Messages By: helpme_plz

Quote From: ritehere

 It sounds like you are willing to try to work this out. Is he? If he is, I would first demand that he get help for his drinking problem. After he has that under control, you both need to see a counselor. From your own admission, "I do not have a good track record with men", it would seem that you are setting yourself up as a victim. If you don't pick worthy men, what does that say about your opinion of your husband? Is he living up to your opinion of him? And it's too easy to be the victim, to be the one everybody takes pity on, to say it's all his fault. You share in whether your marriage works or not. For all of these reasons I would strongly suggest you two get counseling to work out your relationship and self issues. This does not have to be the end of your marriage, it could come out stronger in the end.
I would NOT introduce a helpless, defenseless, dependent human being into this relationship though until you both have worked out your problems. There's the chance that you will both move on in different directions, and children never solve problems between adults.

Quote From: amberk23

Okay I hope Im posting in the right place and that someone will respond. Heres the background, i have been with my guy for 10 years, we were married for almost 6. Im 23 and been together since I was 13. We dated for awhile and then he broke up with me, no biggie right? well I got pretty drunk (bad move) and slept with is good friend, i have always apologized for that. but even knowing ALL that we got married and had a child, we had a rocky marriage and last april 2004 he left for 3 monthes, I filed for divorce cause this was the 3rd time he left me. Well he came crawling back in august and after awhile I took him back but still got the divorce. well we just found im pregnant wiht our second child and im soo happy about it, well he decided to tell me over the weekend that he slept with my best friend while he was gone and we were seperated. My horomones are pretty high and all so I took it hard. I would have been better not to know since Ihad no clue anyways. Do I have that right to be mad and upset?? oh and he says its inthe past and let it go... and he doesnt seem to care that he cut me deep with this one, please help me!!

Quote From: nocitygirl

Happily Ever After?
I don't know if there is a such thing as "True Love".  I have been married to a wonderful man for 18 yrs and he worships the ground I walk on.  I'm sad to say, I have never really felt that way about him.  I think I married him because he was security for me.  Not so much financially, but emotionally.  I was from a broken home and also dated several "bad guys" and decided that it was better to be with someone who loved me rather than someone I loved, if he wasn't going to love me back.  So, here I am now, 18 years later, with still no fireworks or passion.  I realize that real love isn't always about fireworks and passion, but it would be nice to have that.  I've stayed all these years for the love he gave me and for the security of my children.  I was always faithful, until recently.  I didn't intentionally set out to have an affair, and even tried to resist his advances but he was very persistent and a little too aggressive.  I should not have put myself in that position, but I did.  I was lonely and he made me feel good.  Now, however, I do not feel good.  I feel very badly for my actions, even though it was passionate.  He was not a person that I would want to be with.  I mean, possibly if he were different, but he is a player and I don't want that.  Now, I'm living with the guilt, as well as the sadness.  It's like something is missing.  My husband doesn't deserve this and he doesn't deserve to be hurt.  I wanted to separate for a while just because I wanted to find myself, but he did not want to do that and it hurt him desperately when I mentioned it, so we didn't.  Are there others who are going through this?  I don't want to go to counseling because I know all the things to do to make my marriage "good".  We have been to marriage classes.  It's all just an act on my part.  I feel like I've been acting the part all these years.  I really don't think I would find a better husband and I don't want to start over financially.   I'm trying desperately to get through this.  If anyone has any suggestions or can relate, I could use the feedback.  It's really hard for me to talk to my friends or family because they don't understand

Quote From: neoshea

Hi, I just wanted to share my story in hopes that it can help someone else. My relationship with my husband has been very rocky. We have been married now for 3 1/2 years. Been together for 4 1/2. But off and on as friends with benefits for 10 years. 

Anyhow, I just wanted to say that there is a happy ending to most bad relationships. I know there is in mine. For years he was an alcoholic and a drug addict. Every girlfriend he ever had, he has abused in some way AND cheated on. I thought I would be different but in our first few years together he did abuse me(mentally, verbally, and physically). I tried to leave but he wouldn't let me. When I could leave the next day he would just cry and say sorry and that he would never do it again. Always happened again. 

