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Messages By: bactphd95

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ecstatic
November 30, 2006, 7:42 am PST

Stand Firm!!!

Quote From: momisme2

Sick and tired of those!  Every dang year its some new game system costing an arm and a leg.  This year its the new Nintendo Wii system, Playstation3, and some stupid DSlite thing.  How do I know all of this?  Cus I have kids!  *rolling eyes*

 

I have to admit that during the holidays I do want to give my kids what they want.  I dont know many moms who dont feel that way.   But for Heaven sakes!  If I bought the 2 systems my oldest kids wanted, it would cost me over 600 bucks for TWO GIFTS!  Just dont think so!!!!  I told all my spoiled heathens "NO GAME SYSTEMS!"  My daughter, who was pushing for that DSlite(whats the difference between that and a DS?  Its smaller?  180 bucks for the exact same thing she already has except its smaller???  *rolling eyes again*)  pouted around for about 2 days.  That was all I could stand!  Put my foot down and told her if she didnt knock it off there would be hell to pay!  She knocked it off.  At least shes smart enough to know im serious! 

 

 Next its my oldest.  Ok... this kid is almost 19!  Almost 19, a straight A student, acing all his college courses, and he isnt smart enough to grasp that there is NO WAY im shelling out 400 bucks for some stupid new Wii system???  What exactly are they teaching these kids anyways?  (sorry!  just a lil rant!  *embarrassed face*)

 

And you know whats really disheartening?  This isnt just my kids.  My girlfriends kids, my sisters son,  ALSO my next door neighbors kids,  are pulling the same exact thing on their mothers!   SHEESH!    My girlfriend caved.   My sister caved.  Dont know about my next door neighbor yet. 

 

Im seriously wondering if im gonna be the only mom who stood her ground.   

 

 

 

You are NOT the only one!! I had to tell my 10 y/o in no uncertain terms, NO cell phone and NO own TV (We'd never see her if she had the latter!).

 

As far as the newest game systems (PS3, Wii) go, maybe next year (when the supply will be better), and they could (horrors!) SHARE one as a "family" item? Since when does each child need his/her own system at $400-plus a crack, in addition to $40 or more a pop for the games??

 

As to the rhetorical "What are they teaching...", it's a matter of aggressive marketing and targeted advertising that (I'm convinced) gets worse every year.

 
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chillin'
November 30, 2006, 7:53 am PST

Gotta Agree

Quote From: jaimie1974

It is possible that he agreed to the modified agreement to make her happy, believing that maybe, just maybe, if he makes her happy enough, she will allow him to come back, and they can be a family again. But, if not, he is still willing to do anything to make her happy. Meanwhile, you are also in his life, and he has you believing that you could have a family together, live happily ever after; but do you think his desire for those things has more to do with what he misses about his day to day past life, or more to do with what he desires to have with you? It sounds like he is simply making a substitution.
His kids would be just as healthy and happy if he spends a decent amount of time with them, then takes them home and drops them off. It isnt necessary, and it isnt healthy, for him to have so much involvement with his ex. In fact, I think it is confusing for the children. What are they thinking? Are they thinking, if only we are good enough, mom and dad will get back together? They need to realize that dad has a separate life from mom, and that is a good thing; because their dad needs to have self respect and healthy boundaries so that they can learn by example.
He can't have it both ways. I'm not sure that it's a substitution he wants or that he wants to "have his cake and eat it too." It doesn't sound like either he or his ex knows what they really want out of all of this. Or, are both of these people being "manipulative" to some degree or other? Fluffypillow, perhaps you would to well to "cool off" with this fella...it doesn't sound as though he has his act together.
 
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happy
December 1, 2006, 1:07 pm PST

For Real? Good for you!

Quote From: airassault71

thanks for your understanding reading comments such as yours make me see what a mistake my frugalness can come back to haunt me every anniversary. I am lucky to have a chance to correct the mistakes i could have made. I do only have one shot and never been married is not an excuse to not understand that this is a day we will cherish for the rest of our lives. Reading your comments again really gives me an understanding of the pain my selfishness could have caused the one and only woman i could ever love. they have asked me to do a follow up show and i didn't feel like it would be worth it because most of these posts are filled with hatred and down right ugliness that i felt these people dont deserve to see how our life has changed for the better. Wonderful understanding people such as yourselves makes me rethink my view because everyone that has been objective and not so judgemental make me feel good about even going on the show. 95% of these posts have been very negative but for the 5% that haven't  thank you from the bottom of my heart. To hear everyones kind words makes me feel good knowing there are decent, kind,understanding and loving people out there that look beyond the 15 min of me that was portrayed. I hope you guys have plans in the future to renew your vows because ti sounds like you both deserve. Best wishes and thank you thank you thank you!

