Anyway. 

Stay healthy, stay happy......stay safe. 

Congratulations again. 

Take care.  

Taken from Dr. Phil's calendar "Life Strategies" 

The healthy alternative is to acknowledge any problem behavior, figure out why the problem behavior happens, and make a plan for change. 

The universe rewards action; guilt is paralysis. 

Imagine,  an almost 7% interest on savings. 

In a year when the stock market has been  down........and savings are paying virtually peanuts........The I bonds can offer an attractive interest rate. 

The rate on these bonds which can be purchased thru your local banks.......or  the treasury direct.....is at a good rate right now...........one portion of the interest rate will be changing again on Nov. 1 as they are adjusted each Nov. and May.       

Resource to check this out............www.bankrate.com 

www.suzeorman.com 

Happy reading!!!!!! 

Happy saving!!!!!!! 
 

I don't know what abuse you speak of.........I haven't mentioned my abuse at all ........in any of my postings.  

I think this message was written to someone else. 

My dear lady, 

What really do you care where in the bible that it says its ok to separate? 

You have nothing to feel guilty about. 

What really do you care what your h's family has to say about the move and separation? 

Tell me, does your husband's family have a history of backing his wrong doings? 

Do they admit that there is abuse at work in their family? 

What do you care what they think? 

Would you rather die there in that house......spiritually, emotionally or otherwise.......I don't know your story at this point.  

Why would anyone need a passage in the bible to justify or not their gut feelings, emotions, and own knowledge of a serious situation.  

You have nothing to walk around feeling guilty about. 

How much help, compassion or information, resources did you get from your h's family? 

Take care. 

Hoping things get better. 

Hoping he will change. 

Hoping that everything will be alright. 

Hope. 

That hope! 

IT'S THAT VERY "HOPE" THAT EXPERTS AND THERAPISTS IN THIS FIELD SAY THAT KEEPS THE WOMAN LOCKED INTO THIS NEVER ENDING CYCLE OF ABUSE. 

The "hope" is the reason why she doesn't act and make changes for the better. 

God isn't going to tell you.........he is not going to come down and intervene.......believe me on that one. 

You hope and lose it.......you hope and lost it........because there is a brief period of time. .....now and then when you see the light.......then over and over again husband takes it away......over and over. 

Remember, your husband is going to want to isolate you and daughter......the family..... from others....so having kids in the house is not part of his plan......especially when he's in control.  Having other children over is too normal for husband.......if his behavior continues you and children will stop inviting kids or anyone over.........and he wins......he has you alone.......he has control. 

God will not release you from this horror. 

Your children depend on YOU. 

Take care. 

LISTEN...............LISTEN...........LISTEN 

You do NOT need advise from someone who has lived it in order to know what your counselor and best friend already know. 

You already know it.......and choose to remain in a hopeful and place of denial.  

You said it yourself.......you have 2 beautiful kids........YET..........you were willing to loose your daughter because of this abuse...........and you are willing to stand behind your husband when he is doing horrible things to your son.       

Your daughter at the age of  15 brought the state in to this........good for her. .....someone needed to get involved. 

It seems you are fortunate that your brother-in-law got involved......and yes the police should have been called.......thank goodness your brother in law was there.  

Why is it whenever your support system for you and your children are there for you and are willing to help you and the children you do something to yet once again allow your husband to get away with and not face the consequences for his horrible abuse? 

This is hurting your son, alright........and it could lead to your losing your son, too.........either in a way that some outside folks step in..........or to his learning and becoming just like your husband.   An abuser, a batterer, a coward and a bully.        I certainly hope that your son doesn't arrive at that point.   The poor child is hurting alright........in so many ways.......many that you are not even aware of.     

There is hope for you and your children...........NOT for your husband the abuser and batterer.   Your counselor says he will never change.......so does your best friend.........they think you should do what is necessary for you and your children. 

Well, you wanted advise from someone that has lived it........forget about the husband's manipulation and false promises...........he is not going to change...........HE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE.      Abusers don't change.....a rare small percentage.  He is NOT going to change. 

I have lived it...............HE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE...........he will just get older each day.....continue on as he is.......get worse as the years pass.......and his outbursts, violence and abuse will come in cycles closer and closer together........to the point where his irruptions, rage and otherwise will always......minute by minute occur..........there will be no rest from any of it. 

I have lived it........now you have it. 

And by the way, your best friend has your best interest at hand..........and your counselor has years and years of experience and research and statistics at their finger tips........they know what they are talking about. 

THIS GUY DOESN't  have respect for you.....your children or any of your personal boundaries.   

I don't think fighting with him is the answer either. 

Men like that thrive on the fight!