Messages By: sunshine80

Not all women are like this at all.  Both men and women have a tendency to totally disrespect their marriage vows.  I am a woman.  I just got out of a bad marriage where he decided that my best friend would be a great "replacement" for me.   In my opinion,  anyone who does not respect their partner enough to keep their promises is not worth having.  I can only speak for myself, but I have never and will never cheat on anyone.  I have a big heart, and I try to live by the golden rule.  My point is that I can't possibly be the only woman who thinks like this.  If you look, you will find a person who looks good and behaves herself.   Good luck and best wishes-K- Sunshine

Are a lot of people just labelled, handed a so-called "happy-pill", and sent home to "feel better"?  Sure.  Whether you agree with Tom Cruise or not is really irrelevant.  I could care less what he thinks.  The truth is that these drugs are for the treatment of serious mental illnesses that are physical, chemical imbalances.  The medications are tools, but not the only necessary tools.  Most mental illnesses like bipolar, schizophrenia, or dysthymia are incurable.  These meds are only a part of the appropriate treatment.  These also do not work like Tylenol, they take six weeks to take full effect.  Personally, I have bipolar and know for an absolute fact that if I had not started a treatment plan, I wouldn't be here today.  Just ask yourself, though, if you had just broken your leg and gone to the emergency room and the physician attending to you said, "It looks like you have broken your leg, here is a prescription for some vicodin.  Go on home and take your pills.  You will feel better in six weeks."  This would be unacceptable if he/she had sent you home without cast and crutches!  Same with mental illness.  You can't just pill it and forget it.   The patient needs therapy, and a treatment plan that they embrace and believe in.  Patients and their parents need to educate themselves on their "issue" and also about the psychotropes that they are taking.  Questions should be asked, or else a person coulod find themselves taking seven different types of pills and sitting home miserable.  An educated consumer base and public can combat both the overmedication issue and the need of people with mental illnesses to have and have access to the appropriate meds.

First of all, thanks for speaking up.  I too, have bipolar disorder.  You are right about asking questions, doing research, educating oneself, not only for us but for our children.  I hope that people who read the things on this board notice that the people who talk about their mental illness here are caring, intelligent people who just hope that their story can help others to avoid the pain and stigma that we have endured.  We have to put up with people with Tom Cruise telling us that we need to "get over it".  He's whining about mental illness, while those of us with mental illness are just grateful be alive and be able to do meaningful things each day.  Maybe he needs a pill!  Hee Hee!  One that makes him be quiet!  I am just kidding, but it is great to see people with experience with mental illness out here, replying, and unwilling to be bullied or shamed. 

Later- Sunshine 

To reassure someone, to make yourself available, and to inspire hope in others is a beautiful gift.  Especially when done all at once in a few sentences!  Thanks for your faith- here's a positive message to slip in where a negative one once was! 

~Sunshine~ 

I am sending you this happy face to hopefully brighten your day a little bit.  It is truly terrible that the courts allow him to trivialize these children in order to get back at you.  It is also too bad about the impoverishment of women who do get out of these horrid situations.  Shame on us, because what does that say for us, as a society.  I am sure if these men were reduced to financial ruin were they to get out a marriage or become a single parent, there would be a lot less of this abuse going on.  I do truly hope that you will be able to hold your girls again.  I have my children here, but that is only because their father doesn't care about them (or anyone but himself).  I really wish that there was something that I can do, but all that I can offer you and your children are my prayers and friendship. 

Have a Happy Day 

~Sunshine~ 

Good for you!  I am not that old YET LOL, and I am a mom, too.  I really very much respect your decision to wait until you are married to have sex.  It certainly seems that you looked at all of the information, thought things through and decided that abstinence was best.  I think that this is the best possible scenario, because the topic was totally demystified and it was presented in a factual light.  In my experience, if you make decisions based on someone else's views (it's dirty/bad/wrong or "we'll kick you out of the house if you are having sex/being a slut!") it is hard for a person to really own that decision.  When you look at something from an intellectual standpoint , assess the facts and decide that this is what I am doing for ME, then it's a personal and powerful tool.  I know that when my children come of the age when they need to be educated about sex, I want them to be given all of the information, so that they have a better chance at making the right decision.  Whether or not to have sex is an adult decision, so it needs to be dealt with in an adult-like manner.  I am really proud of you for showing such stellar maturity and also for having the sense to talk about it.  Thank you and keep up the good work! 

