Messages By: bactphd95

You are NOT the only one!! I had to tell my 10 y/o in no uncertain terms, NO cell phone and NO own TV (We'd never see her if she had the latter!).

As far as the newest game systems (PS3, Wii) go, maybe next year (when the supply will be better), and they could (horrors!) SHARE one as a "family" item? Since when does each child need his/her own system at $400-plus a crack, in addition to $40 or more a pop for the games??

As to the rhetorical "What are they teaching...", it's a matter of aggressive marketing and targeted advertising that (I'm convinced) gets worse every year.

Richard (I presume), Sounds like you may have seen the light since that show was taped a number of weeks ago. If so, Bravo!

My issue with the attitude seen on the show was that there seemed to be ZERO compromise on the wedding planning (or even family planning!) to the point of absurdity (grocery store flowers are one thing, but presuming that the bride's mother would be able or willing to sew a gown is over the top, IMO), and "my way or the highway" is no way to begin, let alone maintain, a marriage.

By this time you 2 have (hopefully) come to some compromises so that both of you will always remember your wedding day fondly. Good Luck.

I'm with texas1968 and jaimie1974. Especially in a public (secular!!) school setting, I don't see whether sexual orientation matters a hill of beans in the ultimate scheme of things.

I do have a story, however. The twist is, the experience was Sunday School in a mainline Protestant denomination. To give the background, the official line in our denomination is that sex is reserved for marriage (and marriage is between one man and one woman), but efforts have been made in recent times to be more welcoming of gays/lesbians in the life of the church. However, there is a lot of latitude in the attitudes of individual congregations, varying significantly in different parts of the country.

A few years ago, a pair of women and several teen/pre-teens moved to affiliate with our congregation. In short order, they volunteered to head up a Christian Ed. program that we were starting up. My then first-grade daughter was part of the program. I had more or less suspected fairly early on that this pair was a couple (i.e., I would not have been surprised had I actually been told this), and it didn't especially bother me (after all, "ALL have sinned and fallen short..."). So, a few months into the program, I inquired of someone else in the congregation about the next planning meeting and was rather curtly informed that "Janie Andrews" was going to head up the program for the rest of the year. The program was allowed to die on the vine that spring and was not renewed in the fall. The kicker in it all was that these 2 had already announced their plans to leave the area at the end of the school year. I was pretty ticked about how it was all handled; it seemed to me that a very few "influential" members had the suspicion I did, probably had it confirmed, and promptly said that "these 2 have to go."

Good luck with your essay. I'll make a suggestion: anecdotal evidence such as this is great, bit can you get your hands on some sociology texts/journal articles that address this issue?

...let her hear. Every point that losinend makes is a valid one. I will, however, make one caveat to paragraph 3. Even assuming he is open to counseling, beware of him trying to snow over the counselor to make himself look OK, end the counseling, and just go right on as before.

There is, truly, power in choices. I made mine over a decade ago and haven't looked back, even though there were declarations of "I still love you..." months after the divorce was final. His daughter (whose pending arrival 11 years ago "ended his life") is starting to wake up to his narcissism. Hopefully, she learns better and before I did!

Peace, and good luck.

You mean to tell me that, in the course of a month (plus or minus), he goes from great student to "ADHD"?? What "professional" did your ex et al. use to arrive at this diagnosis? Worse, how come YOU were not kept in the loop that this was a possibility?

I went through something similar with my daughter, now 10, who lives with me & my husband of 6-plus years. From July to November of one year, she went from being an only child on both sides (No SO in her dad's life , even on the radar screen) to one with a new stepmom and 2 step-siblings and a half-brother on the way. Talk about a whipsaw. Natch, her school performance suffered dreadfully to the point that her teacher was saying "Get thee to a pediatrician," presumably for the meds (she was less than thrilled when I informed her that my dd would see a psychologist for an evaluation FIRST). When all was said and done, surprise, the kid was suffering from anxiety as much as anything. My leaving my job and a dozen therapy sessions later, we were all doing much better (she has been an honor student ever since). HAD the tests come back showing clear ADHD, I would have told my X what was going on and that the meds were a possibility, I would NOT have left it to her stepfather to present it just matter-of-factly. That is MY JOB as my daughter's parent, period.

