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drvalencia
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December 14, 2005, 9:12 am PST

Self Image

Self Image: Well I really don't know.  I guess you can say that Im a sinner trying to do good in the eyes of God.  I don't really care what people say about me even though it does hurt at first but like a bad bruise you get over it.  I love to smile and I hate to do things against my morals. Im not saying Im perfect, God knows Im not but I'm trying.  And right now Im trying to just find out how I really do see myself.  I think your self image is the hardest thing to find.  DV 
 
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drvalencia
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December 14, 2005, 9:34 am PST

Help

My boyfriend packed up all of his stuff last week and moved out.  He said that he didn't love me anymore and he knows my feelings for him are still there.  I just want him and I to start over slow.  But he is not ready for a realationship.  He wants us to be friends and to hang out, but I don't know if I could go from being a live in girlfriend to just a friend.  Anyone have any advise?  Last night he said something really romantic.  He said I was worth it.  I told him that if he started buying me roses now that we aren't together and taking me on dates then im gonna kick him.  I don't want to get my hopes up but what do I do??? 

  

DV 
 
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drvalencia
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December 14, 2005, 1:43 pm PST

Breaking Up

Quote From: cuhayley

I  broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years about 3 months ago. I moved an hour and a half away from him in order to attend a Master's program in August. When I moved, we decided to have an open relationship where we could date others. Things went well for the first month I was at graduate school. He and I saw each other a lot of the time, but still were able to go out with other people. After my first month of being away, things slowly started changing and we started talking less and less and we were growing apart. Then things completely turned in October when he hacked into my two email accounts, saw emails from other guys wanting to set up dates, got extremely jealous and ended things right then and there (with no protest from me). I was okay with that since #1 - he completely violated my privacy and #2 - we weren't technically together -- to me it seemed as though he had his cake and was eating it too -- he still wanted me to be with him but he always wanted the freedom to date others. This, to me, shows a lot of control and manipulation on his part. Not to go more into the past, but the pattern of controlling and manipulative behavior is so obvious (isn't hindsight wonderful). 

  

But now 3 months have passed since all of that drama. We have not talked since that last phone call. He is one of those people that once you break up, it's like you don't even exist. I was fine with that at first because I was so upset, but now that things have calmed down, I don't see why we can't talk at the very least. A 2-year relationship, the longest he had ever had. We looked at engagement rings a handful of times, his family and friends absolutely loved me. I mean his mother even sent me a Christmas card this year! I mean I am definitely happy without him. A lot of people have told me that they have never seen me so happy as they have the past 3 months. I couldn't ask for a better life right now. BUT - I try to be friends with everyone, but this may be a person I can't be friends with. I'm not really sure. We had the "big breakup" before ... I broke up with him ... it lasted for a month with no talking ... and then he wanted to get back together and we did. This time definitely feels more permanent. But how can you date someone for so long and not maintain some form of communication with them?  

I don't know how you feel about him but for me its hard to go out for coffee and not get my hopes up.  Communication is hard. My ex fiance and I havn't talk in 2 years. Then I thought I would never get over him. The day my ex boyfriend now left I realized that the love that I had for the man I was going to marry didn't even compare to the one who just walked out.  That night My ex fiance called me and we talked. He is now married and has a 11 day old baby.  He is happy and I am happy for him.  But it took a long time for that to happen.  I think I just answered my own question.  Thanx for posting.  Time heals the pain.  And Time lets you know how you really feel about the situation. 

  

Dawn 
 
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drvalencia
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December 20, 2005, 10:23 am PST

confused

Ok, In my message before I let everyone know that my boyfriend walked out on me.  He is not going out with other weman, and he says that he doesn't want them.  He knows I want him back but says he can't. Im ok with that.  How come it is so hard to give him what he wants.  He wants to be friends but the thought of him with another woman gives me the creeps.  And why does he still call me.  I can go all day with out picking up the phone to call him and I will be ok.  Then out of now where right before he goes to bed he calls me and the sound of his voice just brings the pain back.  What can I do, I want to make him happy and give him what he wants but how do I do that??? Being just friends sucks.  Please help.  And telling me that I will find someone new and so will he will not help the situation here, I want to get over this one first.
 
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drvalencia
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December 21, 2005, 7:38 am PST