Richard (I presume), Sounds like you may have seen the light since that show was taped a number of weeks ago. If so, Bravo!

 

My issue with the attitude seen on the show was that there seemed to be ZERO compromise on the wedding planning (or even family planning!) to the point of absurdity (grocery store flowers are one thing, but presuming that the bride's mother would be able or willing to sew a gown is over the top, IMO), and "my way or the highway" is no way to begin, let alone maintain, a marriage.

 

By this time you 2 have (hopefully) come to some compromises so that both of you will always remember your wedding day fondly. Good Luck.

 
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naughty
December 4, 2006, 1:53 pm PST

As Long As They're Competent!!!

Quote From: michandy

Hi, I'm in grade 11 and I'm doing an essay on homophobia in major institutions.

 

I'd like to get some opinions/quotes from parents with school-aged children on homosexual teachers. Would you care if you found out your child's teacher was of this orientation? Do you feel it would affect your child? Have any stories?

 

Anything would help, please and thank you. :)

 

 

 

I'm with texas1968 and jaimie1974. Especially in a public (secular!!) school setting, I don't see whether sexual orientation matters a hill of beans in the ultimate scheme of things.

 

I do have a story, however. The twist is, the experience was Sunday School in a mainline Protestant denomination. To give the background, the official line in our denomination is that sex is reserved for marriage (and marriage is between one man and one woman), but efforts have been made in recent times to be more welcoming of gays/lesbians in the life of the church. However, there is a lot of latitude in the attitudes of individual congregations, varying significantly in different parts of the country.

 

A few years ago, a pair of women and several teen/pre-teens moved to affiliate with our congregation. In short order, they volunteered to head up a Christian Ed. program that we were starting up. My then first-grade daughter was part of the program. I had more or less suspected fairly early on that this pair was a couple (i.e., I would not have been surprised had I actually been told this), and it didn't especially bother me (after all, "ALL have sinned and fallen short..."). So, a few months into the program, I inquired of someone else in the congregation about the next planning meeting and was rather curtly informed that "Janie Andrews" was going to head up the program for the rest of the year. The program was allowed to die on the vine that spring and was not renewed in the fall. The kicker in it all was that these 2 had already announced their plans to leave the area at the end of the school year. I was pretty ticked about how it was all handled; it seemed to me that a very few "influential" members had the suspicion I did, probably had it confirmed, and promptly said that "these 2 have to go."

 

Good luck with your essay. I'll make a suggestion: anecdotal evidence such as this is great, bit can you get your hands on some sociology texts/journal articles that address this issue?

 
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hopeful
December 4, 2006, 2:07 pm PST

Bloss, She who has ears (so to speak)

Quote From: losinend

Hey Bloss, you don't have to fight with him to regain YOUR power. You want YOUR  power back? Than, just take it. You don't need permission from your husband. Treat yourself, again. Than, do it again and again and again...Feels great, doesn't it? Doesn't feeling great feel good? You are teaching yourself on how to treat you, now. Keep it up.

 

Keep that "light" in focus, my friend, for it can mean for a better future, not just for you but also for your kids. To be naiive, a pushover and allow people to just walk all over you is a matter of CHOICE! There is power in choices.

 

Your husband DOES need professional help! Is he open to it? You want the truth? Heck, I don't have to answer that for you. You already know. I bet you that once he realizes that you mean business about taking care of yourself, he going to try to reel you back in by making promises, and more promises. Idle promises--done in desparation!!! Or, he just might become very, very angry. So, please be cautious.

 

Oh, hell with it. I'm gonna answer that one question: Your husband definitely needs lots of counseling.  You've allowed him to neglect and abuse you for so long, it is going to take a long time for him to make changes. A LONG TIME, GIRL.

 

By the way, are you gonna take your sister-in-law's advice and stay in the marriage? After all, she sure has lots of experience.

 

Hold on to your power. Only you can give it away.      Peace.

 

 

...let her hear. Every point that losinend makes is a valid one. I will, however, make one caveat to paragraph 3. Even assuming he is open to counseling, beware of him trying to snow over the counselor to make himself look OK, end the counseling, and just go right on as before.