I finally moved out he offered counseling as a solution after years of telling me we don't need it. I figured why not try. After all, we haven't tried everything to resolve our problems before saying "I quit". So, we went and I still lived in my own place with our two boys. 2 and 5 years at the time. I started going to church and finding the peace I needed. I had church friends that helped me through it all. My husband started going too. It came down to a family retreat and he wanted to stay home and work and told me how much he loved me. I thought things were going better. I went to the retreat. Came back and felt a nudge from God. The next weekend, I also felt the same nudge and found out that those two weekends he cheated on me. Very Devastating! I went and got checked for all diseases. I wanted to hurt that person who came and destroyed our lives. But with the grace of God and prayers I learned it was not the other woman's fault. Yes, she was in the wrong and I know she will suffer her own consequences. But really, it was because there was something wrong with our relationship and also my husband has issues. After all, he has cheated on EVERY girlfriend and now his wife. 

After that he repented and got baptised. Started praying. We had friends praying for us. The whole year was hard with him learning to let me have my time to grieve and be able to trust him again. 

It's been a year and now we go to church and have a personal relationship with God. He has learned that it is funner to have God in our lives. He does not drink or do drugs anymore. We went to a Christian counselor who helped us through a lot of this. 

We now do things together and we are happy together. 

Those thoughts run through my mind sometimes still but I know I can pray to God and he will help me and I can talk to my husband and he will also help. 

Quote From: lilac1999

I have read SOME of the messages, I don't blame the woman for being upset dealing with a raging alcoholic. But... not to that extent! I am living with an alcoholic who - luckily is not as bad as Steve, although that doesn't really matter - I have felt the same way as Sheila, I would have liked to hit him at some point. But I know that wouldn't help. I know people would think that I am terrible but it is not easy dealing with that, even though alcoholism is a "disease" it still isn't easy. I know people think that Sheila is lieing about not remembering beating Steve but look what her father did to her, it has to have some psychological affect on her. I don't know what I would do in her shoes but did anyone see that the husband looked like he was trying to hurt her when she kicked him? Not that she should have beat him, especially when he was on the floor after drinking sooooo much, I didn't agree with that, at all!! I go to Al-anon and it has been tough to think of alcoholism as a disease; but if someone has cancer or diabetes and doesn't get help, and we live with them; it has an affect on us too. I do feel bad for the kids and agree that they would be better off out of the home, I am so glad that Dr. Phil told them to separate, and you saw how she was upset - she suffers from the affects of alcoholism too - being married to him, it's not easy! I just wanted to tell my feelings too.        

Quote From: e_brass

I've been married almost 10 years now and after quitting my job to move with my Active Duty husband he announces that he's not in love with me anymore.  We talked about trying to work on our marriage and a few days later I find on his cell phone text messages from this girl I know.  The messages state that she is in love with MY HUSBAND.  I confronted him and he tells me that he has been talking to her for a while, discussing her past marriage were her husband left her and told her that he didn't love her.  My husband stated that he started turning to her when he didn't feel like he could talk to me about our problems.  He told me that he has fell in love with her and doesn't know if he wants to continue our marriage.  A few days later he tells me that he does love me but he is confused. So I left and now I'm staying with my mom.  Here I am with no job and trying to take care of our daughter.  I'm just so lost and sometimes I don't know which way is up and feeling lost and confused.  And I really don't feel like I have anyone to talk to.

Quote From: leighkhan

I am 31 years old and my partner and I have been trying for a baby since Feb 05.  Prior to then I had been on the contraceptive pill.  Since february however I have only had 3 periods.  the time between my last period and next is just getting longer.  It has gone from 46 days, to 53 days to 60 days.  At 53 days I then had a little spotting.   I am getting very frustrated and also concerned that I may not be ovulating.  When I spoke to my doctor about this he said to come back in a year.  Am I worrying about nothing? 

  

Quote From: gurlygirl

hi there! 

 i was also diagnose with PCOS i was put on metformin which is a very common drug mostly used with people with diabetes, but it is suppose to help with getting regular periods i have been on this for 5 months and still not working well. i have been trying to concieve for about 3 years. trying to lose weight,and be more healthy hoping that will make a difference, but my specialist is really goood! i am so frustrated!