Messages By: susanashe

I never planed on posting any messages on this bored, but after reading over some of the messages I feel like I needed to clear a few things up.

First of all I was not thrilled about the idea of taking my personal life on a national TV show, and then I had to consider how it would affect the life of the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I am surprised to see how many people have no problem putting their two cents where they're really not concerned. Don't get me wrong, I have seen some good objective advise, however few and far between. And we all know what they say about opinions.

I also know that you all may feel you have the right to judge and voice your views because after all I am the one who wrote to the show, but know this, I wrote the show for the opinion and help of a trained and experienced man. However, I am disturbed that you all as viewers only got to see a small part of the story. I am in love with this man, and I have read comments about his smirks, and controlling ways, but you also have to take into consideration that I am the one who knows him, and knows his sense of humor, how he handles himself in uncomfortable situations. I watched the show today, and I was there, and it's our life. We will make the decisions that we feel are right for us. Richard put himself on a stage, in front of all of America, and apologized to me. Who would do that for you? I respect him for that, and it needs to be acknowledged. Nobody, is perfect and what you all need to remember is that you don't know the things that I have done wrong in this relationship. I have read posts that said I pout, and I need to stand up for myself and so on. Know this...I am a strong and capable woman, capable of making my own choices and living with them, capable of choosing who I love and how I love him, and I have not always loved him the way I should. So this situation is not as one sided as you all may think from what you have seen on TV. Remember don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see.

I guess my point here is, just move on, don't waste your time on us anymore. We need to work on our relationship, and we always will, because when you stop working on a relationship it ends.

I will always do what I want to do, and it kinda hurts my feelings that anybody would think that I would let a man control me, it also hurts me to see the things that have been said about the man I love. I really could on and on and you would still not know enough about our life to come to conclusions. As for Israelmom, we love you and thank you so much for your support. I know how some people feed on the sorrows of others, I think it makes them feel better about their own life. But God knows my heart and our story, both sides. I don't know the future but I do know that everything will work out exactly how it is supposed to.

  I am my own woman and I am strong, and I will continue to make my own choices and I will have no regrets. You learn from your mistakes and you take that lesson with you through life. If you don't learn from your mistakes you make them over again until you do learn. But one thing never changes, you are the only one who lives with the decisions you make.

I love you Richard, and I am so proud of you for being the man you are. Love is unconditional, and knows no boundaries. Love is patient, and love is kind. Love endures.

I never planed on posting any messages on this bored, but after reading over some of the messages I feel like I needed to clear a few things up.

First of all I was not thrilled about the idea of taking my personal life on a national TV show, and then I had to consider how it would affect the life of the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I am surprised to see how many people have no problem putting their two cents where they're really not concerned. Don't get me wrong, I have seen some good objective advise, however few and far between. And we all know what they say about opinions.

I also know that you all may feel you have the right to judge and voice your views because after all I am the one who wrote to the show, but know this, I wrote the show for the opinion and help of a trained and experienced man. However, I am disturbed that you all as viewers only got to see a small part of the story. I am in love with this man, and I have read comments about his smirks, and controlling ways, but you also have to take into consideration that I am the one who knows him, and knows his sense of humor, how he handles himself in uncomfortable situations. I watched the show today, and I was there, and it's our life. We will make the decisions that we feel are right for us. Richard put himself on a stage, in front of all of America, and apologized to me. Who would do that for you? I respect him for that, and it needs to be acknowledged. Nobody, is perfect and what you all need to remember is that you don't know the things that I have done wrong in this relationship. I have read posts that said I pout, and I need to stand up for myself and so on. Know this...I am a strong and capable woman, capable of making my own choices and living with them, capable of choosing who I love and how I love him, and I have not always loved him the way I should. So this situation is not as one sided as you all may think from what you have seen on TV. Remember don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see.

I guess my point here is, just move on, don't waste your time on us anymore. We need to work on our relationship, and we always will, because when you stop working on a relationship it ends.

I will always do what I want to do, and it kinda hurts my feelings that anybody would think that I would let a man control me, it also hurts me to see the things that have been said about the man I love. I really could on and on and you would still not know enough about our life to come to conclusions. As for Israelmom, we love you and thank you so much for your support. I know how some people feed on the sorrows of others, I think it makes them feel better about their own life. But God knows my heart and our story, both sides. I don't know the future but I do know that everything will work out exactly how it is supposed to.

  I am my own woman and I am strong, and I will continue to make my own choices and I will have no regrets. You learn from your mistakes and you take that lesson with you through life. If you don't learn from your mistakes you make them over again until you do learn. But one thing never changes, you are the only one who lives with the decisions you make.

I love you Richard, and I am so proud of you for being the man you are. Love is unconditional, and knows no boundaries. Love is patient, and love is kind. Love endures.

I was raised to work hard, and earn what I want in life. My husband and I raised our children to do the same. However, my 28 year old daughter has married a man who is 37 and his mother still completely supports him.  She bought him a house, a car, furniture, several big boy toys, and I could go on and on.  NO he does not work.  He has been with my daughter for 3 years and has not earned a dime.  He went to school to become a machanic, and graduated 3 months ago.   His mother paid for that as well.  He has yet to find a job.  Talk about spoiled and entitled.  If I say a word to my daughter about his work ethic, she will never talk to me again, and keep me from seeing my granddaughter.  Sad. Oh yes, my daugther works full time, and does pretty much everything around the house as well.  He does play well with my granddaughter.  NO he is not her biological father, but she calls him daddy.  How do I deal with this situation without anlienating my daugher????