 

There is, truly, power in choices. I made mine over a decade ago and haven't looked back, even though there were declarations of "I still love you..." months after the divorce was final. His daughter (whose pending arrival 11 years ago "ended his life") is starting to wake up to his narcissism. Hopefully, she learns better and before I did!

 

Peace, and good luck.

 
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upset
December 5, 2006, 7:55 am PST

Hold the Phone!!!

Quote From: coppertop23

My ex and I share custody, but he lives in TX and I live in DC.  This was a recent thing, due to his job (he's military).  Our son lives with him, because I am helping to care for my sick mother, and wanted him to stay with his (so far great) father, dogs, etc....

 

My ex remarried this summer.  Stepmom is great, so are her kids.  I have been told I am twisted because she and I speak often, and we buy things for each other. 

 

The other night we were talking for 2 hrs, and she told me she would be sending my sons meds with him....

 

My son (up until last month) was not on any medication.  I found out, 2 days ago, that my almost 10 yr old son has been diagnosed with adhd.  Up until the point in his life where he lost his family unit, mother, dog, best friend, school, etc....he was a straight a student, even through the divorce. 

 

In the last month my son lost his father (went to seattle for his new new job) and his dog (i guess they couldn't bother with him), and is now living with his recent stepmom and stepsiblings.  His mother (me) lives 2k miles away, and it kills me.

 

I KNOW why he has issues in school, yet somehow my ex has decided adhd is the reason.  I am wondering if anyone else has gone through this with a gifted child, especially since the ex's new stepchildren are NOT gifted, have never had better than c grades, yet are not on adhd meds because of their grades.

 

You mean to tell me that, in the course of a month (plus or minus), he goes from great student to "ADHD"?? What "professional" did your ex et al. use to arrive at this diagnosis? Worse, how come YOU were not kept in the loop that this was a possibility?

 

I went through something similar with my daughter, now 10, who lives with me & my husband of 6-plus years. From July to November of one year, she went from being an only child on both sides (No SO in her dad's life , even on the radar screen) to one with a new stepmom and 2 step-siblings and a half-brother on the way. Talk about a whipsaw. Natch, her school performance suffered dreadfully to the point that her teacher was saying "Get thee to a pediatrician," presumably for the meds (she was less than thrilled when I informed her that my dd would see a psychologist for an evaluation FIRST). When all was said and done, surprise, the kid was suffering from anxiety as much as anything. My leaving my job and a dozen therapy sessions later, we were all doing much better (she has been an honor student ever since). HAD the tests come back showing clear ADHD, I would have told my X what was going on and that the meds were a possibility, I would NOT have left it to her stepfather to present it just matter-of-factly. That is MY JOB as my daughter's parent, period.

 

You say that you & your son's stepmom have this great relationship. I question how "great" this other woman is if (since she is basically in charge of the household with her hubby gone), in short order, your son's dog has become history and he is now on meds without your knowledge or consent. I think you & your ex (your son's parents!!) are due for a conversation regarding "ground rules" for dealing with your son and the stepmom's role in all of this.

 
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quiet
December 5, 2006, 8:14 am PST

Depends...

Quote From: idamag

I think children should be aware of what it costs to maintain a household. It doesn't hurt their little psyches

...on the age/maturity/situation of the child in question, whether a full-blown explanation of the family finances is appropriate (I'm not so sure for a kid younger than about 12 or 13).

 

Perhaps a pre-set spending limit for the post-Santa kids, without a detailed discussion of finances, is a better way to go. When I was about 10 or 11, my dad lost his job after a shakeup at his employer's, and this occurred in the fall. Needless to say, money became tight, and I was certainly aware of it. My parents' solution that year (and every year thereafter) was to give us the Sears wish book and say, "OK, pick what you want, up to X limit." It made us think VERY carefully what it was we really wanted, because that limit seemed to get hit really fast!

 
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hopeful
December 5, 2006, 12:49 pm PST

Should Be An Interesting Show

I figured out some time ago that we were not alone in our homework woes. Unfortunately, many things cound be operation here:

  • Mom is taking out her own frustration on her son.
  • The child isn't "getting" the lessons in school, and Mom may or may not be equipped to "re-teach" the material at home.
  • The child has emotional issues that are completely unrelated to school, but that's where the behavior is "acting out".
  • The child really is lazy, or even outright balky/stubborn/oppositional.
  • There really is too much homework.