Breaking Up

Quote From: cjacobse

Ok so here it goes, I have been dating this guy  Derek now for four years and we are great together I really love him. He's part of the family, whom i thought was my one and only. A year ago we broke up and I started talking to this guy Mike whom i immediatly liked. We started talking and we hit it off from the get go until he stopped talking to me for a month. I then got back with Derek because i knew i still loved him. After a month when i was with Derek, Mike called and told me the reason why we havn't talked is because it was scarey to him that he was falling in love so fast. I can't deny it, I started falling in love too. Mike and I decided to be friends and that was going ok until I realized Im not that happy with Derek and Mike has everything derek can't give to me. Don't get me wrong I love derek and we have wonderful time but he can't tell me how much he loves me or the little things that really matter. Mike does. I stopped talking to Mike because I told derek that I was talking to another guy at a certain time and he calleed it "cheating" so a month passed not talking to mike. I decided to write him a letter because inside I miss him more than anything, I wish I was with him at times, he made me happy. I began to think about it all the time, cry myself to sleep, daydream, just not focusing because i missed him so much. I got the courage to call and we met and talked about everything and he said he still loved me, keep in mind im still with derek. We kissed, hugged, cried, laughed and now all I can think about it where im stuck at now.......how do i let go of a 4 year relationship? How do i start something new? Why am i leaving derek? who is best for me? I ask myself those questions all the time because i dont want to make the biggest mistake. Derek is a wonderful guy and we have so much in common but he doesn't talk about our future or do the rowmantic things. Mike does the little things, makes me feel good, tells me how much he cares but doesn't have the time. What is a girl to do????? PLEASE PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVISE!!!!!
Well I can say one thing.  I know how you feel.  I was in love with my ex fiance. We were gonna get married and it was awesome. He was my best-friend for 8 years before we even started dating. Well. when he got back from Iraq he cheated on me.  I was destroyed. But no matter what he did to me I still loved him.  About 3 months later he married someone else.  Talk about a heart break.  A year later I met DH.  Everything was great.  Then we moved in with each other and he got scared.  Needless to say he walked out on me. Another heart break.  I was  so confused. Well the night he left my Ex fiance called me.( Word gets around quick)  He was married with a new baby.  I was happy for him.  I wish I could have given him good news.  I guess what I'm trying to say is let go and life will fall into place. Not to mention no matter how much you love someone its only lust.  Because true love is when you want to see them happy.  Now me a DH aren't together any more and it has only been 2weeks but things will get better for me and him.
 
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drvalencia
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December 22, 2005, 8:36 am PST

JUST MY LUCK

Well it is just my luck.  My Ex walked out on me a little over two weeks ago.  When he left I thought my world would end.  But then I started feeling sick so I made a dr appt.  Well monday I asked him to go with me thinking that I was pg.  But he freaked out he wanted me to take care of it that night. But nothing was really open but a store. He wouldn't go and get me a pg test he just wanted me to handle it.  Well then My friends went and got me the test.  When I took it, the result was so light  no one could read it.  I called my ex and let him know.  He called his mom!! His mom called me asking about everything.  I was so mad.  Why did he have to get his mom involved.  I was so mad I told his mom that I wanted nothing to do with her son.  Well yesterday I went to the Dr.  I found out that I am 9 weeks with child.  But the thing is Im miscarrying.  They gave me 5% chance that I will see the pregnacy out.  I have growths on my overies.  Im scared. The dr. gave me medication for when it passes but im still scared.  I hate the fact that I have to go threw this alone.  My mom was upset because she has always wanted a grand kid.  I still haven't talked to my ex.   Im just waiting now.  The worst part is that the day before thanksgiving I found out I was pregnant but then on the 30th I went to the dr and they said I misscarried.   Do to the overies its messing this all up.  How do I get them to believe me?  I invited him to go with me to the dr but know my appt isn't until  the 29th and Im cramping and everything, the babies not going to make it that far.  Any thing will help. 

  

DV 
 
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drvalencia
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December 28, 2005, 7:56 am PST

I Just have to say

well since high school I Have been friends with MW.  He was the cutest thing I ever saw and he knew I had a crush on him.  We talked every night and we hung out at school and on weekends. He was my best friend. And his friends were my friends.  Well he would come and go, his dad was in the military and no matter what when he got home he would find me.  And it was like he never left.  Well, he moved back home to be closer to his grandfather and he decided to join the military.  I was heart broken.  He left and I sent him letters every day talking his ear off.  He came home for christmas and we ended up getting together.  Well he ended up going to Iraq, talk about nerve racking.  I wrote him every day, sending him packages, he called when ever he could, and we decided that we were going to get married.  So we started planning a wedding.  Well he come home and called me on a friday, he said he would call me on monday.  Well that phone call never came.  Three weeks later he called me and said we had to talk.  He ended up cheeting on me.  We broke up with mean words to each other.  I Hated him.  As time went by I found out that he got married and was expecting a baby.  I didn't know what to say.  I was mad how could he move on that quick.  I met some one and needless to say that didn't work out.  But days later my ex called me.  He was my best friend and we talked like nothing before.  Well then I talked to his wife. She sounds good for him.  But she told me that she was the one he cheated on my with.  That was hard.  But you know what I love MW, He is my best friend, and forgiving him is what I needed to do so that I can move on with my life.  Funny how when you think that something bad happens and you feel betrayed.  The truth is, if they are truley your friend they will feel the same way.  And feel bad by betraying.  I told MW wife that I wasn't upset about him cheating on me as a Girl friend but by cheating on my as a friend.  Needless to say we talk once a week and we always tell each other we love each other.  Because we do.  As friends. 
 
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