You say that you & your son's stepmom have this great relationship. I question how "great" this other woman is if (since she is basically in charge of the household with her hubby gone), in short order, your son's dog has become history and he is now on meds without your knowledge or consent. I think you & your ex (your son's parents!!) are due for a conversation regarding "ground rules" for dealing with your son and the stepmom's role in all of this.

...on the age/maturity/situation of the child in question, whether a full-blown explanation of the family finances is appropriate (I'm not so sure for a kid younger than about 12 or 13).

Perhaps a pre-set spending limit for the post-Santa kids, without a detailed discussion of finances, is a better way to go. When I was about 10 or 11, my dad lost his job after a shakeup at his employer's, and this occurred in the fall. Needless to say, money became tight, and I was certainly aware of it. My parents' solution that year (and every year thereafter) was to give us the Sears wish book and say, "OK, pick what you want, up to X limit." It made us think VERY carefully what it was we really wanted, because that limit seemed to get hit really fast!

I figured out some time ago that we were not alone in our homework woes. Unfortunately, many things cound be operation here:

• Mom is taking out her own frustration on her son.
• The child isn't "getting" the lessons in school, and Mom may or may not be equipped to "re-teach" the material at home.
• The child has emotional issues that are completely unrelated to school, but that's where the behavior is "acting out".
• The child really is lazy, or even outright balky/stubborn/oppositional.
• There really is too much homework.

The guideline of "10 minutes a night per grade level, i.e., a 5th grader could expect 50 minutes a night" has gone out the window in high-performing schools these days; a better rule of thumb seems to double that figure, so that the 5th grader can more closely expect to be at it for 1 1/2 to 1 3/4 hours. This is our experience at a well-regarded suburban elementary school.

Concerning the "What are the teachers teaching in school all day" query, I'm not sure, but a friend of mine crystallized the current thinking by teachers: Instead of teachers being the "line workers" in the education process, teachers now regard themselves as the "managers" who manage the parents, who are regarded as the  "line workers."

I'll be interested in the good doctor's thoughts.

I had not mentioned this in my original post because I thought it went (more or less) without saying.

IMO, sexuality/sexual expression should be left at home, whether one is a schoolteacher, attorney, or bricklayer...For instance, my husband & I met, dated, and married, and remained coworkers at a major university for 4 1/2 years after the marriage. Not once did it occur to us to hang all over each other, get smoochy, anything physical beyond hand-holding, for that matter, at work or at a work/social function. It's just unprofessional.

However, as I mention work/social functions (holiday parties, PTA meetings come to mind as examples), when Mr. Smith shows up with his wife Ann, and Mrs. Johnson arrives with her husband Rob, does Mr. Anderson walk in with his "partner," Paul,  and risk being accused of flaunting his sexuality? I would say (in my experience), that just co-attending functions is OK. Again, I don't want to see Ms. Jones hanging all over her boyfriend du jour, either.

You have the WASL, we have the FCAT, South Carolina has the PACT, ad infinitum...

Alas, we are now seeing the unintended consequences of the "school accountability reform" movement that blossomed in the late 1990s or so (thanks in large part to 2 brothers who were governors at that time, but I'll leave the political commentary at that). THE TEST has "hijacked the...curriculum" to beyond ridiculous (I have often referred to our curriculum as a "Kaplan course" for Florida's FCAT). I mean, test prep starting in kindergarten/first grade!!???

We may even have it a little more stringent than many: In addition to high-schoolers needing to pass their FCATs (some states had exit exams even before this), third graders here have to get a minimum score on the reading FCAT, or they are not promoted. They mean business, too; one of my daughter's friends was held back for failing it. Granted, the "miminum" is one grade level below the norm, so if a child can't do that much by mid-third grade, perhaps they really do need major remediation. Nevertheless, it makes for tremendous pressure on teachers to maintain/raise test scores from year to year to keep that all-important state rating.

mustbecrazy, I think both you & I have touched on similar topics (homework, the bane of standardized tests) on the "School Issues" board at this site?