The guideline of "10 minutes a night per grade level, i.e., a 5th grader could expect 50 minutes a night" has gone out the window in high-performing schools these days; a better rule of thumb seems to double that figure, so that the 5th grader can more closely expect to be at it for 1 1/2 to 1 3/4 hours. This is our experience at a well-regarded suburban elementary school.

 

Concerning the "What are the teachers teaching in school all day" query, I'm not sure, but a friend of mine crystallized the current thinking by teachers: Instead of teachers being the "line workers" in the education process, teachers now regard themselves as the "managers" who manage the parents, who are regarded as the  "line workers."

 

I'll be interested in the good doctor's thoughts.

 
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chillin'
December 6, 2006, 9:01 am PST

Good Point!

Quote From: mustbecrazy

I don't think the kids would know the difference.

 

However, if a teacher is flaunting their sexuality, they should be reprimanded or dismissed...no matter the sexual orientation.  Teachers have a huge influence on kids...they are role models...no teacher has the right to push a certain lifestyle onto kids...sexuality should be left at home.  Public display of affection is inappropriate, no matter the orientation...best left private.

 

 

 

 

I had not mentioned this in my original post because I thought it went (more or less) without saying.

 

IMO, sexuality/sexual expression should be left at home, whether one is a schoolteacher, attorney, or bricklayer...For instance, my husband & I met, dated, and married, and remained coworkers at a major university for 4 1/2 years after the marriage. Not once did it occur to us to hang all over each other, get smoochy, anything physical beyond hand-holding, for that matter, at work or at a work/social function. It's just unprofessional.

 

However, as I mention work/social functions (holiday parties, PTA meetings come to mind as examples), when Mr. Smith shows up with his wife Ann, and Mrs. Johnson arrives with her husband Rob, does Mr. Anderson walk in with his "partner," Paul,  and risk being accused of flaunting his sexuality? I would say (in my experience), that just co-attending functions is OK. Again, I don't want to see Ms. Jones hanging all over her boyfriend du jour, either.

 
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naughty
December 7, 2006, 6:50 am PST

A Quarter In My Slot

Quote From: mustbecrazy

The WASL has hijacked the entire Washington State school curriculum.  The teachers now have to teach to the test, abandoning the old ways that have worked for years and years.  There is no more art, music, and PE is once a week!!  The state is creating a generation of stressed-out kids who won't know what to do with their free time, besides computer games!!

 

It is a graduation requirement that 10th grade students pass all portions of the WASL...almost half of the kids who took it last year DID NOT pass the test, so not only will we have stressed out kids, we will have kids who can't get higher education because they won't have a high school diploma, in spite of passing their classes!!

 

I agree that kids do need to know how to read and write and  do math in order to function in life, but what is life after WASL??  The kids are being prepared for the WASL from kindergarten on up.  My third grader has to take a math WASL this year, and, although he is gifted in math and scored 100% on the practice test, he is really stressed-out about THE TEST!!

 

I have written the legislators...I think I will contact Tim Eiman...he has written a lot of bills that have appeared on the ballot (I didn't vote for all of them, but he's good).  Maybe he can get a bill on the ballot to abolish the WASL.

 

School funding should be based on the income level of the community...the less the income, the more money the school gets from federal and state resources.  The reason for this is that if the income is less, the local schools receive less money from local sales and property taxes, becasue the people don't have enough money to buy a lot of things.  School funding should NOT be based on the kids scoring well on a stupid test!!

You have the WASL, we have the FCAT, South Carolina has the PACT, ad infinitum...

Alas, we are now seeing the unintended consequences of the "school accountability reform" movement that blossomed in the late 1990s or so (thanks in large part to 2 brothers who were governors at that time, but I'll leave the political commentary at that). THE TEST has "hijacked the...curriculum" to beyond ridiculous (I have often referred to our curriculum as a "Kaplan course" for Florida's FCAT). I mean, test prep starting in kindergarten/first grade!!???

 

We may even have it a little more stringent than many: In addition to high-schoolers needing to pass their FCATs (some states had exit exams even before this), third graders here have to get a minimum score on the reading FCAT, or they are not promoted. They mean business, too; one of my daughter's friends was held back for failing it. Granted, the "miminum" is one grade level below the norm, so if a child can't do that much by mid-third grade, perhaps they really do need major remediation. Nevertheless, it makes for tremendous pressure on teachers to maintain/raise test scores from year to year to keep that all-important state rating.

 

mustbecrazy, I think both you & I have touched on similar topics (homework, the bane of standardized tests) on the "School Issues" board at this site?

 

 

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