Messages By: princess1

Quote From: jagfan33

Yes this is a sickness. I am a LPN and hate to disagree with you, but it is an illness. No one who drinks that first beer or whatever drink they choose does it because they want to become an alcoholic. They usually do it because everyone else is doing it. Usually it is started at a young, impressionable age. Yes, there is a choice to take that first drink, but there is no choice as to becoming an alcoholic. I applaude you for making that choice everyday to not drink or do drugs, but there are people out there that can not make that choice without professional help. Thanks Dr. Phil for the work you are doing with this family.

Quote From: the_indian

Sorry, but you need to step back for a minute and think about what you're saying!    

  

You say a disease is an illness that is "beyond your control".  That's simply not true.  If you look at a list of our top 10 killer diseases, almost all of them are caused or influenced by behaviors that are within our control.  If a smoker develops lung cancer, would you tell him he doesn't have a disease?  If an obese person develops diabetes, does she not have a disease?  If a guy with high cholesterol keeps eating eggs and develops heart problems, does he not have a disease? 

  

You're applying moral judgments to a scientific concept, which leads me to believe you may have had a raging alcoholic in your life who claimed their actions were the result of a "disease".  Of course, this is wrong, but not because he/she called it a "disease".  It's wrong because he/she chose not to treat the disease.   

  

It's the same thing as if a diabetic stopped taking insulin or stopped watching their diet. 

  

  

Quote From: alexis06

I watched this show today looking for answers, but I still don't know where to turn.   

Ironically, this show came on today after it was validated for me yesterday that one of my family members is a sexual predator. I do not know to what extent, if it went outside of our family or not. But I am in desperate need of getting her help. I know that what she has done is wrong and illegal. But she absolutely can NOT go to jail. She needs to be treated for her illness, and she is so emotionally and physically frail that I am certain jail would kill her. Where can I get her the help she needs? How do I confront her? I need productive answers, not to be attacked. I know what is best for her and jail is not the answer. She has not been in contact with children for many years, so she is not currently a threat to any children.   

Quote From: lynno_777

Dear dr Phil;

 My fiancee became unknowingly involved in a church that was really a cult(Satanic). As a result he died. I cannot say too much online. I know in my heart that they were directly responsible for his death. After 11 years, this is still an unknown mystery. I would like to get to the bottom of it. Unfortunately, some local authorities were involved and their was a big coverup. Can you help me?

Sincerely,

 

Lynn

 

Philippians 4:13

Quote From: leegraaleb3

I'm new to the message board never wrote in one before but this topic struck a nerve with me. I guess you can say I need a little feedback in knowing if I'm making the write choices for my family. I'll start by saying that until the beginning of this year (2006) I've had a great relationship with my in laws. In two years time my husband and I have had 2 children and we also have an 8 year old. My problem started last January with my mother in law. She had been babysitting our children for a few years and I appreciated her for that. However she crossed the lines when she didn't want to follow our rules for our children. I caught her numerous times driving around without my babies in their car seats. She would allow the older child and his cousins to completely walk all over her and disrespect her. I corrected my child but the other childrens parents seem to not care. She really crossed the line in January when she stopped at my house and wanted my oldest child to go shopping with her. I told her and my son no. There were 2 reasons for that 1) She had been drinking. Shes an alcoholic and 2) my child was told he could not go shopping with her until he knew how to respect other people especially in public places. He had been really disrespectful shopping a few weeks earlier with grandma. My son got mad and walked out of the house. I told him that when he was finished cooling off he could sit on our front steps and wait for his dad to get home. He was do home anytime. She ( the grandma) left my house and drove down the rode and picked him up. She took him shopping with her. I was TICKED because she completely just ignored me. Well things got patched up by mid march and I allowed her to start seeing the children again. But I had very clearly let her know that she had to respect the way we were choosing to raise our children. She knew our rules and she abided by them for awhile but things just got worse. One of our rules was that she had to make an honest effort to seek help for her drinking. We understood that there would be set backs I made our home open to her as long as she was not drinking day or night she was welcome. She was also told that she was not able to travel with our children.  Not only does she have an alcohol problem but she also has had many health problems and is on numerous medications that counteract with the alcohol.  In late june one of our cars broke down and my husband and I wanted to have it towed so we asked her if she would take our oldest to his baseball game and we would meet her there. When we got there  it was apparent to us she had been drinking. So she drove with our son knowing we'd find out. You could smell it on her. We got that worked out and not soon after that she screwd up BIG TIME. At the end of July she came to my house I was not home but my children and husband were. I walked into my house and walked into the room that my husband and her were in and walked straight out because I knew all ready by the smell she was drunk. My husband told her to leave. She left but called later to see if we would pick her up to go to a local festival since we had already had plans to do that. We went to her house to pick her up and she said she couldn't find her purse so after waiting for about 5 minutes my husband said lets just go without her. I left having a relief feeling thinking she was way to drunk to drive herself up there so we would have a relaxing night. Boy was I wrong she showed up . I really don't know how she got there without killing herself or an innocent person but she did. That is the night that she broke the camels back. She went up to get some beer ( it was a polka fest with German Food and Beer) By the time she got back I had moved myself and children right along the dance floor so she would hopefully get the drift. I had already told my husband to tell her to leave but he didn't. So as she came back she was standing right beside me so I got up and looked her directly in the eye and told her to not bother with calling my house no more or contacting my children. By this time my husband has stood up and is wondering whats going on. She asked me why it was ok for me to drink but not her. I told her i was not having that discussion there but she kept yelling that question out so I yelled at her back that I was not the alcoholic she was. She didn't like that so she smacked me and tried to throw more hits but my husband stepped in and grabbed her by the neck. She did this with her grandchildren right there. So at this point alot more has gone on to much to mention but I have cut all access to my children to there grandma, I do not speak with her I have changed all of our email addresses so she has to go by the rules now. My husband very rarely talks to her and I'm sure she thinks its because of me but he knows I would never make him choose between me or his family. He is just respecting the fact that I don't want them on my property or calling my home or trying to sneak around to let her see our children. Lately shes been calling here so I told my husband that if she continues I will have our phone number changed and it will be unlisted. I feel bad for keeping my children from there grandma but she is not safe and totally does not grasp that her disease has effected us and I refuse to allow my children to see that side of a disease that there to young to understand. Am I doing the right thing?