Neither of these two is a bad person, nor are they a bad match (based on what came up on this show).  But, at least with regard to their wedding, this couple seems to have a pattern of not being very direct in communicating with each other, and that caused some problems for them.

Most women dream of their wedding day from early childhood, so it's normal for them to want the day to be "perfect."  While it sounded like Jamie agreed to small Vegas wedding with few "frills," when it came down to it, she actually wanted something more - and she took their wedding account money got it, much to Mike's dismay.   Mike admitted that selfishness is not characteristic of Jamie, and she insisted that it was "just for the wedding."  So why did that "selfishness" come out then?  Here's my take on the situation: 

Jamie failed to communicate or MIke failed to hear (I'm not sure which) what Jamie REALLY wanted for her wedding.  Instead of taking time to communicate more clearly with him about this, Jamie took matters into her own hands and made sure to get the things she wanted (I don't mean she made sure to get her way - just that she went out and got the things she wanted - a chapel, flowers, etc.).  Mike did not.  When Jamie "made him" uninvite all his friends (a poor choice of words unless she physically coerced him into doing this), it would seem that he agreed, willingly or grudgingly, and did this.  He may have resented it, but again, instead of trying harder to communicate what he wanted, he let it go.

Because both of them failed to communicate how much they wanted certain things, they couldn't really negotiate for those things that were truly important to each of them.  The result was that they ended up agreeing, instead, to wedding plans neither was really happy about.  Their response to that was different, though, with Jamie breaking the agreement to get what she truly wanted and what actually made her happy, and Mike sticking with the agreement but silently resenting it.   I'm not sure which was a worse response, but it's obvious why MIke was more unhappy.  He not only resented the things he'd agreed to (no friends, bachelor party, etc) but he also felt betrayed because Jamie didn't keep the agreement and feel equally discontent.  He probably hasn't thought of it quite like that, but it might help Mike to realize that Jamie could have stuck by the plan for a "no frills" wedding, and he would instead have had money left over in their joint account...and a bride who felt disappointed (at best) or resentful (at worst) about her wedding day.  And as Dr. Phil always reminds men, women have a LOOOONG memory.  In the end, I think he probably got the better option - a wife who was content with her wedding day.  I just wish that, if his friends' presence and a bachelor party of some sort was equally important to him, he could have expressed that in such a way that Jamie could have negotiated with him for those things (e.g. perhaps a few friends and a different show for the bachelor party).  Hopefully both Mike & Jamie will learn how to be more forthright with each other as they grow in their marriage.

P.S.  While the price of the wedding was not excessive, the price of that purse certainly was!  That merited an apology - especially because of the initial lie.  Hopefully Jamie's learned a lesson from that, too - better to be truthful right away than be truthful after getting caught!  The loss of a honeymoon is a disappointment for both of them, but perhaps Mike could learn from that - if you're planning a surprise, put the money you plan to use for it in a separate account where Jamie can't mistakenly think it's available to buy $600 purses!!

Please don't be so quick to judge people for ending up in desperate financial situations.  It happens faster and easier than you can imagine. 

I have always been a very good money manager, putting myself through college, saving from my salary, etc.  My divorce from my ex-husband put me back many, many steps in financial terms.  I am now very happily remarried, but my husband has to pay $400/week in child support (for one child!!) to his ex-wife.  He only earns $65,000 a year!  This is not a bad salary by any means, but by the time we've paid for health insurance for ourselves and our four children (my two, his by his first wife, and our one together), his ex wife gets HALF of his take-home pay!  Don't get me wrong, I'm all for child support (and wish I could get some from my ex), but this is ridiculous. His ex-wife doesn't even need it, but saves every single penny we give her.  That's great for her, but we have a family of five that also needs to survive.  We have taken this to the courts (and spent way more than we can afford on an attorney), but there's nothing we can do to change this because my husband agreed to it in the beginning.  (He did that because he wanted to do the right thing, and he didn't want his ex to have to work and  put the kid in daycare.  But now the kid is in school all day and my husband's ex DOES work because she chooses to.) 

Because of this, we are sinking further and further into debt.  We are both doing everything we can to bring in extra money, but it's never enough.  We are desperate and there doesn't seem to be anything we can do about it.  If we don't pay the child support, my husband will be thrown in jail.  If we DO pay the child support, we can't afford the basics for the rest of us. 

Put yourself in a situation like this first.  Then see if you're so quick to judge.

I know My wife is cheating on me but I think she is confused. She told me she wasn't happy but could not say why.

She got in touch with a old boyfriend that is married and lives out of state. The meet to talk and I think he is just using her. He told her he's not happy with his marriage ether but I think he is just using her for a little out of state fun.

I love my wife and I don't think she realized what she was doing. We have a ten year old son who would be devastated.Should I try to save our marrage or just give up.