~Sunshine~ 

I really like the fact that you refer to SAHM as a profession, because it is, and then some.  It is a thankless job, which is really grossly unappreciated by so many.  I simply do not believe that having a career means that a woman is selfish or expecting unnecessary sacrifice at the hands of  the husband and children.  I have three children, and I am a single mom.  I was a stay-at-home mom when I was married (very young).  This made all of my husband's emotional torture possible, as I was not allowed to have 25 cents without making a presentation on why I needed or deserved a quarter!  Oh, never again will I put up with this.  I really never had a career before, so I was pretty scared to have a full-time job and try to be supermom to my three young children.  I compromised a little bit by getting a part time job that had mostly weekend hours, so that the kids could be with family while I work.  My children are really, very happy that I work.  They get to ask me about work, and what I did and what was funny that night.  I will never forget when my son's kindergarten teacher ate at my restaurant.  She told him that his mommy had cooked her special birthday dinner for her and her family, and that made her birthday a little extra-great, knowing that she would get to tell William about his mommy's good food!  He was so happy!  Since I work part time I have plenty of time for the things that need to be done at home, as well as other fun activities, and to be on the Booster Club!  I know that every time we make sure that the house is clean before we go some where, it teaches the children responsibility and prioritizing, planning and goal achievement.  I know that every time we make sure that we have our chores and homework done before I go to work, I know that I am teaching the same things.  My ex has never held a steady job, so, by being a good and responsible employee, I am 100% sure that this necessary adult behavior is properly modelled for them.  Isn't that what we are doing when we raise our children; training them to be adults when they grow up (Dr. Phil says his version of this)?  Isn't it our responsibilty to teach our children how to be productive adults and to be their unique authentic selves to the best of their ability?  Why don't all of us women start banding together instead of  harping at eachother for SAHM'ing or not?  The martyr complex "sacrificing everything (except the frequent administration of guilt trips) for their husband and chilren" needs to die and we all need to be the best husbands, wives, mothers, and fathers that we can be for the love and health of our children.  I know that we all love and want what's best for our families, or we wouldn't bother to watch Dr. Phil.  Each of us should be the best person that we can possibly be, and maybe if we all try to compliment eachother more and criticize less, we'll have a really great source of support and creative ideas here!  Let's all roar together! 

Thanks for hearing me out    ~Sunshine~ 

I really like the fact that you refer to SAHM as a profession, because it is, and then some.  It is a thankless job, which is really grossly unappreciated by so many.  I simply do not believe that having a career means that a woman is selfish or expecting unnecessary sacrifice at the hands of  the husband and children.  I have three children, and I am a single mom.  I was a stay-at-home mom when I was married (very young).  This made all of my husband's emotional torture possible, as I was not allowed to have 25 cents without making a presentation on why I needed or deserved a quarter!  Oh, never again will I put up with this.  I really never had a career before, so I was pretty scared to have a full-time job and try to be supermom to my three young children.  I compromised a little bit by getting a part time job that had mostly weekend hours, so that the kids could be with family while I work.  My children are really, very happy that I work.  They get to ask me about work, and what I did and what was funny that night.  I will never forget when my son's kindergarten teacher ate at my restaurant.  She told him that his mommy had cooked her special birthday dinner for her and her family, and that made her birthday a little extra-great, knowing that she would get to tell William about his mommy's good food!  He was so happy!  Since I work part time I have plenty of time for the things that need to be done at home, as well as other fun activities, and to be on the Booster Club!  I know that every time we make sure that the house is clean before we go some where, it teaches the children responsibility and prioritizing, planning and goal achievement.  I know that every time we make sure that we have our chores and homework done before I go to work, I know that I am teaching the same things.  My ex has never held a steady job, so, by being a good and responsible employee, I am 100% sure that this necessary adult behavior is properly modelled for them.  Isn't that what we are doing when we raise our children; training them to be adults when they grow up (Dr. Phil says his version of this)?  Isn't it our responsibilty to teach our children how to be productive adults and to be their unique authentic selves to the best of their ability?  Why don't all of us women start banding together instead of  harping at eachother for SAHM'ing or not?  The martyr complex "sacrificing everything (except the frequent administration of guilt trips) for their husband and chilren" needs to die and we all need to be the best husbands, wives, mothers, and fathers that we can be for the love and health of our children.  I know that we all love and want what's best for our families, or we wouldn't bother to watch Dr. Phil.  Each of us should be the best person that we can possibly be, and maybe if we all try to compliment eachother more and criticize less, we'll have a really great source of support and creative ideas here!  Let's all roar together! 

Thanks for hearing me out    ~Sunshine~ 

Dear Blush, 

     Do you like Sara Evans (country singer)?  She sings a song that, I think, could answer your "If there's no such thing as perfect, why do we have to be?" question.  Here's a couple quotes, "It's only human to never be satisfied.  Well I guess that I'm as human as the one."  "I keep looking for something more.  I'm always wondering what's on the other side of number two door, because I keep looking for something more."  I really think you would get a kick out of that song! 

The only person we can ever change is ourselves, and we are affected by our environment whether in a positive manner or a negative.  So, if something painful happens we start to ask ourselves, "Well, would Johnny have called me if my hair was blonde?  Would I have gotten that second date with Billy if I was a cup size bigger?  Would I have more friends if I was more of a party girl?"  This starts a very hurtful pattern that spreads like wildfire, and destroys your self-esteem!  Let's put it this way, if people did not want me in their life for these reasons, then they were not worth having anyway!  In regards to your cup size remark, it really doesn't matter about that.  I am the large-busted friend in the equation, and my smaller-busted friend gets all of the attention!  She is the wild one and I am shy and reserved.  She kinda commands the attention now and asks questions later! 

So, I guess, that we have to take stock of our gifts and be thankful that we are each the unique people that we are.   Our authentic self is a precious gift, and the only person who can take that away from us is ourselves.  Nice to meet you! 

Smile! 

~Sunshine~ 

Thanks so much!  You are very kind to me.  To be able to lend a helping hand to someone makes me feel good.     You, too, are a very special person.  I have read your posts throughout, and you have had the courage to deal with some tough subjects.  Too often I see great people selling themselves short.  A positive Self-Image is a fleeting thing.  It's really a painful experience to not like who you are.  Hee Hee, LoL, I know from experience!  So, I personally think that if I can make someone smile, then it's a good day.  Hope to hear from you soon! 

Smile! 

~Sunshine~