Quote From: carla3520

  I cannot believe that in this supposedly enlightened age, that there are still people who blame addicts for their addictions.  While certainnly a person is responsible for taking that first drink, an alcoholic is not responsible for having their disease, anymore than someone with cancer is responsible for their disease. 

Quote From: kquinn8891

I think that it is horrible that you would say that alcoholism is not a diease. In fact it is a diease and a very serious one at that. I am the daughter of a woman who suffered from this diease. It took a huge toll on our family, but we never gave up on her. I understand the feeling of not knowing what to do. Cutting her out of your life is not the answer. She needs help and she needs it bad. You should not let her influence your children but she is family so it is your responsibility to help her. Look into getting her into treatment. Look into Al-non meeting and gathering the information that you will need to help her. I am sorry that you feel it is not a diease. I think that you should look into it before you start telling people that it is not a diease. I think that if you asked Dr. Phil he would tell you that it is a diease and a very serious one at that.

Quote From: amwhiteside9

 I was watching the show while I was cleaning and was shocked to hear you say that you have never seen someone find religion and quit drugs in 27 years.  When I was fifteen I got in to drugs heavily.  I did everything from weed to heroin.  My drug of choice was cocaine.  I did drugs for over a year and my mother tried everything to get me to stop.  I have a wonderful family with three siblings.  We are very close and lucky to be living in such a wealthy area outside of Houston.  Teenagers had nothing to do and almost everyone I went to high school with was rich.  So drugs was a huge problem in the town even though parents were scared to face it.  I got kick out of school and sent to alternative school when I was in ninth grade.  One night my mom came to the house were I went everyday to snort cocaine.  She grabbed me and put me in her car.  I was screaming and punching her the entire time.  The whole ride home she just sat there and never said a word.  Finally, when we pulled up into the driveway she said (without even looking at me), "Do you not care about me, dad, your brothers and your sister anymore.  You are killing us and all we want is the have the regular you back."  And then she went into the house.  I sat in that car for about two hours thinking.  That day I made the decision to quit on my own!!  I went inside and told my mother that I was done with drugs.  Of course, she didn't believe me but I was determined to prove to her that I was serious.  The following days were awful.  I was vomiting, shaking, and sweating.  Through that whole experience my mother was there.  Cleaning up, putting cold wash cloths on me, and holding me when I was shaking.  My mother is my hero and always will be.  She prayed everyday and I believe I would be dead if it wasn't for God and her.  So the point to my story is that people can quit on there own. I have been sober for seven years now and I am living proof that people can do it if they have hit the bottom or put there mind to it.

Sincerely,
Anne