Messages By: mrs_affair

Quote From: mrrobe

Well, I get what you are saying.  But I'm afraid that your story might not end up having a happy ending. I was sort of in a situation like that not too long ago.  I was the other woman and he was married. I am also married and my husband is actually related to my affair partner.  The affair started between me and this man in March and ended in a very disasterous way in June.  It's very easy to get caught up in the "good" feelings.  I felt like I had everything I had ever wanted with this guy.  My husband and I had BIG problems way before the affair and once the affair begun... I wasn't even considering breaking it off (the affair) because it was an outlet for my frustration and stress.  And eventually I fell totally head over heels for this other person and he kept trying to persuade me to actally be with him.  At that point I realized I was absolutely totally out of control.  My life was spiraling and I had no idea what I should do.  My situation at home with my husband was escalating and I ended up telling him that we needed to separate for a short time.  He moved to his dad's and in the meantime I told the other guy we needed distance as well so I could figure out what in the world I was going to do.  While this was all taking place... our secret leaked out.  His wife had become more and more suspicious over the few months even though my husband was absolutely clueless and totally unsuspecting.  She found out and brought it all to light and pretty soon the whole family knew.  To say the least, our "relationship" was ended promptly and left many unsettling and unresolved feelings between the two of us.  So back to your situation:  You may feel that it's harmless or try to tell yourself that it is... but be careful because you will get burned.  And your heart will end up broken into pieces and you will hurt others as a result of your secret fun.  I get what you are saying though I really do.  I was there not too long ago.  I miss the other guy everyday.  I think about him every single day even though my husband and I got back together.  I believe that I did love and still do love the other man, but wrong place wrong time wrong people under our circumstances we were in.  We absolutely were being totally careless and irresponsible in the worst possible way.  Not only did we hurt everyone else but we set ourselves up for the most awful heart wrenching disappointment we could've imagined.

Quote From: lutt0031

I had been seeing a married man for over seven months when his wife found out. He decided that he would work on the marriage and stay with her. They are going to marriage counseling but he has not stopped contacting me. This went on for about two months. Just recently he has decided that he really cannot continue to have contact with me if he is to really give his wife a chance. I am heartbroken. He's been married for over twenty years. God, she's had a chance to be a good wife to him. What the hell? She had to have suspected that he was messing around and did nothing. When she found out about me then she stepped it up. She all of a sudden wanted sex and now she wants to be this amazing wife. Why is it that she wants to do this after she finds out about me. I am crazy jealous right now and all I want is her to be out of the picture. I don't understand how he can be fooled by her.

Quote From: ritehere

 Do you remember a few posts back when you said he got ugly with you after HE felt guilty, and then laid a guilt trip on YOU? Why does he get to call the shots? You wanted to end it, and have made a good attempt, even though you two keep talking on the phone. Do you see what needs to happen here to put it behind you once and for all? Your character is being tested here, let him be the failure, not you.

Quote From: cwgrlbusdr

I used to come to these boards before they changed them to this format. I just can't get used to the new stuff so I don't come here very often. What I want to say to you is this:  Until you dig deep down inside yourself, and actually learn what is causing that emptiness or that "hole" inside of yourself, you're never going to be completely happy. This affair you are having is a temporary fix.   

I suggest personal counseling. It helped me tremendously.  I am finally a "whole' person. The emptiness is gone. My marriage is better then it ever was; we are not only best friends but also passionate lovers...with each other. I didn't get this way on my own and it didn't happen overnight. My affair took place almost 7 years ago. We both ended it and never spoke to each other again. I told my husband and it devastated him.  We worked hard to get beyond it. Neither of us are the same people we were back then. We are very fortunate that it turned out the way it did.  I count my blessings ever single day and NEVER will I take my marriage for granted again. 

Mrs. Affair, you are living on borrowed time. Your life cannot stay the way it is. Something drastic is going to happen and it's not going to be good.  End it COMPLETELY with the OM now, for everyone's sake. 

Quote From: pinkhoops

I really would like to have someone to talk to about what has been going on in my life with someone who understands and seems to be in the same situation. Is anyone interested that won't judge me for what I am doing?

Quote From: getitnow

I had a very similar situation. 

2 years ago I had an affair. I couldn't understand why I did it because I have a fantastic husband. I think it was mid life crisis. I was 46 he was 35. 

I did go to counseling, I told my husband it was because I was having a hard time going through menopause and needed someone to talk to because he did not take me seriously. 

My husband was suspicious at times but never knew for sure. 

He ended up finding out about the affair as did  the other man's wife. 

I never see him anymore because he works for a different company now. 

I still think about it everyday and feel like I need more closure. 

I sometimes feel like I need to talk to his wife and ask her for her forgiveness. 

When our affair ended there was no hard feelings, we did not want to get caught and neither of us were going to leave our spouses. We were just physically attracted to each other. 

I wonder how him and his wife are doing and wonder if he ever thinks of me. 

I don't know how long I will continue to think about him. 

My husband and I are still together, which I am so grateful for, I do love my husband. 

The hardest thing that I had to do was to sit down and tell my grown children that I had an affair. 

My daughters have done better than my son. I hope that one day he will forgive me, for I love him dearly. 

I hope this helps, I hope you can find a way to move on. 

Quote From: lunnychick

 I just want to thank you OW out there for sharing how you feel...... As a betrayed wife I always wanted to understand the justifications and thought processes behind you knowingly involving yourself with a Married Man.  Just to hear you say   "You hope one day you won't think of him, even though it is supposed to be over...., but you secretly know it is not.... because you keep a window open to your heart by  his voice contact......Of course you want to do it again ...otherwise, you would, stop the contact.
This behavior is why it is so hard for me, the wife,....to believe that the OW is indeed still a threat.  And Why I have to waste so much energy being concerned about her.  I believe the man is somewhat full of guilt  and wants to let the OW emotionally, down easy...But unfortunately the OW  sees this compassion  as continued "fantasies of real love".   If he loved you , he would have chosen you and ended  his other relationship..The fact that he doesn't shows you that he can't respect you properly.
So get over him , please for the wifes' sake. Let him alone.   I only wish the OW had had the guts to be honest to me about their relationship.......As well as apologise to me to being confused ,based on my husbands actions...that she was mislead, etc...What ever...I think an apology acknowledges that the wife is entitled to her marriage ..and it is a way of reasuring her that You are no longer a threat and you truly are Sorry..........It's called do unto others as they wish they'd do for you if the roles were reversed!